004 ↯ audio

[feathery]

Who: Davesprite and whoever.
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Indoors, moonside.
When: Now sounds good.

[Someone is done to death with masks and getting accosted by randos on the street. Thus, Davesprite has taken refuge indoors, since that's as good as it gets short of returning to the ships. He'd normally opt for text, but he honestly just wants to talk for a while. Even if his voice is equal parts bored and sullen.]

Sportball ambushes on the street are great and all, [it probably isn't possible for him to sound more sarcastic] but I got to ponder the selection happening in this contaminated stain on the face of space. Like, sure, there are "strategy games" [yes, those are actual, audible air quotes], but where my real battles at. You know, the wordplay variety, where you drop a witticism to a sick beat and slant it to rhyme. Twist that shit into ill verse and cause some deadly delirium not even the most decorated doctor could cure. Dude could be veteran to World War Disease and still find himself stymied by this nasty flow that makes even the gutsiest guerilla fold. Ain't a medic around who can mend my rap battle burns.

[A beat.]

So, yeah, maybe I'm only pissed about moon pollution central 'cause all these hostile idiots keep hailing me out of the blue and yet: not a single fuckin' rap battle. [This is definitely not the only reason he's pissed about moon pollution central, but priorities.] What's a guy got to do, besides deck himself out in a shitty respirator and biohazard costume. A live performance? God, this is stupid.

Comments

[frigidaire]

Yeah well that pizza place was a store, too.

[ He's scarred for life when it comes to that pizza. He even squirms in his spot on the bench even thinking about it. ]

If I die from this I'm blaming you. [ He takes a bite of the bar, and when it doesn't turn out awful? He takes another. ]

I can't believe you weren't going to share.

[feathery]

The pizza place was a fucking disaster zone of parasitic pies, but that doesn't mean it was poisonous.

[He watches Isaac eat the candy, though, mildly bemused. Welp, he guesses if it's acceptable for a wolf, it'll pass crow inspection.]

And who said I wasn't. I was putting it through testing. No one wants to start snacking and find out their grub [ew, why that word] is feistier than a caffeinated lab rat.

[frigidaire]

The parasites could have been. That was so stupid.

[ He shouldn't be so impulsive, but again he's taking his third bite, and seems okay with it thus far. ]

You were going to put it through -- wait. Did I just become your test subject or something. Is that why you gave me this thing? [ Isaac waves the bar in the air at Davesprite, but it's tasty, so Bird Dave's not getting the remainder back. ]

When I die of weird candy poisoning, it's your fault.

[feathery]

I gave it to you because you told me to.

[It's faintly miffed.]

No one's gonna believe it's my fault, anyway. All I'll have to say is that Isaac Lahey died as he lived: a dumbass. I can even make sure that makes it on to your tombstone.

[frigidaire]

Oh. Right.

[ He wouldn't put it past Davesprite for a weird prank, but Isaac did ask for the candy, so... ]

If you're gonna do that you better come visit my grave every day and bring me some of the candy that killed me. Maybe I'll be able to haunt you or something. These alien planets are weird.

[feathery]

Pretty sure it doesn't work like that. Can a ghost haunt another ghost.

[He tries his own chocolate, brightening a little when it turns out to taste ok.]

I'm chalking this one up as a good investment.

[frigidaire]

I don't know, is that just stalking then since it'd be two ghosts?

[ He's not too put off about the food being alien, after all, as he takes another bite. ] We should get more. Stock up. The other planet's stuff wasn't this good. Had better pizza though.

[feathery]

I'll file it under harassment and call the ghost police.

[He climbs to his feet, grimacing a bit at the mention of the pizza.]

But sure. How hard did your account get hit after the gumball fiasco. I'm starting to run a little low.

[frigidaire]

Hit my bank account pretty hard. The gum wasn't even that good.

[ So really, why were they shipping gumballs anyway? ] I haven't really spent much here, though. Stayed on the ship. I'll buy us some this time.

[ He stands, stretching his arms over his head. ] You'll have to hide them in your room. Stupid Newton will find them in mine.

