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Who: Cole to everyone
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Pathstone
When: Now

[Cole is actually looking at the camera, which is a minor miracle for those familiar with his habit of leaving his communicator next to him and pointing at the ceiling.]

How do mortals know what you're feeling? Varric used to tell me what it was, or Jove, or Solas, but they're gone and now I don't know what these feelings are. I can tell how to help other people and how to navigate their hurts but I can't do it with my own.

[He gives a small sigh and looks off somewhere. A fluff slug climbs over the communicator screen.]

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[She's not Varric or Solas or Jove, but all the same, Riona will try to help. Though this isn't easy to answer.]

We just sort of... do. I think we learn and process them as small children. As we experience them and act on them, we learn what they are from how others react. I also find that reading helps a lot. You read about what a character feels and you connect it with what you've felt in the past.

[A pause.]

I guess that doesn't help you much right now. Can you describe what you're feeling? Does it bring any particular thoughts or images to mind?

[He plucks the slug away and puts it on his hat and picks up the communicator again, looking at her.]

It... aches. Low, steady, accusation stings, like the mages, they blame use for what we are, the templars make them do it. Like that. Surrounded by people yet... it's like they're somewhere else at the same time.

[The only way he can explain it is by context of what others have felt.]

...It sounds like the feeling of being isolated, or perhaps - no, you said mages. Oppression, then. Marginalized.

[Not a good feeling, whatever the term.]

What brought this on?

...

People keep talking about getting rid of Justice to save everyone. Like... like everything is his fault and it isn't! It's lots of people's fault. People! Not spirits! It's not our fault, but mortals blame us anyway!

You know about- of course you do. [She breathes in and out in even breaths.]

Who told you they wanted to kill him?

No one told me.

I can feel it. Hear it when they say "we need to get Vengeance out of Anders, they're dangerous" and they think of how to save Anders because Justice "made" Anders do it.

He didn't. They were bad for each other, but there was a lot more than just that that made it happen. It wasn't Justice who made Anders do it, or Anders who made Justice do it. But people always blame spirits. Even when they blame mages, what they mean is 'we blame the bit of you that comes from and affects the Fade, because Fade is bad and spirits are all Fade, not a little bit Fade.

[Someone might be being a bit of a teenager right now.]

I understand. But I don't agree. I'm sick of people blaming spirits when they make us, control us, bind us, shape us. It's not all our fault.

Rhys got that.

Then who did you hear it from?

[She needs names.]

Justice is my friend, Cole. I knew him before he... went into Anders. And I want to help him. I want to help them both.

[Which is going to be difficult, from the looks of things.]

Anders and Justice twisted each other into something they weren't meant to be. Separately, neither one of them would have done what they did. Which is why I think separating them is the best option, but we need to find a safe way to do it.

[It is very difficult to get names out of Cole, because he doesn't want to cause hurt.]

Wouldn't they? They didn't do it because they were together. That was part of it. But the Chantry let mages keep suffering, refused to step in. The Templars were abusing the mages, the mages were becoming everything the Templars feared because they had nothing to lose...

It wasn't about Justice and Anders. Not really. It's not good for them, it's very bad, but these things happened in other places without them. Without any abominations.

[Darn it, Cole.]

Not to the extreme they went to. At least... Maker, I hope not. Justice was kinder than that, and Anders... well, honestly, as he once was, I don't think he would have put in quite that much effort. He was a bit more self-centered.

[She shakes her head.]

It was just an awful situation with no easy answer. I get what they did, to an extent. But they went too far. And I fear there are Thedosians here who would seek to make them pay for what they've done. I want to protect Justice from them, if I can know who they are.

I don't understand too far. Not far enough. I'm bad at big pictures, Cadash says.

I don't think anyone but Fenris would try and hurt them. I just know they'd sacrifice Justice because that's what mortals do. Sacrifice spirits for mortals.

It's about crossing a line. Something that's really only learned with experience. I suppose some might argue he didn't, and that's where it gets tricky. When it comes to the mage-templar issue, where is the line?

[To her, killing innocents - even if it's to try and save some - still crosses that line.]

Whoever "they" are [And she has a feeling she knows who, because there are only so many to pick from.] I will do everything in my power to stop that from happening.

I don't know.

What line?

[Metaphors, Riona. We're still working on those.]

Yes, I know you will. You're not hardened, sharpened by the world.

[She forgets sometimes...]

It's, uh, an expression, Cole. Not a literal line.

["Not hardened, sharpened by the world." The words make her look away a moment, brow creased. It's spot on, as Cole usually is. Too apt, in this case. He unintentionally dug up a worry that's been eating at her for awhile now.]

No, I... suppose not. But then, is it only a matter of time? I've seen it happen to my friends. How long will it take before it happens to me?

[The questions are asked rhetorically; she doesn't expect Cole to know the answer.]

You care about individuals. While you do that, it won't.

You won't harden. It's not your nature, your path. You want to still care about individuals.

[How is she supposed to keep caring about individuals when it's her job - both her jobs - to care about the whole? How long will she have the luxury of trying to look after the individuals before her duty demands her to see the whole?]

I fear that will change, that I won't be able to anymore. It feels like everyone and everything demands that I see the whole picture. Doing that leaves no room to care about each and every person.

I don't understand a big picture. You can have other people see that. You can see people. That's so special. I think that's special.

That's... not a bad idea, really. [Let the others think of the greater good. Let her think of the individuals. Tricky as a queen, but hey, that doesn't matter here, in this place.] Thank you, Cole.

...may I ask something of you?

Yes, of course.

If I ever get sent home and return with more memories, and if I... if the time that has passed has changed me, turned me into someone who no longer cares about the individual... will you help me try and remember?

Yes.

I'll help you remember individuals. But I don't think you'll lose that.

I hope you're right, but thank you. That makes me feel a little better.

Good. I'm glad you feel better.

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