driftfleet | (no subject)

[maybe it's because emotions are running high right now, or that everything that's happened has only fed into his fears and doubts and made him second guess everything, but he can't help but be suddenly terrified.

Not the same sort of terror that comes with being with Raven and doing or saying the wrong thing, no. That was something he was working on and could be worked on, where all he had to do was think before he talked and not let this the first thing slip out unbidden. He figured that came with most relationships anyway, albeit at a much lower intensity than what he normally felt. And that could be attributed to their history, too. That was normal, and it was a part of them.

No, this is the kind of terror that comes with saying something that is just asking for something else to come along and ruin it. That taps into his paranoia and makes it hard to breathe, that reminds him that they're never allowed to be happy, not for very long, and saying those words out loud - acknowledging how they felt about each other was like putting up a beacon, inviting the universe to try and destroy it. It had almost done it in the past and he'd stubbornly held on, too in love and too heartbroken to do otherwise, but they'd never spoken about it. Here, they've spoken about it far more than ever before.

We'll fight for this; that's the only reason he isn't running. Why he isn't reacting any other way. He knows he loves her and he's never doubted that even once, and as terrified as he is, he'll still fight. He's fought out of fear before, and this was far more important. He didn't want to lose this, had promised he'd fight for this, and this was just - enforcing that. He loved her. He loved her with all of his heart] I - I heard you.

I love you too.

[it's out of his mouth before he can work up the nerve to stutter it out. As if saying those words were as easy anything else, and maybe it was. They'd shown it in so many other ways that saying it wasn't that different. It just wasn't the right time. His arms slowly tighten around her, still a little dazed by hearing it all out loud, but he draws her as close as he can and breathes]

[ Raven is scared too; there's no denying the fear she feels, not when it runs up and down her spine like needles, prickling at her body and making her want to shiver. She's never been good at keeping hold of the people she loves and Charles had really been the only exception - and that had fallen apart as she had grown and learned more and became someone different. She's never been prepared for what it feels like to be in love; storybooks and romantic movies don't let you anticipate the rush of adrenaline or the terror at the thought of losing someone so important to you.

It's not something she's going to say often, either, and she knows it. It's hard enough for her to tell Charles that she loves him, to bare her heart to his scrutiny and hope that he doesn't dip in and see the confusion and the fear that prickles at her constantly, the things that leave her on edge and feeling more and more dangerous as time goes on. It's harder with Charles but, at the same time, it's easier too - he knows she loves him because they grew up swallowed in that love, basking in one another and feeling stronger and better for it.

This isn't like this. This is something more, bigger and dangerous. It's terrifying because if something like this happened to Hank, if someone hurt him or tried to do something to break him Raven knows she wouldn't be able to hold back. The agony she feels right now would be amplified and there would be no way for her to fight against it. The only reason she's been able to come down from the high of pain and hurt and anger is because Hank guided her away from the edge with gentle words and soft touches, promises that she knows he's going to keep, and if he wasn't there to do it... Raven fears where she might end up.

The words are sacred, and special, and Raven doesn't ask him to repeat them. Her arms slip around his neck and she pushes herself up, one hand lifting to his cheek so she can lean in and kiss him, press their mouths together gently and give into the urge to be with him, just like this. No one else exists in the moment and she kisses him with everything she has, pressing all her love into it before she leans back, breathing out and searching his face.

Then, she smiles. ]

I'm glad.

[he doesn't think it's something he'll say often either, but then again he knows he doesn't have to. It's not as though he didn't know how he felt, as often as he tries to convince himself he doesn't deserve it. He can see it in the way she treats him, the way she looks at him - the way she takes care of him when he exhausts himself taking care of everyone else. It's not a surprise in that sense. He's known for a while now, that they love each other.

