driftfleet | (001)

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(001)

Who: katsa & you
Broadcast: fleetwide
Action: marsiva hospitality deck
When: now

—think you can do this to me again after all this time, but you can take your blazing courts and shards and shove it up your—

[ There's an audible thud as Katsa kicks a cot in front of her, bumping the bed a few feet and skewing it sideways into one nearby. Her rather angry string of anger cuts through the faint tinkling of bland, simple music in the background.

She certainly doesn't look like someone who'd be suited for an adventure in space, dressed in ragtag leather and furs that look as though she's thrown them together herself from a variety of dead animals. She also doesn't seem to be aware that anyone might be watching her; or perhaps it's more than she doesn't particularly care, for she scrubs the back of her hand across her eyes and scowls through what is very obviously only a half-hearted attempt at holding back tears. ]

You don't need me here. You can dress this up all you like—I don't have to do this. Whatever's outside that window, I shouldn't be the only one who gets to see it.

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['Something worse'. He wonders, sometimes, what that might have been. If he had remained there, the brothel would probably have killed him one way or another, but it was just as likely that if Malkar had not found him, another wizard would have. He hates thinking that his master might have actually saved his life - at least before he tried to destroy him]

It was happenstance, really. [That much is true, but he can't quite bring himself to divulge the particulars, especially over the open network.]

The Cabaline school doesn't refer to an institution, but a doctrine. The way that magic is thought about and taught, but it isn't a university. Traditionally, learning magic is a master-apprentice arrangement. Magic and politics are often closely interwoven, and few so closely as it is in Marathat. The Cabalines form one-third of the government. They advise the Lord Protector and maintain the spells that protect the city. Anyone that manages to get inducted into the school and takes the oaths also gains a title.

[ She frowns. ]

That sounds... well, unnecessarily complicated. Does no one worry about people with so much capacity for power being given even more a sense of their own importance, without question? It makes sense that they would protect the city with what they could, and that some might become more important than others. It isn't that no one should be given titles. I'm sure some deserve it. But other men, when they've so much power already...

[ Monsea still struggles eight years after the end of Leck's reign, for what he did. Katsa still does not know if power makes men mad, or if it's mad men who are drawn to it. ]

[He laughs, flatly] Unnecessarily complicated is the bread and butter of Cabalines.

There are reasons for it, though. Not all of them good and well thought out, but reasons. You'd have to understand the way Marathat was before the Cabal was founded.

[He waves that away, however. He isn't great with history, and if need be he'll get back to the Wizard's Coup before long]

We take our oaths very seriously, Lady Katsa, and to be fair, most Cabalines were in some line of nobility somewhere. The title and wealth we gain is power, yes, but there are limits. The very foundation of Cabaline doctrine prohibits us from using magic directly on any person, for any reason. Ever. To do so is usually punished with death. [As he speaks, he rolls back one of his sleeves, revealing the garishly bright tattoos of vines trailing from knuckles and up the forearm. They aren't faded in the least by time] Also, every sworn Cabaline has these tattoos. These...aren't merely a badge of office. They identify us immediately, no matter where we go. In the lands of our enemies, it can be a death sentence on their own.

I was always glad that no one ever expected me to involve myself in politics. One of the few benefits of having been born a woman, and only ever the daughter of someone's sister, at that.

[ Never minding her continued involvement with nobles and monarchs and the rules of the kingdoms—that is, of course, through a far less official and rule-abiding channel.

These tattoos, however, are interesting, and Katsa peers as closely as she can for a better look. She knows a little about being identified for being something dangerous on sight: she can't hide her Graceling eyes, of course. There's nothing to be done about those. But tattoos, something not inherently present on the skin... ]

They make doubly sure you're marked as something different. Something to make others wary.

[ She doesn't like the sound of that. ]

And if you ever wished to leave? If you grew up knowing nothing else, but desired your own life?

[ But then there would be those who wished to abuse their power, whether there were laws against it or not. With the power they had, how would it be possible to stop it, to know everyone?

