driftfleet | [video/Action]

Entry tags:

[video/Action]

Who: Kitty Pryde and everyone who tags!
Broadcast: Yep!
Action: Planet fun! Or Windrose maybe. I'm flexible.
When: Now or nowish. Definitely now-adjacent.

[Broadcast]
I have an important request. I need someone who can make cheese. Do cheese makers have an old timey name like cobblers and haberdashers or are those only for clothes? Anyway, calling all of those.

Cheese doesn't seem to be a thing here from what I can tell, but we're just one ingredient away from some really great pizza. I have no idea what cheese requires other than cows or goats or something. I grew up so close to Wisconsin, but I feel like I learned so little.

I would also accept alternative cheese. I know there were vegan kinds made out of hopes and dreams or something I assume. I can pay you or share the finished pizza or do something in trade if I had skills. I could beat someone up for you maybe. [She's not going to do that. Probably.] We'll work it out.

[Action]
[She's on the planet doing all of these things and more but this post won't get to CAPTCHA! You might find her on the Windrose veeeery rarely!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Winn is always adorable. Does that mean no talk of men ever? It's a good thing she's not bi! This would be very limiting!]

Yeah. He'd told me what his favorite meal was before we got to this planet and then I realized I could make it happen here, so I put it together and gave him a call. [She's actually kind of proud of this. Being able to do something nice for a friend. Like she had a project for once!]

[ he'll make exceptions for x-men and sascha? ]

That's really sweet.

[ really sweet. and he gets wanting to do stuff for friends, he does - how many gifts has he made kara, margaery? how many projects has he worked on with cisco? hasn't he been working on gifts for kate and wrath? he'd do pretty much anything to make his friends happy, and he knows how much food is missed.

then why does this feel weird? why is there this pull at the pit of his stomach? why does it suddenly feel like he's literally being given the leftovers of her date with another man. it feels unreasonable and at the same time - not.

he lets go of her arm, and runs a hand through his hair, as if sorting out his do will magically sort out his feelings. ]

[She felt just a bit of that before he pulled away-the turn in feelings if not the cause.] Winn? What's wrong? [He doesn't need to be touching her to see she's concerned and a little confused and surprised for good measure.]

Nothing. [ there's an edge to his voice that clearly says something. he stands up -- and now what? he pettily doesn't want tyrion's leftovers, and actually...his appetite doesn't seem to be there anymore anyway. ]

I'm not hungry, I'm gonna go grab a shower.

Come on, don't do this. [Don't walk out when something is wrong and she doesn't even know what it is.] Talk to me.

So how about those Cubs?

[ winn, this isn't helping. then again, worse options go through his head like - sure, go talk to tyrion and we can have leftover conversation once you're done. it's petty, and bitter, and stupid, and he knows it - which is why he doesn't want to say it. she thinks he's so sweet and thoughtful and not an insecure jealous mess. ]

I don't understand what just happened. [She stands up too looking at him helplessly.] Are you mad me? Is this the augment?

[ if only he could blame this on the augment, that would be so easy, it's so tempting to just pretend he's not like this and - the atroma is messing with his head, it's not his fault.

if he lets her think that, he deserves an ass kicking from her and kara combined.

he sighs in frustration, and just lets it out because he can't imagine outright saying it sounding any worse than any attempt to sugarcoat his pettiness. she's with him, she should know him, in all his bitter glory. ]

I'm jealous, happy? You organized - a really thoughtful and sweet date for another man that I only hear about after the fact because there happen to be leftovers.

[ and now he's scared but also...relieved. damn, that felt good to say out loud. he takes a breath and turns around, rubbing his eyes. explaining it makes him realize that...no. it's not that stupid to be bothered. tyrion isn't some kid, he's not like a brother, he's a man, one who is obviously attracted to her, and kitty isn't really bothered about appearances. he'd understand if she got mad at him for doing something like this with kate, even though it would mean nothing.

it just feels...wrong. ]

[Her lips part and eyes widen slightly in surprise.]

It wasn't a date. [Oh god, it does sound like a date, doesn't it? She never thought about it that way. Did Tyrion?]

I saved some for you from the start. I wanted you to have it. It just came together, I wasn't keeping it from you. [A Kitty before Reid might have rolled her eyes and brushed this off. Told him he was being an idiot, you know, affectionately. She went through so much with that break up that messed with her sense of self that self doubt and insecurity come to her first.]

