driftfleet | [Open]

Entry tags:

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Who: Anders and Open
Broadcast: Yes (Day after action)
Action: Malum
When: The action takes place a day or so after this happens and the broadcast takes place the next morning

Action
[It hadn't been his first thought to go to the bar. Not even fourth or fifth, but it had popped up eventually. When everything became too much all at once. His clinic was too quiet despite not changing, he was too vulnerable despite not being in any danger. Everything had changed and he hadn't even considered how much until Justice was gone.

Anders went to the only place he could think to go. True, the Space Bar might be a better environment for noise, but Fenris was exactly the last person he wanted to accidentally run into tonight, so Crowley's bar it was. The sound of other people was helpful, at least. And the first drink he basically inhaled helped more. It made it easier to ignore how that persistent hum at the back of his mind was gone, how there wasn't a flux and flow of emotions not quite his own always licking at the edges of his thoughts, how there was only one set of feelings and opinions about everything now left in his head. He'd foolishly tested, half hoping to feel the burst of righteous anger and power as his thoughts drifted to blood magic and the plight of mages and every damn other thing he'd spent the last ten years fighting for.

Suddenly...it was like it had been someone else's problem. Someone else's fight. Like before.

He didn't like it.

He ordered another drink.]

Something strong this time. If it burns my taste-buds into ash, even better.

Voice
[There's a side-effect to drinking. One he hadn't had to deal with in roughly a decade. But, oh, was he dealing with it now. And every time he tried to send a pulse of healing magic into his own head, the hangover he was nursing would just pulse brighter and pang harder and make him think maybe a broodmother would be a blessing right now. It could kill him viciously and in some disgusting way and it would be far kinder than what his head was doing to him.

Perhaps Justice had been doing him a kindness all those years after all. Maker have mercy.

He turned on the broadcast, clumsily hitting video and then voice so a flicker of his disheveled and pathetic appearance can be seen to those who happen to be looking at the time, but then it's gone again and replaced with his voice. Which wasn't really in any better shape.]

Does anyone have any...faster ways with dealing with hangovers? I'd normally take care of it myself but...well, I can't. And thinking isn't too easy right now, so any help would be appreciated. Smartass comments are not, however. Thanks.

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You're a much better friend than I deserve, Riona.

[Most of the people he could honestly call friends were like that.]

We were like that for ten years. That's a third of my lifetime spent with Justice as part of me and I won't pretend I didn't change drastically after we joined.

[Hawke's voice came back to him, after Anders had nearly killed that girl and he'd been so set on leaving Kirkwall. "I don't want to lose you to this!" Hawke had convinced him to stay.]

I once told Wolfe that if you took away Justice and the Templars, there wouldn't be much of me left. There are no Templars here and Justice is gone...I feel like there's a hole the size of a person and all that's left of 'me' is the edges. I don't know what else there is, if there's anything else to be found.

Only as a good of a friend as you - or any of the others - are to me.

[In a way. Friends like Morrigan and Sten repaid their friendships in big, huge chunks, interspersed with periods of being assholes. But she's used to it.

Oh no no, none of that, you. Riona reaches over and cups Anders' cheek, gently turning his head so he's looking at her dead in the eye.]

You're not gone, Anders. What's lost can be found. I think Justice and the mages' plight sort of just... buried you. We'll get you back out in time. Give yourself a break for right now, it won't all come back at once.

[It's too much. There's hope and assurance in her words and he clings to them like a man drowning. It's too much but it's exactly what he needs to hear. His throat goes tight and there's a hitch in his breathing, but he leans forward to plunk his forehead against her shoulder.]

Thank you.

[It's a little rough when it comes out, but he means it wholeheartedly.]

[Oh, Anders, you're breaking her heart. It's so rare of him to display emotion like this, especially when it leaves him so vulnerable. She suspects the alcohol has something to do with it, but there's more to it than just that. Her bottom lip quivers, but she holds it back, putting on a brave face.]

I wasn't there for you when I should have been. [She puts an arm around his shoulders.] The least I can do is help you now to work past this.

