god is this even ok

[stopbleeding]

Who: Zoro and multiple unfortunate souls
Broadcast: fLEETWIDE yeYEAH
Action: Marsiva
When: RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW LET'S GO

[Somehow, someway, the camera shows nothing. Or, at least, it seems like nothing. A plain trash receptacle on the Marsiva, gleaming faintly under fluorescent lights. Tediously, it stays fixed on the bin, time stretching slow until, finally, it moves. Jiggles a bit. Shakes. Thumps and clangs and-shouts? Shouts. Manly, growling barks that echo out into the open. Then, finally, it capsizes.

A man pops out. Or rather, clambers out. With the exception of a scowl and a growl, a light kick to the can, he seems nonplussed. Nonplussed and oblivious to the camera.] Finally made it out...

[He says it wistfully, as if it were a long journey. A bit of yellow clings to his anime-green hair. Part of a banana peel. He's oblivious to that too, squinting around the area, turning this way and that, before finally, the giant fucking space-window catches his eye.] Eh? What's this? The ocean?

[Standing before it, arms akimbo, he falls quiet. Enjoying the simple majesty of, er, the ocean.] Are those fish? [They're stars.] They're small. Like dandruff.

[Proud of his stunning metaphor, he watches the stars for a moment longer before spinning on his heel.] This isn't the ship. Did I make it to Fishman Island? Heh-[He grins and turns at the same time.] That'd make me first. Oi! Luffy, Shitty Cook! You hear that? I'm No. 1-eh? [His hands go to rest on his swords only to find... they're not there. This greatly disturbs him and, for a moment, he's left staring at the blank space before whirling around for something to yell at. His gaze fixes on the network station currently transmitting, glare boring right into the camera.] Oiiiii.

[Tilting his head back and grinning menacingly he strides forward, cracking his knuckles.] Mr. Robot. You want to tell me what you did with my swords? Oiiii, can't you speak? [He raps his knuckles against the screen, peering into the camera with a pout before backing up and shaking the thing. The camera rattles, rattles and-

The feed cuts out. Switches to a different view. It's across the room from him now, staring as Zoro gawks, horrified, at the network station broken off in his hands. Making a sound akin to a dying frog he slowly looks around him, places the network station back down, and runs.

The network station falls over.]

Comments

[stopbleeding]

[Clapping? Clapping sound? From where? Zoro pokes about the air, looking for what could be making the sound and then, finally, spots it. The little communicator he had thought was... a rock? A candy bar? Something dumb. It's clapping?

No, not clapping. Zoro peers closer. A video?]

A den den mushi? [But it's not snail shaped??] Why is it flat? [and wHY IS HE STILL CLAPPING? Aggravated, he looks back at the flat snail.] Would you cut that out?! I get it!

[No, he doesn't. Why clapping??] Tch. Why are you-Ah. [A realization. Zoro nods, rubbing at the bottom of his chin.] I see.

[A moment later, he's propped the camera up on something not important and begins clapping his hands back. Maybe bowing a bit. Clearly it's a greeting on this strange island.]

[wilder]

[Okay he was...not expecting this guy to clap back and start- bowing? He can't help but let out an amused noise in surprise- but he'll stop the clapping]

[Is he going to correct the fact that it wasn't a greeting? NAH. ]

Ha- What an entrance! I sure hope you won't have to pay for that camera.

[stopbleeding]

[Yeah. Did it right. He's so great. Mentally high-fiving himself, Zoro's pride slowly falls.]

Camera? [But. It. Wasn't. Snail-shaped??????? He's having nam flashbacks to just a few minutes prior, a horrified gaze lingering on the fallen "robot" across the room from him. Swallowing, he runs that last sentence through his head over and over, faster and faster, until it shortens to one, terrifying word.

Pay.

He stares down at his hands, trying his best not to sweat and failing.] ... I'm broke.

[wilder]

[That...is quite a reaction to that sentence. Seriously, he's never seen someone get so worked up over the notion of having to pay (probably because he's spent most of his life rich)]

Well, okay, but that's what ratings and jobs are for...

[a beat]

You feeling okay? You're sweating.