[ and now...now he just feels tired, because he knows what's coming next. he's going to end up feeling guilty about his feelings - just like he did when he got mad at kara for telling kitty about siobhan, like he did when he got angry at charles for invading his private thoughts uninvited. how great it must be to be someone who can just...feel what they feel, and separate other people's reactions from it. ]

I told you it was nothing. You wanted to know - now you know. That's what it feels like, [ it feels like she kept it from him, like she's exploring her options, like she's...oh, he's so tired. ] and it feels like shit. You know he's into you, right? [ he's been nothing but nice and respectful to winn - he doesn't think they'd go behind his back and do something. but it just...it doesn't feel right. in his gut, the situation is just. it's too painfully familiar. ]

I'm sorry I made you feel that way. [And she is, but she's also worried about it because...] I... He's lonely. [She doubts there's anything special about her to Tyrion. That he would like to be with someone, but that she doubts he's pining over her in any particular way. He's always been so respectful of her choice to be with Winn.]

But he's also my friend. [And that worries her because while she knows lots of people and is on a friendly basis with many there are only a few she feels really close to and that's Kurt, Winn, and Tyrion. She doesn't want to give that up or drive Winn away in the process.

She steps closer touching his side lightly, intending to hug him if he doesn't pull away.]

I know - I know. [ he flinches at the touch, but doesn't pull away. he's not really angry at her - she didn't do anything wrong - he's just...uncomfortable. and hurt.

he turns back to face her, letting his hands drop back to the sides of his body. he won't pull away, but he won't encourage the hug, either. ]

Look Kitty I'm really glad you're friends - I am. And I like him - I do. I consider him a friend too. But this is just -- do you see how it's a little much?

[ if she'd had just...mentioned it beforehand, he'd feel a little better about it. it would be a pang of jealousy easily pushed aside. but it feels like she's gone out of her way for a date that wasn't with him - and just...casually brought it up afterwards, trying to slide it under the radar. and he knows she wouldn't do that - she's way too honest to do that. but his feelings are rarely logical, and hurt comes way too easily for him.

he hates feeling like this was done behind his back. forget the dinner, he wants a drink. or 5. ]

I told you I'm not gonna come between you and your friends but like - a heads up would be nice.

[She's taking it, wrapping her arms around him, wanting to feel him close because this is the sort of thing that brings up those fears of losing him. And she doesn't like it because it's not a good look on her. It's weak and clingy in ways she never imagined she'd be. And it's not fair to her either. She wasn't cheating on him. She wasn't lying or misleading him and she shouldn't have to feel guilty about spending time with a friend or doing nice things for him. She shouldn't have to feel like she needs permission from Winn. Especially when Winn does the same sort of things for Kara—a woman he was in love with and wanted to be with shortly before they got together and she trusts him in his relationships.

But after everything with Reid she just feels so locked up sometimes. Unable to defend herself or explain and that's not fair to either of them. Winn isn't the one who hurt her like that. It's not even all Reid's fault. There was a lifetime of loss and regret and guilt that primed her to react the way she did when he was hurting and overwhelmed and in an impossible situation too.

She doesn't know what to say. There are too many conflicting thoughts being overridden with a fear of losing him.]

[ it's unfairness all around. but then - she wants him to know the real her, and as much as he doesn't want her to know the real him - she needs to. he's an insecure mess sometimes, but she can't say he didn't warn her that she's too good for him.

he doesn't want her to ask for permission - he wouldn't accept having to ask for permission to hang out with kara or cisco - he just doesn't want to feel like it's being hidden from him, and this is the best way he can come up with to ease his own demons. as her feelings hit him - he can feel that familiar guilt rising up like bile. why can't he just be confident - either in himself or in his feelings this in-between stuff is killing him.

he wraps his arms around her, a little reluctantly. he wants to comfort her, but a part of him can't help but feel that in doing so, he's invalidating his own feelings. again. he never gets to count. ]

Hey -- take your own advice. Talk to me.

[She nods slowly and something about sensing his feelings and reactions helps her. Instead of overwhelming her more which seemed all too possible, she draws a breath and sorts it out.]

I didn't do anything wrong. [It's not as confident as it could be, but it feels right when she says it and that's something.]

And you have every right to be jealous. [They don't sound like they should match up, but they do, right? There was nothing off in her heart but he's entitled to his feelings and it could look off. Just like if she were jealous of Kara it would make sense. She just hasn't been. Maybe because Kara was a pre-existing condition she always knew about.]

And I'm scared you'll get overwhelmed and tell me you can't do this anymore and leave me. [No one was the villain with Reid. Neither of them were perfect, but neither of them really did anything wrong either. It was lots of understandable things that ended with them apart.]

I don't know what to do.

I could never leave you.

