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(no subject)

Who: Leto + You
Broadcast: Video
Action: N/A
When:

[ The video flickers on to Leto sitting on his bed, kicking his legs briefly. He grins when the video starts recording, pushing himself onto his feet. He tilts his head, that odd bird-like movement he often exhibits. ]

I have heard some interesting things of late, so I thought I'd put the question to you all. When you fall in love, can you only love one person? Can you fall in love with multiple people? Is love something you find yourself stopping after just one?

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But you're not giving your all and isn't that what love is all about, giving everything? And how would you know what's equal amounts, how do you expect someone to believe that you're giving equal amounts?

Giving everything sounds like a dangerous idea. It is a romantic ideal, but probably not the safest choice in a real relationship.

Why wouldn't they believe? I certainly never had anyone doubt it.

That's the point, isn't it. You're supposed to put that into trust and love so that it is the safest.

Maybe it works on your world. But I could never do that.

There are no guarantees in life. If a father loves their wife so much to the point that their children are left behind, then perhaps they should not have children at all.

[ Bitter about being born? Yes, definitely. His mother wanted to bear the heirs to the throne, to have Paul's children so badly that the consequences of it devastated both of them. ]

Love is more than the gift of everything. It is the gift of equals.

[ it took a moment to reply to this. make sure leto wasn't talking about him and padme and their children. they wouldn't know, would they. ]

It's not the same kind of love. The love I feel for my wife is nothing compared to what I feel for my children. And the opposite is the same. I love my wife so much, I would do anything for her. But I know she would never want me to leave our children behind.

Like you said, there are no guarantees in life. You can't guarantee that your love is going to be equally felt.

[ That response stops him short. What had Chani ever wanted for her children? Leto does not ever recall being in her thoughts. But then, nothing displayed that more than in the twins' names. Leto was a relic, a tribute to a good man and Ghanima was a spoils of war.

What did his parents want? An heir, a legacy? It was all everyone scrabbled for. The destruction of the Atreides line.

He never asked for it. He never wanted to born. Frustration bubbles up in his chest, much like his brief conversation with Apollo. Talking about families was a hindrance. ]

Then it is fortunate you know that. I know parents who did not.

[ he doesn't know much about parenting. but he knows his mother's love. it's the love he would want his own children to feel, if he were to ever raise them. ]

Then they wouldn't be parents as much as they are predecessors are they.

I doubt it is that easy to separate. They are my parents, still.

Are you saying that your parents... didn't love you?

My parents are very dead. My mother died at childbirth with my sister and myself. My father left us and I found him again much later. Then he died.

[ Context would probably help, but he finds himself a bit cranky. ]

I know their love for each other. It was the kind ballads were written for. I cannot say if they possessed the same love for myself or my sister.

He only called me son when he died.

Oh. I am sorry.

You don't know that they didn't loved you. Doesn't that count for something?

[ . . . That is true. He does not know. All he has are their ghosts and they never spoke of it. On a whim, he switches to voice. It was easier to speak than to type these answers. ]

That is true. I do not know. But their love for each other was greater than the love for us.

[ He pauses. ] I do not begrudge their love. I simply wish there was place for . . . more.

To go through knowing you have children when the love of your life has passed, it wouldn't be easy. I think it would change how I felt about my children, because every time I looked at them I would be reminded that things could have been different.

[ but that's too much about himself. he doesn't like how easily he can understand leto's father and his action. ]

Is that why you look to love more than one person at a time? Because you want more?

Wanting is . . . not a reality I can pursue.

[ He continues, moving away from that confusing statement. ]

I simply cannot love one person. I cannot focus my love on one person in such a way. I see so much and I cannot help but love.

[ that's entirely too confusing. but he remembers his mother's words. ]

Hearts have infinite rooms.

[ a beat ]

My mother. She told me once. I guess that's true for you in a very literal sense.

[ Infinite rooms . . . ]

Your mother was a wise woman.

[ fat lot that did her. wise doesn't mean strong. it doesn't mean anything.

he curbs his bitterness before he speaks again. ]

Yes. She was.

Perhaps that wisdom could have gone a long way for my own parents.

To your father, perhaps. But your mother - there's no telling what kind of parent she could have been.

[ If he really wanted to, he could ask her. Rail against the ghost under his skin - but what good would that be? It wasn't her, just a fragment of her that shares the temple with others. For all his lineage existing besides his fingertips, none of them could offer this. ]

She wanted children so badly. His children.

[ he wonders, briefly, if padme even wanted to have children with him. it almost seemed like it was decided when they met luke and leia and found out their uncertain future. ]

It doesn't mean she didn't love you.

How could she? She never knew me. She never knew what I -- I have become.

[ This thing you've done to yourself, his father had hissed. It had stung. Leto had shouldered his father's faults, his father's mistakes and took the extreme route to fix them.

Was that not love? ]

She had you.

[ a beat. he thinks about faceless children of the same height, a bright blond son and a unruly haired daughter, with matching grins. ]

How could your mother not be reminded of the love that created you when she looks at you? If she loved your father that much, she must love you too because he's part of you. Isn't that enough?

[ He doesn't know. It is frustrating to him, this knowledge that escapes his grasp. His parents no longer exist so their time was closed to him. All he had were the stories of their love and the ghosts in his heart and it wasn't enough.

It just wasn't. And just for his life? To be the heir? The legacy?

To clean up past mistakes? ]

I never wanted this. I never wanted my life for hers or theirs.

I'm sorry.

[ a sigh ]

But I don't think that's for you to want.

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