though it hurts to breathe

[athru]

Who: Raven, Hank, Charles and Erik
Broadcast: No
Action: On the Heron
When: Now onwards!

[ It had taken her a little while to calm down with Hank at her side, long enough that she's practically itching to make her way over to the Heron as soon as she can, device in her hand - the temptation to text ahead, to make sure they're really there, that they're okay, is almost a little too daunting and there's not much Raven can do other than force herself to stop. She's stronger than this, true, but coming out of the other side of something as horrendous as Apocalypse and standing tall, waking up on the Fleet, trying to figure out if she can handle it all again - it's too much.

The only thoughts in her mind are that she needs to find Charles, she needs to find Erik, and she needs to make sure they're alive, that they're safe, that they're here. This is going to be impossibly difficult for all four of them, Hank at her side, but they could work through it. They beat an all powerful mutant 'God', they came together as a family and they worked, hard, to make sure they all came out alive the other side.

What was the Fleet after all that?

It doesn't take her long to break away from Hank into a practical run as she reaches the Heron, a flash as she makes her way down the hall to find the other two mutants. Erik is important in her mind, of course, but her first instinct is to call out for Charles, standing outside the door and pressing her fingers against it, afraid for a moment that he won't answer, that he won't be there. The fear grips her, and her hands shake, but she does it anyway, knocking and calling for her brother.

After that, later... Well, she has to take time to calm down. Once she's sure Charles is safe, that Erik is safe, she can actually move to relax herself, the weight on her shoulders fading away. It takes time, but it happens, slowly... But she doesn't leave. She doesn't feel like she can leave either of them, and she wonders how they're going to handle that. ]

Comments

[exothermia]

[Charles gets the door first, because why wouldn't he? The energy that floods the room when Raven enters and throws herself at her brother is like electricity on Erik's skin, faintly prickling. Nothing like the awkward, artificial reserve that had fallen on Charles and Erik when they woke up side-by-side.

Erik smiles at the pair of them reuniting. It's genuine. It's also not a moment for him, in this too-small bedroom. So he slips out of the room while they're occupied, giving them space.

Giving himself some as well.

He stops in the corridor just outside the room though, leaning back against the wall, and passes his hand over his face. He's gone from solitude to a deluge of interaction, ties, substance. It's pointless to wish he could have been better prepared.]

[athru]

[ Raven drowns herself in Charles and his company for as long as she can manage; the intensity of it is a little much for all of them, she thinks, and as glad as she is to be back in her brother's arms, making sure he's alive and well after the sudden rush of ten years and the reminder of the Fleet, she knows that he's not the only one she needs to see. She knows that he knows, too, because it's Charles and no matter how much time passes he'd always know.

When he gets caught up with Hank (which was bound to happen, considering it's the two of them) she offers a small smile and slips out of the room, giving the two of them their time; they're family too, after all. And, speaking of family...

Outside, Raven doesn't pause. Her eyes drag over Erik and drink him in, and she swallows before she moves and slips up to stand at his side, her fingers reaching out to find his, wanting to anchor herself to him, too. ]

You're here.

[exothermia]

[The last time he'd seen Raven was at a distance; watching her prepare the X-Men in the Danger Room, as he got ready to leave. It wasn't so long ago, not really. A couple of weeks. It hadn't hurt to leave, knowing as he did that he couldn't stay. Not when there were things he had to do, for himself and no one else.

There is a measure of relief in seeing her again, little expected though it had been when he left the school. His fingers twitch a bit at the touch, but he allows it. He tilts his head towards her, slightly more unkempt than he'd been while staying at the school.]

So it would seem.

[athru]

[ She doesn't say much, not at first; for a long moment all she can do is bask in the fact that he's here, beside her, that she can reach out and touch his hand and know that he's real. She had been so afraid that she might have woken up to a world where Charles and Erik had stayed back at the mansion, or where she and Hank had awoken together to find that the other two had no idea what they were talking about.

It's strange, to find some kind of relief in pain, but at the same time it's familiar. It makes sense, and that makes it easier. Erik is here, and he remembers, and he looks the way she remembers him when she had been around the mansion putting things back together, and as much as her heart hurts she knows that she's managing.

