Eugene Woods (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
survivalistcookbook) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
driftfleet2016-09-27 10:31 pm
survivalistcookbook) wrote in driftfleet2016-09-27 10:31 pm
ii - action/video - open
Who: Eugene Woods
Broadcast: Video
Action: the Wonderduck
When: Tuesday Evening
[Eugene has been on a ship full of teenagers long enough - it's time he delivered on the promises to actually feed them adequately. Which is why he's now broadcasting from the galley, flour-speckled and far, far too pleased with himself. So pleased, in fact, that he'll just go ahead an monologue at the rest of the fleet.]
Some of you out there may have heard a saying, that there's no such thing as bad pizza. Now maybe you haven't heard this - say, for instance, if you come from a world that doesn't actually have pizza. But if you do, this is probably a pretty common truism. Whether you agree with it or not-? Well. That's a matter of taste.
[Pun fully intended, as the little curl of his lips and glint of his eye gives away. But he continues, because in space, there's no one to cue a laugh track.]
But in a hermetically-sealed tin can drifting through the cold vacuum of space, I think we can all agree that standards change. And in celebration of finally creating something that sort of, basically behaves like cheese . . .
[Camera pan to the oven, which he opens with a showman's flourish to reveal . . . a pizza! Basically. Sure, the cheese is a little more yellowish than usual, and the toppings are mostly diced canned meat product and mixed vegetable compound. But it's close enough for him to grin as he shuffles a hand into an oven mitt and withdraws his creation to rest on the stovetop.]
Voila. One down, and another five pies' worth of dough and cheese ready for the crews of the Wonderduck and Vanquish. Not exactly a New York slice, but hey, if anyone wants the next best thing this side of Alpha Centauri? Let's talk.
Broadcast: Video
Action: the Wonderduck
When: Tuesday Evening
[Eugene has been on a ship full of teenagers long enough - it's time he delivered on the promises to actually feed them adequately. Which is why he's now broadcasting from the galley, flour-speckled and far, far too pleased with himself. So pleased, in fact, that he'll just go ahead an monologue at the rest of the fleet.]
Some of you out there may have heard a saying, that there's no such thing as bad pizza. Now maybe you haven't heard this - say, for instance, if you come from a world that doesn't actually have pizza. But if you do, this is probably a pretty common truism. Whether you agree with it or not-? Well. That's a matter of taste.
[Pun fully intended, as the little curl of his lips and glint of his eye gives away. But he continues, because in space, there's no one to cue a laugh track.]
But in a hermetically-sealed tin can drifting through the cold vacuum of space, I think we can all agree that standards change. And in celebration of finally creating something that sort of, basically behaves like cheese . . .
[Camera pan to the oven, which he opens with a showman's flourish to reveal . . . a pizza! Basically. Sure, the cheese is a little more yellowish than usual, and the toppings are mostly diced canned meat product and mixed vegetable compound. But it's close enough for him to grin as he shuffles a hand into an oven mitt and withdraws his creation to rest on the stovetop.]
Voila. One down, and another five pies' worth of dough and cheese ready for the crews of the Wonderduck and Vanquish. Not exactly a New York slice, but hey, if anyone wants the next best thing this side of Alpha Centauri? Let's talk.
no subject
Whatever sick science you dropped on that oven, [he is definitely talking with his mouth full, sorry, Eugene] please do that again. Because holy shit.
[ALL HAIL THE SPACE PIZZA.]
no subject
[He can't quite deadpan enough to hide that he's gratified by the verdict, and he turns to get himself a glass of not-Coke, as long as he's happily polishing off the last of his slice.]
How many of these do you think we're going to need?
no subject
...Probably way more than is reasonable. You're gonna have to ration it or risk Isaac eating two of them all by himself.
no subject
[Eugene is just gonna shoot him a pointed look over his soda as he takes another swig.]
no subject
[Davesprite sure has no idea how the nuances of Teen Wolf wereisms work.]
I just mean him knowing it's a thing would probably make him think twice before he polishes off an entire pizza. Mostly 'cause I'd torment him by doing the same thing right in front of his face. [#friendship]
no subject
[He off another slice, plopping it onto Dave's plate expertly.]
I'll let him know it's half a pizza per crew member to start. At least until we stock up our strategic pizza reserves.
no subject
[The echo is one of complete surprise. HALF A PIZZA???]
That's almost a full half of a pizza more than I was expecting.
[Excuse him for a moment, Eugene, as he looks at this second slice of pizza in total wonder.]
Yeah, you're my favorite crew member.
no subject
[The thought alone is offensive.]
I could put that away when I was your age, no problem. And I wasn't zipping around like a hummingbird.
no subject
[He does not actually sound offended by the hummingbird comparison, though.]
And I wasn't totally sure I was gonna get a second slice, to be honest...?
[Said as he takes a huge chomp out of it.]
no subject
no subject
I feel like I got called on in class unawares and was just thoroughly schooled about bird science. They're just...
[He holds up his thumb and forefinger.]
...so fuckin' small. I've eaten bigger nachos.
no subject
Two points, actually. I . . . am almost positive I could fake nachos at this point. I mean, you know. Horrible stadium nachos, but that still counts, right?
no subject
[Oh my god.]
Dude. Please. The best I can do is Doritos. Nachos are just the vastly superior option.
no subject
no subject
He pops the bag open and offers it to Eugene.]
I can make pretty good knock-offs of the shit they stock in Mad Snacks Yo, but anything less than fifty percent high fructose corn syrup and Red 40 is beyond me.
[Quietly whispers "what the fuck is Homestuck" in the background of this thread.]
no subject
[Said in the tone of softest reverence, though Eugene is very careful in reaching into the bag, pulling out a chip, and sniffing it. Cheese powder, corn chip, basically everything he expects except for the whole glowing bit.]
How have you not died of scurvy already.
no subject
[He filches out a couple chips and munches on them.]
I can do four different flavors, but I dunno how authentic any of them are besides the Nacho Cheese.
no subject
[Wait. WAIT.]
Oh my god can you make chocolate.
no subject
[Basically, all manner of chips, Cheetos included. He could probably pull off that nasty spray cheese, if someone reminded him it exists.]
Energy drinks are doable, but I haven't got them right yet. They still taste a little weird.