driftfleet | text.

Who: Sam Winchester
Broadcast: TEXT. Fleetwide.
Action: N/A (but we can if you have an idea, just pm or plurk me!)
When: Today!

These masks continue to be a pain in the ass, huh?

But I guess the alternative is being laid up in bed sick — which I don't recommend, in case you're feeling brave, because seeing the people who took off their masks isn't inspiring any faith here. As for me, I'm needing a little break from travelling around down there in all that questionable toxin. Not exactly my cup of coffee, you know? Prefer more open roads, more green and, uh. An ocean I can smell and not go into coughing fits over.

Maybe I'll just spitball some stuff to pass the time while I question what I'm eating from these kitchens? I'm feeling nosy. Call it an acquired skill set, being nosy. Back in the other place I was trapped in, I mostly gathered information about our bestiary; monsters from all kinds of worlds would fall into the world with us, and I did my fair share of fighting some pretty rough creatures. Including the killer rabbits that would try to sabotage my garden. They're small, fast, and aim for the jugular, FYI.

Anyway, pick a number, any number —

1. Favorite fairy tale, ghost story, or piece of folklore.
2. Favorite thing about the other worlds you've been to? (Least favorite, too, if you're feeling like getting it off your chest? I'm a crappy psychiatrist, fair warning.)
3. Ever run into people who know you from a book, movie, or game? Or, uh... manga?
4. War games — which do you prefer, and why?
5. Magic in your world: real or fiction?

I figure I'm being totally transparent, but I'm a big fan of information gathering. But it's also... actually really nice to be in one place long enough to get to know people. How often do you have the chance to learn about alternate universes? Small pluses.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I can objectively say I haven't done as much as any of them.

Well, sure. You're determined to beat yourself up in comparison.

I can't say I blame you or can't understand, though. I feel like I'm pretty much the lowest on the totem pole, when it comes to the people I care about; they're all... you know. I mean. I feel lucky to have known people who are just — better. Than me.

[He's trying say it without it sounding bad, but.

You know.

It's hard to make low self-worth sound good, right, Nightingale?]

[a bit, yeah.]

... You too, huh?

[He smiles thinly.]

Yeah — story of my life, honestly.

So it's not like I don't get where you're coming from. I just... know that you can find more worth in yourself; it just takes a little more time, but you can find some good.

The sad part is, this is already a lot better than I was when I met my team...

How did we even get to this topic? Weren't we talking about Betyl and Sessho a minute ago?

Oh, you know. Topics, they change.

Seems like it's an important one for you, though. Maybe I should make a network entry about my usual regimen. You know, saying one good thing about yourself weekly, or something. I have a feeling a lot of people seriously need it.

Yeah, this is not a good week for that.

Or month.

Or lifetime, really. Does it still count as a lifetime anymore?

Honestly, it's never a good week for it.

But that's kind of the point of positivity, right?

For a lot of people, it helps keep hope alive.

I'm pretty sure my hope has been dead for a long time.

Yeah, well. Weirder things have been resurrected.

Yeah, you're talking to one of them.

... Oh.

...

You, too?

A few... dozen times now? Back in my world. And then three more after that. And that's not counting all the near ones.

You too, then?

Jeez.

But. Uh. Yeah...

About... six, seven times, for me? My brother died a lot more at one point, though. Uh... Once a day, for three months, he died. I think. I mean, I kept track up to a hundred, but at a certain point you kind of give up on that.

... Oh, shit. Sorry to hear that...

It wasn't quite that often. For me, back at the castle, we risked death about once a week. And my team, the stupid, reckless, heroic types that they were... Would rather take on all the punishments ourselves rather than risk harming anyone else.

I had to watch my team- my family die, too. But not- Not daily. Not for months.

Hey, it's okay, really.

I mean, it wasn't fun, but it was... it feels like it was a really long time ago.

[And Sam's never completely recovered from it, but honestly, there's so much terrible shit to remember... it all kind of blends together, and the Winchesters have to resort to dark humor or all-too-casual recollection to skirt by.]

I'm sorry you had to deal with that, too. It's happened so much back home, but I never get used to it. Not when your family's kind of all you have, right? When they're gone, it's just... you, and just you is hard.

[Sam without Dean is... survivable, but.

It's nothing Sam wants. After all the shit they've been through, Sam would still prefer Dean to be at his side. Sure, retiring sounds so friggin' nice sometimes, and Sam'd do it if he could actually get away with it, but living on while your only family left is gone... it's hard. And when Bobby and Dean and Cas were seemingly dead, he was pretty much aimless. Hell, when Dean was taken by the hellhounds before, he pretty much self-imploded and fucked himself over.]

I know a thing or two about stupid, reckless, heroic types.

Great to have as friends, and then terrible to have as friends.

Yeah. They're my family, and I love them, and I'm so grateful that I got to meet them, and for all they've done for me... But then sometimes I just want to strangle them myself just to keep them from running off into danger again.

Sounds about right. Family isn't family if they're not a pain in your ass.

It's a sign that you care, right? A good one.

... I know. I just wish I'd learned to care before... some stuff happened.

Sounds familiar enough. Wishing something before it was too late.

You cared about them, though. And they cared about you. That's... good.

... It's better than it was before I cared. But it sucks when they aren't here.

It's alright, Nightingale. We'll get you back to them; it just takes time.

Sometimes it's a pain in the ass, how much time, but... it'll work out.

... Thank you.

[She doesn't quite believe it, and honestly, she's scared to go back anyway, considering how often terrible shit happens at the castle. But she wants to see her team again, and more importantly, her entire world depends on her getting back.

But honestly, the assurance means a lot to her anyway. That someone cares enough to try to reassure her like this is something she doesn't ever expect. But she doesn't really know what else she can say besides that- Trying to say anything else might get her all choked up, honestly.]

It's not a problem. That's what friends are for, right?

Other than telling interesting stories to.

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