driftfleet | though it hurts to breathe

Entry tags:

though it hurts to breathe

Who: Raven, Hank, Charles and Erik
Broadcast: No
Action: On the Heron
When: Now onwards!

[ It had taken her a little while to calm down with Hank at her side, long enough that she's practically itching to make her way over to the Heron as soon as she can, device in her hand - the temptation to text ahead, to make sure they're really there, that they're okay, is almost a little too daunting and there's not much Raven can do other than force herself to stop. She's stronger than this, true, but coming out of the other side of something as horrendous as Apocalypse and standing tall, waking up on the Fleet, trying to figure out if she can handle it all again - it's too much.

The only thoughts in her mind are that she needs to find Charles, she needs to find Erik, and she needs to make sure they're alive, that they're safe, that they're here. This is going to be impossibly difficult for all four of them, Hank at her side, but they could work through it. They beat an all powerful mutant 'God', they came together as a family and they worked, hard, to make sure they all came out alive the other side.

What was the Fleet after all that?

It doesn't take her long to break away from Hank into a practical run as she reaches the Heron, a flash as she makes her way down the hall to find the other two mutants. Erik is important in her mind, of course, but her first instinct is to call out for Charles, standing outside the door and pressing her fingers against it, afraid for a moment that he won't answer, that he won't be there. The fear grips her, and her hands shake, but she does it anyway, knocking and calling for her brother.

After that, later... Well, she has to take time to calm down. Once she's sure Charles is safe, that Erik is safe, she can actually move to relax herself, the weight on her shoulders fading away. It takes time, but it happens, slowly... But she doesn't leave. She doesn't feel like she can leave either of them, and she wonders how they're going to handle that. ]

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[ There's no point denying what she wants anymore - or trying to deny the way she feels, how much she cares about Hank. A part of her thinks she ought to be a touch more careful, since Charles is right behind the door and can probably pick up on the overload of emotions, and considering how his relationship with Charles stands right now... But she doesn't have the energy to fight this, not anymore. She doesn't have the will to pretend she doesn't want to drown herself in Hank, and she can always apologise later.

Her arms wrap around him quickly, and she shifts, pressing herself against his body as she settles, tilting into the kiss. After ten years it feels like a sudden rush of intensity - and it's all just from one simple kiss, one single touch of his hand. Being bereft of this kind of intimacy does it's damage, she thinks, and she feels warm and happy as soon as she manages to slip herself closer, tilting her head to make sure that she can kiss him for as long as she wants.

A part of her is conscious about the fact that they're standing around in the middle of the Heron where anyone can walk in on them, but she doesn't care. Raven keeps kissing Hank because there's no other option, no one else she wants, no one else she even wants to think about right now, and with her hand moving to stroke through his hair gently all other thoughts tumble out the window to fall to the side somewhere, ready for her to pick up when she can think properly again.

Finally, though, she does lean back, not far enough away that she's out of his arms but enough so that she can look at his face, her thumb brushing over his jawline, her cheeks pink and her lips a little red from just how hard she'd kissed him. ]

So you're still my boyfriend, then.

[ It's impossible not to tease him after a kiss like that. ]

[he doesn't want the kiss to end; he wants to lose himself in it, let it drown out every single other thought in his head - but he knows he can't. He knows that this moment they're stealing won't last as long as they want it to, but it just means they can have others, when things have calmed down. And he knows he has to keep calm, controlled, because his thoughts aren't as quiet as he wants them to be and it isn't fair to his friend in the other room.

So when she pulls back he just shifts his hand to lace their fingers together, not wanting to let go just yet. He tilts into her hand and lets his thumb brush over her cheek, and he can't quite manage a smile but his expression is soft, open.

She teases and he feels the faint urge to fluster - like he used to, because it had still been a new thing, putting words to what they had. And now - it was just as new, only the word they had seemed inappropriate. Like it didn't quite fit the right way. They were too old for it, for one, and the thought almost makes him laugh]

I wasn't aware I stopped.

[I mean, it's true]

[ It is true, and Raven pauses for a moment, thinking it over, and then she bursts into laughter, leaning to press her head against Hank's shoulder. It is true - it's not as if they'd broken up, and they hadn't agreed to be on any kind of break or say that they weren't together. Time just happened and they were forced to leave it for a little, that's all. She had never stopped wanting to be around him, wanting to be near him, wanting him, and she'd never stopped loving him.

