driftfleet | voice;

Entry tags:

voice;

Who: Sorey
Broadcast: Huntress only!
Action: Iskaulit & Huntress
When: 9/16

Huntress crew, this is your first mate, Sorey. ...due to certain circumstances, we are currently without a Captain. I'm acting as Captain now to fill the role, but if there are any interested parties, please contact me at your soonest convenience.

In the meantime, if there's anything that requires tending to, please don't hesitate to let me know. Any supplies we're short on, any concerns you may have about the status of the ship...I know we're at full capacity now, so if we start taking on extra passengers again we'll have to double up. And I'm also the ship's engineer, so please bring any technical problems you have to me.

...thank you...to everyone who has been looking after the ship for the past couple weeks.

[Sorey can be found both in engineering on the Huntress and at the Interfaith center on the Iskaulit. If your character can sense spiritual power and has run into him before, they may notice him lacking his usual protective/cleansing domain.]

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[Ah. Shirley. Sorey should probably have expected her to come find him eventually.

He doesn't bother trying to conceal the shame on his face as he looks up at her from where he's cleaning his tools.] Yeah...it's. It's a mess.

[He clears some space nearby for her to sit down.] I imagine there're probably a few things you'd like to say to me.

[A few things to say? With the look on his face, that sounds rather ominous.]

Do you think I'm angry? I'm not, you know.

[She sits down and tries to make a point of sitting close to him. It seems like he could really use the support right now.]

Dezel told me a little about what happened to you and Mikleo, before he went to find you two. But I don't know many of the details. Can you tell me more?

[The last thing he wants to do is relive any of that, but if there's anybody here who deserves an explanation more than the people directly involved, it's Shirley. She'd gone out of her way to open herself up to him and warn him off of everything he ended up doing anyway.

After a moment of hesitation Sorey nods, and pulls in legs to cross them, hands clasped in his lap so he can wring out his nervousness whenever necessary. Like right now.]

Essentially...well, I-I became what's called a hellion. In my world, when negative feelings and conflicting ideals build up inside a human being, they can, um, start to generate what's called malevolence. Left unchecked, that malevolence can take them over and transform them into a monster.

I left when I realized what was going to happen, so that my friends wouldn't get caught up in it. But I think- I think I was probably trying to protect myself more than anything.

[That's...sort of familiar, actually. Hellions sound a lot like Schwartz and the black mist, and the monsters and copies that used to be borne of that mist. That gives Shirley a better idea of what's happened, and it reminds her of someone actually. Multiple someones. But this isn't about her.

Her next question is inquisitive, but clear of accusation. Shirley's been in this stage before, the reflective self-analysis. It won't hurt to help Sorey draw it out.]

So what was it you were trying to protect yourself from?

[Sorey keeps his head down. He twists his hands together, shoulders hunched. He doesn't want to think about this; he's afraid to think about this, but he needs to parse out the reasons why it happened so it'll never happen again. Either way it's easier to think about what led up to his transformation than...

Well. Than everything after.]

I was... [Sorey rubs his arm, half-hugging himself. It feels terrible, just thinking of himself and his reasons why, like he's making excuses. Like his mistakes didn't end up with Mikleo dead.] I was ashamed. ...to let them see me like that.

[Sorey seems to be getting there already. It's not surprising, but Shirley definitely regrets not talking to him sooner. She hesitates, but puts a hand on his shoulder - lightly, so he can shake it off if he wants.]

When I talked to Dezel, all he wanted to do was help you. I know he wasn't ashamed of you at all. But...it is hard, facing people when you're ashamed of yourself. Not just hard, really. It's frightening. I understand.

[Sorey shakes his head, though he doesn't move away from her hand.]

I wanted to be different. That they're all forgiving me- That's worse. It's worse.

Seraphim are so used to- to being disappointed. [Sorey drops his head into his hands, shoulders shaking.] I didn't want to be yet another human who'd let them down...!

[Shirley hesitates again, but soon enough she leans over to hug him shyly - again loosely so that Sorey can get out if he wants, but certainly enough to communicate that she's there.]

Living up to everyone's expectations is a heavy burden. It's even harder when they're your friends. But everyone forgives you because they know you. Your mistakes have turned out very badly...but I think they still believe in the kind of person you are, despite that. I know I do.

[Shirley is very kind. Just like Lailah, and Dezel, and Zaveid. Stefan, Eithan, even Nightingale and Allen with their tempers. Everyone wants to reassure him, and wants him to stop blaming himself, and still want to believe in him and Sorey doesn't know how to tell any of them that the problem is that he can no longer believe in himself, or in the way they see him.

The seraphim, especially. They spend their lives suffering at the hands of malevolence, and the humans who create it. There are good moments too, but sometimes Sorey doesn't know how he's supposed to believe in the human race now, after everything, when it seems like every problem the world has stems from them.]

...Shirley. When you heard the voice of Nerifes...what did it say?

[Shirley has to take in a sharp breath, because that's a hard question. Nobody's ever actually asked her about what she heard before - her actions were enough back then, really. That Sorey's asking now...she thinks she can understand why, but the memories of that time still hurt for more than one reason. But that's no cause to hold back, especially not now.]

