driftfleet | (no subject)

[ Well everyone on the Huntress is gone, his weird truce with the First Order ran into some bumps. So the usual, in Obi-Wan's trainwreck of a life. ]

Not too shabby, I suppose.

So long as things have plenty of room to get worse, we must be grateful for that. [ it nearly sounds like a luminara-ism, amused headshake and all. ] Drift week is a good time to appreciate it, too.

[ It catches his gaze before Obi-Wan replies. ]

I'm all for appreciating the little things in life.

We must, sometimes.

[ she gestures at the candles he's been tending to. ] Is there anything I can help with, while I'm here? I admit I don't visit all that often.

I'm surprised. I find this one of the most calming places on the Fleet. I suppose the Gardens are decent, but with all that artificial life and air, it never feels right.

[ Granted, Obi-Wan is more connected with the Cosmic Force, moving with the flow of events and motion rather than the cycle of life, he has a healthy appreciation for it. ]

But I'd be happy to have your assistance with lighting these candles.

[ barriss nods, grabbing one of the candles and stepping it away to use it to light the rest. ]

I actually haven't spent much time on this ship at all. I was trying to stay to on the Golden, all things considered, but- [ but she can only hide from anakin so much. this last system has proved full well that she can't, because the force simply won't allow it unless she's constantly vigilant. ] But then I got used to leaving my ship almost daily and now I feel as though the garden could use some attention, so I've mostly been there.

[ Obi-Wan shows no surprise or indignation toward Barriss' statements, though he does file them away for later. ]

Well, I usually manage this place along with two others. It's open to everyone and we refurbish the supplies.

That's good to know. If you're in need of an extra keeper, please let me know and I'll do what I can.

[ there's a sense of obligation in the offer, but barriss is still such a jedi that she would perform any tasks asked of her here. when did she ever rebel against an instruction at the temple? ]

Certainly. I'll let Stefan know as well.

[ He takes his position on the carpeted floor. ] How goes your search for answers, Barriss?

[ she doesn't answer as she settles on the floor across from him, waiting until she's still... and then another deep breath after that. ]

Ahsoka recently told me of some of the others who have been in the fleet, from our galaxy or at least some variation of it. Including Solo's daughter, from some alternative to the time that Finn and the others come from. I've found that the knowledge that some events may not be set in stone makes me... [ hopeful. ] It gives me something to think about, I mean.

[ Obi-Wan nods, partly in understanding and partly to show that he's listening. ]

It's certainly an important factor. I also witnessed two very different histories taking place and it had made me wonder what changed and why?

In the end, I realized it didn't matter what or why. Only that I wish to change it.

I didn't realize I actually had some chance of changing things. I just... I could believe that the future was always in motion so long as I couldn't speak to someone who had already experienced it. But then it felt as though it stopped. As though there was no hope of changing anything.

[ she shakes her head, trying to get her words in order. ]

Ahsoka's been trying to give me a chance to change my future, it's why she's allowed me to even be around her. Anakin might have been, too, in his own way. [ ah, anakin. just similar enough that their differences clash in the worst way. they've grown since ansion, technically, but they still have their sensitivities. something on her face seems to show that she's just realizing this. ] I just didn't realize it. I thought they were... reminding me that what I wanted was impossible. I thought it was cruel but I wasn't seeing things properly.

[ He's not surprised the message got lost in translation. For all their directness, Ahsoka and Anakin often need a moment to breathe and restructure their arguments. Though there's no denying results in plowing ahead. ]

But do you believe it?

Yes. [ but there's an air of automatic agreement to that, so she reconsiders. ] Maybe. I don't think there's a way to know for sure if anything can be changed. But whether or not I can change the future is merely academic so long as I'm here. I only have control over the person that I am now and... And I think that just how much I was letting their memories of me influence that is a sign of how much I needed to step back and think about who I am here.

[ Obi-Wan absorbs that with his arms folded. ]

I think that's enough. For anyone.

You think?

[ she looks up at obi-wan a moment, expression hesitant, before she gaze goes back to her hands in her lap. ]

Not that it's any easier to articulate who I am or what I want to be, of course, but I know what parts of being a Jedi I still want to hold myself to. We're capable of so much good, even for all the bad we had our hands in.

[ His gaze doesn't waver, not even a little. ]

Articulation is often the hardest part. What feels right and what doesn't? Where is the line? Being a Jedi doesn't mean the questions stop. Even for Masters. I don't think you're wrong for trying to find the answers and the parts that best suit you.

I appreciate hearing that, Master. The only parts of this that have been easy have been when I've been able to do what comes naturally, what every part of me wants to do before I even think of it. Helping with the garden here or the meditation spaces back in the last system, helping or healing people as they need someone... I don't even have to think about any of that to know that it feels right.

[ but the jedi became more than that in her lifetime and that's been the issue all along. ]

Because those are our roots. And we've been led away.

[ It sounds like an excuse so he stops himself, folding his arms. The only real sign of frustration Obi-Wan would display. ]

Away from our galaxy, we can return to what we used to be.

We can. I like to think I have, even if using the title of Jedi doesn't feel quite right.

[ not with anakin and ahsoka and everyone else so aware of what she's done in some variation of the future. ]

I only wish this would have been possible at home.

[ Obi-Wan doesn't like the word inevitable. It goes against everything he stands for. But he also can't shake the feeling of it closing around them. The game - Palpatine's war had made them feel helpless, even galaxies away.

It rankles. ]

We all do. Perhaps we can bring what we've learned back and change the outcome.

I hope so.

[ she's had variations of this conversation a few times now, but she's never really been sold on what might happen when she's no longer with this fleet. now, though, the words come out more confident than before, bolstered by obi-wan's presence. ]

We don't really know how Atroma technology works or how this will affect all of us later on, but if we can remember this, if we can take back what we learn here and try to change anything at all about the end of the war... I think that's something to keep us going, isn't it? It's something to keep me going, at least. I know I can't save the Jedi, but I think I can save myself. Maybe a few others too, if I'm smart.

Then save yourself Barriss.

[ He exhales softly. ] That'll be enough.

[ If something survives, beyond Obi-Wan, he could rest easier. ]

[ that earns a long silence from barriss, not sure what to say, so just letting herself breathe in the silence as she searches for words. luminara, eternally patient, would always have preferred honest words to quick ones and barriss is finally getting back to thinking about what her master would say to her, after weeks of trying to avoid it. ]

I hope that it will be. [ her voice is extra soft when she finally does speak. ] I can always help to fix things later, so long as I don't lose my way.

[ He reaches out to grasp her shoulder. An intimate form of contact, from one Jedi to another. ]

Having a later is always a privilege.

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