driftfleet | Tourist ROAD TRIP (mingle)

It was my fault to begin with. I let my emotions override my judgement. We wouldn't have been in that situation if I had just thought things through and listened to Scotty and the others.

_{[ There was a brief paused before he turned his hand in hers and squeezed gently back, telling himself it was to reassure her and not himself. ]}

They were. I was told later that Spock nearly went berserk and went after the man mostly responsible - Khan. But it's a good thing he did. Turns out we needed him to save me.

My CMO, Bones, put my body in a cryogenic tube to stop further decay, especially of my brain. Once they had Khan, Bones performed a full blood transfusion. Khan, being an Augment, had certain properties in his blood, including accelerated healing. It was enough to reverse the damage - essentially resurrect me.

Rao's light... that's incredible.

[ she doesn't get all the details, but she doesn't need to ]

That is some seriously quick thinking by your CMO. Do you feel it was completely successful? What are the aftereffects?

_{[ A pause again as he considers. ]}

According to Bones, I was in a coma for at least two weeks. And while much of my brain function degradation had been halted and damage reversed from Khan's blood, I had still been without oxygen for an extended period. It took me at least a month to gain back basic motor control - when I say basic I do mean basic, like just going to the bathroom on my own and forming complex words. I've spent the better part of the past year going through intense physical therapy and psychological therapy sessions, and I was thankfully deemed fit for duty again.

Other than the nightmares, I haven't felt anything off. But the nightmares are... wider ranging than just my death.

I'm sure you fought every step of the way. That you were able to recover so much is amazing.

What do you mean wider ranging?

I told you, didn't I? About Vulcan imploding? I was there when it happened. I was sent down to try and stop it - but we were to late. Nero very nearly did the same thing to Earth.

And then there's Khan and Marcus.... Khan is - was - an Augment, a creation of my Earth's past, part of a series of terrible wars. Marcus was an Admiral in Star Fleet, one of my superior officers. He woke Khan from his cryo-slumber, used him to help him create a ship that was nothing more than a war machine and went against everything Star Fleet stands for.

_{[ His hands tightened into fists. ]}

Marcus woke Khan, and Khan attacked Star Fleet HQ. Because of Khan, the closest man I had to a father died. Marcus manipulated me, sent me after Khan, used me to nearly start an intergalactic war. And to hide his crimes he was going to destroy my entire ship - my entire crew. It was why he sabotaged my ship's engine core. Khan wasn't much better, though at least he had better reasons.

[ this is the part that hits close to home for her, and she can't help herself from looking away when he talks about planets exploding, but she puts her hand over his ]

I'm sorry that time doesn't lessen some things... And I'm not sure any reason could really justify any of that. But you really are an amazing person. None of any of this is your fault, I can tell you that much, and things would've gone so terribly if you weren't there.

_{[ He had heard those words before. And while some of the situation wasn't his fault, a good portion of it was. And he could not escape that. ]}

That you for that, Kara, but if I'm being a responsible captain I have to admit that some of it was my fault. I let my emotions cloud my judgement and put me and mine in a situation we shouldn't have been in. Marcus and Khan were wrong for that they did, but I'm not blameless.

_{[ It was a truth he had to admit and accept and learn from. It was the lesson Pike had tried to teach him, and now he would have to figure out the rest without him. ]}

But it doesn't matter how they could have or did, right? They are what they are now.

Of course, but there's still value to understanding what could have been.

Take responsibility where you should, Jim, but don't let it drown you, either. I respect that you're willing to take it on at all. Honestly, it's very admirable. But to be a responsible captain, you also have to forgive yourself.

_{[ He made a snorting sound, rubbing at the bridge of his nose. ]}

Weren't we having this conversation earlier? Except I think the roles here were reversed.

Turnabout is fair play. Do as I say not as I do. Et cetera.

When it's the both of us, doesn't that kind of cancel it out and we end up doing what we were going to do anyways?

_{[ He let out a huff, an exhausted sort of laugh and leaned his shoulder against hers. ]}

[ she is totes going to hug him like alex is hugging in this icon ]

Well, it's always good to have goals.

Thanks for telling me, though. I really do appreciate it.

_{[ He huffs and doesn't fight it, patting her arm. ]}

You're welcome. You trusted me with your secret, so... well, like you said, fair play.

_{[ He licked his lips. ]}

I would appreciate you not telling anyone, but one other person does know - Beverly. For my medical safety, in case something happens, you can call her for me. And if she's not available, well, use your discretion.

Are you worried there are complications?

[ she doesn't let the hug linger longer than is appropriate ]

There could be. Nothing like what happened to me has happened before, and there hasn't been major stress to my body like there was the first time. So, the honest answer is I have no idea.

Ok. I'll keep an eye out. Literally and figuratively, when I'm back to full strength. But I won't tell anyone who doesn't need to know. And I mean that like, if your life is in danger and them knowing is the only thing that will save you.

_{[ He chuckled. ]}

Fair enough - I can agree to that.

Do you want me to hang out?

Not if you don't want to. Besides, it's late. You should get some sleep too.

I don't know, your floor's pretty comfortable.

Should I be concerned that you know that for a fact?

You've slept on one floor you've slept on them all.

_{[ He huffed and slumped down into his sheets again. ]}

Do what you like. It's not like I can actually stop you, is it?

_{[ He paused. ]}

But if the floor gets uncomfortable, you can get in bed. In a platonic way.

_{[ It would be good, having someone else there - a warm body and a
heart beat. It always helped, but he couldn't admit that. Didn't want to.
He had spilled enough of his secrets for one night. That particular
weakness he kept to himself. ]}

I'll take you up on that. We'll sleep butterfly style; our butts won't even touch.

[ she's trying to lighten the mood a little ]

Pity. I work hard on my butt.

_{[ But he smiles a little bit as he turned on his side, back to Kara
and facing the wall. ]}

Tourist ROAD TRIP (mingle)

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