driftfleet | MINGLE: The Derelict Ship

Zaveid, I like this stuff and I know nobody would write a historical text out of boredom. [it's so much work ok there's a reason why mikleo does most of the cataloging and sorey does most of the jumping off of cliffs]

[ Zaveid just huffs a noise, shaking his head. ] Alright, alright. I'll quit messing with you.

[what no] You don't have to!

[It was...normal. It was the first normal conversation they've really had, since...]

[ Zaveid just gives him a look. ]

... You're strange, Sorey.

You are the last person I wanna hear that from.

[...okay, FINE, looks like they can't avoid the elephant in this room any longer.] I'm just happy. We haven't gotten to talk much, normally. Like this.

[ ... And there it goes. Zaveid huffs a noise. ]

Yeah, I guess I've been kinda busy.

I haven't been doing my part either, [Sorey admits, drawing up his knees.] I talked to Belthazar. He said he doesn't see you wandering around much. It seemed odd.

Who said I liked wanderin' around? [ C'mon, Sorey, give a man a break. ]

You've said it, like a dozen times. And Gramps always said that the wind likes to wander. [Sorey reaches, hesitates a brief moment before following through and touching Zaveid's arm, for just a moment.]

I just want you to know you don't have to rely on yourself for everything. I'm your Shepherd, right? [Sorey doesn't have much confidence in the title, but that's no excuse not to try. Back home, by the time Zaveid joined up he didn't have the luxury of getting to know him like he did the others. And he's not so naive to think that Zaveid would be unaffected by what happened with Mikleo just because he's done it before.]

[ Goddamnit. The problem is that there's not really all that far to wander, here, and he feels a little trapped, and incredibly touchy about it. It only got worse after the dragon fiasco, and if he's being honest... He's not entirely prepared for any of it, but he's doing his best. ] You're not supposed to remember all that, y'know, Sorey.

[ He glances down, though, hesitating for a moment. He's trying to be the stronger one, the better one, and he feels awkward and out of touch all of a sudden, trying to wrap his mind around it all, and all he can do is turn his gaze away before he breathes out. ] Sure. It's just gonna take some getting used to, is all.

[Out of everyone, Zaveid's always been the hardest read, the hardest to connect with. Even Dezel's been easier with that blunt honesty of his, that inability not to treat or take things personally...even he's been easier.

Lailah had expressed her concern over Sorey using armatization for anything other than a Shepherd's duty, especially since he'd been using it to connect with Mikleo, Dezel and even Zaveid, and she'd been right to. Armatization isn't a tool that should be used freely; it's a privilege, and a means to an end, and shouldn't be abused in lieu of Sorey putting forth the effort to connect with those who have lent him their powers.

Besides, even if he wanted to armatize with Zaveid, he doesn't think he could. He can't even think of saying his True Name aloud without shaking.]

Okay. [Sorey withdraws his hand before it can start to tremble, and instead squeezes his fist in his lap.] I just want you to know you're not alone. Mikleo and Dezel have had a lot of difficulty being on the ships also, because of the lack of nature, so...so if there's anything I can do to help, if you need somewhere to go, I'll be there for you.

I can't make wind, but...I mean, I have lungs, right? Breathing in and out, maybe that's a little bit like it?

[ The problem is that if Zaveid doesn't want anyone to know that he's hurt or he's suffering then no one is going to know, and that's how he wants to live. He's lived long enough with pain and heartache on his shoulders and lived a life where he feels trapped and now that he's free - sort of - he doesn't want to bring anyone else down.

His spirit is, more than anything else, fun and mischief even if he doesn't really admit it aloud. He's sick of sadness and pain and hurt even if their journey isn't over, even if there's so much more to go, and the weight of his own choices hang heavy around his neck even now. Sometimes it's still hard to look at Sorey, at Mikleo, to glance over and tense, for a moment, remembering with horror the things he can't undo.

Sorey pulls back and he swallows, breathing out a sharp little noise before he puts himself back together. They're both trying, and isn't that enough for now? ]

If I discover something, Sorey, I'll let you know. [ He'll have to check in on Dezel sometime soon, see if they can get through a conversation without it dissolving into infighting.

But then he blinks. ]

Are you offerin' to breathe on me, Sorey?

Wh- no, I'm just- [stop being weird] You know, because bodies are normally made up of mana [seraph bodies, kiddo,] but human bodies are composed of the four elements? So I don't know, I figured if you were dwelling in me, maybe breathing would be like wind. Or something.

Huh. [ He's not weird you're weird. ] I guess it couldn't hurt to give it a go after being cooped up here for so long.

[Okay, he's a little nervous. This'll be the first time Zaveid's actually used him as a vessel since...everything.

Sorey just sits up straight, shoulders back, and pats his chest. He doesn't expect Zaveid to stay, not while they're on a whole planet to explore and enjoy, but just to check it out. For the both of them, maybe.]

[ There is a moment of hesitation, and he can't deny it. There's a sudden onset of fear, burning through him, and all Zaveid can do is breathe for a moment before he pushes himself up and forward. After that it's a little easier; he just... Goes, and slips back into his vessel as if he'd never left, trying to disguise his discomfort as it being new all over again. ]

[Sorey doesn't miss that moment of quiet where Zaveid looks at him guardedly. He wants to rescind the offer, back away and apologize but he steels himself and takes a deep breath.