[feathery]

How does he keep getting into your room. Jade doesn't even bring him in mine anymore, 'cause she doesn't want him to get sick on any stray mummified limbs.

[He idly starts his way down the hall, heading towards a lift. At least the concept of department stores and malls hasn't died out in the presumed future.]

[frigidaire]

He hasn't in a while, but it'd be my luck he'd find the candy. He ate almost all of my socks and got hair all over my bed, so.

[ It was a while ago but he still resents that, okay? Well, not really, but he has to complain about something. ]

I think chocolate can hurt dogs, too. And that stuff was basically space chocolate. Alien chocolate.

[feathery]

Do you count as a dog.

[Giving you a sidelong look, bro.]

Chocolate isn't a key ingredient to werewolf poison or something, is it.

[frigidaire]

No, why? I'm a werewolf, not a dog.

[ He doesn't even realize the mistake he's made. Isaac tries so hard, but he's not always the sharpest tool in the shed. ]

And no, I'm too human for chocolate to poison. Mistletoe and wolfsbane suck, though. Seriously.

[feathery]

Wolves, dogs, what's the difference.

[Davesprite just shrugs and goes back to eating his chocolate bar. Maybe he'd worry more about it possibly being toxic if he digested food in the first place.]

Mistletoe, though. What, are you allergic to kissing? [His tone turns mocking before he can even think to help it.]

[frigidaire]

No, that'd be worse than death. Kissing is good, and I'm good at it.

[ Word vomit, thy name be Isaac Lahey. ]

If we ingest mistletoe or whatever, it can cause hallucinations and make us weaker. It can kill us, too, but. I thought I was in a freezer once when I was actually under a shitty motel bed.

[feathery]

O...k.

[That's all Davesprite has to say to that first part.

More importantly:]

Why were you under a shitty motel bed. [Because that's weird.]

[frigidaire]

It was for a field trip, kind of. We were going to a lacrosse game and there was bad traffic.

[ So their adult chaperone stopped at the creepy MOTEL CALIFORNIA~ and let them room up. ]

Someone put wolfsbane in the coach's whistle, so it got weird.

[feathery]

Oh yeah, I remember that story. [...] Kind of. I still can't believe you got fucked up by a whistle.

[He isn't sure if he should be admiring, disturbed, or derisive.]

How the hell did you end up eating mistletoe.

[frigidaire]

I didn't eat any. I ate a mind-controlling supernatural fly once, though. Sort of. That was fucking gross.

[ He frowns, shaking his head and even subconsciously rubs at his throat. ]

A dude back home had to dig them out of our throats. Ugh.

[feathery]

[Davesprite flinches and almost misses the button for the lift, before he awkwardly turns around and pockets his hands.]

That's...pretty gross.

[A beat.]

A mind-controlling fly. Seriously? [Why do all of his friends keep getting mind-controlled? Shit.]

[frigidaire]

Yeah, it was... it was pretty weird. Pretty sure I almost killed a few people.

[ But isn't that every story of his? 'I almost died' or 'I almost killed someone'. Isaac's life is complicated. ]

Sometimes I think I want to go back, and sometimes I don't. Because of things like that.

[feathery]

Yeah. Well, there's a big difference between almost killing someone and actually doing it.

[Like there's a big difference between almost dying and actually dying.

...What a conversation to have while waiting for an elevator.]

But I get that. I wouldn't go back to Asgard, if I had a choice.

[frigidaire]

Well yeah. You know, dead and not dead. That's a difference.

[ Captain Obvious is just gonna repeat what his best friend just told him. Isaac means well, but his head is a little frazzled still, even now. ]

Yeah? I don't know much about it, other than what you've told me, but it seems like a pretty weird place.

[feathery]

It wasn't that bad. Jade liked it.

[Davesprite just hated it by the end, that's all. Personal bias.]

Seemed like you got along pretty well there, too. [Uh.] Mostly.

[frigidaire]

I didn't -- oh, right. That other me or whatever.

[ God, this is fucking weird. ]

I still don't get that. Like, okay so I was kidnapped onto a space ship here, but if I was there too, I should remember it. It was still me. You didn't wipe my memory in some weird evil plot or something did you?