driftfleet | though it hurts to breathe

Entry tags:

though it hurts to breathe

Who: Raven, Hank, Charles and Erik
Broadcast: No
Action: On the Heron
When: Now onwards!

[ It had taken her a little while to calm down with Hank at her side, long enough that she's practically itching to make her way over to the Heron as soon as she can, device in her hand - the temptation to text ahead, to make sure they're really there, that they're okay, is almost a little too daunting and there's not much Raven can do other than force herself to stop. She's stronger than this, true, but coming out of the other side of something as horrendous as Apocalypse and standing tall, waking up on the Fleet, trying to figure out if she can handle it all again - it's too much.

The only thoughts in her mind are that she needs to find Charles, she needs to find Erik, and she needs to make sure they're alive, that they're safe, that they're here. This is going to be impossibly difficult for all four of them, Hank at her side, but they could work through it. They beat an all powerful mutant 'God', they came together as a family and they worked, hard, to make sure they all came out alive the other side.

What was the Fleet after all that?

It doesn't take her long to break away from Hank into a practical run as she reaches the Heron, a flash as she makes her way down the hall to find the other two mutants. Erik is important in her mind, of course, but her first instinct is to call out for Charles, standing outside the door and pressing her fingers against it, afraid for a moment that he won't answer, that he won't be there. The fear grips her, and her hands shake, but she does it anyway, knocking and calling for her brother.

After that, later... Well, she has to take time to calm down. Once she's sure Charles is safe, that Erik is safe, she can actually move to relax herself, the weight on her shoulders fading away. It takes time, but it happens, slowly... But she doesn't leave. She doesn't feel like she can leave either of them, and she wonders how they're going to handle that. ]

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[She guesses correctly, though nothing in the room speaks to his personal tastes. The only clue is the bright magenta fluffslug that's currently curled up on the pillow, deposited there earlier when Erik finally came back outside.

His thoughts are still trying to whirl and clamour, but now there's a name to put to it, he's able to force them back enough to think and react. He watches Raven for a moment, his togetherness from earlier lost for now.]

Yes. I'm all right. I was just... [He doesn't know how to finish that sentence. Words seem lacking.]

[ She doesn't comment on the room, or the decoration, or the fact that he's probably not staying with Charles anymore. None of that really seems to matter right now, and what she focusses on is Erik. Ten years ago she had struggled with accepting his friendship again, struggled to forgive him and slowly rebuild things, and now she can't imagine not being here, or abandoning him to his pain.

Instead, she lets her hand stay in his, thumb brushing over his knuckles, a steady, comforting force beside him. If he needs more he can reach for her and she would be willing to give it, and she thinks they're both aware of it. ]

You don't have to talk about it. I'm not here to force you to talk.

[No, she wouldn't be. None of them are talking, at least as far as he's concerned. He and Charles are skirting each other with wide margins, too afraid to cross the ice in the middle and fall into the depths below. And after that, who else is really going to talk to him? (A lot of people, not that he's willing to concede that fact just now.)

He shakes his head briefly, trying to clear it from the echoes.]

Did-- you know? When you brought Peter to Cairo. [He can get that much out, nothing further yet. Now that he's put the pieces together, they won't cut into him quite so badly. For now.]

[ Maybe it'll be easier to talk and be comfortable when things have settled down, but right now Raven's mind is still a mess of a thousand and one things at once. It's being back here with memories that are both ten years old and one week ago all tangled up and twisted inside her trying to war with the ten years since she was last here, and it's left her in a bit of a confused mess.

For now, she blinks, turning her head up to look at her friend before she breathes out gently. ]

I knew. He told me, when Stryker caught us and took us to his base. [ She had made it as clear to Erik as she could without taking Peter's autonomy from him, and how she squeezes Erik's hand gently. ] You know what he was doing there - he told you.

[He had heard, but he hadn't understood. Understanding anything in that moment had taken so much effort; even Raven's words hadn't really penetrated until she had gone from his side.]

I didn't know.

I know. He knew that, too.

[ Raven frowns, considering, for a moment, before she breathes out. ]

I won't tell you what he said to me unless you want to know. It's your right to decide that.

[His fingers flex in Raven's hand, like he's not sure whether he wants to pull away or tighten the grip. It's still rocky, turning the information over in his head. It had come at him out of nowhere just now, when he was already overloaded and just keeping his head above water. Part of him wants to just push it away and leave it alone, something he doesn't need to deal with right now. Peter isn't here, after all.

(He has a son, somewhere. Untarnished. Safe.)]

...no. No, that's not necessary. It's not for me to hear until-- [He can't imagine talking to Peter himself right now.] --later. [That last is halting, like he needs to finish the sentence but nothing is adequate.]

[ Raven can't understand, not really, because she hasn't been overloaded in the same way; she knows about the chance for her own child and his existence, thanks to this fleet, but she hadn't given herself time to think about it or focus on what it might mean. Her attention is solely on Erik, and she leans closer, wanting to take care of him, to comfort him, to be at his side, and...

Closing her eyes, she swallows, trying to calm herself down before she turns her attention back to her friend. ]

Later works too. [ She puts her other hand over his, so that both of hers are touching one of his. She wants to be comforting, and she nods her head, expression gentle. ] You don't need to force yourself.

I'm not. I'm... [He lets out a sharp breath.] I'd already started working about it. Here. In the Fleet. There's another version of him... around. He isn't a mutant; I'm not connected to him.

Then you don't have to think about him right now. He's not connected to you, so. [ Raven shrugs a shoulder. She knows there's a Kurt here on the Fleet but she's never made an attempt to go and meet him - she doesn't intend to start now. ] Right now you need to think about yourself.

[Kurt is a whole other landmine. One Erik is already starting to think about, privately, knowing he can't put off that conversation. None of them have to know what he's planning, though.]

I don't want to. [That's pathetic, but it is what it is.]

[ She shifts, moving, drawing Erik close, leaning up a little. ]

Then think about baking. Think about the stupid planet with it's overpriced rubbish. Give yourself time to recover from this, because we all need it. It's not like we're going to wake up in a few days time and everything is going to be okay, because it's not. We have the right to work through this, and so do you.

[The idea of baking only twists something in his stomach, because he'd done that at home. He hadn't often had the time, with work, but on weekends he'd cook the dinners for them. Nina had wanted to learn, too.

He takes a breath.]

It's not so much a right as a necessity.

Then we have all the more reason to take it for ourselves.

[ Raven turns her head away, staring at the door, afraid and uncertain for a moment. She worries that she's saying the wrong thing, that she's pushing him away, just hurting him more, and she doesn't know how to handle it - but she forces herself to keep going. ]

The rest of the world doesn't matter right now. Only you do.

That's easy enough to say. We aren't in our world.

Does that matter? Whatever world we're in, we ignore it. We can't go out there and pretend everything is fine, and we shouldn't have to, either.

[He shakes his head finally.] No. We won't do that.

Then we're in agreement.

[ They'll take their time and they'll heal. That's okay; that's their right. ]

So. Do you think you need anything else right now?

No. I'm just going to... take some time in here. [He'd say, "organise his things," but he's already done that. There's nothing really left to do.]

Fair enough.

[ She leans against him and closes her eyes. ]

I'm not going anywhere until you kick me out, you know.

[He lets out a breath, but says nothing. Not for five minutes. After that, he shifts and he speaks.]

You can go back to Charles now.

[ She has to bite her tongue to stop the sharp laugh that comes out. ]

Who says that's where I'm going to go?

Hank, then.

[ That makes her hesitate for a moment, but she decides not to comment on it. ]

I'll come and see you later, okay?

All right.

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though it hurts to breathe

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