Being the age that she is, however, and knowing how old she's grown in the last few years does make her wrinkle her nose ever so slightly. It was an odd feeling when she had been in her twenties but now it feels strange and juvenile to say that she had a boyfriend - but was any other word good enough? Hank was her boyfriend, her romantic interest, her... Well, other half, so to speak, and it was the best word that people might understand if asked. Trying to think of something else just seemed petty and ridiculous.

Leaning into all the gentle touches, Raven breathes out softly, closing her eyes and smiling. The worry slips away, and suddenly all the pieces feel as though they've connected and, yes, she can relax. Hank is here and she hasn't lost him, hasn't lost their connection, their relationship, and another horrible nightmare fades into the background. ]

It had been ten years. You might have changed your mind.

[ Or, you know, not, but she leans up to give him a quick kiss anyway. ]

[hearing her laugh does make him smile, shaky around the edges but more than he's managed without forcing it since they got home. As she leans into him he threads his fingers through her hair and just - breathes her in, relishes in having her so close, finally, and some of the tension eases from his shoulders. Not all of it, not for a while, but enough.

He vaguely wonders if they're going to have to talk about what to call themselves now. It's such a ridiculous thought that he huffs a quiet laugh into her hair before she pulls away to look at him again]

Not once. [he had no reason to] I don't break my promises.

[ For anyone else this would be ridiculous and the two of them would be unable to rationalise being together again, but the gulf of ten years apart is almost painfully familiar for her and Hank now; it's almost ridiculous to think that they're used to that kind of distance being between them. It is what helped forge their connection on the Fleet, though, so Raven can't be as frustrated and hurt about it as she could be, all things considered.

Leaning up, she nudges her nose against his as she tilts to give Hank another kiss, and then another, and then she tilts her head back and softens herself, trying to reign in her emotions. She's still ever so slightly aware of her surroundings, and she doesn't want to end up embarrassing either of them. ]

No, I know that. I did - I do.

[being affectionate like this - it's strange and familiar, another way his head and heart ache, but he doesn't stop her. He welcomes it, despite knowing it's a little inappropriate, doing this in the hallway of a ship they don't even live on. He sighs quietly when she leans back and he smiles at her again, then simply rests his forehead against hers.

It's okay to simply enjoy this, he tells himself. It's okay to be a little selfish, just for a minute longer]

I'm just reminding you.

[ Everything else fades away for the moment, and if anyone comes up and interrupts them or tries to scold them for their intimacy... Well, Raven can just tell them that it's been ten years since they were this close, and to go and mind their own goddamn business. For someone who had once been as tender in their affection as Charles had been she's used to intimacy from the people she loves, and it's been something she's missed.

They're here, sharing a moment, and it's fine because they're together - and, as always, she's hyper alert. ]

Will you keep reminding me for the rest of my life?

[honestly, he'd probably beat her to it, with an apology and a polite "get the hell out of here", because he's been waiting for this for too long to stop now. He's allowed to be selfish every once and a while, and this is that moment he's allowing himself. If someone doesn't like it, well - that's just too bad.

He's just as alert as she is, but it's not out of habit. It's out an almost obsessive, protective need. Sitting in the back of his mind]

If I need to.

[ It doesn't really register in Raven's mind, at least at first, the depth of this new promise; for the rest of her life. Given how young she looks now that lifespan could be far, far longer than anyone else could guess, and the idea of being with Hank for the rest of it... It's not as frightening as it might have been twenty years ago, when she was young and rebelling against being locked down and hidden away. Now it's a choice, one she wants to make, and his reply makes her tilt up and smile.

Mostly, she's just happy. She's here, and Hank loves her, and when she leans up to kiss him he'll kiss her back. When she touches him he'll reach out in return, and when she goes to bed he'll be there, too, as if nothing has changed. Everything's changed, of course, but having that constant, that reminder, that hope - it soothes her rattled spirit. ]

That's a big promise you're making, Hank McCoy.

[it's a big promise with strong connotations of something far more serious, and yet he doesn't care. He means it, with all his heart. Now that she's back, now that they're together, he's hard pressed to let her get that far, and only if she has to]

Those are the only promises I tend to make. [he rarely promises anything he doesn't mean, after all]

[ Raven isn't complaining, and Hank must be aware of the fact that she's teasing him gently rather than balking at the long-term commitment; she's promised to stay at the mansion now, and it's her home, with the X-Men and her brother and the other students. She's committed to the place, so why wouldn't she offer the same olive branch to the man she loves, too? It is a little daunting, a little frightening, but that's more because of the fact that she's used to being alone all over again - having company, having Hank, is going to take some getting used to.