Saying it out loud, it just adds a weight to it. That they're both acknowledging it with words rather than actions. In a way, it's the same as putting labels to what they were; it doesn't change anything, not really, but there's something else to it, now. Like it's the next step and they're taking it together, just like they always have when it came to them. As terrifying as it is, he still feels warm and open. Content can come later, when there isn't as many other emotions flying around. But it's getting there.

He opens his mouth to respond to her and the words just won't come, so instead he reaches up to cup her face, searching her expression before he leans in to kiss her again, gentle and soft and full of every warm feeling he has. If there weren't two idiots resting in the room behind them, he'd take her to their room and continue there, but - this is fine, for now]

[ Saying something aloud makes everything so violently real, and Raven knows it isn't just the moment that spurred this; she knows that her feelings for Hank have been there since Cuba, before then, and it had just taken time for them to form and for things to make sense again. It had taken time for them both to be comfortable enough and brave enough to admit what they wanted, and they were getting there step by step. This, this beautiful moment, is something for the two of them to share, borne out of a rush of emotion and the need to understand how they felt about each other, the knowledge that danger was around the corner setting fire to the heels of her passion.

Even now all she can do is lean close to him and tilt into the kisses, to give herself over to Hank and let herself share this beautiful moment. She knows what would happen if Charles and Erik weren't there, but she also knows if they hadn't been there then she likely would never had let the worlds stumble out of her mouth, might never have voiced all her fears and her doubts and the things that make her feel far weaker than she ever has before. The fact that she can lean into Hank now and kiss him, knowing that he knows just how much she loves him... At least she can be thankful for that.

When she leans back it's so she can gift him a handful more of quick, innocent kisses, chaste and gentle against his lips even as she speaks, mumbling against his mouth before she smiles, her thumb brushing over his lower lip and resting there for a brief moment. ] When they're better I'm going to take you to our room and not let you go for a long time, Hank.

[a part of his mind is thankful that Charles' telepathy is too worn out because otherwise he'd feel really bad about being unable to keep his thoughts quiet and in order. Even if he didn't go looking, it would be hard to ignore, and - Hank isn't thinking past that, nope.

He can't help but make a choked noise into the kiss, though, yet another thing she's said throwing him completely off-guard. He can feel the tips of his ears turning red, and he's too tired to fluster properly but it's still there in the way his hands drop to grasp her hips, flexing against her sides. He's very glad that she's kissing him otherwise he may say something incredibly dumb without thinking about it first.

Of course when she stops he immediately looks elsewhere, needing something else to distract him. This is a different kind of overwhelmed, he thinks, and she knows exactly how he would react saying that. Dammit]

I - uh, I - told them they could use our room to rest. [Hank McCoy: ruining moments since 1962]

I know. I'd rather they rest here then go back to the Heron. I want to keep an eye on them.

[ It's nice to go back to something familiar, she thinks, to be able to see Hank get flustered and embarrassed and feel like it's normal. It doesn't stop her from feeling exhausted and it doesn't take away the bruising on her heart or her worries, but it makes her feel a bit better, as if things are somehow a little more manageable. Nothing is going to be perfect, not when Charles and Erik are in pain and suffering and there's nothing they can do to promise their safety in the future, but at least they have this beautiful moment with each other for now.

Her hand strokes against Hank's cheek and, for a moment, she just stares at him. It's strange to think that not too long ago she was certain she would never have anything like this, that her fear had kept her apart from him and her violent streak had kept her away from Charles - even knowing that he thought she was beautiful and that he wanted her hadn't felt like enough. This, she thinks, is enough, more than enough, and she smiles as her thumb touches his cheekbones. ]

Besides, I'm sure neither of them want the details.

[ She can't help her smile, leaning in to press a soft kiss to the tip of one of his red ears. ]

I don't mind waiting.

I do, too. [for the obvious reasons as well as - well, he's their doctor. It only makes sense to him, even if technically he's never been a practicing one] And it's quiet here, most of the time. They'll be able to rest.

