[Open] Plant your hope with good seeds

[apurrstate]

Who: Anders and Anyone (with one closed prompt for Fenris)
Broadcast: No
Action: The Three Twins clinic, the greenhouse, Malum and Planetside
When: Todayish/this weekish

Clinic
[Generally, Anders preferred to spend his time in his clinic, making sure all the equipment worked, making sure everything remained clean and sanitary, making sure all of his supplies were stocked, all the while happy to wait around in case anyone needed him.

Since arriving at the planets and spreading his time between the clinic and Hawke, he'd been there less often. Usually, only stopping in to do his usual checks and watering the rows of medicinal herbs he had potted in the back of the clinic. He'd hang around for a little while during this, but always made sure the little note he'd made forever ago was out in case someone needed healing and came looking for him while he was gone. The communicators made that part easy, at least. How much less stress would he have had in Kirkwall if he could have simply let his patients contact him through a communicator when they needed him and he was away?

Well, it didn't matter, it wasn't worth thinking about.

As he went through his usual routine, movement by the door caught his attention from the corner of his eye, his focus on the plants he was tending to.]

Come in! What can I help you with?

Greenhouse
[He had his plants in his clinic, but there were versions kept here as well and, though he trusted Hermione to set up spells and things to tend to the plants whether he was there or not, he still enjoyed stopping by to do it himself when he could. The only thing from the circle he ever missed was the herbology he could do within those walls.

Kirkwall had limited what he could do with so few supplies and no potion was needed more than elfroot anyway, so it hadn't allowed for a whole lot of creativity. But now they had their seedlings, growing healthy and rapidly under the care he and Hermione provided and he looked forward to being able to do more again.

Anders spread a hint of creation magic on the plants, ones he was personally invested in and the others, just to help them grow strong, his hands glowing a little blue as he cupped them around the sprouts. A sound from nearby soon drew his attention and pulled him from the plants for further investigation, however.]

Is someone there?

Planetside
[These planets and moons aren't nearly as relaxing as the last one, but Anders finds himself enjoying it more anyway. There's plenty to see and explore, all the faction stuff aside and each one held their merits on things to experience. There were places nature still ran rampant that he still found relaxing, the busy streets of the main city held shops and entertainment at every corner and Spirit's library and meditation moon offered all the peace and research Anders might want.

The library especially was something he continued to visit at least once a day, combing through what books on magic and spirits it had to offer, especially once Hawke could no longer come with him.]

Malum
[At first, he'd been spending a lot of time at the bar, certainly more than he'd spent before he'd woken up older, mostly due to the fact Hawke worked there. Now it was nearly habit to show up whenever Hawke worked.

That included today when Hawke should have been working but wasn't because he'd been an idiot and gotten caught cheating the system. He loved Hawke with every fiber of his being, but he was really far less than impressed with his partner's ability to land himself in trouble. Especially when Anders had told him it would blow up in his face.

So now he was at Malum, wishing again he could simply get drunk enough to not think about the fact Hawke was stuck alone in a cell for the next foreseeable future and all this 'competition' might entail. He ordered a drink anyway and sat staring at it.]

Maybe, just this once, you'd make an exception?

[He kept his voice quiet, hoping no one would overhear him ostensibly talking to himself, but still hopeful his Spirit friend would give him a break for one night and let the alcohol muddle his head a bit.

He wasn't going to hold his breath on it.]

For Fenris
[Even with Vash working at the Space Bar now and Hawke in Jail, Anders still generally stuck to Malum and not the Space Bar, he likely wouldn't have set foot in there at all tonight, if it was left up to him. Unfortunately, it wasn't.

Ser-Pounce-A-Lot, in his curious kitten ways, had slipped away from Anders almost as soon as they'd stepped abord the Iskaulit and thoroughly lost the mage for the time being.

The small orange ball of fluff strode into the bar like he owned the place and began poking around at anything and everything that drew his attention. Eventually, that attention fell on the elf that worked there and Pounce made quick work of scaling his outfit to find a spot on Fenris' shoulder.

This was fine, right?]

Comments

[wolfehawke]

Too much work, anyway.

[He chuckles gently, bumping Anders' shoulder. They each have their faults, of course. He can't build anything more complicated than a fence and if Anders even thinks of picking up a musical instrument Hawke suddenly remembers everything he ever put on his to do list, but it's a precious little part of their being a couple that they know these things about each other. Wolfe cherishes Anders' bad lute playing and terrible spelling.

It also means he knows what that clench of his love's jaw means, the slight change in the creases at the corners of his eyes.]

Hey.

[The word is gentle, coaxing.]

Talk to me.

[apurrstate]

[Anders' eyes cast down, away from the beautiful sight before them and the one still lingering in his mind's eye, but then turned to Hawke instead, that smile growing. His hand curled around his love's and gave it a squeeze, all an attempt to distract and redirect like he'd been able to once years ago.