She leans up, though, before she pauses, fighting the urge to throw herself at him and not let go. ]

I'll promise to remind you as well, then. If you forget.

[ Which is her own way of saying - yes, she's sticking around. Here, or at home; this is it. Hank is it. ]

[he wouldn't forget, but he doesn't say that. Old fears of losing memories, forgetting important things - those are long gone, but he knows what he's saying. He understands, and he won't say otherwise, even to tease. Instead he leans down to meet her, kissing her gently. One last kiss, before he figures they should get back to being properly . . . something]

All right. We'll remind each other.

[another promise, made in a moment of intimacy]

Edited 2016-09-04 01:43 (UTC)

[ And, suddenly, everything feels okay again. Behind the door Charles is waiting for her, and while she knows he's not even half as put together as he seems she also knows that he doesn't want them to see it, not yet. Whatever is happening between him and Erik is going to take time and a lot of hurt to work through, and all she can do is be by his side, no matter what, to make sure that he has someone to take care of him.

She can be the sister, the teacher, the hero, the girlfriend. She can manage it all, and it doesn't feel as heavy as it used to. Instead, it feels like a challenge, and she's never been able to ignore something like that.

(Raven is sure Charles is going to have something to say about lifelong promises to your boyfriend, though, and she's definitely embarrassed to consider it). ]

I like the sound of that.

[ Hand dropping to find his, Raven squeezes gently... Before her hand falls away and she realises that there's something in her pocket. Blinking, she turns her head down and then laughs, covering her mouth. ]

[not everything feels alright to him, but this does, and it's a big chunk of worry he doesn't have to shoulder. Between Charles and Erik, and - whatever it is that will be between them, and the worries he'll have about home despite knowing time has likely stopped - not having worry about Raven is a relief. They're on the same page and instead of tiptoeing around one another, they can go right back to being each other's support. Something he knows they'll both need, as things settle and the next day comes. Because it's going to be a day to day thing for a while, he thinks.

He squeezes her hand before it falls away - and furrows his brows as she starts laughing] What's so funny?

[ It feels almost ridiculous to be back here, and tugging the wrapped up metal out of her pocket doesn't help. She remembers organising it before she'd fallen into the sleep, and the fact that it's still there... It's ridiculous. It shouldn't be this easy but it is, and her eyes dart up to look at Hank before she softens and reaches for his hands, pressing the metal into his palms. ]

I bought you this ten years ago.

[ Moving her hands away, she smiles as she reveals the small metal pocket watch. ]

It seems silly now.

[it doesn't seem silly at all, is what he wants to say, but the words won't come. Instead he's left grasping for words, even a simple thank you. He remembers, very vividly, the frames, the flowers, the blanket - the gifts he'd given her on the hand-holding planet and he hadn't expected anything in return. Would have argued if she'd brought it up.

So of course she went and did it anyway.

He shakes his head and closes his fingers around the watch tightly, and takes a moment to find his voice. It's such a simple gesture and yet it isn't simple at all. After ten years, it means so much more]

It's not - it isn't silly. [he leans in to kiss her, quick and soft] Thank you.

[ It wasn't even about the flowers or the photos, Raven thinks. She remembers going out and trying to find something perfect for him, wanting to ask Erik for help, wanting to get something nice but also useful and practical... It feels like a lifetime ago, and now she's pink cheeked, embarrassed by the simplicity of her youth. A watch is nice, but it's hardly flowers and photos.

It was a present because she loved him. A present because she wanted to see him smile - because she cared.

She's not exactly relieved when Hank accepts it, but she does feel warm and bubbling, and she tilts up into the kiss, cupping his cheeks with both her hands before she leans back. He's beautiful, she thinks, and she draws him down for another, then another. ]

You're welcome. It's inscribed.

[ For Hank, with all my love. ]

[he catches inscription between her kisses and it makes his heart skip in his chest, and he can only imagine what it had been like if he'd gone home with it. But he doesn't let that thought stray too far, because it leads to things he hasn't even begun to handle. A death he never quite mourned properly, and something he needs to do when he finally feels like he can be alone.