He has to be strong. Zaveid deserves nothing less than his sincerest effort.

Once Zaveid dissolves back into his body, Sorey let's out the breath he hadn't known he was holding. It feels normal, mostly, though he can sense Zaveid's trepidation as he explores anew. Sorey relaxes, concentrates on his breathing, and let's himself sit as open and unthreatening as possible. Anything Zaveid wants to see is there; all the doors cracked, a sign of trust, a plea for Zaveid to trust him in turn.]

[ The thing is that Zaveid is less concerned for himself and, quietly, more concerned with Sorey. He knows what's going on in his own head, the quiet hurt and suffering that prickles under his skin, reminding him of all the things he's done and all the things that he can't forget. He thinks it's a good thing Seraphs don't need to sleep; he would be haunted by nightmares of dragons and his name whispered in a dark, dangerous tone.

He bears all of this so Sorey doesn't have to, but slipping close like this... It brushes against the borders of what's real and what isn't, and that makes it so much harder to bear.

Settling down, Zaveid focusses instead on Sorey's breathing, letting out a huff of noise. ]

You were pretty close to bein' right here, Sorey.

[The worst part is while Sorey is picking up whispers and echoes of feelings, he's not getting any details. Even after Zaveid settles he still feels upset, unevenly keeled about something and Sorey can't tell if it's because of him, because of what happened- he can't tell anything.

He's not sure he wants to know. Zaveid had made himself clear in the clinic, but it had been so fresh after what happened. Everything's different for Sorey with Mikleo back, in some ways bad but in most ways good, but he can't help but wonder if Zaveid would've preferred-

Don't you dare think like that.

Sorey clamps his mouth shut and breathes in, out. In, and out. In.]

...what d'you mean?

[Out.]

[ He's not a young Seraph anymore. He's not a kid, and he doesn't have to try as hard to hide what he's feeling - he's pretty damn good at it these days. With everything that's happened, with all the loss he's suffered, he had to learn to keep himself together, to stitch himself up and hold his head up high - to make sure that no one could see just how burned he was from the inside out. It was painful, of course, but he was managing, better than he might appear.

It doesn't make using Sorey as a vessel any easier, though. They're somewhat connected like this - not the same as being armatized, but not quite as distant as being away from him, and he has to do his best to keep his cool, to focus on other things, to not overwhelm his Shepherd. The fact that they've even made the Sub Lord contract again is enough, he thinks, to prove his point, despite how concerned he might have been about his place.

What he focusses on is Sorey's breathing, and it's enough. It's enough. ]

I can feel the air, Shep.

Oh. Right, that's good. [Right, the actual reason behind asking for this. Pretty close to right isn't definitely right, though, so it might not be a long-term solution. Sorey should look around for something else to help tide them over. Mikleo has his tank and Lailah, though it's dangers, can make fire anywhere. Wind is a little harder to come by in a pressurized metal tube floating through the vacuum of space.] I'm- I'm glad.

[It's perhaps worse, that it feels like normal with Zaveid in his soul. Like he's supposed to be there, like there was a spot carved out for him that's been collecting dust. It should be comforting but instead Sorey is sitting, waiting for something terrible to happen that just isn't going to come by any hand but his.]

[ It does feel like he belongs here, and Zaveid knows that's in part due to the fact that he is tied to Sorey as much as he is with Lailah; the fire seraph might be his Prime Lord but Sorey is his Shepherd and they're bound together. Sorey is his vessel and being close to him is the best feeling in the world, despite the rush of emotions that are all tangled up with it. He doesn't really need to breathe himself, so he focuses on Sorey instead, on what it means to be sharing a body with him again.

There's a long, drawn out pause and he forces himself to relax, despite the rather floaty nature of his position right now. ]

We're gonna have to get used to this again, y'know.

That's not a problem for me, [Sorey says quickly. He might be on edge, and Zaveid might be too, but he knew it would be like this when he'd suggested it. The goal here is to get used to it. Maybe even to get more used to it than they were back home.] I'll try as many times as you're willing. I want to be- [Stops and takes a long, calming breath before letting it out again.] I receive so much from all of you. I want to be someone that everyone can feel safe with.

[ He's so quick to reply that it almost makes Zaveid laugh - almost, except he knows the reasons why. Sorey is still suffering, still struggling, and it's enough to make Zaveid take a mental breath to pause himself and calm down. He has to try and be strong here because he doesn't want Sorey to suffer more - and he's burned into the other man's body right now, and there's a fine line to his control of his emotions. ] Jeez, it's alright, Shep. We're gonna get there. It's just practice, right? No big deal.

No big deal. [He's not sure he believes that at all; everything about this is a big deal, but weighing himself down too much was what got all of them into this mess in the first place so he nods, takes a few more deep breaths and tries to calm down.]

You know...come to think of it, we didn't really get to do anything like this back home, huh?

MINGLE: The Derelict Ship

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