It tore at him to do it now, after so many years of being nothing but truthful to his partner. But things were different now, at least they felt that way. It wasn't just them anymore, Hawke had other people to turn to, he wasn't forced to rely simply on Anders for happiness. Perhaps, he could keep the things that could hurt Hawke from him, if he tried.]

What about, love? How we'll surely have a hard time keeping your clothes clean with all the salt water you're sure to get in them? Or perhaps you'd like to hear about our late night beach-side escapades...?

[wolfehawke]

[Anders reaches for him and he feels those fingers squeeze, wants nothing more than to take everything the man next to him - glowing bathed in the honeyed glow of morning light so it glinted from his hair in shades of both gold and copper - at face value. But even after months apart Wolfe can tell when Anders is trying to give him the brush off.]

You always undress before getting in the water, of course. Even fish know that, they're naked. Makes those escapades much easier.

[He tries to let it go, thinking perhaps it's just something Anders doesn't want to address, but even that is a poor excuse. When in the last several years had they not been open with each other? Honest? But even when making licentious jokes it falls flat and he's sure Anders can tell that it's show. He doesn't try all to hard to hide things from Anders anyway, not how he does with everyone else. Things they don't need to be troubled with, that have nothing to do with them. But everything to do with Adalwolfe has to do with Anders, and everything to do with Anders has to do with him. They're a unit, an inseparable pair, and yet.

Anders is hiding something from him. Again.

He holds those fingers tightly in his own, the smile fading from his face as he looks out on the sea of light before them, suddenly cold despite the warmth of the newly-risen sun.]

Anders. What do you think you can't tell me? After everything?

[apurrstate]

[He wants to smile at the joke and find humor in the attempt they're both offering, but it sin't there. It's marred, like so many other things, by Anders' selfishness. There's a chill between them and a sadness in the tension around his love's face that Anders wishes he could wipe away. But he couldn't, he put it there and he couldn't even offer anything to make it better. Nothing Hawke wouldn't, apparently see through.

When had that happened, exactly? When had his ability to slide between truth and fiction been thwarted by this wonderful man beside him? Had Anders gotten rusty or had Hawke simply learned how to read Anders better than the blond had given him credit for? He supposed, ultimately, it didn't matter.]

You deserve better, love. You deserve that sunset on the beach and all the peace and happiness life could offer you. You've always deserved it and, now that circumstances have denied it to you for so long, you deserve it all the more. I want nothing more than to see you happy and at peace. But it can't be with me.

[He looked back to that golden feel, now suddenly seeming too bright and too shining for him to look at, but it hurt less to look at that natural wonder than the one next to him.]

I still have atonement to offer. I don't deserve to be free so easily. There's still so much blood on my hands.

['You can pretend all you like that your hands are clean, but they never will be.' He hadn't agreed with Sister Nightingale on much of what they'd talked about, but he'd agreed with her on that. It was something he'd told himself every single time he caught himself feeling lighter and happier than he'd ever felt before.]

[wolfehawke]

There isn't better, not for me.

[He looks at Anders, heart sinking. They'd had this conversation before, mostly in that first year after Kirkwall. He'd thought they'd done with it, after so long. Yes Anders had done something terrible, but he's early on come to accept that what's done was done and they could make good come of it. Save the mages, help the Circles rebel, work towards that honorable goal that they'd had to come to through dishonorable means.]

Whether it's on a beach or helping apostates through sewers, none of it is anything I want if you're not there.

[He reaches for Anders' hands. Takes them without waiting for Anders to offer, running the calloused pads of his fingers over the blond's knobby knuckles.]

I love you. That's the only thing that matters for us. I want this, whatever form it takes. Rivain is a nice dream, but you're what I want my reality to be, love. I just wish you'd believe that I can't be at peace unless its with you.

[apurrstate]

[I don't deserve you. I've never deserved you and nothing I will ever do will make me worth the way you're looking at me. His thoughts tumble and tear, caught on fractured and sharp edges and his heart clenches painfully in his chest.

What did I ever do to deserve you? How can I possibly still be doing it?

His fingers curled around Adalwolfe's hands and his eyes clenched tight to keep the torrid emotions out of them. When he opens them again, it's with that smile he only ever gave Hawke; the smile that showed just how amazing and wonderful and impossible he thought Adalwolfe Hawke was. How much Anders desperately loved him more than anything in existence.]

I believe you believe it and that's enough. [One of his hands squeezed tight and let go to slip long fingers behind Adalwolfe's neck so his thumb could trace Hawke's jaw with reverence.]

How could you have possibly walked through my door all those years ago? I'm still not convinced you aren't some dream planted by a desire demon to have someone like still at my side. [His smile widened a fraction.] If you truly have been a dream this whole time, I'd rather you not tell me and simply let the demon have my soul instead.