[it isn't as though either of them will be doing much for the next few days, and inevitably when they decide to stubborn their way back to the other ship, that'll be fine. But for now he wants both of them here, for both his and Raven's sakes; they're both exhausted and stressed and knowing that erik and Charles are just around the corner - it'll help, he thinks. Even if he's sure that he'll bicker with them both.

But that was normal.

He blinks at her and huffs out a weak noise, glancing elsewhere even as he tilts his head into her touch]

I'm not giving them details. [he mutters with a face] That's like asking them to tease.

[and that's a big fat nope, thank you]

I don't - mind waiting either.

Charles and I have already promised each other no details, ever. There are some things you can't take back.

[ They're lucky that the Blameless is a quiet, understated ship, and with Hank as captain and her as first mate it means they'll be able to at least organise things a little to make things easier for Charles and Erik. Their room - rooms, technically, since they do have one each - might not be big but it'd be enough, and if she and Hank can share a bed then there'd likely be enough space for Charles and Erik to squash together too. They can have the captain's quarters and she can drag Hank to the room she had abandoned, not too far away.

She doesn't want to be too far from them. She wants to be close, in case she's needed.

(She doesn't imagine she will be, but it doesn't hurt to be prepared).

Moving back to Hank's mouth she kisses him again, holding him gently and feeling warmth flood her, happiness taking the place of the anger and pain she was feeling. It's not going to make everything better nor will it make it all go away, but it's enough to make it pause for now, enough to make her feel like she can breathe through her exhaustion. ]

It's a date, then. We can just be together, lock the door, spend a day with each other.

Mmm. I can't talk to him about that stuff anyway, and - I'm not talking to Erik about it. That's just strange.

[no offense, Erik.

They do have things to their advantage, here, and if it turns out there's still a threat out there it isn't as though they can't just put the ship on lockdown. With Charles and Erik here and taken care of, he has the other people in the crew to check on, to make sure they're safe too in case they got caught up in the chaos, too. Other people, too, mutants, friends -

He doesn't think he'll be going anywhere anytime soon and he's fine with that. He's needed here.

He kisses back, then rests his forehead against hers, sighing out quietly. Sooner or later they're going to have to rest themselves, more than what they're doing now - if they can manage it, that is. He shuts his eyes and manages something of a half-smile]

I'm okay with that. We can catch up on all the sleep we're going to miss.

I can't imagine talking to him about these things either. Battle plans, maybe, or the worlds you were in before, but - no.

[ Which is about as much of a hint as she's willing to give that she's spoken to Erik about the world the three of them were in before this one, asked him about what it was like, how it changed him, how it changed his relationship with Charles. There's still a long way for her to go before she can accept things and really move forward, but she knows she's trying and she knows that Charles and Erik can see it. Hank can, too, even if they're more careful with each other, not wanting to upset the balance they've found in each other's arms.

Both of them are so tired that Raven can't even think about pushing herself up to her feet and walking back into the room. The emotional weight is as heavy as the physical effort it takes to make sure both Charles and Erik are alright, and knowing that it's not going to end for a little while should scare her. Instead, it's almost comforting - knowing she can watch them, make sure they're safe, make sure they're alive... It makes her feel better than she had before.

Even if Hank completely misses her meaning - though the idea of just collapsing and falling asleep in his arms is just as tempting as anything else her mind can come up with. ]

Focus on them and then focus on us, right?

[that gives him pause, and he looks curious for a moment before he files it away to ask about another time. He didn't want to get into other worlds nonsense right now, not when he was still making parallels in the back of his mind] I jokingly told him I'd ask him for dating advice, since I'm not asking Charles.

[he can't help but be a little thankful that all of his bad habits tend to work out for the better in these situations. Insomnia, working himself to exhaustion, he's more used to that than he should be and yet, it always seems to come in handy somehow.

