driftfleet | (no subject)

[Tears have little meaning for him outside of context. The emotions of others are generally weapons for his use. But there are a few, notable exceptions.

Weapons for use against him. Offerings. Context is everything, as is source. He smooths his thumb over Leto's cheek.]

Yes.

[In this moment, Leto, you are treasured.]

[ He recognizes that. But Leto doesn't mind. ]

Thank you.

[Leto's caught the attention of a trickster, and not negatively. It's no small feat. Though Loki cannot help but tease:]

Shall you keep me, now that I have won?

[Though he rather doubts Leto will become boring now. He's delightfully complex.]

Being a kept thing is not much fun.

[ Not that he would know. He's never been kept by anyone. That kind of overwhelming desire is not meant for him. ]

More likely, I'll continue to make life . . . interesting.

I wouldn't know. [Though there is a certain charm to the thought that someone might find him that precious, even if he would be doomed to fight against it eventually. There are different lengths of eventually.

Though that does not stop him from coveting others, wanting to keep them.]

I would be most sorrowful if you did not.

Neither do I.

[ But he looks at Loki carefully. ]

But I think you do know, to some extent. You belong in someone's orbit.

[He considers this. He thinks Rogue would be rather horrified at the idea of him being a 'kept thing.' But he is rather kept, in its way. By his choice, assuredly, but...

Though the second part of that is even more of a question, after the more serious conversation he and Rogue had recently.]

Do I?

[He hadn't been uncertain about it, but the fact that Rogue had considered herself so changed and them out of step has left him a bit shaken.]

For all your godhood and chaos, Loki -- [ And his expression is kind but truthful. Leto doesn't believe in kindness without truth. Or at least his truth. He doesn't coddle or reassure. He simply speaks and the words carry themselves. ] -- I do not think loneliness is your role to play.

Ever has it been so.

[He shrugs, not self-pitying, but factual. This thing with Rogue has been very different for him. And now... well, who knows what will happen, and he doesn't like the uncertainty. Particularly not when it's something that isn't his fault.]

Though that is not what I meant.

You are in mine.

[ Leto will not say if it is enough, because it isn't. They need more, want more, exist to be more to others. One orbit isn't enough for a heavenly body. ]

Or perhaps you are in mine. I am a wandering planet.

[He traces a path down Leto's arm with one finger, draws a circle in his palm.]

And what trouble shall come of it?

[Because that is the trouble. One orbit has never been enough for him. Yet as he lives Rogue, that must be enough. He has promised her as much. And he is trying. And failing, a bit at a time. He doesn't know how to stop failing.]

Trouble will come, regardless.

[ There's no way of preventing it. And Leto could not, would not, even for the sake of making life easier. ]

I can't promise anything. I will not ask for promises.

[ He rests his hand over Loki's. ]

The choice is yours to make.

[Promises are the most dangerous things of all, when they are serious. Because ultimately, one either ends up in stasis--perhaps dead--or forsworn.

He curls their fingers together.]

This is a choice I do not want. [Because he cannot make it, not when he wants such disparate, mutually exclusive things. Not when he loves Rogue and has for years, and is forced to admit to himself that Leto has become important to him for other reasons, far too quickly for comfort.

It's a useless protest. His life has been composed of many choices he never wanted.]

Better a choice you don't want than a choice taken from you.

[ Leto would tell him to choose Rogue, to choose the person who has more to give. Leto has so little of himself and he loses more every day. Why pledge to a man who will turn into a formless, monstrous creature, who will become dead and empty inside until the tides of time washes him away?

But Leto doesn't make choices for others. He kisses the skin of Loki's knuckles, love love love humming under his skin. The Worm is silent. ]

Whatever you choose, I am with you.

[He's too greedy to make this choice. He cannot let go of Rogue, and he cannot let go of this. Will not. He wants too much to be wanted to be cared for. He's still rather bad at the other end of it, the caring for people in return, though whatever he can manage is entirely Rogue's doing.