There's no point questioning him about his relationship with Charles right now - something that would definitely be too raw and painful. Instead, she moves a little closer, resting her forehead on his arm. ]

I'm glad you're here, Erik.

[exothermia]

It's good to see you. [It sounds noncommittal, and in a way maybe it is. He means it, in every fibre. Saying he's glad to be here, though, isn't something he can do. He doesn't know how he feels about that. It's different from before - all those years ago - where he remembers his intense frustration at being trapped. Now... now. What now?]

I trust you're well.

[athru]

I'm better now.

[ Which is a slight understatement. She has to try and smother the panic and the uncertainty that came when she woke up -- she still feels a little out of sorts, and she feels her heart racing, but she moves closer, not wanting to be too far from Erik's orbit. She's still trying to make sure that he's okay, even though she isn't, not really, and being near him helps. ]

I didn't do as well when I first woke up.

[exothermia]

I'm sure you did better than me. [Some panels are slightly off-centre in the walls of the Heron, the odd metal object randomly on the floors. The only vestiges of his first explosion of confusion and distress upon waking. Even so, he says it lightly, and pats her shoulder.]

[athru]

Maybe. [ She woke up and basically had a panic attack - she's come down from it, and she's better now that Charles is around, but she can't help but focus on Erik, her eyes dancing over his face before she breathes out gently. ] How are you feeling? Do you need anything?

[exothermia]

[There's a tightness around his eyes that speaks to some hidden mood. Despite the long sleep, he doesn't feel rested. The situation he's found himself in is... complicated. He had fallen asleep in an isolated cabin, and woken up in space again, surrounded by the people he cares most for and a myriad of others. The adjustment is difficult.

Charles had asked what he needed too, and he knows it's out of concern. The fact of the matter is, it's not a question he can answer, and he doesn't want people to harp on it too long.] No, I have what I need. I know you're all right.

[athru]

[ Raven accepts that as it is; if there was something Erik wanted her to do for him then he'd have said it and not beaten around the bush. There's no point in pushing and pushing when she knows that if he needed anything from her he'd voice it, and she's fine with that.

Instead, she moves, careful, and shifts. Her arms move up and, slowly, she goes to wrap her arms around him, to try and draw him close and bask in the fact that he's here. None of them might be at all 'okay', but they're trying, and that's what is important, she thinks. ]

That's what I needed, too.

[exothermia]

[He doesn't stiffen at the embrace the way he used to, back in the Fleet. Those barriers were long gone, for the two of them. After a moment he gives in to it himself, bringing his arms up around her back. He exhales softly, pushing back against the dark thoughts hovering at the edges of his mind. They can wait.]

[athru]

[ There's no pause, now that the two of them are close. Raven wraps her arms around him and presses forward, squeezing Erik into her arms and resting there. It's hard not to bask in the fact that he's here and he's alive, and that he remembers, and she closes her eyes as she turns her head to press it into the side of Erik's neck.

Her family is here, and it warms her, and Raven has to consciously remind herself to breathe after a sharp moment. ]

[axiomed]

[ When Charles opens the door, the sight of Raven (safe, breathing, not in the throes of death) and he can't help the unintelligible sound of relief that escapes his mouth as he reaches out for her, still breathing, still alive ]

[athru]

[ The rest of the world fades away completely as Raven goes straight to Charles; it's as if she's suddenly overcome with tunnel vision, and the only thing she can do is fall into the embrace, wrapping her arms around him almost as soon as he reaches out for her. Nothing else matters, and all of the fear, and the panic, and the uncertainty melts away in the one, single, breathless moment. In his arms, the only thing she can do is say his name again, pressing close and squeezing with all her might. ]

You're here.

[axiomed]

[ He's not much better, as his arms wrap themselves tightly around her waist. His composure breaks because he felt her dying and he couldn't do anything to stall it or stop it and every promise he had ever made her turned to ash and dust in Cairo, but she was alive and they were both here. ]

God, Raven, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

[athru]

Don't, it wasn't your fault.

[ It's not said harshly, not when they're both on the edge of emotions bubbling over, and she reaches, wrapping her arms around his neck and moving to press her forehead into his, to lean close and let herself bask in the fact that he's here. There's no little house hiding him from Apocalypse, no hands around her throat, no threat of death on the edge of her vision, and the desperate panic she felt moments before calms, ever so slightly.