[He's quick to dismiss the overflow of emotion and bite it all back again. He'd made a promise to himself and even in front of Riona, he wouldn't break it. But while his voice evened back out, he didn't extract himself from her hold. That, at least, he didn't mind giving in to. But he pulls back after a moment, expression firm but gentle.]

We can be there for each other now. I let you go and burned that bridge just as much as you left yourself. [A small tug to his lips.] I hear that's what friends are for, correct?

Please, don't think what I've admitted here means I'm incapable of helping you support your burdens. You help me a great deal more than you realize, I'd like to be able to repay that as much as I can.

Yes, to repair bridges and to get into all sorts of horrible trouble.

[Something they should do sometime. Especially with no darkspawn around to ruin the fun.]

Anders, I would never think that. No one is strong all the time, but that doesn't mean you're not a means of support for me.

[she nudges him with her elbow.]

And as your friend, I say we get happily sloshed tonight. In honor of Justice and you being free.

Just like old times, then.

[He smiles to her and it feels lighter, like a weight has been slowly released.]

I like the sound of that. [He lifts his glass.] To Justice and far too much trouble in our futures.

Almost. No darkspawn, thankfully. Or shitty nobles trying to kill me.

[FUCK THOSE PEOPLE.

She clinks her glass against his.] To our friend and good times... [She knocks her drink back, shuddering a bit as she sets the glass down.]

[Fuck those people indeed.

He knocks back the drink in record time and ends up coughing over it and the fumes assaulting his nose. Honestly, it might be better to go back to the sweeter stuff he'd started the night off with.

Once the coughing's subsided, he runs the back of his hand over his eyes and shakes his head.]

I know it's been ten years since I had to rely on my own drink tolerance, but I swear things're getting more...sloshy than they ought to be about now. Guess they don't make Grey Warden Tolerance like they used to.

[He jokes, it's easier to joke, there's nothing disapproving in his own thoughts or hounding his attempts to enjoy himself, but it also helps him to not focus on the fact that something honestly and truly feels different and wrong. Not just Justice...he just couldn't put his finger on what. Especially not with all the alcohol burning holes in his concentration.]

[Easy there, bud. Riona pats his back a bit when he coughs, smiling in amusement when the worst of it passes. Oh, Anders. They gotta work on your tolerance.]

I do recall you being able to hold your own quite a bit back in Amaranthine. So I think your Warden-

[Riona's never been particularly great about sensing the taint. It invaded her senses so much in Ferelden that she never really needed to get good at it. Then the Blight ended and she struggled to figure out how, given that she never received proper instruction.

As she looks as Anders, she realizes that something is missing. Over the relief of Justice and Anders being free, she completely missed it. But his bringing up Wardens reminds her. Her brow furrows as she scoots towards him, taking hold of his shoulders and concentrating. Hard. And harder.

...

It's gone. His taint is gone. It has to be. She's not THAT bad at sensing the crap, and it's definitely no longer there.]

[Her mouth falls slightly agape.]

You - I can't sense the taint in you anymore. It's gone.

[Had Allen's purification also removed the taint from him??]

[He's silent as everything slowly falls together. She'd stared at him so intensely, he'd very nearly asked her what she was thinking about, but she'd answered his question without him even opening his mouth.

Now, his mouth was open and nothing was coming out of it. That couldn't be true. But, then he thought back to the moment right after Justice had been severed from him and how much lighter and cleaner he'd felt. The Joining had put a sludge in his veins...and now it was gone.]

Are you s-? I'm...[Not a Grey Warden. No Justice. HE was quite literally the same as he'd been the night he'd met Riona Cousland and yet, nothing felt further from the truth.

A lop-sided smile fell onto his face as rusty gears tried to run together in an unfamiliar process.]

Ah....and here I thought I'd just taken the best shower of my life or something. Should have known no one feels that clean and healthy without some kind of special help.

[What was he even supposed to be feeling or thinking or doing right now?

What now?]

[Unbelievable. The taint, the supposed curse from the Maker himself, purged just like that, all thanks to a swing of a sword from one man. Granted, the effort had taken a fair bit out of Allen, but it still seemed so... minor in comparison. Allen literally undid something said to be created by their god. It's disconcerting... but it also gives her hope. Even if Allen is from another world, the fact that the taint wasn't insurmountable meant that perhaps there was a way to beat it back home. Maybe her future quest wasn't destined for failure.]

