driftfleet | [muffled spooky scary skeletons playing in the distance]

In any case, we probably shouldn't go too far in. We don't want to pull a Hansell and Grettle!

[ they don't have bread crumbs... she pauses mid step because there's a really loud sounding bird around. ]

...Do you actually think anything out here is danger?

I would rather neither of us get eaten by a candy witch, no. [His hair spikes bristle at the sound of that bird too. On the plus side, he rather a screaming bird than a roaring beast or something.]

. . .By default, I think just about everything is dangerous. But if we're just dealing with birds, it won't be so bad. Nothing can be as bothersome as Prosecutor's Blackquill's hawk.

We'd win. They shove the witch into the oven in the end, after all! Except with us... maybe less death. Maybe we could just not have the oven on!

[ The next sound is far more sinister. It's a low, deep gobble that actually makes Trucy stiffen. She's dealt with wild turkeys before, it wasn't pleasant. If this thing is big, though... ]

...Taka is cool! I want a hawk... we should head back! Haha... I think we've seen enough nature!

I mean, I'd hope we'd both be smart enough not to take candy from a stranger, especially one that's obviously a witch trying to eat us. We could make that story a lot shorter.

[That IS a bit alarming. And confusing??? Just what the heck is out here.]

--what, seriously? What happened to all that magical bravado just a bit ago?

I dunno, candy is pretty amazing... especially a whole house made of candy. Could we really resist that temptation?

[ She stares blankly at Apollo, before turning jer gaze to the sky as an ominous shadow passes over them, followed by a very loud bird screech from above.

There's another gobble gobble soon after. ]

...I'm not scared! Nothing scares me. Fine, we'll stay... I mean, they're just birds, right?

Yes??? Just how big of a sweet tooth do you have?

[Seriously Trucy! Though he'd probably break off a gingerbread shingle at least. He turns his head upwards when the shadow passes--and it's gone. That's not creepy at all! But all the gobbling is starting to get annoying.]

Right. . .but it's up to you. At least if some kind of space poultry appears, it can't be too bad. I could scare it off for you.

I'd think after almost three years of friendship you'd know that by now. It's huge. Anyways, we'd just tie the candy witch up and she'd have to watch us eat her house. I'll bet she has major ant problems anyways so we'd be doing her a favor!

[ DUH, Apollo. Now, if this house were made out of energy drinks, she'd probably have a harder time saying no...

...Trucy just keeps smiling, despite her sudden want to flail in Apollo's face and drag him back to where they'd started. ]

...No, you're right. This is fine. I-- see, here's the thing. This forest is different from the ones at home. Also, do you think space hawks are a thing? And if it's space poultry, have you ever dealt with turkeys before? Because I have, Polly, and let me tell you what. It's not pretty...

[three gd years of NOT KNOWING--!!]

. . .If I didn't know better I'd say you've had this candy witch takeover plan plotted out for a while now. I guess we really have nothing to worry about.

[The defense will rest on that matter, no witch can defeat them.

Apollo keeps trucking ahead--frowning at the thought of a space hawk. He does not need Taka's space cousins in his hair, damnit. But he looks curious at the turkey comment.]

Not pretty? I'd be more alarmed if I ran into a handsome turkey.

[.............but that gives him an idea.]

If it's just a space turkey, do you think we can catch it? I don't know about you, but I'm really getting sick of vaguely defined cube food.

[ CHANCES OF FINDING OUT ARE PRETTY SLIM TOO... ]

See? We'll be fine. Any candy witches out there better watch out for us! Especially the space variety!

[ Trucy continues alongside him, keeping an eye and an ear out for more noises. While the aforementioned shadow and screeching seems to be gone for the moment, the gobbling has gotten quieter, but it's still just as close. ]

Have you ever been chased by a turkey, Polly? I have. Let me tell you, it was the single most terrifying moment of my life...

[ She has to blink, though, at his suggestion. To catch this thing... well, that's not half a bad idea. ]

I am, too, but what if we catch it and it doesn't taste like turkey? I mean, space turkeys may be completely different than Earth turkeys... plus, doesn't that mean we'd have to kill it? Are we even allowed to do that?

I've been chased by a lot of things, but a turkey, no. . .they're just big chickens. [He's surprised; Trucy's one of the toughest people he knows. Who knew her weakness was giant poultry?? He actually lets out a little laugh.]

Don't worry, I'm not going to let a turkey of all things get you. As for catching and eating it. . .I-I'm not sure, to be honest. But nothing ventured nothing gained, I guess. At the very least, we can bring it back and see what the others say.