...Not for the first time, Katsa is glad that at least no magic exists in her kingdoms. It seems too troublesome. ]

We do have allies. Wizards can, and often do, travel those lands to study or act as ambassadors, but you'd always be in some way be in service to the Protectorate.

[Or you could always get exiled, like he did. It seemed to work well in that regard.]

And what about you and other Gracelings? Tattoos can be hidden to some degree, but short of blinding yourself, it's not something easy for one to conceal.

Even blinding may not hide it.

[ It's a slow response, and Katsa looks for a moment as though she's going to add something, but she changes her mind and shakes her head instead. ]

There's no way for a Graceling to hide, really. I might cover an eye as though I've lost one, and it may fool some, but not many Gracelings have eyes with common colors like mine. Most are like yours, with stranger ones. Even mine are brighter than most. And they'd wonder what I were hiding beneath whatever it was I used to cover an eye anyway, for they know to expect a Grace to be the reason one might cover an eye. It's most troublesome for families that have Graced children who have more useless Graces, whose kings return them home.

Only one man has successfully fooled thousands of people about a Grace by covering an eye, and he had the Grace of lies.

[ Katsa still shudders sometimes, remembering the cloud of falseness on her mind. It had been so much more than simple lies. ]

Lies are powerful things. I can imagine how terrible someone with that kind of Grace could be.

[His own life had been propped on quite a few lies, though not all of them of his own making. He knows all to well what willful lies can accomplish]

You mentioned there were places that more freely accepted people like yourself. Is the Middluns part of either of those kingdoms?

[He wagers it must have been, for her to carry a title as well]

[ Katsa laughs. ]

No. Being born King Randa's niece did nothing for his hold over me and my Grace, and certainly not for my reputation. The majority of the Middluns still considers Gracelings to be as unnatural as ever. I imagine the Middluns will be the last to be comfortable with the notion of walking freely among the Graced, even once my cousin is king. [ And she part of the reason for it. ]

Still, there are people everywhere more accepting than others. It's changing, little by little. Perhaps one day things might change for your wizards.

That may be true, but very far in the future for my world. I recently traveled to another country, however, that seems strangely comfortable with magic, and even incorporate some forms of it into their daily live. Their magicians, as they call them there, are highly respected but not feared as we are elsewhere. I imagine that if Marathat continues to make strides in working with the community rather than ignoring it, we could be much the same some day. [Not that he's likely to ever know, for many reasons]

But, that's neither here nor there. I think you'll find that, on the fleet, there are people with unusual abilities and talents aplenty. There are some days I feel practically mundane.

[ This other country sounds a little like Lienid in that regard, if Katsa understands things correctly. She hums a little in thought and agreement. ]

I hope you will be. No people should be treated as tools, with only the illusion of freedom.

[ She leans in a little closer to her communicator, as though her nearness with it will cause Felix to hear her better. ]

This is not the first time I've arrived in a place other than any of the known seven kingdoms, with people who could do all sorts of absurd and impossible things. I expect I'm to see men turning purple whenever I round a corner, or talking mice preparing my breakfast.

I don't know about mice, but there are ponies...

[He pauses, tilting his head in mild curiosity]

...where were you last?

[ Her brow furrows and she starts to ask, but Katsa abandons her question in favor of his. She'll find out eventually. ]

A place called Allaidh Darach. The Drabwurld. [ Strange how pronouncing the curious language still comes easily to her nearly a decade later, though she cannot for the life of her truly remember how to speak it. ] Everything that breathed there was magical, and then some. There is no magic in my kingdoms, but even I could have used it there. I did use it there, a little. It was pure madness.

[Not the castle, then, though her description didn't fit the bill entirely. He didn't know her, but it could always have been possible that she came from a time far before or after him. Even leaving it so far behind, the history and fate of Nostos still occupied his thoughts from time to time.]

Madness? Why? Simply because of the existence of magic, or because of what happened there?