[ it's honest, and echoed by their connection. it's plain and simple - he can't. even if she did end up hurting him badly in some way that was her fault - he'd take it, he'd let her. the only reason he's told her what he's feeling at all is because she keeps doing everything she can to make him feel like it's safe to do so. he still doesn't feel safe - but he wants to try, try and see what a real equal relationship feels like. ]

I don't think you did anything wrong, but I can't help how I feel. I told you you're too good for me, maybe now you'll believe it.

[ his tone tries to make it a joke, his skin on hers conveys the genuine fear that she will - and she'll decide she can't do this anymore. he knows how unattractive his petty jealousy is, but he's kind of naive, and not as honest or as open as she wants him to be, he overworks himself, he's useless in a fight, he has a long list of fears and he reminds her of her ex all the time (even now. there's just a wave of self loathing at how he reminds her of reid now - hurting her is the last thing he ever wants to have in common with that man). there're so many reasons to replace him. too many reasons. ]

I don't think you're feeling anything wrong.

[She feels everything he's putting off and she falls quiet as she takes it in along with his words.] Listen. [Almost like she's talking about holding a shell up to his ear.]

How alike are we? [Their fears are so similar and overlapping. She hugs him tighter. It doesn't wash their problems away, but at least they can understand each other and isn't that something?]

[ he holds her quietly for a long time, eyes shut tightly to keep the tears at bay as her feelings wash over him, so easily recognizable. he hates that she feels like this. he hates that he feels like this. it's a terrible feeling that the truth is - neither one of them deserves.

it takes him a little too long to find his voice. ]

Too alike.

[ she has enough pain in her life, must she have this too? somehow, that she's feeling it hurts him a lot more. maybe because he's so used to him feeling it himself, he's not sure what he'd ever do without it. ]

[Softly.] Yeah. [She doesn't like that he feels it either when his worth seems so clear to her. The way hers does to him.]

I love you. Thank you for being honest with me. [It really does mean a lot to her even if it can be scary too.]

[ he sucks in a quick breath - and lets it out slowly. ]

Yeah, sure.

[ he can't help but feel a little bit like he shouldn't have been, though, because now what? he doesn't want her to be uncomfortable around her friends because of him, but he also really hates how he's feeling right now because it really is just...like shit. ]

I love you too.

[She can feel his hesitations and she's not wrong. It will be harder in some ways, but it would have been worse if she knew he was hiding something from her. She would have almost definitely made up something worse in her mind. She reaches up, rubbing his back as they lean on each other.]

Should we...talk about boundaries? Or I don't know. I guess we never even really said we were exclusive, but I think we both felt it. [It's not something she's ever done before so she's not sure how to talk about it let alone how to go about it.]

I'll be honest with you, I don't think I have any idea how to be anything but exclusive.

[ he can't be with someone without developing feelings (usually instantly) and he can't develop feelings and go be with someone else. he's felt jealous of handsome men around her after one meeting.

even now, that he knows without a doubt that they are exclusive - that's what boyfriend means. exclusive. that's what her feelings, which he's been feeling so strongly since they got here, mean - there's a pang of panic there, that maybe she's trying to say she doesn't want to be. ]

I don't want to make things awkward between you and Tyrion.

I don't think I do either. [Hooking up with Winn was an attempt at not being exclusive and if failed in the best kind of way.] And I want to be exclusive with you. I don't even really know what I'm asking. Just to be on the same page for what that means I guess.

[She frowns at him mentioning Tyrion again.] Are you really worried there's something between me and Tyrion? [Was he worried before tonight?]

[ she definitely picked the worst person she could to try and not be exclusive with. ]

Alright - [ he nods. that's probably a good thing to clarify. he gestures towards the bed ] Let's -- sit. [ it feels like a sitting sort of conversation and he's so tired; emotionally and physically. it's been a hell of a day between work, talking to margaery, and talking to kitty. he settles in with a sigh. ]

No. I dunno. I trust you, and I know you love me. I just...got a little blindsided.

[ by how romantic the meal she was describing was. and it's hard for him to let go of fear. they're really close. the right mood, the right drinks, it doesn't feel as impossible as he wishes it would. then again, when they were starting out, he was jealous of jim - look how that turned out. ]

[No regrets.]

[She settles in next to him on the bed and she rests her head on his shoulder.] I didn't mean to blindside you. [Her fingers absently intertwine with his.]

Other than you, Tyrion and, of course, Kurt are probably my closest friends here. Like Kara and Cisco for you I guess. [Except they're different people getting different things out of their friendships. And Jim might be a better one to throw in since the close connections come from how much they've opened up to each other.]

I'd do anything for Kurt. [And that one is non-negotiable. Kill for him. Die for him. Making him a special meal definitely falls somewhere on the list. Also smacking him when he's being stupid and holding him all night if he's having nightmares.]

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