driftfleet | [Open]

Who: Anders and Open
Broadcast: Yes (Day after action)
Action: Malum
When: The action takes place a day or so after this happens and the broadcast takes place the next morning

Action
[It hadn't been his first thought to go to the bar. Not even fourth or fifth, but it had popped up eventually. When everything became too much all at once. His clinic was too quiet despite not changing, he was too vulnerable despite not being in any danger. Everything had changed and he hadn't even considered how much until Justice was gone.

Anders went to the only place he could think to go. True, the Space Bar might be a better environment for noise, but Fenris was exactly the last person he wanted to accidentally run into tonight, so Crowley's bar it was. The sound of other people was helpful, at least. And the first drink he basically inhaled helped more. It made it easier to ignore how that persistent hum at the back of his mind was gone, how there wasn't a flux and flow of emotions not quite his own always licking at the edges of his thoughts, how there was only one set of feelings and opinions about everything now left in his head. He'd foolishly tested, half hoping to feel the burst of righteous anger and power as his thoughts drifted to blood magic and the plight of mages and every damn other thing he'd spent the last ten years fighting for.

Suddenly...it was like it had been someone else's problem. Someone else's fight. Like before.

He didn't like it.

He ordered another drink.]

Something strong this time. If it burns my taste-buds into ash, even better.

Voice
[There's a side-effect to drinking. One he hadn't had to deal with in roughly a decade. But, oh, was he dealing with it now. And every time he tried to send a pulse of healing magic into his own head, the hangover he was nursing would just pulse brighter and pang harder and make him think maybe a broodmother would be a blessing right now. It could kill him viciously and in some disgusting way and it would be far kinder than what his head was doing to him.

Perhaps Justice had been doing him a kindness all those years after all. Maker have mercy.

He turned on the broadcast, clumsily hitting video and then voice so a flicker of his disheveled and pathetic appearance can be seen to those who happen to be looking at the time, but then it's gone again and replaced with his voice. Which wasn't really in any better shape.]

Does anyone have any...faster ways with dealing with hangovers? I'd normally take care of it myself but...well, I can't. And thinking isn't too easy right now, so any help would be appreciated. Smartass comments are not, however. Thanks.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[He can tell she's amused at him and it, along with her question, makes him smile fondly on his end.]

I appreciate the offer, but it wouldn't be fair to ask.

The potion will be plenty, thank you.

I promise I don't have anything better to be doing with my time.

[ But she does pick up the camera to head over to her little cauldron. ]

Was it a good night or a bad night that inspired this headache?

[There's a bit of a shuffle sound as Anders disentangles from the bed he shares with Hawke and finds a corner of the room to sit in instead. Adalwolfe didn't need to hear Anders' doubts.]

A bit of both. I- [He sighs.]

What do you know a spirit as? What does that word mean to you?

A spirit in my world... It would probably have been a ghost of some kind.

[ She frowns, though, considering. ]

In the Drabwurd it wasn't that simple, of course. Spirits could mean all kinds of things - ghosts, Godlike beings, some kind of creature...

'Some kind of creature' is probably the best way to describe them from my home, although some cultures consider them godlike beings.

I had a friend who was a spirit. Back home, spirits embody particular virtues and feelings whereas demons embodied vices. My friend was a spirit of justice, justice was his main focus almost to exclusion of all else.

There was...a complication and I found myself in life-threatening danger and he needed a host to exist in our world since spirits don't have physical forms outside of the Fade. I accepted him into myself and a lot of his beliefs became my own and vice-versa. We...contaminated each other. We stayed that way for ten years as there's no way to separate a human and a spirit known back home. Most of the time, people who join with spirits are called 'Abominations' and killed outright.

A day ago, someone in this fleet was able to finally separate us. As far as I know, Justice went back home...so now it's just left me. And I've forgotten what that even means anymore.

[He's quiet, waiting for whatever her reaction might be. What else was there to say? It was the most he'd ever explained to someone outside of the situation, but he trusted her to know what he was- what he'd been.]

