Sam Winchester (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
collegedropout) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
driftfleet2016-05-10 02:34 am
collegedropout) wrote in driftfleet2016-05-10 02:34 am
video.
Who: Sam Winchester
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: SS Red Fish
When: Today-ish
[Sam's currently taking the time to heal after certain people we shall not name shot him in the arm; it's all good, it's all good. Pop some pain meds, keep the arm from getting worked too hard, it's going great. But now that he can't go do some work down on the moon, he's a bit more restless. Maybe he should tell Katie about his arm, have her work a little magic mojo...? Or should he just. Not tell the small child that someone shot him in the arm. Anyway.
He takes some time to voice some internal stuff. It was mostly spawned by Nightingale, and he can't help but speak up; it's utterly bizarre, he thinks, that he does that now. Speak up. He's still shitty at it, like, 60% of the time, but every percent counts. He compares it to the guy who was dying in a chapel not so long ago, and really, the amount of worth he's found in himself compared to then is staggering when he thinks about it.
Things change. He feels like he's been changing at a vicious pace for the last eleven years. But is that so surprising? Considering the friggin' circumstances, he supposes it only makes sense.]
Someone here asked me how to think positive.
More than that, how to be positive about yourself. And honestly? That's a work in progress. Don't get me wrong, you're talking to a hypocrite if I go... chiding you on healthy outlooks. But you know, someone from another world gave me a task, back when I was low — I mean, really low. She said... Even if it's only once a week, once a month, you should stop and remind yourself of something positive — about yourself. Some good thing you do, or some skill you have. Something that makes you you. Strengths. Foundations for others to work off of. Or hey, maybe you just like the way your nose looks.
If's kind of important, isn't it? Feeling like you're worth something in some way. I'd argue it's kind of a survival technique, right? Believing in your capabilities, they kind of help you get through rough situations. Help you be a better person, or contribute in a way that makes you feel like an important puzzle piece.
[He sweeps his hands though the air, palm-up, simply gestures that come with conversation. One arm is less lively than the other.]
And yeah, I can already hear some of you, telling me to pipe down on the armchair psychology, can it with the talk show advice. Kind of sappy, right? But I mean — hear me out, huh? Humor me.
What's something you guys like about yourselves?
...
And if you give some creepy, flippant, or otherwise wise-ass reply for some chuckles, we get it. You like how edgy you are.
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: SS Red Fish
When: Today-ish
[Sam's currently taking the time to heal after certain people we shall not name shot him in the arm; it's all good, it's all good. Pop some pain meds, keep the arm from getting worked too hard, it's going great. But now that he can't go do some work down on the moon, he's a bit more restless. Maybe he should tell Katie about his arm, have her work a little magic mojo...? Or should he just. Not tell the small child that someone shot him in the arm. Anyway.
He takes some time to voice some internal stuff. It was mostly spawned by Nightingale, and he can't help but speak up; it's utterly bizarre, he thinks, that he does that now. Speak up. He's still shitty at it, like, 60% of the time, but every percent counts. He compares it to the guy who was dying in a chapel not so long ago, and really, the amount of worth he's found in himself compared to then is staggering when he thinks about it.
Things change. He feels like he's been changing at a vicious pace for the last eleven years. But is that so surprising? Considering the friggin' circumstances, he supposes it only makes sense.]
Someone here asked me how to think positive.
More than that, how to be positive about yourself. And honestly? That's a work in progress. Don't get me wrong, you're talking to a hypocrite if I go... chiding you on healthy outlooks. But you know, someone from another world gave me a task, back when I was low — I mean, really low. She said... Even if it's only once a week, once a month, you should stop and remind yourself of something positive — about yourself. Some good thing you do, or some skill you have. Something that makes you you. Strengths. Foundations for others to work off of. Or hey, maybe you just like the way your nose looks.
If's kind of important, isn't it? Feeling like you're worth something in some way. I'd argue it's kind of a survival technique, right? Believing in your capabilities, they kind of help you get through rough situations. Help you be a better person, or contribute in a way that makes you feel like an important puzzle piece.
[He sweeps his hands though the air, palm-up, simply gestures that come with conversation. One arm is less lively than the other.]
And yeah, I can already hear some of you, telling me to pipe down on the armchair psychology, can it with the talk show advice. Kind of sappy, right? But I mean — hear me out, huh? Humor me.
What's something you guys like about yourselves?
...
And if you give some creepy, flippant, or otherwise wise-ass reply for some chuckles, we get it. You like how edgy you are.
action.
[ Do you know how sick he got of chess after those bar fights. Do you know. ]
action.
Don't think that's how you play chess.
[#smartass]
... You could do paintball?
action.
But if there was moment where Dean might be inclined to grin, this would be it. But he doesn't, instead he kicks up his feet and arches in eyebrow, manages to look invested. ]
Now that i'm damn good at. [ He's been playing. A lot. And kicking everyone's motherfucking asses. ]
action.
