though it hurts to breathe

[athru]

Who: Raven, Hank, Charles and Erik
Broadcast: No
Action: On the Heron
When: Now onwards!

[ It had taken her a little while to calm down with Hank at her side, long enough that she's practically itching to make her way over to the Heron as soon as she can, device in her hand - the temptation to text ahead, to make sure they're really there, that they're okay, is almost a little too daunting and there's not much Raven can do other than force herself to stop. She's stronger than this, true, but coming out of the other side of something as horrendous as Apocalypse and standing tall, waking up on the Fleet, trying to figure out if she can handle it all again - it's too much.

The only thoughts in her mind are that she needs to find Charles, she needs to find Erik, and she needs to make sure they're alive, that they're safe, that they're here. This is going to be impossibly difficult for all four of them, Hank at her side, but they could work through it. They beat an all powerful mutant 'God', they came together as a family and they worked, hard, to make sure they all came out alive the other side.

What was the Fleet after all that?

It doesn't take her long to break away from Hank into a practical run as she reaches the Heron, a flash as she makes her way down the hall to find the other two mutants. Erik is important in her mind, of course, but her first instinct is to call out for Charles, standing outside the door and pressing her fingers against it, afraid for a moment that he won't answer, that he won't be there. The fear grips her, and her hands shake, but she does it anyway, knocking and calling for her brother.

After that, later... Well, she has to take time to calm down. Once she's sure Charles is safe, that Erik is safe, she can actually move to relax herself, the weight on her shoulders fading away. It takes time, but it happens, slowly... But she doesn't leave. She doesn't feel like she can leave either of them, and she wonders how they're going to handle that. ]

Comments

[axiomed]

[ He's not much better, as his arms wrap themselves tightly around her waist. His composure breaks because he felt her dying and he couldn't do anything to stall it or stop it and every promise he had ever made her turned to ash and dust in Cairo, but she was alive and they were both here. ]

God, Raven, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

[athru]

Don't, it wasn't your fault.

[ It's not said harshly, not when they're both on the edge of emotions bubbling over, and she reaches, wrapping her arms around his neck and moving to press her forehead into his, to lean close and let herself bask in the fact that he's here. There's no little house hiding him from Apocalypse, no hands around her throat, no threat of death on the edge of her vision, and the desperate panic she felt moments before calms, ever so slightly.

She still can't bear the idea of letting go, and she grips at him with all her strength, afraid that if she leans back for even a moment he'll slip through her fingers again, go flying out of sight, the basement all over again. ]

We had to protect you - I wanted to protect you. It's fine, it's - it's done now.

[axiomed]

[ It's not fine, he wants to say. It's far from fine. Charles feels unsafe, feels like someone has dug their fingers into his skull and yanked away all his carefully placed guards. All those greater powers, the ones who have always eyed him with sneering admiration and ambition, who have wanted to use him to achieve their own ends - and it all came true, strapped down on a table.

Charles has been annoyed by his paralysis. Frustrated by it. But it has never rendered him helpless before.

Instead, he shudders, trying to calm himself. The scars will fade. They always do. He had more important things to - to work on before he digs into himself and smooths over his kernel of hurts. ]

Yes. Yes, it's over.

[athru]

[ In that moment, Raven had known - Apocalypse had shouted for Charles, over and over, called her weak and foolish, demanded he come out for her, and she had known he couldn't. Charles wouldn't have been able to push himself to his feet and come out, and none of the others would have helped him step out of the safety of their shelter just so that he could go and die. If he had died for her, if Apocalypse had taken him the way that he had wanted... Raven doesn't think she'd have been able to cope.

It had been ten years since she and Charles had talked about her coming home, about her starting a new life with him, and the sudden reminder of it makes her shake. She had almost lost him - he had almost been taken away from her. She can still feel the anger, the hurt, being locked away and hearing his voice in her mind, knowing she had to go to him - all her determination, all her strength, had been centred around finding Charles and protecting him.

