(no subject)

[killedwithlove]

Who: Cole to everyone
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Pathstone
When: Now


[Cole is actually looking at the camera, which is a minor miracle for those familiar with his habit of leaving his communicator next to him and pointing at the ceiling.]

How do mortals know what you're feeling? Varric used to tell me what it was, or Jove, or Solas, but they're gone and now I don't know what these feelings are. I can tell how to help other people and how to navigate their hurts but I can't do it with my own.

[He gives a small sigh and looks off somewhere. A fluff slug climbs over the communicator screen.]

Comments

[fuga]

Do you believe you will learn?

[killedwithlove]

I will learn many things. I already have.

But I don't know if I can learn what I feel. I'll try.

[fuga]

That you try is enough. Many would not do so.

[killedwithlove]

Rhys taught me that I shouldn't kill, even if I think I'm helping them.

Evangeline taught me that sometimes you have to kill people, to stop them hurting and killing other people.

Wynne taught me I could love my family without liking them. Cole could love his father and still hate everything he did.

But I had to learn to live with the memory of my murder by myself.

[fuga]

Then you are learning, and growing, from people that care for you.

[ Something she's still struggling with herself. ]

You will soon come to know things you never dreamed were possible.

[killedwithlove]

I don't dream.

I don't sleep, but even if I did, I don't think I could dream.

[fuga]

I did not mean dreams through sleep. Dreams can be hopes, too, as foreign as hard as they may be.

[killedwithlove]

... I don't know Hope. Hope is like Faith. I'm Compassion.

[fuga]

I do not know hope either. I do not have it.

[killedwithlove]

Oh.

Do you have dreams? The sort you were talking about.

[fuga]

Yes. Things that I wish to complete, or fight for. I have those.

[killedwithlove]

And they're hopes?

[fuga]

Not to me. I do not hope to do them. I will do them.

[killedwithlove]

So dreams aren't like hopes.

[fuga]

Not for me. But for others? Perhaps.

[killedwithlove]

... oh.

[He doesn't understand. It's clear in his voice.]

[fuga]

I am different to most people. Do not use me as a basis of comparison.

[killedwithlove]

I'm not like other people, either.

[fuga]

It is not a bad thing. I used to believe it was, but not anymore.

[killedwithlove]

No. Not bad. Not good. Just is.

[fuga]

Yes. It simply is. There is no need to fight it.

[killedwithlove]

[He nods and hums.]

I still don't know what I'm feeling, though.

[fuga]

There is time for that. There is no need to force yourself.

[killedwithlove]

I wouldn't know how to force myself.

[fuga]

Then you do not need to worry.