04 - video

[winn]

Who: Winn and you!
Broadcast: y!
Action: on the Tourist!
When: August 2nd

[ some of you may have noticed that winn has been uncharacteristically quiet for the past...16 days. he's not really sure how to address the elephant in the room - he knows these two weeks and change have been hard on the people he loves but for him it's like no time has passed and the dissonance is hard to bridge.

it's a good thing he has a not at all unhealthy coping mechanism set in place. ]

You know, if we're entertainment on a reality show, the least they can do is give us like a recap - you know your basic [ in a tv announcer impression ] here's what you missed on the Fleet - or - last week, on the young and the Drifting - [ he rubs the back of his head before shaking it ] Well, maybe talking about the 'least they can do' isn't such a great plan...first order of business - what'd I miss? Second order of business - if you or anyone you know has ever fallen into an unexplained sleep here or at any other kidnappy world - I'd appreciate it if you'd answer a couple questions, they're a text attachment at the bottom. Sorry if it's been done before, I'll gladly take a link to any previous research as well as fresh data. Third order of business -- hi. [ he gives the camera a little wave and a nervous chuckle ] Um. Yeah, I'm, I'm fine, I should've opened with that but if you know me the order isn't really gonna surprise you that much and if you don't you're probably really confused right now and looking for the off button - it's to your right, right on top, there you go.

That's it, I guess....good morning, Drifters - don't forget to drink your coffee! Winn out -

<br />1. <b>date and duration of sleep</b>: self explanatory.<br />2. <b>surrounding events</b>: when it happened were you or your sleeping acquaintance going about your daily lives, experimenting with anything, uncovering anything?<br />3. <b>results</b>: did waking result in new memories, loss of old ones, a change in personality or attitude, were you or your sleeping acquaintance at a different physical location (ex: new planet, back at your ship, new kidnappy world), were there any physical differences or after effects, if so how long did they last, anything you can think of that changed - put it here.<br />

[ except he's not all the way out. hank and cisco each get the following message to their personal numbers ]

I need to discuss something in person. My place? [ he can't really leave kitty yet ]

Comments

[winn]

[ who they bring just fills him with so much bitterness and anger. alex is smart, and unlike him - her skills wouldn't be hampered here. james would have had the entire fleet swooning. ms. grant would've bossed everyone around and caused endless conflict. hank - or j'onn - is a freaking shapeshifting martian. any of them would have been more interesting choices than winn, save for one thing.

his dad. he's here because of his dad, isn't he. he angrily downs the rest of his drink and refills. this is a terrible idea, they're not even eating anything, but he doesn't care about good or bad ideas anymore. ]

[beathach]

[honestly, he's probably here because he goes where Charles goes. They're very likely not interested in anything about him, save for his mutation, and even then he's already got that under control]

It's frustrating, isn't it.

[he doesn't like thinking about all of this too deeply anymore]

[winn]

I don't think I remember what not being frustrated feels like anymore.

[beathach]

I remember, but only because I went out of my way to avoid frustration last month. I'd had enough of it, after everything.

[winn]

One more superpower I don't have.

[ he can't avoid it, because he can't stop working on the most frustrating things. ]

[beathach]

If I can figure out how to do it, you can, too.

[winn]

You have way too much faith in me.

[ he swirls the bit of liquid that remains in his glass around, staring at it. ]

I can't let it go.

[ not for a second, not when kitty's life hangs in the balance. ]

[beathach]

[ah, this is going to get serious again . . .]

It isn't letting it go, Winn. It's taking time for yourself so you don't get overwhelmed.

[winn]

[ they're drinking serious booze. ]

I can't Hank. I can't. Every second we're here, is a second they could... [ he can't say it. he can't jinx it. if they send kitty back to her world it would be too horrible to imagine.

he takes a breath. ]

People are counting on me to figure it out.

[beathach]

I know they are. And I know - how you feel, too.

[he understands, so very well. But he won't say it out loud either, more than that, lest they both end up jinxing it]

But you aren't working on any of this alone, you know? You've got me and Cisco. You can afford to take the time if you need to.

[winn]

I know.

[ but he can't. it's always hounding him, in the back of his mind, poking and prodding at his thoughts, filling him with guilt when he's having fun while he should be working, figuring this out. ]

But how can I afford to take the time when I don't know how much of it I have?

[beathach]

That right there is the reason you should take it.