When things let up, and they've had time to start healing and resting, he knows he'll be pleased that they're all in the same place once more. A shadow of what home should have been, and one that will be fleeting, but - it'd be a lie to say he didn't miss them all together.

He doesn't miss her meaning, exactly, but he's too tired to really muster up any genuine flustering. It's easier to be practical, until he finds his second wind]

Mmhmm. Though I think now that they're resting we can focus a little bit on us for now.

And what did he say to that remarkable suggestion?

[ Raven can't imagine Erik being the kind of person to offer any kind of dating advice, but she had never imagined him as the kind of person that could be in any kind of romantic relationship. She had been proven wrong on that front, by her own brother no less, and she supposes all her preconceptions need to be put aside for now. The things she thought she knew don't exist anymore, and she has to get used to that feeling - she has to get used to the knowledge that it's not going to be that simple anymore.

At least they have a little bit of time. Charles and Erik are going to be on the Blameless for a little while and it means she can use the time to be around them, despite lingering awkwardness. When Charles is feeling better she knows that she's going to have to ask him about what happened to him and she knows it's going to be awkward and painful, but it's something she has to understand if they're going to move forward and begin to renew their relationship properly.

Neither of them can walk on eggshells anymore.

Closing her eyes, Raven leans close and rests against Hank, tilting her head so she can settle it on his shoulder, letting herself draw on his strength for a moment. She's tired right down to her bones and all she wants is to sleep for a while - but sleep is far, far way for now. Sleep can come when Erik and Charles are settled and patched up and in their bed ready to get their own rest. ]

We have focussed on us, haven't we? We'll need to go back inside soon.

He asked if I've ever been on a date before.

[he says it with a huff, because he may have been out of touch with the world for a long time, he wasn't that bad. He won't say anything further about Erik's romantic . . . whatevers, though, despite knowing that Charles and Erik have their own moments and dates and whatever else. Not only was it not his place, he didn't want to think about it.

He moves a hand to rub her back in slow, soothing motions, eyes still closed and just taking the moment to relax. To let some of the tension aching in his shoulders to ease. They did take some time for themselves but he had meant later, once they were settled and Hank felt like like could move further than just the wall outside. He presses a kiss to her temple and makes an agreeing noise]

If we don't they'll get suspicious.

You've definitely been on one of those.

[ What it means to her, at least, is that they're all moving forward together. There are things they still have to learn, but they're all trying, as a group. No one else on this fleet - or in the world, really - can understand what they mean to each other, how important their relationships with each other are, and Raven knows that it's something that they need to come to terms with themselves. One by one things will end up getting better, but it's going to take time and effort and work for them to reach a point where they're all happy.

For now, she can lean into Hank, feeling the warmth of his touch and the contentment that comes with it. It's not as if her anger has been erased, or her exhaustion has been forgotten, but it's enough that she can put a pause on it for now. It's enough that she can feel as though she is comfortable going back inside, comfortable seeing to her brother and seeing to Erik, able to put all the pain and heartache to one side and compartmentalise before she loses her mind again, comes close to the brink of losing herself to her own sadness.

Tilting her head, she smiles, holding onto Hank and not wanting to let go. ]

I'm sure they're thinking the same thing. Maybe they needed some privacy too.

I told him. Ah - about ours, I mean. Without details.

[not that he had to, mentioning the hotel, but he didn't say it and Erik didn't ask, so he wasn't thinking about it. He isn't thinking about happiness, either - not in the sense he had in the past. This place had already gone and proven that if they focused on it too much it would try to snatch it away, and he wasn't making that mistake again.

There's a very distinct pause as he considers what she says and he leans to the side, just a bit, quiet while he listens. He can't hear into the room that well, but he can hear the quiet murmur of voices. He leans back and makes a noise, resting his chin on her shoulder]

Mm, I'm sure they do need it. [and, because he's a brat] But if they're making out in there I will hit them both.

[he knows they aren't, but he has to joke about something, everything is too serious now]

I told Charles, considering he helped me a little.