I meant the magic, and the feeling of using it. Having something like that at my fingertips.

[ Katsa brings a hand over her heart, as though she'd feel the strange warmth that flared there every time she touched the power of the jewel, so long ago. She'd held fire once without it burning her and bent it to her will—and she almost laughs again at how ridiculous that sounds to anyone with sense. Her Grace protects her from plenty, but she's certain even she should have burned. ]

But both are true. I might I wonder if I'm not the mad fool, for the memory of it, if others weren't as raving as I am to remember the same. Well, it wouldn't have been the first time I'd simply lost my senses.

[ Again, she waves it off. What good would it do to dwell on things that happened so long in the past when she can do nothing about them now? No matter how much she regrets anything, she cannot change it. ]

What does it feel like for you? To use magic.

['It wouldn't have been the first time I'd simply lost my senses'. He's lost for a few moments in that phrase, and the fact that the same had happened to him. Ironically, however, for him madness was characterized by the absence of magic rather than the touch of it, even though it was magic that was to blame. He'd lost his ability to reach his magic both times, and while he hadn't had it all his life, it was a sensation more intrinsic to him than anything else. To be without it was akin to amputation]

...It's hard to describe. Like breathing, in a way. It's simply part of me. Someone I know, not a wizard himself, likened it to a steam boiler. While crude, I couldn't entirely disagree with the metaphor because it captures the feeling. Without use, it's a power that builds. And like breathing, to stop doing so is to suffocate. [He breathes out a small laugh] Not that we'd literary explode or expire, but it is deeply uncomfortable.

But the actual process of channeling magic? It can be many things. Intoxicating. Exhilarating. Disorienting. Even painful. But more often it's not something I really notice.

[ Intoxicating. Exhilarating. Disorienting. Yes, these things sounded right to Katsa. It's hard to forget the first time she had ever woken that power everyone had in the Drabwurld. Something had simply flared to life inside her, filling her with a sense of power that went beyond her Grace. And when she'd learned to hold fistfuls of fire, enough even to use them to fight—well, each time had been a heady, intoxicating sort of thrill, the sort of feeling that gave her a sense she could never be beaten.

It had felt good. And for all the times it had saved her life, perhaps it had been dangerous. ]

The way you speak of it, like breathing, even the boiler—it's not so different from a Grace.

[ She purses her lips for a moment, lost in thought. ]

I used to think magic unnatural. Or a cheat. Much like prescience, or mind-reading. But actually using it doesn't feel so unnatural a thing, does it?

Edited 2016-09-30 13:58 (UTC)

Not when it is something you are born to. Maybe even if it were not. [Though he's heard few occasions outside of magic being a birthright of some form or another].

A lot of people see magic the way you do, but I believe that, most of the time, there is nothing at all unnatural about magic. It is part of the world. It comes from it or is connected to it, and by extension, us. Not everyone can touch it, and because of that it's easy to dismiss.

Think of it like this...[He's moving into his teacher's voice again, but he can't help it]...is it a cheat for turtles to have shells? For fish to breathe water? For a wolf to follow the scent of prey? It's simply the way they are. They have things that set them apart. Allow them to survive.

[ This time Katsa doesn't even try to hold back her laughter. It's uncalled for, perhaps, with such a serious and quite perfectly delivered answer, but it's so perfect that she cannot help herself.

She hasn't told him, and there's no way that he knows yet. Surely he can't. He simply chose the right words, and all while sounding so endearingly familiar. ]

No. I suppose when that turtle, or fish, or wolf, compares itself to others, it simply finds that it is better at those things that give them life. I imagine the fish doesn't understand why the wolf does not breathe underwater just as it does.

But it depends, I think, on how the wolf uses those things that make it a wolf. It is not a monster for tracking its prey and doing what it must to eat. But if it uses its claws or its teeth, which help it to hunt, to cause pain in its prey or even another wolf in the pack and finds pleasure in it, then that is unnatural.