[Let him keep this perfect, amazing, brilliant man who lit up every dark corner of Anders' life. Let whatever luck surrounded them continue to haunt their steps, keeping them from death's door and out of the hands of those who would see them dead or worse. Nearly ten years and the dream hadn't ended.

Rivain was a pleasant landscape for it, but the real dream was here at his fingertips.]

I love you, with everything I have and more.

[wolfehawke]

[He sighs a patient sigh as Anders gives his answer, that he believes in Hawke and its' enough. It's too much pressure, sometimes, feeling he's the only one keeping Anders from walking right into the hands of the Chantry for all his guilt, but it's a burden he still gladly bears even if it threatens to drown him with worry whenever he's away from Anders for more than half a second.

He wishes he could make Anders see that he doesn't just think the healer is important, that he is important. All the reverent whispers when they'd gone through Circle towers, the apprentices and enchanters looking around corners and staring wide-eyed. That wasn't for him, the infamous Champion. That was for the apostate revolutionary Anders who dared face the Chantry's oppression head on for the good of all mages. The man who sacrificed so much so that they could be free. That's who is important, and not just to Hawke.

Yet Anders doesn't see it that way. Still, somehow, all he needs to know is that Wolfe loves him - even thinks he needs him - and that's enough for him to stay. It makes Adalwolfe's chest go all funny.]

It's not a dream, Anders.

[Patience, kindness, things he's always deserved and that Hawke always tries to give him in spades, and Anders still thinks that it could all be unreal. It makes his heart ache for how terrible his life had been before. He knows the story but this is what drives it home.

Adalwolfe pulls his love close and kisses his face. His cheek, his brow, his nose. He would cover his beautifully damaged partner with them if he thought it could ground him more to the now and take away what caused the fissures in the first place. He does. He'll keep trying, forever if necessary.]

I'm not going anywhere, ever. And neither are you.

[apurrstate]

[Maker, he should know. Part of him did. The more logical part that stood away from the fear that ran through him like a current, knew Hawke wasn't going anywhere. He doubted he could even trust that Wolfe would leave Anders to face his calling when the time came. What a fool Anders was in love with. A perfect, wonderful fool. If he ever needed confirmation the Maker made each and every one of them with care, Adalwolfe Hawke was it.]

I believe you.

[He kissed Hawke back and curled in close to him.]

When we go back, we'll go to Weisshaupt, then Rivain and then we can go home...wherever we'd like that to be. Until then, let's find as many views as we can.

[wolfehawke]

Yeah.

[There's a strange little distance in that word, a sudden gap at Anders bringing up Weisshaupt and home and all that. He's not sure how he feels about it, honestly. He misses Thedas, misses the familiar, but in the Fleet time feels like something that happens to other people. They don't age normally, there's no Calling, no reason to worry about Anders being wrenched from him by idiot Warden rituals. It had broken him once before, knowing how helpless he is in the face of it. The Nightmare found that crack and crept in and there's a bit of that poison still seeping at the edges of the wound, keeping it from healing.

Adalwolfe's arm tightens around Anders at his side, a protective sort of motion but also desperate and defiant all at once. He's not going to let it stop them living, though, so he shoves it away, trying to just embrace the way the conversation flows.]

We could keep traveling, for awhile, if you wanted. Or maybe find out if life at sea with Isabela agrees with Carver.

[He looks stricken for a moment, then disgusted.]

Maker, I hope she hasn't taken him to bed.

[apurrstate]

[A laugh tears from his chest and the corners of his eyes crinkle in amusement.]

Maker, I hope not. I'd like to say they'd both be wiser than that, but Carver joined the templars and Isabela is...well, she's never been overly picky, as long as it's pretty enough.

[And, while Anders certainly found nothing attractive about Carver, he certainly fell into what Anders would call 'pretty enough.' He put his hand on Adalwolfe's shoulder in a show of somber support.]

Perhaps it would be better to simply seek passage with them and not linger too long...

[wolfehawke]

[Anders laughs and Wolfe relaxes. That's what he wanted in even talking about Carver's potential sexcapades. Usually he keeps his nightmares to himself.]

Well, it's probably fine. She did say she doesn't generally sleep with the men in her crew and I do believe that. And honestly if we don't actually have to go anywhere on a ship I would be quite alright with that.

[Despite being quite literally born in the middle of the Waking Sea, Adalwolfe isn't at his best shipboard. He gets queasy and antsy without solid ground beneath his feet.]

[apurrstate]

No? That's too bad, I'd love to see just how bad your sea-legs are.

[He means it as a joke and if his tone doesn't show it, his kiss to Adalwolfe's cheek might.

Gently, Anders rested his head against Wolfe's, eyes still cast to the now bright field. A quiet, content sigh slips from his lips.]

Thank you for this, love. It's nice to find some peace now and again.

[wolfehawke]

You deserve all the pace in the world.

[Adalwolfe turns his head to kiss Anders' temple then leans right back, quietly watching the daybreak with the little bit of solace they'd found for themselves in a strange land.]