[ But she hadn't shared details with her brother, and she didn't intend to, either. They were happy making sure their romantic lives were entirely separate from their platonic ones and Raven was okay with that; she was okay with not knowing any of the things that Erik and Charles got up to when they were alone together. She was sure Charles would have a hernia if she started telling him everything she did with Hank.

Raven follows Hank, moving forward to try and listen, but her hearing isn't as sensitive as his and all she can hear is their breathing. When he comes back to her she wraps herself around him, turning her head and kissing just above his ear, smiling fondly to herself as she settles, comfortably. ]

If they're making out in there I'll hit them. They're in our lab and they're in no fit state for anything beyond PG-13.

[ Not that she wants to think about that, either, because.

Brother. ]

I remember.

[Hank was more than okay with that. Both because it would just be strange to him, to share those details, and because in general he's always been a fairly private person. What they did behind closed doors was their business, and what the other two did was their business.

He hums his agreement and wraps his arms around her a little tighter, sighing out. He's fine sitting out here a little longer to give them privacy, so they can check on each other and discuss whatever it is they probably want to without he and Raven in the room. He turns his head to kiss her temple]

PG. [head injuries and fractured ribs do not make for PG-13. And a pause]

You called it our lab.

[he wins]

He seems... Happy about it all.

[ It's odd, mostly because she had imagined that Charles might warn her away from Hank, especially since she had been alone and living the life of a vigilante for so long. She doesn't want to feel as though she might be working towards breaking his heart, but it's entirely possible - even though she knows she will go through incredible lengths to prevent it. She wants to give Hank love, not leave him hurting and vulnerable.

At least they're cuddled close now, feeling warm and comfortable and happily at peace. The exhaustion might not leave and the hurt is still a sore, open wound in her chest but she's content to settle herself in Hank's arms, to turn into his touches and the press of his lips before she huffs a little noise, leaning back. ]

PG is definitely the better option for everyone involved, isn't it?

[ And then she leans back, frowning. ]

Only because I was promoted! It's still ninety percent yours.

He's happy that you're happy.

[he won't point out that Charles had been worried, when he tried to actually date here, or was concerned when he and Raven restarted their relationship. Not in a bad way, no, but he had a feeling Charles didn't want either of them getting hurt in the end. Then again, Hank tried not to bring it up - it was too weird, talking to Charles about his sister]

If they know what's good for them they'll keep it to that. [look at him, so threatening.

She leans back and he grins at her, pleased as punch that she said it]

Doesn't matter, you still said it. My point's been proven.

I'm still getting used to that.

[ Having a brother is a little difficult, to go back to how they were before but better, but Raven is learning and she is trying and so is he. They're working together and it's magical, because it means that they're on equal terms, on level footing, that they're growing and shaping together. She loves seeing them get back together because it means that the future will be better, and easier - what can't she face if she knows she has someone behind her, supporting her? It's not just Charles, of course, but there's something special about their relationship growing again that she can't avoid.

Wrinkling her noise, she lifts a hand and resists the urge to pinch Hank's cheek in retaliation. ]

You're very scary when you're bossy.

[ But, still, she shakes her head and huffs a noise. ]

I'm only going to let you have this one because I'm too tired to argue.

I know you are.

[even if Charles insists he doesn't want to meddle, he can hear it in her voice or Charles' when he talks about her, and even in the lab earlier - they're relearning how to be around each other and be siblings, and it'd be a lie if he said he wasn't happy about it. All he wanted was his family to be happy and safe and, while the latter was proven never to be a guarantee, the former was at least still an option. That Charles and Raven were trying with each other - he doesn't think either of them realize it means something to Hank, too. That his two most important people are together again.

It's no surprise he's a giant sap.

He makes a face, though, and can't help but squint at her]

I'm not scary at all, I thought we established that.