(He'd spent most of his life taking care of her, sheltering her - it was her turn, and she did her best. Her best hadn't been enough, and she had been thrown aside, left to rot, and the fear, the hurt, the uncertainty, the sadness she had felt, wondering if the next time she opened her eyes it would be to the news that her brother was dead -)

Lifting her hand, she touches his cheek gently, squeezing her eyes shut. The tears come back again and she's helpless to fight them, waves of emotion bursting against all her self-control. ]

I came as fast as I could. There, and here - I'll always come. I'm not going to lose you, Charles, and no one - no one is going to take us away from each other.

[axiomed]

[ Charles pulls one of his hands away to brush the tears off, as gentle as he can be. In the end, he wasn't really upset. There was no deep well of sadness. Erik and Raven came home and for a brief, crystalline moment, his dream was realized in perfect clarity. ]

Oh, Raven. You won't lose me.

[athru]

[ The suddenness of realising that she intends to stay at the mansion seems to be at odds with the person Raven can remember herself being the last time she was here - uncertain but determined, knowing it was her place but waiting to see if she would be able to become the person she needed to be. Now she knows she is, and it feels as if she has to fight for her right to be there all over again, justifying it to herself. ]

I almost did.

[ It comes out quiet, but she shakes her head, shoving that away. ]

But - see. I told you I'd come back.

[axiomed]

[ Charles finds himself chuckling, though it doesn't hold its usual wry amusement. ]

I believe you. Believed you.

[athru]

[ The soft laugh is enough for her, and she turns, cuddling into him and pressing her face into the curve of his neck and jaw, letting herself have this moment. This, she thinks, is home, and the sudden rush of emotion - it feels like too much, and she tries to reign it in. Not for her own sake, but for Charles'. ]

Are you okay with being back here? Is everything okay?

[axiomed]

Everything - [ And it's not hard to say that. He almost marvels at it. ] - Everything will be all right.

[athru]

[ Everything 'will' be alright. That means things aren't okay right now - and she can imagine why that would be - but they'll be okay in the end. When they figure things out. She knows there's too much to say and do and, because of that, all she can do is shake her head, nodding in agreement. ]

You're right. It will be.

[ Careful, almost afraid he'll disappear, she reaches for his hand. ]

Can I stay here? With you? Not forever, just -

[ Just until she's sure she won't wake up terrified she's lost him. ]

[axiomed]

[ He hesitates before nodding. He'd like some more quiet, to fix his tattered shields but Charles couldn't turn Raven down. ]

Yes. Of course.

[athru]

[ She's not stupid, and she notes the hesitation, watching for a moment before she breathes out. ]

How's - after - [ She frowns. She's been keeping check of her emotions to not overwhelm, but the question still feels awkward coming from her. They'd just reformed that connection before... This. ] Your head.

[axiomed]

[ He's silent for a while. En-Sabah-Nur only shielded himself and the Horsemen. Nothing shielded Charles from what happened in Cairo . . . and afterwards. ]

It's had better days.

[athru]

[ They've all had better days, and Raven accepts it with a nod of her head, torn between reaching out to brush her fingers over his cheeks and clinging to him with everything she has. ]

Is there anything I can do?

[axiomed]

[ He silently huffs, taking her hand and pressing a kiss to the inside of her palm. ]

If there is . . . I'll try and let you know.

[athru]

That's all I can ask for.

[ It's better than the two of them pretending nothing is wrong, or trying to fix things alone, expression softening at the kiss. It makes her smile, and she lifts her hand to touch the side of his head. ]

You know, everyone's going to be so confused when they wake up and see you bald.

[axiomed]

[ Charles grimaces. ]

I'll make something up.

[athru]

You can blame me. Say I went crazy with a razor because I was jealous of your beautiful hair.

[axiomed]

[ His lips twitch. ]

I was planning on blaming the Atroma, actually.

[athru]

Oh. [ She blinks, before she bursts out laughing. ] That actually makes more sense.

[axiomed]

It's believable. No one would truly question it.

[ Which suits him fine. ]

[athru]

If they push you can just admit that you're an old man, too.

[axiomed]

I have plenty of comebacks in my repertoire.

[athru]

I suppose you had to learn, being around moody teenagers all the time.

[axiomed]

[ His smile is rueful. ]

You've met them. They're not so bad.