I see.

[ It all sounds like a bit of a mess, if Hermione is being honest, but it doesn't shock her as much as she imagines Anders thought it might. She had seen thousands of strange things in her time, and a spirit sharing someone's body was hardly top of the list. She's seen Revenants, she's seen undead monsters that couldn't die, she's seen herself cursed to be unable to eat and sleep and - well.

She likes and trusts Anders, so she smiles. ]

Then we're going to have to find out what 'just Anders' feels like, aren't we? We can do that together, sometime, if you want. I'm sure Crookshanks wouldn't mind if you wanted to come over for a few hours.

[He's quiet a long, dragging, moment. Jim, Riona, now Hermione? Even Leliana to a degree and perhaps more...how could so many people he considered 'good' be so willing to just let it all go and help him start again?

People just didn't do that. Hawke was a special case and even he had his limits, but here he found himself around people who just blinked and carried on. Part of him, a self-sabotaging part that simply hated himself, made him want to truly just spill his guts. What would they say if he told them he'd caused a building full of innocent people to explode? True, some of them were less innocent than others with how the only helped or even encouraged the brutalization of mages, but there were plenty who hadn't deserved it. Plenty more who died from falling debris and the resulting battle in the streets after. Kirkwall's streets were paved in good intentions and the blood needed to pay for them and every drop was on Anders' hands.

There's no way they'd stand by him then. Perhaps Riona, she knew and somehow blamed herself as well, but it couldn't possibly be them all. He should just send them all a text with his confession and cut them free from his lead weight, but he was too much a coward to actually do it. He enjoyed those friendships too much...just another thing he didn't deserve that he clung to with both hands.]

...Thank you. -I'd really like that. Crookshanks is very soft to pet.

Edited 2016-11-15 03:05 (UTC)

[ The problem is that Hermione would understand, no matter how enormous the problem Anders came to her with.

Her time in the Drabwurld had taught her many, many things. She had learned to be stronger, true, and faster, a fighter, a warrior, a leader... But she had also learned a kind of suffering that she would never be able to express, nor put into words. She had learned to try and live her guilt, and her pain, even though it left a bitter taste in her mouth. Tying herself to people, doing her best, suffering and hurting and feeling broken hearted all at once, knowing that what had happened was her fault but being unable to do it...

You swore to me, you swore and betrayed me. You swore and I, like a damned fool, loved and believed you, and now, look...

Breathing out, she does what she can to offer Anders a small, concerned smile, nodding her head. Whatever happens, from now on, she knows that he can count on her. She just hopes he realises. ]

He's started to be a little less... Loud, too, so he might be better company.

[He smiles. He might not be able to think it now, but he can feel it, feel something growing between them that feels a bit stronger, a bit more stable. Something he didn't expect to find in someone here.]

Thank you, Hermione. I know I've already said it, but I really mean it. Your..support means a lot to me. I didn't expect to find it, not to say that as a mark against you, simply what I've come to expect from most others.

...I should have realized you might be different, I already know you're a brilliant person.

[ It's what happens when you share intimate moments with people, and Hermione is used to it - not that it makes this any less special. Anders is special because he has magic and he understands; he's wonderful and remarkable and she wants to spend more time with him. The fact that she knows she can without the threat of war on the horizon is an incredible thrill. ]

You're more than welcome, Anders. Honestly, I'll always be here, no matter what, so if you need someone to talk to or you want to try and sort things out... I'll be around.

[ And she ends up blushing anyway. ]

Thank you, Anders.

[She's lucky he can't see it, or he might try and take advantage simply to lighten the mood a bit. Instead, he nods to himself, a hand swiping over his face to shake the excess emotion from it and his voice.]

I'll remember that. I'll let you go in the meantime, though I might send Wolfe to pick up that potion instead, if it's all the same to you.

Don't worry, I don't mind seeing him around. I'll try not to keep him too long.