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(no subject)

Who: Cole to everyone
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Pathstone
When: Now

[Cole is actually looking at the camera, which is a minor miracle for those familiar with his habit of leaving his communicator next to him and pointing at the ceiling.]

How do mortals know what you're feeling? Varric used to tell me what it was, or Jove, or Solas, but they're gone and now I don't know what these feelings are. I can tell how to help other people and how to navigate their hurts but I can't do it with my own.

[He gives a small sigh and looks off somewhere. A fluff slug climbs over the communicator screen.]

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Well he's wrong, you're not a demon, but part of standing up to that is changing minds, Cole. People aren't--

[He intended to continue, explain where he's coming from about fighting the good fight, but what Cole said catches up with his brain and causes a massive hiccup.]

Fenris and Dorian?

[Cole nods.]

Yes. Dorian didn't talk to me much here and I couldn't see him, because Fenris was there a lot. He wasn't my Dorian. From my world. No one else here is from my world. Not even Marian. And my world had a Marian.

A Tevinter mage, and Fenris...

[What a hypocrite. But he doesn't say it. Still, his expression sort of does for him even if he's not sure he has any right to judge considering he's still carrying on with the wanted fugitive who destroyed a chantry, as complex an issue as that is.

Maybe it was hate sex? Who knows.]

I'm sorry no one here is from your version of Thedas. That's an upsetting situation to be in.

[Familiar faces with no recollections? That was him when he'd first arrived. He hated it too.]

Dorian's not like other Tevinter mages. Not really.

But in other ways...

[He trails off. Dorian is stained by Tevinter, just like Fenris. Like Krem.]

It was lonely at first. Varric didn't know me at all, he was from before we met. Solas knew me, even though we came from different worlds. Not Jove's world but don't tell her anyway.

In my world, Dorian and The Iron Bull had sex a lot. Krem laughed at them, bright, sparkle of amusement.

Huh. The Iron Bull in mine was with the Inquisitor. Which, frankly, brings up all kinds of logistical questions but that's neither here nor there. It's just that the differences are interesting, if a bit alienating.

[He lets out a breath, skipping over the pang it gives him to again hear how he'd missed Varric. They'd barely had time to have more than one proper conversation before he was off from Adamant. Story of his life.]

What do you mean, don't tell Jove. Did she not know?

Was your Inquisitor a dwarf too?

[It gets complicated in his head, all the different realities crashing and weaving and knotting up, memories and impressions from everywhere and everyone at once.]

I- can't tell. I said too much. I'm sorry.

[He sounds uncomfortable about that.]

No, an elf. He was - is - a good sort, I think. I wish I were half as confident.

[He smirks a little, wryly acknowledging at least to himself that he comes off as confident much of the time but the difference is he knows he's just putting on a terribly effective show. Gianni Lavellan seemed to actually be comfortable in who he was and what he was. It's a rare thing, not to second guess, especially when you command what could be the biggest army in Southern Thedas.

What Cole can't say he doesn't even ask. He's not going to push and it doesn't seem to matter too much out of context. He's more intent on keeping Cole talking. Hopefully the spirit can reap a benefit from seeing he has someone willing to listen.]

It's alright. Why don't you tell me about your Inquisitor. A dwarf, hm?

Lavellan.

Jove was a Lavellan.

My Inquisitor? Um, Nadezhda Cadash, she was Casteless, she had tattoos all over her face and sides of her head were shaved and she had a huge smile. She used a sword and shield and used to use her Mark to read at night without having to light a torch.

She thought the night sky was better than anything underground.

Lavellan was Gianni's surname as well. Your Inquisitor sounds lovely too, though. And practical.

[He chuckles a bit.]

Surface Dwarf, I take it? All the ones from Orzammar I've ever met seem afraid they'll float away.

All the elves are Lavellan. The Humans, Trevelyan.

[He doesn't know why.]

Yes. Carta family.

Oh.

[Well. That's... awkward considering how many Carta he's killed. To be fair, they tried to kill him first. And syphon his blood to free Corypheus. Which he was tricked into doing anyway. It's complicated.]

