driftfleet | Tourist, May I?

[He manages to get her to come away breathless and smiling.] If this is you as a disaster it's a beautiful thing. All other disasters are appropriately shamed.

It's one of my nicer fragrances.

[ he's got completely awful disaster modes as well, but he's been fighting to keep those down. ]

I want it too, all of it. I could have a million friends - ok no I couldn't - but figuratively - what I mean is - there's only one you. I love hanging out with Cisco, and with everyone else, but you're who I want to come home to.

[ yeah, you know the look she's getting. and if it's not at its full awe, it's because of the guilt he feels for being so happy right now. ]

[Stop that. The point of her saying that was that she wants the real him even the bad parts.]

You say some of the best things. [This is the look that makes her feel like everything really is going to be okay and that she gets to be happy. Maybe not happily-ever-after, but a few moments? Days? Weeks? A year? That's nothing to dismiss.]

I love you.

[ but he doesn't want those parts to be real. ]

Only to you.

[ he fucks up with kara. he fucked up with cisco. when given the chance with his other friends - he's sure he'll fuck up with them too. the only person in his life he seems to be right for - is kitty.

he takes a moment just to breathe her in, to marvel at this amazing life he somehow managed to build for himself, a life in which he's loved by someone who shouldn't even know he's alive, and not just because of their alternate dimensions. ]

I love you too.

Give yourself more of a chance.

[She nuzzles in against him, wrapping her arms around him and feeling content.]

[ he holds her, kissing the top of her head, and is struck by just how amazing it feels to be held and encouraged when he's feeling low, instead of reaching for a bottle or a video game. ]

How do I do that? [ hey, she's smarter than him. maybe she's got the answer. ]

[It is definitely her go-to comfort and it's hard when it's not an option.] Just say what you really feel because I think you have a good heart and even if you stumble over some of the words or they don't come out right at first you'll get to a great place because that's just who you are.

[ as long as it's up to him, it's always going to be an option for her. he runs his fingers through her hair, and thinks about how badly he stumbled with kara, time and time again. but they're still best friends. he'll still do anything for her, and she'll still always be there for him, and that's a great place to end up in, isn't it? even if he can't always say what she needs him to, he always leaves her with a smile.

it's not terrible, at least. ]

I'll try. [ he can't promise; he knows he'll still stumble with keeping it. it's hard to say how he really feels when sometimes what he really feels is selfish and bitter and ugly, and he wants to be as good as she sees him as. but to do that, to really and truly be that - he knows she's right. he has to try harder. ]

[What about when he's the one running off to go do security things on his own on a ship that isn't even his?]

It should be much easier to be you than this. You're such a good you. [Kissing.]

[ keeping her safe is slightly more important than hugs, but if he's made aware that she needs them - she will get all of them once he's done. ]

It's easy enough [ he has it so easy. the worst thing that's ever happened to him is his dad and compared to kara, compared to kitty, compared to margaery...he knows that's not what she means, but the pang of guilt is still there. why is he making everything so complicated when his life was so sheltered? ] I just over-complicate things.

[ he kisses back. kissing is simple. simple is good. ]

[Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.] What are you over complicating? [Kiss.]

[ he would gladly get lost in the kissing, as they usually do, but he's just not all in it when he's this worried about a friend. he shrugs. ]

You know, the opposite list is way shorter. [ kiss. ]

[She can sense that and it's okay. Talking is good. She needs physical bonding, but she needs non-physical bonding too. She's very high maintenance this way.] MmMmm, I asked you a question, sir.

Sir was my -- well, I'm sure some ancestor had enough respectability to pull off 'sir'.

[ he smiles, because that's his instinct. ]

I have nothing but respect for the parts of you not dodging my question. [She nibbles his bottom lip for a moment.]

Well, currently I'm over complicating answering a simple question.

[ he over complicates everything. his head is always overactive; asking complicated questions in simple situations, anticipating something horrible where - there's probably a perfectly simple explanation, right? and always, always with that annoying little voice in the back checking in - is he still sane? is he still good? ]

Which, kinda answers it, doesn't it? [ everything. always. the only things that are simple in his life are his faith in kara, his love for kitty, his need to see them safe and happy. ]

I guess it does. Hey. [Nuzzle.] You're not afraid of me are you?

Afraid of you? [ that makes him frown in confusion ] Why would I be afraid of you?

[ afraid of losing her? absolutely. afraid of hurting her? duh. afraid of her? why? ]

Well, lots of people are, but that's not what I mean. I mean the holding stuff back. I know you're afraid of yourself, but are you afraid of my reactions too?

[ he turns it over in his head for a moment. ]

I mean. I'm afraid of everyone's reaction, it kind of comes with the being afraid of yourself territory...and, you and Kara, you mean the world to me. So, letting you down would be so much worse.

And much harder. You know that right? Kind of invested here. [Gently touching the side of his face.]

[ he gives her a little smile, one tinted with sadness. ]

You're not the only one with abandonment issues.

[ even if he now feels like his are illegitimate in comparison - she wants him to say how he feels and he promised he'd try. ]

[Gently.] I know. You hide things for the same reason I push everything out for display no matter how jarring.

Combine us, and maybe you'll get a healthy coping mechanism.

[ he smiles, kissing her forehead. ]

[She smiles.] Don't work on any weird side projects to combine us, okay?

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