(no subject)

[killedwithlove]

Who: Cole to everyone
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Pathstone
When: Now


[Cole is actually looking at the camera, which is a minor miracle for those familiar with his habit of leaving his communicator next to him and pointing at the ceiling.]

How do mortals know what you're feeling? Varric used to tell me what it was, or Jove, or Solas, but they're gone and now I don't know what these feelings are. I can tell how to help other people and how to navigate their hurts but I can't do it with my own.

[He gives a small sigh and looks off somewhere. A fluff slug climbs over the communicator screen.]

Comments

voice.

[fuga]

[ Her voice is quiet, and low, when she speaks - and there's a touch of fear. She's accepted what she is, in a way, but she is still wary of Cole. ]

It is intuition. Sometimes it is difficult to understand, but speaking to others can be... Helpful.

[killedwithlove]

[Without her there, he can't tell easily who it is.]

Intuition? I don't understand.

[fuga]

It comes with growth. I was not adept at it, but time has changed me and I have learned. It is a matter of learning.

[killedwithlove]

I thought learning and intuition were... different.

You have one. You gain the other.

Video

[bryces_pup]

[She's not Varric or Solas or Jove, but all the same, Riona will try to help. Though this isn't easy to answer.]

We just sort of... do. I think we learn and process them as small children. As we experience them and act on them, we learn what they are from how others react. I also find that reading helps a lot. You read about what a character feels and you connect it with what you've felt in the past.

[A pause.]

I guess that doesn't help you much right now. Can you describe what you're feeling? Does it bring any particular thoughts or images to mind?

[killedwithlove]

[He plucks the slug away and puts it on his hat and picks up the communicator again, looking at her.]

It... aches. Low, steady, accusation stings, like the mages, they blame use for what we are, the templars make them do it. Like that. Surrounded by people yet... it's like they're somewhere else at the same time.

[The only way he can explain it is by context of what others have felt.]

[bryces_pup]

...It sounds like the feeling of being isolated, or perhaps - no, you said mages. Oppression, then. Marginalized.

[Not a good feeling, whatever the term.]

What brought this on?

[killedwithlove]

...

People keep talking about getting rid of Justice to save everyone. Like... like everything is his fault and it isn't! It's lots of people's fault. People! Not spirits! It's not our fault, but mortals blame us anyway!

[ video ]

[precedented]

They usually try to guess. Some feelings burn hot, others leave you cold.

But it is usually your own feelings that confuse you the most.

[killedwithlove]

Cold.

Empty. But too full of pressure. Words don't say what they have to, they leave my mouth and enter their ear, but they change along the way, like another language.

Even after this time, emotions are still new. Sometimes, they come and I don't know them. I know this. The mages felt this.

[precedented]

[ He hums lightly. Leto gains understanding of his own feelings when they're mirrored through others, though he's become better at it. ]

Words are always imprecise for the depth of emotion. They are malleable, weak things that change skin.

[killedwithlove]

No. Words... Words can cut, shape thought, shape meaning, communicate...

Words build compassion. Empathy. Rage. Wisdom. Shape thoughts. Shape us.

[He knows words are impossibly powerful and powerless at the same time. They could easily be both in his mind. The Fade was like that.]

[kingofbadlifechoices]

[Sick or not, Robb squints at his box. What kind of nonsense is this?]

Uh... [So this man claims to help others with feelings and there is mortality in the mix somewhere but does not know his own?] ...How can you not understand such matter while claiming you help others with the same thing?

[killedwithlove]

[Cole looks at the camera.]

Because I am Compassion. I understand others because that is what Compassion is. Understanding. Helping. Healing.

But me? I was never meant to this mortal. Complex.

[kingofbadlifechoices]

[Wait, this man is a feeling in the flesh? Or at least he claims to be? Robb huffs and rubs his face.

If Old Nan would still live he could've trumped her stories with even more fantastic ones.]

How does a person become a...feeling? You do not know happiness? Or anger? [It would make sense. Not?] Mortality is a different thing, ser...