I'm sure. It's not there. [A part of her is a little jealous, but she pushes it aside, knowing it's a stupid feeling. Besides, she's sure that if she asked, Allen might be able to do the same for her.] Well, good. That's one of us free of it, at least.

[He might be conflicted, but she's not. It's a damn good thing in her book.]

[What she says takes him off guard.]

What? I thought...you're the Warden-Commander, you're supposed to be all 'Rah Grey Wardens Rah! Fight Darkspawn' that whole thing...you wanted the taint gone too?

To be honest, I'm not a very good Warden. Not in mind.

[So many of her decisions reflect that.]

Of course I want it gone. I don't want a limit on my life. I don't want to have to go on a suicide run into the deep roads when I hear the Calling.

[It hangs over her, a high suspended guillotine that slowly lowers with each passing year. One she can't escape, not unless she finds a miraculous cure.]

I want to be able to live a long life. I want- I want to have a family, to give Alistair children and Ferelden an heir. [She huffs out a breath, trying to fight back the emotion welling in her.] You know, it's funny. Just a few years ago, I wanted nothing more than to gallivant off, sword brandished and live as a warrior. But I seemed destined to be married off to some noble prat and bear him children.

[She shakes her head.] Now, I'd give anything to be able to do that.

[It's like a different light has cascaded down and colored his friend. It's not a bad light, not at all, just one that seemed to turn everything around.

He reached out to her and took her hand to squeeze it tight.]

I'm sorry. I understand, though, I really do. To have a normal life... [He shook his head.] I suppose the legend of the Hero of Ferelden had already grown larger than life in those six months, I foolishly assumed you couldn't possibly want the life of a normal person. You certainly seemed to swoop in and save people with an otherworldly talent.

[His expression turned more serious as he looked to her.] In that case, I definitely think you should go back to Allen or find another person on the Fleet who could take the taint away, you ought to be happy.

I doubt it'll turn into anything, but I'll start studying ways for a cure when I can as well. I know they say it's impossible, but when has that ever stopped us?

[She returns the gesture, her smile growing a touch sad.]

Bit of a curse, being so good at not being normal. Being a hero and all that is all well and good, but it grows tiring after awhile. Not something I thought I'd ever say, but here I am.

[The Maker has a cruel sense of humor sometimes. She got what she wished for, and now she doesn't want it at all. But she never counted on Alistair back then. She didn't count on a lot of things happening that did. How was she to know?]

I've considered it. Maybe I will. It'd be nice to not have it, even if only for a little while. [Allen had been so exhausted after he separated Anders and Justice. She hates the thought of having to ask him to do it again. And yet, perhaps he'd be more upset if she didn't ask.

His offer leaves her stunned for a moment, eyes wide and words failing her. With the taint having been removed from him, looking for a cure certainly doesn't benefit him. Yet he says he'll try anyway.

Oh, damn it, now she's tearing up.]

Not ever. Thank you, Anders. From the bottom of my heart.

[She's tearing up and his brow furrows.] Oh, now don't do that.

[He stood from the bar stool and wrapped his arms around her.]

Come on, you'll cry and then I'll cry and then Crowley will kick us out.

You don't have to thank me, you're my friend, one more important to me than nearly any other person in the universe, of course I'll help. [He'd do damn near anything for her, the deep roads, another broodmother, a damn archdemon if she had to face one again, he'd be there.]

[SUFFER IN THE GLASS CASE OF EMOTION WITH HER, ANDERS.]

No crying allowed in the bar? Oh dear. [Her tone is joking, but she wipes away her tears anyway as she hugs him in kind.]

There has to be a way. I don't care if it's the Maker's punishment. We've been punished long enough. And with all the knowledge and whatnot this place has, maybe an answer will be easier to discover here.

[Why must you cause him pain?]

He's a demon.

[But what she says makes him smile. There's his commander.]

Exactly, we'll figure it out.

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