[he considers something for a moment before speaking up again] I know it isn't the same, but - the moment Raven and I go home, everything stops. There's . . . things she has to do, and obligations I have, and it could be years before we can even consider being together again.

Which is why I take the time when I need it. So I don't - overwhelm myself, and so I can spend more time with her. You can't - always completely pull yourself away, because it'll always be on your mind no matter what, but - it's still something. It's something we won't have for a long time, after we leave.

[he shrugs and finally sets his glasses down, then gives Winn a lopsided smile] So take the time and use it wisely. Otherwise - you'll be kicking yourself for not doing it down the road.

[winn]

Yeah but Hank, if you get send back - you're going home together. If I get sent back - if I don't find a way to bring Kitty back with me - I'll never see her again.

[ which would be terrible enough, but she'll be dead. that's the worst part. he can't console himself by saying she'll find a better life, she'll find love again, she'll be happy. if he fails her - she dies. how can he fail her? ]

[beathach]

I know, I'm just saying - spend time with her too. Don't throw everything into finding a way to save her when you've got two other guys - and likely more - willing to help you out.

Trust me, I want to find a way to - make it so she doesn't have to go home, too. I really do.

[winn]

I do spend time with her.

[ he mutters the next part half under his breath ]

I just don't spend that much time with my bed.

[beathach]

[Winn did you forget he has good hearing]

You really should.

[winn]

[ yes. it's been a long day and it's good scotch. ]

I know. Got the lecture.

[ and he was getting better for a little bit -- and then winter happened. kitty got hurt, and he didn't sleep the night through again until their first day of the planet. then little by little, nights began shortening again, and then he was hit by the coma.

he doesn't see himself sleeping much anytime soon. ]

We were talking about you.

[beathach]

I'm not going to lecture you. I don't think I'm allowed to.

[because then he'd be a giant hypocrite. The only reason he was sleeping more often was because Raven practically bullied him into it at times. Otherwise? He'd be suffering many more sleepless nights]

And we've been going back and forth.

[because he doesn't know if he wants to talk about himself. He isn't drunk enough yet]

[winn]

[ winn's solution to that is - get out of bed once kitty's asleep. he's become somewhat of an expert at not waking her up. considering her past and her training, he's actually rather proud of it. it took her months to figure out he was doing it - and she only ever did because something had woken her in the middle of the night, and she found him gone. ]

That was a subtle hint to go forth. [ he pauses. ] And tat was less than subtle.

[ he takes another drink. hank is charles' friend and now that's become winn's latest excuse to not confide. ]

[beathach]

[Winn that's a terrible excuse.

He grumbles something and finishes off his drink, making a face and holding it out for a refill]

Ask me questions, then. [he could explain from the beginning, but that also involves explaining how he died in one of his very first games]

[winn]

[ it's not even his worse one.

he refills the glass. ]

Okay, whatever it is that's going through your head right now - [ because he knows the first thing you think about is the thing you don't want to tell, and want to tell more than anything all at once. at least, that's what it is for him. ] tell me if I'm getting too close to it, and I'll back off. Let's start easy - tell me about the not-dangerous games.

[beathach]

[it's still pretty bad.

He takes a quick sip before he huffs] Alright. [give him a moment, which non-dangerous one does he want to talk about.

Ah yes]

The larger, non-violent ones, we'd be given objectives we'd have to complete - and they'd arrange them on a bingo card. Things like - teach someone a skill, or craft something together, those were pretty common. And then there were others, like - share a certain type of memory, or - kiss someone.

[he makes a face] There were a lot of times kissing was an objective.

[winn]

Have you heard of the cuddle town?

[ he shakes his head ]

They're pretty perverted. [ he still gets really disturbed whenever he thinks about how he started getting a lot more money when he and kitty started having sex. ]

And I guess, if they're trying to measure our responses, that's an easy way to jar people out of their comfort zones.

[beathach]

The - cuddle town? [he shakes his head] If you think that's perverted, wait until you hear about my patron.

[it comes out deadpanned, because, well. Rotten was a special Echo]

More or less, yeah. I mean, you didn't have to participate if you didn't want to, but you'd also be giving up a possible win for your team, too. But aside from being pushed out of your comfort zone and potentially giving up some of your dignity, they were harmless.

[winn]

I'm -- waiting.

[ you can't just say something like that and not elaborate, hank. ]