So instead he accepts her kisses with a faint smile. Gifts were rare - he and Charles weren't in the habit of it, and he'd received his fair share of things from the students but this was different. This was something he'd keep with him all the time, much like the book he had seen still sitting on its shelf. Something cherished, a reminder.

I love you, too, he thinks, but those are difficult words to say, even in the best of times. So instead he just wordlessly draws her close to rest his head against hers, for one last, intimate moment between them]

[ There's no real need to say the words aloud anymore and Raven thinks they both know it; even before it had been a rare occurrence, said in moments of real desperate emotion or intensity, when they both needed to hear it, but now, here, like this... It's unspoken. They both know, and now that they're sure about their relationship... It's just not necessary. They're okay, and they know it now, and all of Raven's fears have been settled.

Raven had grown up being taken care of and supported by Charles, and giving and receiving presents wasn't unusual for her - they'd only had each other, after all, so birthdays and Christmases were always about the two of them sharing things with one another. It's different, now; their world has opened up and they're not isolated, tucked away in Westchester and ignored, and it means Raven has more people to care about - and she finds she wants to give them gifts, to show them how much she cares, because it's far easier than words ever were.

Relaxing into Hank's embrace again, she softens, closing her eyes. ]

I said I was going to get some blankets and clothes. Do you want me to get some for you?

[he does know it, even if he had struggled with it before - years ago (days ago). There's so many other words and ways to show it anyway, especially with them, when every moment they once shared was precious and special. He looked back on those instead, now, instead of the ruins of Cuba, or the longing after Washington. He went home certain about them and it never faltered, not once.

He shakes his head at her question, because he knows he isn't going to sleep. Not tonight, and maybe not tomorrow night either, and whatever sleep he will get will be accidental at best. No, he's going to sit and keep watch, until he's certain nothing is going to happen. Just like he did after Cairo. Only this time there's two doors to watch]

No, I'll be fine. But thank you.

[ It's a little incredible to think that ten years can go by and they'd still feel this way about each other, still want to be around each other, still love each other, and that gives Raven a new kind of hope and strength. She's finally found a place she wants to belong, with people she loves and people she cares about, and settling into that life hadn't been as horrible or damaging as she had always thought when she was younger. It had fit, like a puzzle, and she'd accepted it because it was right.

Her worries for Hank are still present, of course, and her eyes drink him in, wondering for a moment, but then she accepts it. She lets it lie because none of them are going to be completely okay for a long while, and if that means they have to be unhealthy for a bit to manage their emotions and bring themselves back together, then that's what they need to do. Raven can't exactly scold people when her own self-care has been minimal at best. ]

I'll bring you a blanket, at least. One of ours.

[he huffs quietly, but it's the only protest he'll give. It isn't as though he could stop her, even if he really wanted to. And he wouldn't try. He learned long ago that it was better to let her win most of their silly little back and forths. It's no different now, and it's like picking up where they left off. A little bumpy, but that's to be expected]

Alright, then bring a blanket. [it likely won't get used, or at least not while he's conscious, but] Do you want me to come with you, or - keep an eye on things here?

[ Raven hesitates for a moment, a little uncertain and a little unsure, before she steels herself and gathers her determination. She had, of course, been a little lost and unbalanced for years after Washington, and it had come down to the mantle that had been placed around her shoulders, the idea of being a hero, of being someone special when she knew the truth. She's struggling with her own confidence still, but she shakes her head, turning back to Hank. ]

Can you just... Listen out for him? [ Her voice is quiet, and her eyes go back to staring at the door. Her brother, who's gained so much but lost so much at the same time. ] I think he's tired, and he needs the space for his mind, but...

[he glances to the door as well, his smile fading a little. Charles had assured him he was fine and he believed that, and his worries weren't so much out of control as they were simply there, lingering in the background, but. All of them were going to be concerned no matter what, and sitting here keeping an eye on things suits him fine.

After a moment he nods, hands on his hips as he gives the door one long, hard look. You better rest in there. He thinks out gently, carefully, before his attention is back on Raven]

I'll keep an ear out.

[ That was the thing about Charles; he might say he's alright, and he might well be, but the cracks are there and he does his best to hide those. Raven had already seen the exhaustion creeping through, the way he had looked at her, tired and almost desperate, and that's why she had fled to give him a little peace. He needed to rebuild more than they did, telepathy his strength and his weakness, and she wasn't going to drown him in her own emotions.

Lifting Hank's hands, she presses a kiss to his knuckles, smiling softly. ]

Thank you.

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