driftfleet | (no subject)

Entry tags:

(no subject)

Who: Wrath (and maybe you?)
Broadcast: Entire fleet
Action: Windrose medlab, she ain't goin anywhere
When: June 11 (four days after this mess)

[Text]

extra large protein lovers pizza
++ spicy soypperoni
+ red chilies
++ mazer beer ipa or equivalent 1 6pack

5 strippers
pref male
++ purple body glitter
++ portable sound system
+ boa constrictor

deliver to: lt wrath, windrose

[Audio]

[She doesn’t quite know how bad she looks, but she knows how bad she feels. There is no way the people in the fleet need to see this. So it’s audio only. Wrath’s words slur faintly, like someone who is profoundly tired rather than drunk. Chems do that to her.]

Hey everyone. Um. I had an accident and I’m gonna be… down for a little while. I know I wanted to do a coffee thing for all my brother soldiers but… that’s gonna have to wait. Til I’m on my feet again. Really sorry, guys. But it’ll happen. Just a little later.

Anyway like last time I was in traction I just ordered pizza and strippers, but I tried to do that here and it doesn’t work? And there’s no pudding or nurses. So I’m kind of super bored since I can’t move around right now. So anyone want to like… watch vids or play games or something? I could maybe figure out how to do chess on the network. Or ask someone for help. Or tell stories. Or like. Visitors would be nice? Yeah.

Officer Snuggles says hi, everyone. [The fox yips.] And. Um. Bye~

[Action]

[Wrath, almost completely immobilized in traction to keep her spine from crumbling completely, occupies the Windrose’s medlab for the timebeing, Officer Snuggles normally curled up on the corner of the bed when he’s not out patrolling. Wrath herself looks like hell, nasty bruises and stitched up head and facial lacerations, her left eye’s sclera still crimson. But she’s doing her best to maintain a positive attitude. There’s not really anything else for her to do.

Visitors are what she really, really wants. Being stuck in bed and unable to move around and really touch anything is starting to eat at her badly. It’s a vague sort of unease, blurred out by the drugs, but it’s definitely not doing her anxiety levels any good. Before the ports are removed, nothing feels right anyway, which is another sort of alarming. She's got the painting frame for entertainment beyond staring at the ceiling, but her fine motor control is terrifyingly lacking, and she doesn't think she can blame it all on the drugs.

And Winter… she’s not thinking about what actually happened if she can help it. That wasn’t Winter. He wasn’t at home when that all went down. It was a fight, she survived, everything is okay now. She’s tough as hell. She’s not going to think about how it feels like falling. She’s not going to think about how last time, Compliance showed up and tried to take her right out of her hospital bed. She’s not going to drive herself crazy with worry about how Winter is doing and if everyone is treating him okay and if everyone gets it wasn’t his fault. And she’s sure as hell not going to think about how next time, it might be her turn.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You will be. [Or she will kick the shit out of whoever is being a jerk, traction or no.]

Bullshit. You're sitting in the dark and you sound like you went on a seven day bender through zone eight and landed face down in the gutter with your mouth open.

...Is zone eight bad?

[ He raises his head enough to look around the room with a wince. He can't decide if it's because the Atroma fucked with his head, or due to the glitch. ]

Okay so there are four districts, and D4 is where all the poor people go because mining operations shut down. Zone eight in D4 is where all the really weird shit happens.

Oh.

Yeah. It's bad.

[Deep breath.]

Look, I'm not gonna be satisfied until I see you. Like in the same space with me and not this video shit. [Because you scared the hell out of me and I need to stop having these nightmares. I need to know that you're home again.] And I don't know what kind of guilt trip hurfdurf bullshit you're having about me, but you can fucking stop it. I did my job and shit went down the way it went down and it's not personal. But if you make me drag my ass off my ship and go hunting for whatever dark corner you've crawled into because you feel bad, then I'm gonna be mad.

[It sounds tough, until her voice cracks:] Okay?

You shouldn't crawl anywhere if you're as hurt as I know you are.

[ He stays quiet, trying and failing to keep the painfully guilty expression off his face. Winter leans back, letting his head hit the wall behind him. ]

I'll-- I'll visit when I can. [ He still doesn't understand why she wants to see him after everything he's done. If someone beat him to hell and back, he might not want to see them after. ]

You don't know jack shit. [Unless he remembers what happened, but she's starting to doubt it.] I'm tough as hell and I've survived a lot worse.

[Just came out of it barely able to walk. But she's really, really trying to not think about that now.]

Pick a deadline. Because I know you're like wallowing in hurfdurf and being dumb and you've got better shit to do with your time, like watch stupid vids with me. So pick a time so I know when I've gotta come look for your dumb ass if you haven't showed up yet. And so I know I don't have to keep being fucking scared for you forever.

[If she has a finite amount of time to count down, she can deal with the nightmares and the uncertainty a little longer.]

I can't give you that.