[Which means he's pretty much made up his mind. LETS GET THAT TURKEY, TRUCY. He squints, looking for any weirdness out in the brush. Not that he knows what turkeys act like in the wild, but surely it can't be that hard to track down.]

They're big chickens with really sharp talons, yeah. [ UGH. He's suddenly brave, and so she follows after him, keeping her gaze sharp for anything out of place. ]

I'm not worried about it getting me,I'm just saying, those claws hurt. also, I didn't know you knew how to hunt!

[ That's good because she won't have to do the dirty work! It's only then that the bushes next to them move, and from them comes a GIANT TURKEY, bursting through the brush as though it was the Kool-aid man.

It stares at them with beady black eyes, iridescent feathers gleaming in the sunlight. ]

....It knows, Polly....

I'm not going to let you get scratched either! It'd defeat the point of me coming out here to supervise.

That said, I have no idea how to hunt. [SUPER COMFORTING.] But I've fed pigeons before? So maybe it can be won ove--GAH.

[THAT IS A BIG GOBBLER.

Apollo shifts to stay in front of Trucy, but by his expression, it's pretty clear he was not expecting JUMBO BIRD. Jeezus. He freezes, as if turkeys run on Jurassic Park T-rex logic. ]

. . .i-it's fine, it's just a. . .very big bird. . .it can't know.

Just don't. Make any sudden movements. I'll think of something.

If you don't know how to hunt how are we supposed to bring this bad boy down?

[ She's about to speak again, when a sevond, even larger turkey comes into the clearing. She peers over Apollo's shoulder wearily, because while she won't admit it out loud, she's pretty sure they're going to die by turkey inflicted injuries. ]

.You sure it doesn't know? Because it brought a friend. Er should slowly back away back to the ships...

I'm kind of applying Mr. Wright's school of thought to this situation. . .

[WHAT WOULD MR. WRIGHT DO IN THIS SITUATION--probably get knocked out, now that he thinks about it.

...

Shit.

When the second one appears, Apollo nods frantically.]

. . .slow, careful, steps backwards, Trucy. We'll just retrace our steps, and--[SNAP. Who just stepped on a convenient, loud, dry twig? THIS GUY. Turkeys are on high alert now.]

....Daddy can't hunt either, you know.

[ She stares back and forth between both turkeys and then Apollo. Slowly, she takes hold of his arm and gently begins to back away, tugging him backwards with him when he steps on that twig. Se hides a wince as both turkeys begin to scratch at the ground rather aggressively. ]

...

[ Nope. It's go time, as far as Trucy's concerned. She picks up a rock and throws it directly in between the two giant birds, not wanting to hit them of course, but it still makes them bristle up. The larger one that came into the clearing suddenly gobbles loudly and runs directly at the two humans.

It's at this point, the ominous screeching they'd heard earlier makes itself physically known. Another bird, far bigger than either turkey, dives down between the lawyer and magician, large talons extended as it suddenly swoops in and scoops up the charging turkey, flying off with it as if that was the plan the whole time.

Trucy simply stares, eyes wide, before her gaze moves to the remaining poultry. ]

Did... did that really just happen?!

[WHY WOULD YOU THROW A ROCK. Apollo's about to protest, but it's too late, that one charges. Apollo firmly keeps himself planted in front of Trucy, fists up as if that will help shield them, then stares in awe as the giant freaking space hawk swoops in to save the day. What!! Apollo just...points at it as it flies out.]

That. . .certainly did happen. Wait, if that turkey hadn't been there, would it have made off with us?!

[Well that's terrifying to think about. The other turkey just kind of gobbles awkwardly, taking in that its friend is now space hawk food. HOW CAN IT GO ON LIKE THIS? DID THESE HUMANS SUMMON IT?? It fluffs out its feathers and stamps the ground, offering some sort of bizarre turkey challenge at them.

. . .

Apollo is just sort of wishing Athena was here. She would have suplexed it by now.]

I think. . .I think it wants to fight.

[ LOOK I THOUGHT IT WOULD SPOOK THEM! The magician keeps a light grip on poor Apollo's arm, a little bit in awe because wow, nature! But on the other hand, wow, there's still one giant turkey left... ]

It's as though we're in the middle of a National Geographic documentary! Just with HUGE animals! Cool!

[ ...Except, other turkey. That's not very cool at all, and so she calms her temporary excitement quickly. ]

We don't want to fight this thing, Polly... it's a lot bigger than we are, we have to make it go away! We can either throw stuff at it, or... well, running I think would set it off even worse, right?