He could resent her, in this moment, for her need for monogamy. And he certainly resents himself for assuming it wouldn't be a problem. And there's a bit of resentment for Leto as well, for making him feel this way, Though how was he to know? And how is he to find the line he can twist to his suiting in this. It is inevitable that he will destroy what he cares about, but he really is trying to not. He's supposed to find ways to destroy the inevitable.

He closes his eyes.]

I am a fool.

[He keeps a firm hold of Leto's hand. The problem is that it's already too late. There's an emotional connection with the other god, and that might be a betrayal of Rogue already. He cannot control his heart, though he can certainly control his body and at least remain faithful in that sense.

A part of him points out that these stupidities would not be a problem if he just didn't mess about with this love business. He is very, very bad at it.]

[ Oh, Loki. Leto reaches to run his hands through Loki's hair before shifting closer and sitting next to him. Their hands remain twined, as if the illusion will shatter from the separation. ]

Then give me up. I will not resent you.

[ Though he senses that it is not a choice Loki would make. ]

[Loki does not open his eyes, but he doesn't need to; he sees Leto in other ways. He reaches to slide a hand over the man's short hair, to pull him closer.]

I do not give up anything that is mine. You know this.

[Not until it is so utterly broken as to be unrecognizable. He's too greedy for that. And maybe that's why he will destroy what he loves, because he's not capable of the self-sacrifice necessary to the act. He can give to a certain extent, and does, but he cannot let go.]

[ He sighs softly at the contact. The Wormskin hums. ]

Then I shall wait until you destroy me.

[His response is to curl his arms around Leto, as if that will somehow protect the man from himself. ]

Damn you.

[There's no bite to the words. It's for show.]

It is easier to have no heart.

[ He lays his head against Loki's shoulder. ]

But emptier, I think.

There are some things in this universe there are no explanations for. No answers.

[He rests his cheek against Leto's head. There's something intimate in this sort of contact, at least to him. Far more than much more base acts. Does this constitute a betrayal, then? There isn't anything so lusty about this contact, but there's a depth of feeling. Has he compromised his promise? What of his heart?

Yet he cannot wish this away, either. This does not occupy the same space in his mind or emotions as what he has with Rogue. This is different, distinct, and important in its own way.]

The universe does not care for us, nor offer us any answers at all, yes?

I died in a black hole. I died on a beach of black sand. I died on a dead realm. Each time, I've been a little less empty, I think.

We carry our crucibles with us. When we pass through them, we always come out . . . changed. And yet nothing changes.

[ Leto's dream was never going to be his. It was going to go to humanity, so that they could survive and live the life he never could. What he had wanted, what Ghani had wanted . . . it'll never be theirs.

There are problems in this universe in which there are no answers, his father had said to his mother as she lay dying, for which nothing can be done.

So he takes Loki's palm, kissing the insides of it. Perhaps, now, he can understand his parents a little better. ]

You come together in each passing moment, a surer picture than the last. And you will be held in full light.

I care for you. The universe will answer to me on that.

[Loki curls his fingers around those kisses, to capture it. He leans down to place a feather light kiss on Leto's eyelid.]

Shh. Curse not thyself.

[But he hungers for that caring. The fingernails of one hand scratch lightly over Leto's heart.]

And know I see the universe inside thee.

[ His eyelids flutter at the touch. It was a sensitive touch, an unfamiliar one. ]

Then be my God.

[He exhales unsteadily at those words and captures Leto's lips. Some part of him has a notion to stop Leto before he says something that will damn them both further, but more it is the only way he has to express the acceptance, and hunger for that statement.

Yes.]

Re: [ action ]

Re: [ action ]

Re: [ action ]

Re: [ action ]

Re: [ action ]

Re: [ action ]

Re: [ action ]

Re: [ action ]

[ action ]

Re: [ action ]

Re: [ action ]

Re: [ action ]

Re: [ action ]

Re: [ action ]

Re: [ action ]

Re: [ action ]

Re: [ action ]

Re: [ action ]

Re: [ action ]

Re: [ action ]

Re: [ action ]

Re: [ action ]

Re: [ action ]

Re: [ action ]

Re: [ action ]