how to drag a bird in five easy steps.

[ofkirkwall]

Who: Marian Hawke & Thedas' Greatest Hits.
Broadcast: N/A
Action: Three Twins medbay, later Caprine.
When: Backdated to late 9/8, some hours after Totally Fun Dragon Outing.

[ In truth she doesn't want to wake, she wants to sleep for weeks or months. Avoid the deep ache in her bones, the bile rising in her throat, the disgust that twists her insides into knots. That way she doesn't have to look at them then, doesn't have to look at him, and watch them recoil from her like some sort of thing - some sort of monster. But she does wake slowly, muscles protesting at even the slightest movement, jolts of agony dancing across her every nerve. Curling in on herself she clutches the sheets around her, hoping to shut the world out for at least a moment longer.

Good job Marian, you blew it. Just had to go and screw everything up, didn't you? Couldn't be happy with being bloody happy!

An ugly pit coils in her belly making her pull her sheets around herself some more, eyes clamping closed tighter. The smell of blood sharp in her nose, the taste of cooper lingering on her tongue. Reminds that cling to her like a wet blanket, that refuse to let her forget her own idiocy. If she hadn't rushed in like she had, if she hadn't stumbled and allowed herself to get caught. It'd be nice if they could all pretend nothing happened. Everyone going back to how things were when no one knew about Marian Hawke's dirty little secret or how much of a giant hypocrite she is. The woman that who damns blood magic and the very people who practice it a bloody blood mage herself. Maker's balls it is so painfully ironic.

It'd be nice really, but there is no going back now, no way to run. All there is to do now is watch her approval ratings plumett into the red. No way she's getting that special Wicked Grace scene now. ]

Comments

[ofkirkwall]

No, I didn't!

[ There is a desperation in her voice now, mixing with all else, her chest tightening with each word said. He won't listen but she still wishes, she hopes. Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe her heart chants even as he refuses to look at her, turned away, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. ]

Bloody hell, Fenris! I don't choose to use it, I haven't chosen to use it for years! I didn't think, I acted, it was stupid and I couldn't regret it more if I tried. [ Doesn't matter, he won't believe you. ] I do.

[ As she watches him step away again a lump forms in her throat, eyes stinging with hot tears. She may as well he shouting at the wind demanding it blow another direction. It's hopeless. ]

Fenris...

[ Turn around.

Look at me.

Don't leave me like this.

Please. ]

[wolfuncaged]

Regret it all you like, you still did it.

[And if she did it once, she could do it again. All she'd need was another dangerous situation, and there would be her justification for it.

He couldn't trust her any more. He shouldn't have trusted her in the first place. Lesson learned.

He continues to the door, pausing when he hears her voice. He can hear the hurt in her tone, he can hear how close to the edge she is and it tugs at his heart. It hurts. His heart wants to turn back, to hold her and find a way to fix this- to stay. But his heart has betrayed him before, following his heart leads to decisions that only hurt him down the road.

His heart had loved his master, once

No. He had to trust his head on this one. He couldn't stay, he couldn't walk back. He just had to go, before he convinced himself to stay. He needed time, he needed to get away from her.]

I can't do this.

[He wanted to keep his voice firm, but there's a waver there, towards the end. Without looking back at her, he opens the door and steps through it. He doesn't linger. He just goes. ]