003. text + action.

[astrobleme]

[network.]

[Shinji isn't mincing words today:]

This is totally outrageous.

I got a ticket from the local police for going 'too fast,' even though it was only - only!!! - by an infinitesimal amount. Literally a couple zeroes after the decimal point right here. I'm not a great pilot, I'll just say that, but there's no way I should be getting ticketed for this freaking crap. [Freaking crap. That's how you know he's really annoyed.]

So the other pilots should be aware that these so-called police are more interested in filling quotas for speeding tickets instead of actually protecting people. Whatever.


[action, aboard various ships in the Fleet.]

[Shinji and his bad mood can be found on the Red Fish, standing outside Asuka's room; on the Vanquish, in search of Kaworu; and on the Heron, his home ship, where he's trying to nurse a bruised ego with the coffee maker in the kitchen.]

Comments

text

[astrobleme]

It's fine. I can handle being unwanted. Let's go to Solrius?

text

[interstices]

I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what happened.

text

[astrobleme]

I don't know. He didn't tell me what I was doing wrong.

[One more pathetic attempt:]

So, Solrius?

text

[interstices]

What's his name.

[Sam couldn't possibly. Dean, well, she doesn't really know Dean, and Zhas and Coil are rude, but...]

text

[astrobleme]

I don't know! He didn't say anything, he just wanted me to leave. It was probably my fault. I was doing the wrong thing, whatever it was...

[Shinji's mood could not have crashed any harder than this.]

text --> voice

[interstices]

What the hell? No way! You've been onboard a lot! You didn't do anything!

[Asuka swallows, rattled.]

What did he look like? Tell me!

[astrobleme]

[So much cringing on his end. Asuka isn't yelling at him per se, but it's still alarming...

He doesn't trust his own voice right now.]

He had one eye covered up, that's all I remember. Don't worry about it. Seriously don't bother. I won't get back on your ship and bother anyone anymore. I'm sorry for causing a disturbance.

[interstices]

Coil?

[No way. Coil threw him off the ship? Why? He doesn't even know Shinji-- except he does; she's mentioned him before, said that he'd made her yukata. And then the tree. But it still doesn't make sense. Is he that jealous that--]

Like hell I'm not worrying about it. Where are you right now?

[astrobleme]

I don't know.

[Clamming up might be the best way of dealing with this. Shinji didn't want to cause any problems with the crew, he was just in a bad mood, and...]

Still in the shuttle he put me in.

[That's right: Coil forcibly ejected Shinji, but Shinji never bothered to put in the coordinates for where he wanted to go. He's floating somewhere outside the Red Fish like a lost satellite.]

[interstices]

What?!

[There's a cold lump right in her stomach, her fingers shaking slightly. Those apologies, that blame... none of that should belong to Shinji ever again. Just half an hour ago, he'd been teasing her about soup and playing darts. And now...]

You stay right there! I'm coming!

[astrobleme]

I'm sorry, don't worry about it. I just wanted to know if you want to go to Solrius, we can do that instead. I'll put the coordinate sin and and that'll be that

[interstices]

Stupid! Don't be sorry! Don't you dare be sorry!

[This whole time, Shinji's slowly gotten better. Even after that crushing day when he'd asked for the sunglasses, even then... he's healed up. But this is too much like the boy she first met fourteen years ago, all weak and sad. And it's Coil's fault. All Coil's fault.]

I'll help you! Shinji, I'll get you!

[astrobleme]

[No reply. She doesn't want apologies, but that's all Ikari Shinji can offer to anyone.]

[interstices]

Answer me! Come on! Please!

[astrobleme]

[Oh, god. The anguish in her voice...]

I'll go back to my ship now. It's fine.

[interstices]

No.

Bring the shuttle back here. Then I'll go with you. We can do whatever you want.

[astrobleme]

But I'm not allowed ?

[interstices]

You don't need anybody's permission to come here! Anyone who says you do is full of shit!

[astrobleme]

I don't want to upset anybody

[interstices]

[He's not going to come back. He's not like her, insistent on going her own way, everyone else be damned. Any rejection's like a slice to his stomach.]

Then let me meet you on your ship!

[astrobleme]

If that's what you want

[Awhile later, when Asuka gets to the docking bay of the Heron, she won't have to search far and wide to find Shinji. He's just waiting inside his shuttle, down to the last of his nerves. The doors are open, at least, but he's sitting there with his heavy head in his hands. It looks like he's cradling one hell of a migraine... His sunglasses, they're askew and on the floor, near to one of his feet. (His eyes still haven't gone back to blue, no matter how much he wishes they would.)

Quietly, and utterly defeated:] I must have done something wrong, so it's, you know, whatever...

[interstices]

I know you better than that.

[Up and down, up and down. Shinji's more of a wreck than she is, deep down, maybe. She doesn't know. But it hurt seeing him like this. It hurts to think that anyone could dare chase him away. She steps forward, then bends over and picks up his sunglasses before sitting right next to him.]

I know you didn't do anything. Don't worry. It's not your fault.

[astrobleme]

[Shinji exhales shakily. Then he says,] I should have left when he started getting in my face... He was really ticked off over me waiting for you. If I'm not supposed to go to your ship, that's fine, I just didn't know. I can't--know something no one's told me. M'not a mind reader. [His voice has the strength and consistency of runny yolk by the end of that.]

[interstices]

You can go anywhere you want. I told you that. [She reaches over with her free hand to rest it on his thigh. Part of her is still almost afraid that touch is going to bring flashbacks and memories with it, as if they were still on that planet, but thankfully, of course, it doesn't. Still, like always, she knows the ghosts of everything else are still permeating him. Being unwanted. Being rejected. It burrows down deep right inside his skull.]

He was a bastard to you. He had no right. Got it? [Ticked off over Shinji waiting. That's... maybe that in itself isn't surprising, but the rest of Coil's reaction is. Hauling him off like that, throwing him off the ship like he was something bad, something contaminated-- Asuka's fingers rove and press on his thigh, vying to give him some kind of reassurance.] I'll let him know that. Don't you worry.

[astrobleme]

[Shinji feels like an out-and-out moron. For whatever reason, he trusted that things would be different with the Fleet--that people wouldn't hate him before they got to know him. Yeah, bullies and narcissists exist everywhere, but hardly anyone here has been rude or ill-mannered, much less threatening. He isn't afraid of Coil, though. He'd never be afraid of someone like that. He's just afraid of going back to the way his life used to be, when he clung to the fringes of society, of no use to anyone.

Even when his mood is this decrepit, Asuka's touch is comforting. He drops one hand and turns his head enough to look at her, wondering (and not for the first time) why she hasn't given up on him. His eyes are red, damp, and more than a little desperate.]

Don't, [he stresses, even though there's no fight left in him.] I don't want to cause more problems. A guy like that, I mean, he probably had a good reason for it... Maybe he thought I was--an invader, or--someone out to hurt you, I don't know. I sa... said I was waiting for you, but that didn't work... but that's what I said...