[............................... ohrightyoushothim
Well that's a horribly awkward topic he doesn't even mean to fall into. He cuts himself off. Oops. Um. Nah it's cool, it's cool. He pats a hand on the counter.]
Darts would be nice. They have some dart tournaments.
action.
Why.
WHY.
It sure makes things awkward. Dean finds himself staring off towards Cas' room for a moment - paranoia over his unwaking state, the loss of his grounding - before becoming engrossed in his coffee because weird guilt is weird and he honestly doesn't know how to feel about it, sober or not.
Thank god for subject changes, even if darts? Dean just looks back. ]
Those I could do.
action.
He would sigh in relief if it wasn't burningly obvious. So he doesn't.]
They can't even say you're cheating there, too. It's all you.
action.
No one cheats at darts.
action.
... Uh... well. I think a few people here probably could...
action.
Mutants, right? Among other things?
action.
... I guess we're in and out of our comfort zone at the same time.
action.
action.
But then he closes it right back at that quasi-threat.]
action.
But fine, whatever, he knew you were going to say it anyway which might be why he is getting up to rid himself of his stupid coffee mug. ]
action.
It is a lot to adjust to.
For people like us.
action.
[ He just said the word Croat in your vicinity, Sam, this is progress. ]
action.
Though he's trying to figure out how to have this discussion, because... usually, this ends with Dean being grumpy that Sam's opened his mind a little more on monsters. Because they're... not really much for hunting here. The changes in universes are so large, so vast. And though he's still biased as hell against all sorts of monsters... he would be in deep trouble before, if he hadn't relied on the supernatural before.]
Well, you know I can't blame you for not trusting it.
We don't know the rules of a lot of monsters; that can make it worse.
But...
[He taps his fingers on the table.]
I can't deny it; some have really pulled through for me before, in a bad situation.
action.
Whether or not it's true. He doesn't give a shit. At least not yet. ]
And that means, what- we give the rest of them a free pass? Wait and see what happens, right?
action.
What else are you recommending? Shoot some of them after a handshake, then get your ass air-locked by the offended parties...? Free passes are about all we can do until one of them actually tries to go in for a kill.
[He cocks his head to the side, looking at Dean. Looking for something in there, maybe.]
That's what we do. We don't kill the good ones, Dean.
action.
He's just immune to this, there have just been too many people. ]
Because waiting around does everyone a whole lotta good, doesn't it. [ Ahem. ] Picture this, Sam. You're in charge of your own little compound, keep track of all the survivors tryin' to live day in, day out. And someone shows up, good person, right? Shows up with all the first signs of turning.
What do you do.
action.
[He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.]
But — Dean... We're not in a compound. And nobody is infected.
We can't work like that here. Neither of us.
action.
You just failed that quiz. Perhaps if you had answered correctly, Dean might not be done with this conversation. But... you didn't, and so he is. ]
So you keep saying. [ And with that, he's going to start heading back to his room to be a hermit. ]
action.
[He stands up, frowning disapprovingly in Dean's direction.
You are such a sulker; his rare temper flares for a moment, but he stamps it down, takes up a more logical angle.]
You don't think I'd have my reasons for distrusting demons? Monsters? Angels?
We have to put aside how we feel about this and look at this objectively, man. You can pout and mope all you want in there, but these people are our crew — and we're gonna live with them and they're gonna save our asses when things get rough.
action.
But he's unimpressed by the argument here, waving a hand back towards the rooms as is a certain someone were standing right there. ]
You think anyone actually gives a shit about anyone else when things are fucked? Crew or not, the last person who had anything to do with saving my ass was Cas, and everyone else? Is damn good at fending for themselves.
And you know what? They should be.
action.
[He watches Dean wearily, one hand curled on the lip of his chair, the other sitting in its sling, a testament to the tension between them. His expression softens.]
... I'm here to watch your back. I might not have in your world, and I'm sorry I let you down, but I'm here. And I know when push comes to shove, you'll watch the backs that matter. No matter how much you've changed — you're still you. I believe that, always will.
[Because he says you're you.
It has to start somewhere. It's a long road, and he knows you're different, but...
It has to start somewhere.]
action.
He still stares off for a moment towards where he'd desperately like to disappear to before he finally looks back, not so much enraged as he wishes he was but at the very least, a modicum of miserable. ]
I'm not lookin' for your apologies. We both made our choices and you know what- all I have done for the past five years is watch people's backs. I was the goddamn fearless leader- [ a phrase he says with no small amount of disgust ] - Cas told everyone about and you know what? It meant killing people that no one else would. To save everyone that I could for one more day.
So you want to tell me to play nice, then fine- but I'm not looking to turn another world into a goddamn shitshow.
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