[he gently urges her closer, reaching up with a hand to push some hair out of her face]

You should rest, then. They're not going anywhere anytime soon. And I mean rest that isn't - on the floor out here, on top of me.

[not that he's complaining]

[ She tilts her head to look at Hank and, for a moment, she's struck by everything that he is. Kindness and honesty and warmth bundled up with determination and a kind of strength that everyone underestimates because it's not the obvious kind - and she loves him. She loves his concern, his sweetness, how he worries and cares but also how he defends what's his, how he has some kind of hope, how he's willing to fight. It makes Raven burn with how much she cares for him, and for a moment all she can do is stare, drinking him in and wondering how any of them got lucky enough to have Hank in their lives.

(It's easier to kiss him than think about it, so that's what she does, pressing their mouths together for something gentle and chaste).

When she shakes her head, she smiles, her palm gentle on his cheeks. ]

Yeah, I'm the scary one. I remember.

[ Leaning into his touch is easy, but then she has to breathe out a noise and shake her head. She can look a little coy, but she knows both of them know that it's not real, that it's a gentle play. ]

I like being on top of you.

[ The pretence over and done with, the expected tease uttered, she leans back and sighs. ]

I'll rest once they're asleep. I feel like I have to be on guard, just in case.

[his brows furrow when he catches her staring, but he welcomes the kiss and returns it, just as soft. His exhaustion is bone deep, the kind he hasn't felt in months, not with the threat of competitions and lives being put on the line long behind him. In an odd way those experiences prepared him better for this than their own world, because he doesn't think he would've handled everything as well as he did.

Of course, having Raven here as well helped a great deal. Far more than she realizes.

He makes a noise and smiles a bit, lopsided] I know better than to argue that again.

[he has a feeling that he'd be too tired to react properly; hell, someone could wander this way right now and see them both piled on the floor and he wouldn't care]

I know you do. [how could he not? But he frowns a little and leans forward to kiss her forehead]

You don't have to be, not here. Remember - I promised it was safe here? I meant that.

[ Hank might never truly understand just how important he is to her, but she thinks that might be okay. He must know, by now, how important he is to so many people - Charles, Erik, the kids that she's sure were at the school, Alex, too, and Sean before the worst happened - and what kind of influence he's had on their little world. There's something incredible about people like Hank, and Raven thinks, absently, that she wishes she was a little more like him, a little more understanding.

Life might be a bit easier if she was more like Hank and less like Erik.

Still, she shakes her head, tilting herself up so she can hook her chin over Hank's shoulder, resting against him gently and doing her best not to let on the fact that she's still trying to come down from the high of anger and despair that had claimed her and exhausted her so quickly.

They're together. All four of them. That's what counts.

At least she can smile, closing her eyes. ]

I know. That doesn't mean my brain can accept it just like that.

[ She's just too used to being on edge; she wonders if it'll ever really go away. ]

When they're resting I think we'll be able to rest too.

[it isn't so much understanding as he doesn't think his impact on anything is that great. And honestly, he would never be able to think himself so important - hell, he doesn't even go by "doctor" or anything like that, always preferring to just be Hank and nothing else. Years of the way he was raised back home is responsible for that, and it's not something he'll change anytime soon.

Not that he minds. As long as he's doing something for those he cares about, he doesn't want nor need the recognition.

She rests against him and he rubs her back, slow, soothing up and down motions because they're both stressed and tired, both coming down from all the emotions that ran through them when they saw the state Erik and Charles were in. Even now, it wouldn't be all that hard to get fired up about it all again.

He shifts just a little so he's leaning more against the wall and sighs out, slow]

I know. [he wishes he could prove it was safe somehow, but this is still better than nothing. She was still resting, in a sense]

I still have to put a cast on Erik and then we have to get them into our room so they can get some real rest. [either that or he'll just shove the cots together for them. He didn't want to think about their relationship sometimes, but that didn't mean he wasn't considerate of it, either]