[stopbleeding]

[But... he hates jobs...Ratings sound much more appealing. Clearly, they must be similar to bounty hunting. That's good. He can do that if he really has to. Zoro wipes away the sweat, calming down some.] Yeah. Yeah. Just thinking about someone.

[Nami looming over him, blocking out the light of the sun, demanding her 1000% interest for the money lent to him to "fix his little problem". No. It couldn't come to that. He couldn't face such a terrifying beast ever again.] Who the hell am I supposed to pay anyway? And what if I don't?

[His confidence is returning at the thought of skipping out on a debt.]

[wilder]

O...kay.

[Weird.]

I dunno. Probably the Atroma. They're the ones that brought you here. Then again, you might not have to pay at all. Who knows.

[stopbleeding]

The Atroma... [He pauses, thinking. Then frowns.] I thought they were called fishmen.

[Eh. He doesn't care too much. Still rubbing at his chin, he considers the situation. The guy talking to him isn't very helpful, but that's nothing new. Glancing back at the giant window, he frowns. Even underwater, he thought the island would be lighter.] Hey. The ocean usually this dark?

[wilder]

[There's a pause. Because...really? Really?]

Uh...no? That's actually space. Not the ocean.

1/3

[stopbleeding]

[Zoro nods agreeably, hand on his chin.] Right, yeah. Space. Of course.

2/3

[stopbleeding]

YEAH, RIGHT!

[he's yelling, kicking over a shiny, cylindrical trash can.] WHAT KIND OF IDIOT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR? YOU REALLY THINK SOMEONE WOULD BUY A LIE LIKE THAT?! GET REAL!

[stopbleeding]

-Ah. [He's gonna shout more but... where... did the trash can go.

Ah.

It's rolling away.] Shit!

[He's running after it again.]

[wilder]

[Oh man. This is now Kaneis's new favorite person in the fleet. He is thoroughly amused]

Man, I can't wait to see what ship you get.

[stopbleeding]

[It takes a couple minutes before Zoro comes back on, all goofy demeanor evaporated leaving nothing but a stern stare into the comm.]

I've already got a ship. A captain too. They should be here anytime.

[They had to be.]

[wilder]

Afraid I'm not so sure about that...not unless they got a spaceship with universe jumping capabilities.

[stopbleeding]

You're still going on about that crap? Give it up. We were going into the ocean, not into the sky. I think I'd notice the difference.

[Still, there's a niggling sensation that tells him it's the truth. He ignores it, disliking the implications that come along with it.]

[wilder]

[oh, and he just gives a little laugh, and a mock salute]

Alright, if you're so sure. Guess I can't pull the wool over your eyes.

[stopbleeding]

Yeah? What's that supposed to mean?

[It's an insult, he knows. His hands fall to his side again, as if hoping his swords had reappeared. They hadn't.] I should warn you, I'm not in the mood to play around. I don't need my swords to take you up on a fight.

[wilder]

Nothing, nothing~

But fine. I can leave you to figure things out on your own. You seem to be very capable, after all.

[stopbleeding]

Why, you little-[mmphlenufflesnat fINE HE WON'T SAY ANYTHING BAD. Frowning so hard at the camera.] Tell me what's going on.

[HE CAVES ALRIGHT.]

[wilder]

Oh, now you ask?

[Jeez!]

We're in space. Something called the Atroma nabs people to put onto spaceships. Apparently it's all filmed and showed on TV.

You're on the Marsiva right now- but eventually you'll get sorted onto a smaller ship.

[stopbleeding]

[Marsiva? What a shitty ship name.]

TV? Why the hell would anyone want to watch this? It's pissing me off. Hasn't anyone found a way off this hunk of crap?

[wilder]

I don't know, it's just what I've been told.

And no. Last I heard, no one has.

[stopbleeding]

So, what? You've all just sat here?

[Tch. He moves away from the camera, wandering off.] Screw this. I'm getting out.

[Stay on the line and you might hear something that sounds suspiciously like a strong punch against the wall.]

[wilder]

[....Sigh]

I wouldn't do that if I were you. If you breach that hull, you'd be lucky to survive a minute.

[stopbleeding]

I've heard that before. [He walks back on screen, knuckles bleeding.]

It won't break, anyway. Not like this. Maybe if I had something stronger.

[He thinks then spots a treadmill. Soon enough, he's hoisting it above his head.]