[ There's a reason he's not offering to see her now, but he doesn't want her to worry even more. Sorry, I can't because I'm in isolation isn't really something he wants to argue about. He could get out easily enough, but at least this way, nobody's getting hurt. His personal comfort doesn't matter while people are still actively healing because what he did. ]

I'm sorry.

[Useless. Just like all her other efforts.]

Do what you have to.

[She doesn't have a right to ask for anything else. Stupid, Wrath. Deep, shaky breath.]

Winter, I'm fucking scared, okay? I can't move, and I can't touch anything, and I don't know what's going to happen to me and there's all this shit going on in the back of my head that I don't even understand but I'm having to fight off and pretend everything is okay or I'll never stop screaming.

[And she can't even talk about it to most people because they'd want her to explain, and they wouldn't get it.

She's not crying. Goddamnit, she's tough as hell, she's not crying.]

And you're my best friend, you fucking asshole. And you're hurt and hurting and there's nothing I can fucking do about it because I'm fucking useless. Again.

[She is crying.]

[ He just can't seem to stop hurting her. This is exactly why he shouldn't be allowed to make friends, he ends up being a disappointment. He looks away from the screen, worrying his lower lip as he listens to her. His chest hurts like someone put a knife through it. (He did that, himself.) ]

None of this is on you. [ He takes a careful breath, looking at the camera. His brows are drawn together, and it's a moment before he actually speaks again. When he does, it's quiet, almost rasped. ]

Wrath-- I'm scared, too. [ It's not an easy thing for him to admit. ]

[Whispers:] I know.

[It's obvious, looking at him. And tears at her because she can't do anything about it. She couldn't stop him when he ran through the Iskaulit, and she can't do anything now because she's stuck in the medlab and waiting to--be taken away.]

Being scared alone is a million times worse than being scared with someone else. You don't deserve to be that scared or that hurt.

I don't know how else to be, anymore.

[ So used to being alone. He's made his own connections here, but as soon as he gets comfortable, they get taken away. It's hard for him to want to make those same connections, now. Look what happens. He shakes his head, mouth drawing into a thin line, jaw ticking. ]

If being alone means everyone is safe, then that's what I need to do. If-- [ He pauses, having an internal debate. ] When I know this isn't going to happen again...I'll come see you.

[ He can't risk one of the few, precious friendships he has left in this place. Not even for his own safety. Selfish, maybe.. but he doesn't think he can handle if he actually kills someone he's fond of. ]

Then it's time to try something new. [Because this is obviously not doing anyone any good, least of all Winter.]

[Very softly:] It's not making you safe.

Doesn't matter if I'm safe. I've survived worse.

[ There's no way he'd be able to measure up to anyone else- his life isn't worth half as much. ]

This is still better than home.

So have I. [So if she's not allowed to worry about you, you're not allowed to worry about her. She's not even a real person.]

Yeah. It is. We get to be people here. You're still a person.

I put you where you are. I did. Nobody else. I hurt a lot of people who didn't deserve what I did to them.

[ That no one's come yet to put him down like a rabid dog is a mystery to him. ]

Bullshit. I know you, Winter. And that wasn't you. You weren't home. It was all that shit they put in your head, wearing a Winter suit.

[It's not fucking fair. He was doing his best to move on.]

I chose to try to stop you, even though I know I'm worthless. Because I know that's what you'd do for me. You'd just do it better.

[ He shakes his head. ]

Still my hands that did it. Doesn't matter if I can't remember. It doesn't take the blame away.

[ His best has only ever been meet with crashing and burning. ]

You used the knife I gave you?

Yeah. It lasted better than I did.

[She falls silent for a moment, then quietly:] When it's my turn, then, it'll be my fault.

[She has to prepare for this. Maybe... maybe that means she needs to do something to stop it from becoming an issue.]

You did good. Leg hurts like a bitch. I know.. it wasn't easy. I'm sorry.

[ He doesn't want to think about the same thing happening to Wrath. She doesn't deserve it. Winter shakes his head. ]

Nobody's going to let it happen.

I don't feel like I did good. I wanted to stop you there because I knew you'd feel this way later, even though it's not your fault. And I couldn't do it because my body's a broken piece of shit. You needed a better friend than me right then.

[She takes a careful breath.]

Nobody let what happened to you happen either, Winter. It happened anyway. They did something to you.

Nobody did anything. I was alone when it happened. Just my fucking head getting confused..

[ He's not going to touch her comment about needing a better friend. It's hogwash. He frowns, expression puzzled for a moment. ]

I thought.. I heard a voice.

Charles tried to stop you too. After I did. He said it wasn't you. He said Atroma did it to you.

..They did? [ His shoulder sags. He's in disbelief. How did they? How could they have known? ]

I don't understand how. How they knew the right words..

I don't know how, but it's fucking scary.

I think... You should talk to Charles about it. But if they can do it to you, they can do it to me. They can do it to Tenno. We're all... We're all at risk. [Are the risk.]