driftfleet | "My mind's like a deadly disease..."

Entry tags:

"My mind's like a deadly disease..."

Who: Wanda Maximoff
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Starstruck
When: Now

Broadcast - Text

[Wanda's presence, both in the Fleet's comms and aboard its vessels, has dwindled, slowly but surely, over the course of the past month. There was period of time, around the beginning of the month, when she couldn't be found or reached at all--save for by Misty, Vision and Pietro. More perceptive fleet members might recall that her disappearance occurred around the time that rumors of a dragon and its rider terrorizing Solrius were circulating about. However, she did pop back up a little while later, seemingly as though nothing was wrong. However, those that know her well may have picked up the subtle tells that there was something she was not saying. Something that she was trying to bury. And so, she became more and more scarce around the Fleet. At least, until now...]

What do you think happens after death?

[The message is short and simple. Anyone familiar with the festivities of the month of October, perhaps this is simply her way of trying to get into the spirit of things?]

Starstruck - Action

[Friends and shipmates of Wanda's, if they want to go looking for her, will find her either holed up in her bunkroom aboard the Starstruck, or in a corner of the ship's kitchen or shuttle bay at times she thinks no one would typically wander in. By the look on her face, it is clear something is troubling her.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You know you're part of a team now, right? [Just not the one Kitty likes to imagine.] I'm sure the Avengers would have been there for you. And I would have. [Though she barely registered the dragon problem was happening at the time—too wrapped up in other things as she was.]

[Wanda winces at Kitty's words. She'd touched on something that had swirled around in Wanda's head many times already as she thought back on what had happened. She should have known better. She tried telling herself that she didn't want anyone getting hurt, but that wasn't quite it. No, it was more accurate to say she'd been too prideful of her and her brother's abilities, thinking they were too superior on their own to require the aid of others. Wanda's gaze shifts down and away. She doesn't quite know what to say. Kitty was right. Wanda had failed to be part of a team.]

Hey, I didn't mean it as something for you to feel bad about. [Nothing to be done about it now and Wanda was the one who suffered for the choice.] I'm just letting you know people would stand with you in case it doesn't feel that way.

[Wanda's silent for a moment longer. Not moving, not looking away from the spot on the wall she started staring a hole into after Kitty's reminder that, just because they were in the Fleet, it didn't mean she wasn't part of a team. Perhaps that was it then... being part of a team...]

I'm so selfish...

[Her voice is a whisper, barely a murmur.]

Yeah, you died trying to help people. Super selfish. Come on... [She reaches out to put a hand on her shoulder.]

[Wanda shakes her head. She feels Kitty's hand on her shoulder, but it only causes her to look away, close her eyes, try to keep back any more tears. She'd shed more than enough, and it honestly the act just felt painful to her now.]

It was my selfish that got us in that mess in the first place. I wanted to go an adventure. I wanted it to just be Pietro and I. I wanted to be the one to help those people. In saving his life, I was only thinking of the pain I felt when I lost him back home. I didn't want to go through it again.

What is all that if not selfishness?

[Kitty takes a deep breath, looking thoughtful as she takes that in.] I think you'll find a little selfishness in just about any selfless looking deed. Makes us human and I use the term loosely. [Since she doesn't usually use it for herself but there's no good replacement. Human-centric language!]

Something to learn from maybe. Not something to beat yourself up about. How's Pietro handling it?

[Wanda doesn't give any kind of response to Kitty's words. At least, not until she asks about Pietro. That gets a kind of sad, crooked smile from Wanda.]

About as well as you can imagine he would.

I imagine you'll both be very protective of each other for awhile. Or forever, but you know, extra right now.

For the longest time, we were all each other had... That kind of feeling makes it hard to be anything but protective of each other.

I can understand that. [Piotr wasn't all she had. She had her whole team, but they were special to each other and when he was hurt it was hard and not just because it turned out to be the beginning of the end.]

At least in my own way. Always good to expand that circle though.

[Wanda doesn't respond. It's not that she disagrees with Kitty at all. She's just hit the nail on the head again -- Wanda had failed to think of others. Failed to consider that she may have already expanded her circle of people she feels the desire to protect. Wanda's gaze drifts down to the floor. Her face an expressionless mask.]

[Suddenly, almost out of nowhere, Wanda asks a question, returning to a topic that had long sat dormant, unpursued.]

The Wanda you knew from your home, your time... she's dead. Isn't she?

[Not exactly the question she expected, but she rolls with it.]

Since before I joined the team. I never actually met her. Kurt was on the team with her though. [And still this Wanda with her non-mutant history is important to her. Some shifted version of a person that was important to everyone who had been important to her back then.]

[Wanda sits on this information for a moment. Again, the expression on her face giving nothing away as what she's thinking.]

Someone asked me... by being brought back, did I know if I had died back home? The idea being that my being brought back here meant another version of me elsewhere died in exchange...

[As grim as pondering over this had made Wanda felt, she still didn't want to out Alphonse as the one who accidentally planted this fear in her mind.]

Wow. That's a hell of a thing to ask. [And really, really alarming. Misty wouldn't have done it under those circumstances, right?]

[Wanda lets out a deep sigh, crossing her arms.]

I don't believe that's the case with what happened to me, but it has gotten me thinking about... the value of cheating death. What it costs to return something to life. I wonder what kind of debt I owe...

I think the only thing you can do for it is live the best life you can. I have a feeling you were going to do that anyway.

[Wanda's face gives away nothing as to what she thinks about Kitty's response. When she speaks next though, her tone is more dry, more defeated sounding.]

It seems too easy an answer. Simply continue living as if nothing happened when others never got such a chance. They died, and they stay dead. But not me... right place, right timing... It seems unfair.

Life isn't concerned with being fair. Is it really more fair if bad things happen with you too?

My family is dead!

[She finally states it plainly. Her volume rising, her voice now clearly sounding racked with pain, guilt, anger, sadness. All the emotions she's been trying to keep contained are coming spilling out.]

Of the four of us, I am the only one to survive! Every time! I am the one that is still here! WHY?! What makes me so special?! Why not them, too? Why?

[She shakes her head. The tears are falling now. Her volume lowers, and her voice becomes more choked.]

I miss them... so much...

[She leans forward to pull her into a hug.]

I don't know, Wanda. Same reason I am I guess. [Her family is dead too. She's only alive because she was abducted. And she misses them every day. She gets the pain of it. She wishes she had the answers.]

[Kitty's words cut through Wanda's tantrum in a moment. She turns to look at her friend, tears still falling from her eyes. Kitty wraps her into a hug which she doesn't quite reciprocate right away if only because she's not sure she deserved Kitty comforting her like this after the way Wanda just blew up in front of her.]

The same reason... you-- your family is--?

Murdered when Apocalypse's forces came looking for me. They were collecting mutants. Pretty sure my parents would want me to keep going as much as you family would want it for you. It doesn't make it easy, but it's a thing to remember. [It's gotten her through some of the harder moments.]

[Wanda's hands slowly start to encircle Kitty a little tighter. The tears are still falling, but now they're for both of them. Their respective lost families. Wanda suddenly begins to feel selfish. Pietro was at least here with her now in the Fleet. She closes her eyes, briefly praying that he will wake up soon. That he won't disappear on her again.]

I- I didn't know... But I- I still should not have blown up at you like that...

I know you didn't. It's okay. No wonder you blow up. It seems like you're always carrying around all this guilt with you.

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