Nerifes had been waiting four thousand years for me to finish what the previous Merines started. The Orerines who defiled the sea by creating land, and committed countless atrocities against the Ferines...Nerifes had allowed them its blessing before, but no longer. The sea was full of rage and vengeance, and I as Merines had finally returned to fulfill my duty. It was time to restore things to the way they should be.

[Her voice cracks slightly, and unconsciously her arms tighten a little around Sorey. None of this is anything she didn't already know, but it had been a time of high emotions for her. She hasn't even mentioned Fenimore, not because she wants to hide what happened but because she doesn't know where to start.]

That's what it told me, when I underwent the Rite of Accession. Nerifes is powerful, and so are its voice and its will. It was easy to get lost in it, especially back then. Who I was or who my friends were didn't matter, and at the time I wanted that. I didn't know who to trust. Even if I knew what I was doing might be wrong...I didn't know what was right, either. So I tried to believe that what Nerifes and the Ferines wanted was right instead.

[She's not sure if that helps Sorey. Chances are being a hellion is different than being Merines. But she's seen her friends consumed by their own doubts during the business with Schwartz, and she can relate to that well enough.]

Edited 2016-10-19 04:51 (UTC)

[Sorey rubs her back when her voice breaks and she squeezes him a little tighter, transitioning easily to providing support when she seems like she needs it. Focusing on other people's problems are always easier, though it's a habit of his he shouldn't allow to run rampant again. Now is okay.

It sounds terrifying, feeling a thing greater than yourself pushing you into something you're not. Sorey's malevolence might've started out small, nurtured by his own personal insecurities, but it grew into a monster too great to control and had consumed him, in the end. If Nerifes speaking to Shirley was anything like that, then his heart really goes out to her. Especially since it wasn't even her fault.]

Sorry if that was painful to recall, [he says, and squeezes her again, drawing back far enough to hold her hands between them.] ...but thanks for telling me.

[Grateful for the support, Shirley gives him a little smile. It's hard to look completely confident right now, but it seems that it's helped Sorey at least a little bit so it was worth it.]

It's something I've thought about many, many times. I was ashamed of myself after my friends saved me. I had to think long and hard about what I'd done, and what I needed to do to avoid repeating the same mistakes. That's how I was able to start moving forward again after everything. And...I want to help you do the same, if I can.

To be honest, it's hard to think about right now. [Sorey holds her hands as tight as he dares, aware of how small they are in his. Just like-] I-

Shirley, I- [Sorey clenches his jaw hard.] Because of what I did, M-Mikleo-... [He can't imagine a world where he recovers from this. He can't imagine a future where he forgives himself for this. How is he supposed to move on without Mikleo? How is he supposed to want to live, to move forward, without him?]

I know.

[Shirley squeezes back, bowing her head towards him. She can relate to Sorey on a lot of things, but this is one thing she doesn't know how to help him with. The best she can think of is Fenimore or life without Senel, and - well. That's bad enough.]

I...I'm sorry.

[Sorey shakes his head, though he can't say anything just yet, and keeps his face turned down so she can't see the way he's fighting with his expression. He knows there's nothing to say to something like that; he can hardly think it. Every time he tries to consider what it means, living a life without Mikleo, his heart feels like it's going to give out.

He takes a deep breath before slowly picking his head back up.] Thank you...so much, for coming to check on me. And- and I know you don't want an apology, but...but I'm sorry. For not taking your warnings as seriously as I should have.

And I'm sorry for not being able to help you two more.

[That sounds scarily enough like a goodbye when Shirley doesn't want to leave just yet. She can't fix anything that's happened, but she doesn't want to leave him alone either. Shirley remembers how much that hurt with Fenimore, and they'd only been friends a day.

Of course, it's Fenimore who gives her an idea of what to say next.]

I'm not mad. I know what it's like, a little bit. And because of that...Sorey, we're friends, aren't we?

Yes, of course, we absolutely are. [Sorey squeezes her fingers again, though he keeps his head bowed. It isn't fair of him to be like this when Shirley is trying so hard, but he just- he can't find it in him to look her in the eye. Even if she's not mad, he still feels the shame in his heart, pulsing sick and hot like a fever.]

My first friend told me something, once. She said - it's good to have friends. We can talk about silly things, or we can talk about love. And when we're sad...we can cry together, too.

[Her voice is a little shaky, because of course she misses Fenimore a lot. But when Shirley imagines her there with them, it's a little easier to get the words out.]

I don't know how to make things better. I wish I did. But if a friend to cry with will help, I can do that much.

Shirley...

[Sorey stops himself. He hasn't spent enough time listening to people; that's the first thing he should rectify. And though just hearing her offer her friendship and comfort just makes him want to cry all over again, he bites his lip to hold it in. Half because he's sick of crying, and half because he wants to get this out.]

Thank you, [he whispers instead. He can't read her heart like this, bereft of all his Shepherd powers, but maybe he's gotten a little too comfortable with that. Maybe he's forgotten how to just trust people.] I'll...I may end up relying on you a lot, but...thank you.

That's all right. That's what friends are for.

[Right, Fenimore?]

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