[killedwithlove]

I'm not a person who became a feeling.

A feeling who became a mortal. Or like one. Gained shape, form, face, facets.

Video

[tallasaking]

Talk to me, Cole. I'm still here.

[Tyrion's voice is quiet, and calm, and absolutely warm. Cole has always been his friend, after all.]

[killedwithlove]

[Cole hums softly, peering into the communicator.]

It's... like the mages. All together, but the words are empty, echoing, echoed by the Templars. They're all angry at Justice, but not Anders. They keep talking about 'fixing' Justice, 'stopping him' as though he's something evil and irredeemable, and he's not. I was like him. And Rhys helped me.

[He's actually upset about it, not his usual quiet want to help but actual upset.]

Mortals blame us, but we reflect them! We can't make any mortal do something that isn't in them already. We... enhance. But we always get the blame and no here understands!

... he wouldn't be Vengeance if other mortals hadn't done so many terrible things to Anders. Mortals! Not us!

[The last bit is whispered, gasped. There's a soft sound of multiple slugs starting to try and soothe.]

[tallasaking]

[Tyrion listened carefully, before he spoke softly.] It sounds like there was a beginning to all this - somewhere. Where spirits were just spirits and humans were just humans. Humans always hate what they fear, though, especially when it is something that can change them without their will or their permission. I imagine spirits are rather powerful that way. It is not ... as much mortals, as it is fear of what can happen, not what has happened.

video;

[unbearablynaive]

[It's a good question, but a loaded one.]

Others can tell what you are feeling by observing your expressions and body language and comparing it to their own experiences and observations over time. Is that what you meant?

[killedwithlove]

Someone new.

[Cole plasters against the screen, as though it might let him reach across the distance to learn who this is.]

Maybe. I don't know. I know what others feel. It's different in me. Solas and Varric were good at helping me work out what I felt.

[unbearablynaive]

[He blinks at the unusual reaction but quickly regains his composure.]

Are you new to the experience of having emotions?

private video

[wolfehawke]

[Hawke takes a moment to center himself, to breathe in slowly, then out again the same way before he opens up a private video to Cole. He's already snagged Anders' communicator when he wasn't looking and blocked this entire post from even appearing for the spirit healer after Hawke had gone through it himself. He'd made some excuse after about going for a walk or getting food and left Anders in the clinic, needing to have a word with Cole about all this.

He'd wanted to before, but not like this. Not at all like this...]

Cole, I know how frustrating this is, I'm sorry first and foremost.

[He runs a hand through his hair, taking another deep and calming breath.]

Anders can't-... Vengeance can't hear about this. If he decides he doesn't want to be separated - and I am looking for a way that will preserve them both, I swear on the Maker I am - he could take over Anders entirely, turn him into a true abomination, or become a demon fully. I don't want that to happen. No one wants that to happen.

private video

[killedwithlove]

... I can't stop him hearing.

[Cole is genuinely confused. He doesn't understand that he's being asked to not talk to Anders about this. He thinks he's being told to stop him hearing about it at all.]

I know you are. I trust you. So do they. You'll try and help, you understand it's not just one or the other or them.

But I wasn't talking about that. I don't know what I feel. About that and... so much.

private video

[wolfehawke]

No, I mean you can't talk to him about this. I don't want Vengeance to overreact. Like anyone else, I know he just wants to be safe, and do what he feels he was meant to, but I'm worried if he knows we're thinking about all this that he'll do something he doesn't mean to do. Do you understand?

I'm just asking you to be careful.

[He lets out a long breath, hoping being direct does help Cole to comprehend his meaning.]

As for what you feel about it, I imagine it's a while mess of things. Unhappy, maybe even angry that things are this way. Worried about the outcome, hurt and frustrated that people can't or won't see things the way you do, can't understand how this is related to you too. You're kin in a way, or something like it. Both spirits caught outside the Fade, trying to work out your places, only you've managed mostly on your own and he, Justice... well. He's not Justice anymore.

[Adalwolfe looks at Cole seriously.]

What else? You can talk to me. It's alright to be confused.