Video

[killedwithlove]

Who: Cole
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Pathstone unless asked to go somewhere
When: Now-ish?


[The broadcast is very unusual, coming from Cole. He replies, sometimes, but he very rarely initiates communication through the network.

The camera points at the ceiling, catching just the edge of Cole's hat. He has it in his lap but doesn't try to look into it.]

I need someone who is able to kill me if I turn into a demon. Cassandra promised to, but she's gone and Jove and Solas said they would, but with them gone, I need someone to make sure I'm not a danger to people.

Comments

[killedwithlove]

... can you do that?

[It's not a brag or anything, it's a genuine curiosity.]

Well, to stop Compassion Despairing, you remove the sources of Despair. I think.

[sandhate]

I don't see why not. [ In which he doubts he'll ever need to but in the case this does happen. ] You would be a demon, so I wouldn't be really killing you exactly.

Where are the sources of Despair?

[killedwithlove]

No. It would be me. Just DespairCole, not CompassionCole.

People. Only people can despair.

[sandhate]

Uh, okay.

When it does seem like you'll turn into a Despair Cole, we'll isolate you on a shuttle, away from all the people. Would that work?

[killedwithlove]

I don't know.

I can fly shuttles. I have Pilot Augment.

[sandhate]

Good. Then that's what we'll do.

Now, what can we do to reverse that? Is it possible to turn you back to Normal Cole -- Uh, Compassion Cole?

[killedwithlove]

... I don't know.

We managed to make Pride Wisdom again, but Wisdom still died, dissipated, dispersed.

[sandhate]

What--

[ He lets out a sigh and rubs his temples. ]

How does that happen? With people, again?

[killedwithlove]

I... maybe?

I don't know. I'm sorry. Solas knew. Rhys knew. But Solas left and Rhys has been gone for years.

[sandhate]

[ A beat ]

This might be a strange question. Cole, are you... people?

[killedwithlove]

No. Sort of. I'm a spirit. Compassion. But also Cole. He was a person.

[sandhate]

I don't know how to tell you this....

That doesn't clear anything up.

[killedwithlove]

... I'm a spirit. Of Compassion.

[sandhate]

But... you're also Cole, a person?

[killedwithlove]

Yes. I have all his memories and I've felt his emotions. I was his dying wish, to live and not be a mage.

[sandhate]

[ That is interesting. ]

If you're a person as well -- if you think you're a person, can't you focus on being Cole, being Compassion instead of Despair?

Shouldn't Cole the Person have the most influence over what Cole the Spirit becomes?

[killedwithlove]

Yes.

But I still know and feel everything that hurts everyone else. I can't do it over the communicator, it's like being deaf and blind to everything that matters.

[sandhate]

Then we stick to Plan A. In the mean time, you can surround yourself with people who can help you remain... Cole.

[killedwithlove]

... they went away.

Solas and Jove and Elly.

[sandhate]

I'm sorry to hear that, Cole. Can you talk about them?

Why them? What made them special?

[killedwithlove]

Yes, I can talk about them.

Jove is from Thedas, but not my Thedas. Solas is Solas, but he wasn't the Solas from my world, though he could have been.

Elly wasn't from Thedas, but she called me her big brother.

They were like a new family for me, here. That was what made them special.

[sandhate]

[ He can easily disregard the wheres and the whos. It's Cole's last point that connects the dots for him. ]

There has to be other people here who can be there for you the same way they were.

[killedwithlove]

You mean, I should just make a new family out of people I sort know.

[His voice sounds sort of flat at that. He has no idea what family really is. Solas and Jove and Elly were the closest he has ever had, and they made a family on their own and just included him in it.]

Have you done that? Put together a new family from strangers?

[sandhate]

[ He's aware of how much of his words seems unrealistic in the real world, where people could be selfish and cruel and have fates out of their own control. He's also aware that his own family weren't founded by him. They were brought together by something beyond them. It accumulates to Anakin not know if his words will help. But he could try. And he always tries. ]

I have. And ....it's as hard as it sounds. You have to let people in and open your own heart. And sometimes, that doesn't go the way you want.

I'm taught that all living things are connected through the Force. So technically, we aren't strangers at all.

[killedwithlove]

[Cole thought people were meant to take time to do that, because people didn't just share everything with each other all the time. But he didn't really know much about being a person.]

I'm always open. Cadash said I overshared a lot, and I know people when I meet them, but they don't know me the same way because they're not spirits...

Oh! You follow the Jedi teachings. Like Obi-Wan.