My Grace, Lord Felix, is survival. Does your magic grant you the ability to say just the right things in its defense? If I even knew where you are, I'd likely thump you, for some sort of mind reading.

[He looks surprised because he is however, and makes no attempt to hide that]

Nothing of the sort, my lady. I was going to suggest a more technical metaphor, but I wasn't sure your travels had exposed you the more advanced science of other worlds. I don't understand it much myself, to be frank, so I chose something simpler. It merely seemed to fit.

[He laughs himself, though a touch sheepishly in response to the revelation] People are admittedly much more complicated than animals, even when we sometimes act like them...

[He shifts, glancing aside thoughfully] Survival. That's rather broad.

Well. I'd say that it fit.

[ Simpler, in all honestly, is the safer choice with Katsa. Not that she's stupid, but sometimes she just has such a straightforward view of things that she'd brush off anything more complicated. And it's worked out in Felix's favor in this case, at least. ]

Are you expecting me to explain it? Or merely commenting on the state of it?

[ He's not wrong, either way. ]

Both, I suppose.

[He shrugged deeply, somewhat apologetic]

Can you explain it?

Hm.

[ That's a strange question. No one had ever really asked if she could explain it. She'd only ever been expected to do so, and done her best with it.

Of course, the answer is that she can explain what she knows, but Graces are unusual things. ]

Truthfully, I didn't know the full extent of my Grace until I was eighteen. I thought it was something else. I'd never compared myself with others, really, so it didn't seem so strange. I still can't do anything so very special; I just do it better than others.

I don't suffer from cold and hunger and exhaustion like others do. I feel those things, but they don't bother me. I've never been sick in my entire life. I rarely bruise. Most nights I make myself sleep, order it, only because I know logically that I should. I'm never lost. I can always make a fire, no matter the weather. Physical things that limit other people don't matter so much to me—I know instinctively how to live and thrive in the wilderness.

[ She hesitates. ]

...And if I'm attacked, I can kill anyone. At the slightest threat to my survival.

My body simply wishes to survive, so it usually finds a way. But I'm not immortal. I'm only better at these things than others.

[Despite the similarity to magic, Grace's as she described them seemed to be less a matter of learning and scholarly thought. He could describe magic because he'd spent years breaking it down in order to translate something that in truth, no one truly understood.]

Very interesting. You said...the way I described magic reminded you of a Grace. Do you only feel it's presence when you use it? Have you always known it was there?

...am I asking too many questions? [He smiled crookedly]

I'm capable of refusing to answer them, you know, if I begin to think you are. [ She says it like a retort, but she smiles. ]

I don't—feel my Grace. Do you feel yourself using a skill when you walk? Or ride a horse? Or hold a knife for your dinner? How do you think I misunderstood it for so long and thought my stamina or my skill with a fire were simply because I had more patience than others? Do you feel the presence of your lungs when you breathe? It's just the way of things. To use your own metaphor, think of a fish in water.

Perhaps it might be different for someone with a different sort of Grace. But a Graceling child's eyes settle only weeks, sometimes months after birth. I don't even know what colors my eyes used to be, they settled so soon. I've always known myself to be a Graceling. But I'd no clue as to its nature until I was eight, and even then did not know it for what it truly is for another ten years after that. Even though I had its help in everything I did for all that time.

[ She squints at him. ]

It's why I think you must have one, even if you don't know it. No Ungraced has eyes like yours.

Anything is possible.

[He still sounds vaguely skeptical about that fact, though some of the doubt is in part wondering if she might be right. No one yet has matched him in power on his own world, but the world was far larger than the small piece he'd seen]

Perhaps once you are settled into the fleet proper, we can discuss it more, and discover if there's any truth to your theory.

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survivra - 2016-10-14 23:48 (UTC) - Expand

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lord_wizard - 2016-10-15 20:41 (UTC) - Expand

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that was terribly on the nose and unconscious on my part I swear

bahahaha i legitimately could not tell if you'd done that on purpose or not

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