She still can't bear the idea of letting go, and she grips at him with all her strength, afraid that if she leans back for even a moment he'll slip through her fingers again, go flying out of sight, the basement all over again. ]

We had to protect you - I wanted to protect you. It's fine, it's - it's done now.

[axiomed]

[ It's not fine, he wants to say. It's far from fine. Charles feels unsafe, feels like someone has dug their fingers into his skull and yanked away all his carefully placed guards. All those greater powers, the ones who have always eyed him with sneering admiration and ambition, who have wanted to use him to achieve their own ends - and it all came true, strapped down on a table.

Charles has been annoyed by his paralysis. Frustrated by it. But it has never rendered him helpless before.

Instead, he shudders, trying to calm himself. The scars will fade. They always do. He had more important things to - to work on before he digs into himself and smooths over his kernel of hurts. ]

Yes. Yes, it's over.

[athru]

[ In that moment, Raven had known - Apocalypse had shouted for Charles, over and over, called her weak and foolish, demanded he come out for her, and she had known he couldn't. Charles wouldn't have been able to push himself to his feet and come out, and none of the others would have helped him step out of the safety of their shelter just so that he could go and die. If he had died for her, if Apocalypse had taken him the way that he had wanted... Raven doesn't think she'd have been able to cope.

It had been ten years since she and Charles had talked about her coming home, about her starting a new life with him, and the sudden reminder of it makes her shake. She had almost lost him - he had almost been taken away from her. She can still feel the anger, the hurt, being locked away and hearing his voice in her mind, knowing she had to go to him - all her determination, all her strength, had been centred around finding Charles and protecting him.

(He'd spent most of his life taking care of her, sheltering her - it was her turn, and she did her best. Her best hadn't been enough, and she had been thrown aside, left to rot, and the fear, the hurt, the uncertainty, the sadness she had felt, wondering if the next time she opened her eyes it would be to the news that her brother was dead -)

Lifting her hand, she touches his cheek gently, squeezing her eyes shut. The tears come back again and she's helpless to fight them, waves of emotion bursting against all her self-control. ]

I came as fast as I could. There, and here - I'll always come. I'm not going to lose you, Charles, and no one - no one is going to take us away from each other.

[axiomed]

[ Charles pulls one of his hands away to brush the tears off, as gentle as he can be. In the end, he wasn't really upset. There was no deep well of sadness. Erik and Raven came home and for a brief, crystalline moment, his dream was realized in perfect clarity. ]

Oh, Raven. You won't lose me.

[athru]

[ The suddenness of realising that she intends to stay at the mansion seems to be at odds with the person Raven can remember herself being the last time she was here - uncertain but determined, knowing it was her place but waiting to see if she would be able to become the person she needed to be. Now she knows she is, and it feels as if she has to fight for her right to be there all over again, justifying it to herself. ]

I almost did.

[ It comes out quiet, but she shakes her head, shoving that away. ]

But - see. I told you I'd come back.

[axiomed]

[ Charles finds himself chuckling, though it doesn't hold its usual wry amusement. ]

I believe you. Believed you.

[athru]

[ The soft laugh is enough for her, and she turns, cuddling into him and pressing her face into the curve of his neck and jaw, letting herself have this moment. This, she thinks, is home, and the sudden rush of emotion - it feels like too much, and she tries to reign it in. Not for her own sake, but for Charles'. ]

Are you okay with being back here? Is everything okay?

[axiomed]

Everything - [ And it's not hard to say that. He almost marvels at it. ] - Everything will be all right.

[athru]

[ Everything 'will' be alright. That means things aren't okay right now - and she can imagine why that would be - but they'll be okay in the end. When they figure things out. She knows there's too much to say and do and, because of that, all she can do is shake her head, nodding in agreement. ]

You're right. It will be.

[ Careful, almost afraid he'll disappear, she reaches for his hand. ]

Can I stay here? With you? Not forever, just -

[ Just until she's sure she won't wake up terrified she's lost him. ]

[axiomed]

[ He hesitates before nodding. He'd like some more quiet, to fix his tattered shields but Charles couldn't turn Raven down. ]

Yes. Of course.