I'd rather be watching it from the comfort of home. . .

[UGH NATURE...the other turkey takes another challenging step forward, gobble-squawking and wings spread. Apollo shakes his head.]

Right. If you throw another rock, it's just going to get angry and chase us. We're screwed either way! Augh. . .

[What do they do THEY CAN'T DIE LIKE THIS ON UNIVERSAL TELEVISION. And also in general!! What would Phoenix do in this situation besides get knocked out. . .uh, he'd bluff and try to turn the situation around. This isn't court that wouldn't work, you can't just distract a turkey--wait.

. . .

!

SUDDENLY AN IDEA.]

Trucy! Do you have your knives, or cards, or anything?

I think I'd have to agree with you on that one...

[ At the turkeys step forward, she pulls Apollo another step backwards. Her gaze moves up to Apollo finally at his question, and she nods, because really first and foremost she's a magician. Within a few seconds, she's got multiple knives and cards in each hand, ready to go. ]

Yeah, of course. What's on your mind, Polly?

(This has got to work--!)

Alright! Trust me on this! I need you to run, and I'll go in the opposite direction. But when I give the signal, hit it with everything you got! It won't see it coming!

[Why won't it? And what is the signal?? Apparently he's not going to explain that part, not with Mr. Gobbles gearing up for a charge. Apollo frowns for a beat, and then--]

And if this doesn't work, it's fine, you keep running, okay?

Okay, no, I'm not going to keep running if this doesn't work! Polly, there's no way I'm going to leave you behind. I'll jump this thing myself before I do that, we're in this together just like we're in everything together, I promise. You... you just give me the signal!

[ Yeah, Apollo, what is that signal again? She's sure she'll be able to figure it out. Suddenly she's not so sure about this idea, because really, what if they get separated?? Well... she's always put her trust in Apollo, and now is no different. So she suddenly takes off running in the opposite direction of Apollo, glancing back at him and their feathered foe who... looks confused as to what they're doing.

Turkeys are, at least, not the smartest animal in the world. ]

I-I'll be fine, Trucy! We both will be! Alright--!

[Gosh dang people caring about him, now is not the time tear up, and not over a freaking turkey!! When Trucy takes off, so does he. He doesn't get far though, skidding to a stop on the opposing side of the turkey. He he takes a deep breath. . .and does literally the only thing lawyers are good for. YELLING.]

OBJECTION!!

[Not as ominous as a hawk's screech, but it's certainly as alarming and distracting, as the turkey swivels around, gobbling in angry confusion at Apollo. WHAT WAS THAT? IS THIS A TINY LOST RED CHICKEN HAWK??

But its back and tail feathers are exposed to Trucy, and fan out like a big ol' colorful Thanksgiving target. There's your signal.]

[ Trucy stops in a flash at Apollo's ear piercing yell of 'objection', and she's not as surprised as she should be that this is his master plan. She turns on a dime when the bird turns it's back to her, tail flared in anger, and she winces, feeling pretty guilty suddenly because she doesn't really wanna kill it but... ]

...Sorry, Mr. Turkey... [ With that, she's literally throwing knives and cards and at some point, even Mr. Hat goes flying at the large bird. But there's no suffering on the poultry's end, of course. She hits her mark every single time, and when the bird finally goes down, Trucy's out of breath from throwing those objects SO HARD that it's knocked the wind out of her. ]

...We did it? We did it! Good job, Polly!

[STOMP STOMP the turkey gobbles up to Apollo, and at first, he wonders if Trucy missed her mark. Could this be the end?? No, of course not, it lets out a surprised squawk before it fluffs up one more time, and then falls. It goes down so hard that a mass of feather fly up from it, immediately covering Apollo. Nice. One feather positions itself in such a way that it looks like he has three hair spikes.

But who cares!! It's down? IT'S DOWN. Hearing Trucy, Apollo runs over, picking her up and spinning, high off, you know, not being dead.]

W-we did it! I can't believe that actually worked!! Trucy, you're amazing!

Hahahaha--! I never want to do that ever again!!

[ She's so glad that Apollo didn't become Thanksgiving dinner, because for a moment she's not sure. Whe she sees him pop up from the feathers and fliff, though, she's beaming and running to meet him halfway, laughing when he picks her up and spins her around.

She happily throws her arms around him in return, pretty glad to have survived the space turkey experience. ]

Me? No way! You're the amazing one here, Polly! You're so smart, you're the one who did all the hard work! Good job!

[ She grins, reaching up to pluck a few feathers out of his hair. ]

[muffled spooky scary skeletons playing in the distance]

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