driftfleet | 04

Entry tags:

04 - video

Who: Winn and you!
Broadcast: y!
Action: on the Tourist!
When: August 2nd

[ some of you may have noticed that winn has been uncharacteristically quiet for the past...16 days. he's not really sure how to address the elephant in the room - he knows these two weeks and change have been hard on the people he loves but for him it's like no time has passed and the dissonance is hard to bridge.

it's a good thing he has a not at all unhealthy coping mechanism set in place. ]

You know, if we're entertainment on a reality show, the least they can do is give us like a recap - you know your basic [ in a tv announcer impression ] here's what you missed on the Fleet - or - last week, on the young and the Drifting - [ he rubs the back of his head before shaking it ] Well, maybe talking about the 'least they can do' isn't such a great plan...first order of business - what'd I miss? Second order of business - if you or anyone you know has ever fallen into an unexplained sleep here or at any other kidnappy world - I'd appreciate it if you'd answer a couple questions, they're a text attachment at the bottom. Sorry if it's been done before, I'll gladly take a link to any previous research as well as fresh data. Third order of business -- hi. [ he gives the camera a little wave and a nervous chuckle ] Um. Yeah, I'm, I'm fine, I should've opened with that but if you know me the order isn't really gonna surprise you that much and if you don't you're probably really confused right now and looking for the off button - it's to your right, right on top, there you go.

That's it, I guess....good morning, Drifters - don't forget to drink your coffee! Winn out -

[ except he's not all the way out. hank and cisco each get the following message to their personal numbers ]

I need to discuss something in person. My place? [ he can't really leave kitty yet ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ damn. that hits really close to home, and the myriad of emotions battle it out on his face. brilliant, anger issues, immature, perfectionist, relentless emotional connection (he may not see his dad's love as love, but there's no doubt in his mind that to his father that's exactly what it is)...he may as well be describing his dad. what's worse, he may as well be describing winn.

follow him into damnation...his father had wanted him to, wanted them to be reunited be it on the run, in jail, or in death - it didn't matter so long as they were together because that is what love has been reduced to in his father's eyes. even now, he's terrified that one day his dad will get his wish, and they'll be united in madness. but it's not today. winn knows love, true and deep love, riddled with sacrifice, with endurance, even with separation. so long as he's capable of love, he's not his father. right? right. ]

I'm sorry.

[ is all he can think to say, all he can bring himself to say because the wave of emotion was so unexpected and so overwhelming, and he wants to cut and run, to bury himself in something silly and meaningless until these thoughts are once more pushed the darkest recesses of his mind. ]

Do not be. [ Maglor shakes his head, seeing how Winn is shaken ]

I should be the one apologising - I did not mean to open wounds. Father and I... we understand each other better, now we are older. And I do not... entirely blame him. Grief does terrible things to a person, a fact I only learnt later. Besides - I was an adult. I knew what I did was wrong, but I did it anyway. That sin is on my own hands, not his.

Forget it, I brought it up and you had no way of knowing.

[ the strain refuses to leave his face or voice, however, regardless of how true that statement is. he used to be so much better at letting these things slide, pretending it didn't bother him - but he's been talking about his father so much in the past few months the pain is just always right beneath the surface, ready to erupt. ]

I'm glad you managed to work things out with him. [ even if not fully. it's not something he'll ever be able to do with his dad. how do you reason with the insane? ]

Even so. I hurt you, even unknowing, and you do not deserve that, Winn.

[ He huffs a little softly ] Mm, that one was gift this strange place has given me, my father before the madness, my brother alive again. I hope... nay, for one so kind as you, I wish that one day you will find your own reconciliation, or at least, healing.

[ his father, before the madness. just the thought of it is too much to bear. he would never trust him, never believe in him, and seeing the way he used to be...it would hurt every day, because he'd long for him. before the madness, his dad was his best friend in life. ]

I'm glad you got it, but I'd rather have distance.

[ A soft, understanding huff ]

That bad, hm?

So, my boss, right? She's 5½", blond, thin - on first look you can think - totally normal human being with a handbag that costs as much as my entire apartment building. And then she opens her mouth and I swear without ever once raising her voice she made a man who is widely suspected of very substantial mob ties wet himself. In broad daylight in an office full of people.

[ winnanese for: worse. ]

[ Maglor blinks at the apparent subject change but accepts it easily ]

She sounds very formidable! Is she a good "boss"?

