Kitty Pryde (
passingthrough) wrote in
driftfleet2016-11-15 07:33 pm
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Entry tags:
Windrose Mingle - November
Who: Windrose crew and the people who stalk them
Broadcast: Probably not!
Action: Windrose
When: November
[It's been a month of loss for the Windrose. We've lost Ordis, Tenno, and now our captain The Vision. We could probably use some visitors and ship togetherness.]
Broadcast: Probably not!
Action: Windrose
When: November
[It's been a month of loss for the Windrose. We've lost Ordis, Tenno, and now our captain The Vision. We could probably use some visitors and ship togetherness.]
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and it's what she has to work on too.
he tangles his fingers in her hair, and takes a moment to think. ]
We can't tip toe around each other forever. You're gonna hurt me and I'm gonna hurt you and we need to be brave and accept that or we'll both end up hurt worse.
[ he doesn't like it any more than she does, but they can't talk about marriage and children if they can't deal with having disagreements or getting angry or even just relaxing and being themselves at the cost of sometimes unwittingly crossing a line or stepping on a sore spot. in the long run, these things can strengthen their relationship, teach them more about each other, and help them find a middle ground on their dividing issues. ]
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Like so often the thing he's saying right now sounds practically perfect to her. She'd like to embrace it. To trust in them and be open and honest. But...she doesn't want to do it alone. She doesn't want to be the one saying the potentially upsetting things while he's quiet until he thinks of the perfect reply and bottles the rest up.]
Do you mean that? The "we?" You want to tell me more?
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I always want to. It's just not easy for me, you've been through so much, and I've been taught to shut up and be grateful for what I got.
[ and he is grateful, but he's also struggling because his life is light years from easy or simple or all good. ]
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I hate them. I miss them. I hate that I miss them.
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why is he talking about his parents right now? he's not sure but she wants him to share and she started with the topic and he's just rolling with it because he has a lot of unresolved feelings there, feelings that may seem obvious, but he's never gotten to express. ]
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[ heck, he's not even sure he won't reject her if she reached out first. she left him. just up and left him when he was 11 years old and needed her most. and yeah, it couldn't have been easy on her either, but he's her son, and he was 11 years old and she didn't even make sure he was taken care of, left with friends, nothing. ]
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I don't wanna do that. Neither of them cared about anyone else or took any responsibility for their actions, I don't wanna be like them. [ maybe there's more about his parents' life he didn't know. maybe his mother is mentally ill too (isn't that a cheerful thought), maybe she was scared of his father, scared that he'd come after her for some reason and thought he'd be safer without her. he's made up a million excuses for her in his head, and he doesn't think any of them are likelier than she was weak and selfish and just took off but looking her up just to yell that in her face - as satisfying as that may be - doesn't feel any less weak or selfish to him. he's made something of himself, he's got a life, sort of. she probably has one too. they've moved on. back home, he doesn't think about her nearly so much. ]
And I don't know if I want her back, whoever she is. [ the mother he knew loved him more than anything, so clearly - he didn't know her that well. ]
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[ he's scared of turning into either of his parents. but not because they're uptight, or boring, or don't get it - but because they make some horrifying choices. ]
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So while she does believe he's not like his parents and that he'll make better decisions she doesn't want that to be the end of the conversation either. She wants to understand and help more if she can.]
Only cliche because it's so understandable. When does it worry you the most?
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[ he has so many reasons to hate that trait of his, and yet it's still so hard to break. it just frustrates him more. ]
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I think you made a good point before. I think I'd feel safer if I saw we could fight and come back together. Not that I'm suggesting fighting just for fun, but when it happens. I think it would be easier than holding things in and worrying over what could happen.
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[ once he's pushed, he explodes. but that first step...he's so scared of losing her. ]
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it seems so petty and stupid when he thinks about it, and yet feels so hurtful at once. why. he really needs to sleep more, doesn't he? ]
Mmhm, last thing was really stupid [ he can't lie, not when he made the speech about being open and honest. ] how about one before that?
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but he sighs because he wants to do better. ]
I'll tell you if you want but...it's definitely gonna test your tolerance levels.
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The...me taking your name joke. [ it just pushed so many buttons and then they were just left there, pressed, as he had to redirect and reassure her and he was abandoning his needs again, nothing releasing that pressure. ]
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I was thinking about how much I love you and how I wanted you to know that even though I want you to be happy no matter what I also really want you to be happy with me. [She takes a moment feeling like she's about to get choked up.] That I want the middle and the end with you. Not just this great beginning. That I would...say yes. And I thought about how, mmm, overwhelmed you seemed about talking about children and I thought this might feel the same to you?
[She takes a deep breath, just trying to be very open here even with the vulnerable parts.] And then I tried to think about something else and my thoughts drifted and I was just thinking about the pun implications of our names together. But names are more important than that. I know I wouldn't want to give mine up. It's the last thing from my parents.
What did it mean to you?
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I'm not accusing you of anything, I know you didn't mean anything bad by it. [ he sighs. this is so hard. ]
I'm gonna answer your question first, ok, and then we get back to the rest of it?
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