Lucky she wasn't in the part of the Carta that Corypheus influenced. As I understand it they're fairly far reaching.

No. We used to hunt those Carta. Stop their lyrium smuggling.

The Cadash like money, not lyrium or ideals. Nadezhda learned to like ideals.

But a dwarf being the Herald of Andraste, that's got to be hard to swallow. Or... well, I guess no more difficult than an elf.

[Personally he doesn't much care. Andraste is long dead and the Maker is clearly gone from the world. As much as the Chantry's got wrong, they got that right. The evidence is everywhere.]

I'm really not sure that whole thing isn't just a bunch of people trying to hang their hope on something. Still, Andraste's Herald or not, whoever the Inquisitor is, it's still a lot of pressure.

She said she... weren't no stinking herald of anyone, it weren't Andraste, whatever they thought they saw.

[He catches her inflections and tones.]

She's Cadash.

[That does pull a laugh.]

My, she and Varric must have gotten alone swimmingly.

Her heart ached, watching him watching Bianca. Red hands, red heart, burns like lyrium might, but he cares, stay quiet, stay out of it.

She let Bianca go for Varric. She wanted to punish her for him too.

W- Bianca?

[Let go his crossbow? Punish it? That makes no sense, which means...]

The Bianca? The real actual live person one?

Yes. The one who made the crossbow. She came to Skyhold to find the Inquisitor.

She hurt Varric. She only ever hurts Varric. I don't like her much. Varric says she's brilliant, and should be a Paragon for her inventions, but she's not a nice person.

He loves her.

[Adalwolfe spreads his hands helplessly.]

Love is like that sometimes, especially when it's not reciprocated, which... well, it sounds like it isn't otherwise they'd be together, wouldn't they? People can be brilliant and not good people and I think Varric is smart enough to know that, but sometimes love isn't a smart thing.

[He purses his lips for a moment. That was his attempt at the benefit of the doubt, what he always tries to do. The diplomatic thing. But when it comes to Varric...]

If I'd been there, though, I'd have thrown her on her ass for hurting him, I can tell you that.

[No one harms one of his very best friends, physically or emotionally, and gets away with it.]

Edited 2016-10-18 03:12 (UTC)

He loves the idea of their romance. She's married. She married for power, whatever that means.

Corypheus was getting his red lyrium from the thaig. That Thaig. And Bianca told us about it and we went to stop it, close it, seal it and then she was caught lying. She sold the location of the thaig to a warden. She promised to never tell and she sold the secret.

I don't like Bianca. She's not a good person.

She sold the location of th-- How did she even know?!

[No. Wait. Of course. There's only one way she could know. Adalwolfe lowers his head into one hand, resting there for a moment as he groans a lament.]

Varric...

[He drags his hand down his face, then looks at the screen again.]

It seems like there are a lot of not very good people that get love anyway, doesn't it.

She betrayed him. Again.

Cadash was very kind to Varric, because he needed consoling, not anger. Then she went and hit The Iron Bull with a stick for a while and got drunk with the Chargers.

No, he wouldn't need anger. Getting mad at Varric never actually accomplishes anything.

[He's fairly certain Varric might have a lower opinion of himself in general than Anders has.]

Doesn't mean I wouldn't lay out Bianca.

[He snorts in irritation.]

Sounds like your Cadash ended up laying herself out if she was drinking with the Chargers. That would definitely make you forget your troubles at least for awhile.

Not angry at Varric. Getting angry for Varric.

[Cole hums absently.]

She's Carta. She can match most of the Chargers for drinks.

Makes sense. And as for getting angry for him, it's not really something I can help.

[That sounded sort of disapproving, Cole. He feels a little defensive, even if he's trying to be patient with it.]

He won't do it for himself. And yes I know he wouldn't want me to. Or anyone. But it's just.

[He runs out of words, too stuck on how Bianca had hurt Varric, how impossible it was to protect people from themselves, much less terrible former flames.]

Like I said, I can't help it.