[ and winn's grateful. he doesn't want to open up the topic of his dad on a public network. or at all, but especially on a pubic network. and while sober. ]

She's....scary. And hurtful. [ and that's him being diplomatic because he's still convinced that somehow -- she's watching him ] But she's very good at her job?

Not a very good boss then.

[ Maglor says gravely ] But an efficient one, I suppose. You seem to have had some bad luck there, Winn.

It depends who you ask. I mean - it's complicated. I guess, she gets better the more you prove yourself.

[ she still scares him, but thinking about it - things have changed over the past year. she's still hurtful but, she doesn't seem to be as gigantic as she used to be, either. ]

Well - yeah. [ his dad was definitely the worst luck ever, as has his resulting childhood. but ms. grant? is it bad luck, or him taking a job that's really...beneath him? working with supergirl, with the deo started to make him understand he can be so much more than just an it guy, he doesn't have to settle for the first thing he gets out of some fear nothing else would ever follow if he rejects it.

it's less bad luck that stuck him there and more a lack of self esteem. ]

But I like my job. I met my best friend there and - the conditions aren't bad. As long as I get my work done, no one micro manages me, I can slip out, or play video games at my desk and there're no consequences. Ms. Grant has a whole stash of hurtful words on standby at all times but -- she's not a bad boss. [ in a strange way, he realizes, he misses her a little bit. that doesn't mean he wants her to show up don't you dare multiverse!!! he's fine missing her this tiny bit! ]

[ Maglor hums thoughtfully ]

She wishes you to prove yourself, eh? An interesting way of forcing the issue, if not the one I would use myself. But I am glad that you are, at the least, happy!

She pushes people...sometimes it's past their breaking point, so far, I've stayed in a comfortable middle. Though, she's started to notice I exist lately so - [ whoops face. he shakes his head. ]

But yeah, I'm happy. And my best friend actually likes her -

A perfectionist. [ Maglor murmurs ]

Like father. Pushing you and pushing you, and only satisfied when you excel. And perhaps not even then. Although I grant you father was seldom so cruel as to break.

[ back to fathers. well, his gave him plenty of reasons to complain but that wasn't one of them. to his dad, winn is a genius, his best work, a success. or at least, he was...how he feels about him now, he doesn't know, doesn't want to know, because that would mean seeing him again. ]

Did he push you to learn music, or was it your choice?

Father actually wanted me - well, he wanted all of us! To follow his footsteps in the forge. We began apprenticeships there essentially as soon as we were old enough to be trusted around fire and tools. I did try - he was my world, in those early days, and I wished to please him. But the fire did not call to me, and even in those days I was... easily distractable. Once he saw that, he let me go, with his blessing. He was disappointed, I think, but also very proud. But in all things, he expected us to do our very best, and so I did.

Good for you.

[ he nods. breaking away from a father who is your world is really hard. he thought he'd cut away but really when he stops to take stock - he's still so much like his dad. ]

I had a good family. [ Maglor agrees ] For all our problems, we were always good to each other.

But there, we have wandered off topic again - tell me more about your boss and your work?

It's ok, I'm happy to hear about your family if you wanna talk about them.

[ he's prepared for it now. and it's talking about his that he wants to avoid. ]

And my work is -- very technical. Literally I'm the IT guy - that's information technologies.

Only if it causes you no harm, Winn.

[ He cocks his head curiously ]

So... technology to help with information? With its dispersal, I imagine?

You just caught by surprise, honestly, it's fine, I promise.

[ but he appreciates the concern. he still can't get used to how sensitive people are on this fleet to his feelings, his needs. ]

Yeah, and creation, analysis. It's...the closest example I can give is like...being a communications officer here. I handle the computers.

Alright - but tell me to stop if I make things uncomfortable, eh?

[ He nods, interested ] I see! And are the computers here very different from the ones you use?

It's a deal - and back atcha.

[ he nods with a smile. ]

Uh -- yes and no. Or, well, I'm not sure if the difference is in the computers cuz the interface is pretty similar - or in the way we perceive them. I can't do what I know I can do on these computers, but that could be because there's an implant in my head controlling data input.

[ He blinks ] The implants can do that? [ Can you hear his disdain for the thing in all their heads ] I suppose I should not be surprised - if they can give information, it makes sense they can control it, also.

Let me guess - you would normally be able to find a way to .... extract potentially useful information?

It's all theoretical I can't really test it you know, since that would require me going at it without one and I can't exactly take it out -- but yeah, pretty much.