ᴛʜᴇʏ'ʟʟ ɴᴀᴍᴇ ᴀ ᴄɪᴛʏ ᴀғᴛᴇʀ ᴜs ( ᴏᴘᴇɴ )

[uprightness]

Who: steve rogers circa civil war + you, yes you
Broadcast: nope
Action: various;
When: throughout january



[ new year, new memories and what begins as one monstrous headache.

it takes a couple of hours to sort through everything that's new, to make sense of a kaleidoscope of memories, images and sounds. at first, he starts writing it all down, lagos, the sokovia accords, the UN, black panther.

Only the dry details and nothing of what starts to weight down on his shoulders, faces and names that inspire a heavy, intimate, terrible sort of pain.

And so an avoidance of a sort begins that lasts through the two days the new year. Hours upon hours spend on the library aboard the Iskaulit, reading books and making nothing of them. It's an odd sight, Steve Rogers in one of the corners of the room, staring at a book and randomly picking up a notepad and writing something down ( another detail that comes up, scott lang or spiderman ) and then staring at the notepad only to go back and stare at the book.

He might also be found at odd hours at the gym; evidently, taking out his burdens on a punching bag, seemingly lost in thought even as takes out what seems to be a world of trouble on the thing.

It will take these two days of isolation before those of the fleet start seeing steve rogers off the Iskaulit. He'll make a return to the Starkstruck, though this return, too, will be a reclusive matter one will have to actively seek him to find him in the weaponry or otherwise, in his room. ]

Comments

[outstandingbalance]

[Unfortunately for you, Steve Rogers, Natasha comes to the gym at odd hours all of the time to use this punching bag. It's a coincidence that she finds Steve here at all during his extended stay on the Iskaulit, but when she sees him... well, you don't have to be trained in reading micro expressions to tell something's bothering Steve.

Natasha approaches almost silently from one side, dressed for a workout and wrapping her own hands in tape.]

Hey. ...Want to take a turn with someone who can hit back?

[Steve isn't really the type to take out his frustrations on people, but who knows, maybe sparring with someone he knows would be comforting. He'd offer the same to her.]

[uprightness]

[ she doesn't startle him but he does stare at her for a moment, realizes he neglected the use of tape when he sees her hands. Wiping blood off his knuckles, he shakes his head.

To think, she and Wanda have been carrying this burden for months now. ]

No, thank you.

[ he looks up at her for a moment. ]

I think we exchanged enough blows for a lifetime in that airport, don't you?

[ not he and her, specifically. he avoided that specific battle, maybe for the same reason she did, maybe for the same reason that made her let him go. ]

[outstandingbalance]

So that's what it is. [It fits. she can't say she's surprised. She's not surprised he turns down her offer if he's just remembered that fight, too.

Somehow the fact he knows too now doesn't lighten her burden.]

In that case... [She catches his wrist and pulls his hand to her gently, inspecting the back of his hand.] I could buy you a drink.

[uprightness]

I can't really get drunk.

[ he reminds her but it's said with a wayward smile of a sort. Only two days ago he did indeed get drunk on the lab-induced alcohol Winn got him. It was an easy sort of feeling. A new year, good friends, a kiss at midnight.

he turns his hand, entwines his fingers in hers. ]

Hey.

[ he feels as if he's seeing her anew or else, that he finally understands. ]

[outstandingbalance]

You can still try. [She knows he can't, but the real offer is for moral support. Such as she's ever been good for that.

But she can do that other ways too. She squeezes his hand gently. If there was ever any doubt that she's still got his back, that they're still friends, she wants to expel it.]

You remember all of it?

[uprightness]

I think so. Unless they left something out.

[ and how can they know, really? Some things might be missing; though it doesn't feel like it can get any worse than it already is. ]

The Accords, the airport, Tony - we're all criminals.

[ her, too, he assumes. ]

You, too, helping me like you did.

[ and no, there's no helping it, he steps closer, wraps her in his arms, a tight, long embrace. ]

I remember London.

[ quiet, whispered into her hair. ]

Thank you.

[outstandingbalance]

[Oh, Steve. Natasha returns the hug after a hesitation. She remembers that too. And she knows that was a grief was something he carried with him through the fight.]

You okay? I didn't want to tell you when you didn't remember, and with Peggy here...

[uprightness]

You did - just what I needed you to do.

[ he knows that, understands that, now. she had shielded him for as long as she could have and it means a lot. it means the world, really. ]

I'll be okay.

[ maybe in a few weeks. ]

I'm keeping busy.

[outstandingbalance]

[Rubbing his back gently, she does her best to be solid for him. Project strength.]

She's still here, Steve. Just remember that.

[She sighs.]

And so am I. If you ever need anyone to listen, or for company. Whatever happened, that's not changing.

[uprightness]

They probably thought it'll all be very amusing. First Wanda forgets and now this. You should have seen what they've done to her, I'm actually glad she can't remember any of that.

[ he rubs a hand over his eyes. ]

She can't remember anything, I feel as if I remember too much.

[outstandingbalance]

We all remember what we remember. We'll all deal with what we know. Nothing else we can do.

[Natasha's lips tighten. She doesn't know what they did with Wanda or Clint, but she can guess what they'd have considered necessary. Especially in Wanda's case.]

We all lived through it once. We'll handle it again.

At least here, we actually have each other to help with it.

[uprightness]

Tony's gone.

[ quietly. that's really the worst part of it all. there is no room for apologizing, no time to make it right. The timing is not a coincidence, either, he suspects. all these memories at the same time Tony is taken away from them. ]

It's the one thing I needed to make right.

[outstandingbalance]

Tony wasn't ready for that. I know it's not much of a comfort, but he's known for a while. He wasn't ready to talk to you.

[She shakes her head.]

I don't think either of you are actually ready for that. For now... just give it time.

Action; after Steve's return to the Starstruck

[notmutantbutmiracle]

[Part of the burden of Wanda's powers means that, although she has to actively concentrate to read minds, she can at least sense the emotions of others in her proximity almost always. As such, she'd noticed when Captain Rogers' presence seemed to vacate the ship. At the time, she'd made little of it. Pietro had told her people could come and go amongst the various ships on the fleet. However, it was Steve returned to the ship that Wanda truly noticed that something was off. Something had changed even if she did not know the details of what.]

[For the most part, she felt it would be better to leave him well enough alone. However, the change she sensed in him was like a thorn in her mind. Something more than curiosity was enticing her to investigate. And so, eventually, Steve will hear the soft sound of knuckles tentatively rapping at his door.]

[uprightness]

[ the bracelet she gave him is a greater comfort that she knows.

She can't remember it yet and it makes him unreasonably angry. Not at her, not nearly. At the Atroma, mostly, at them making this into a game, taking away memories that might otherwise make her happy.

we'll make new ones, he decided, as soon as he understood what had occurred.

still, when he opens the room to let her in, it all rushes back, her grief, the soft-spoken conversation in he room, finding out Tony had her quarantined and worse of all, seeing her in that prison, the shock collar, the way they treated her.

he almost draws her in, almost locks her in an embrace and then he remembers and simply moves aside, let's her in. ]

Wanda. Everything ok?

[notmutantbutmiracle]

[In that moment, Wanda can sense his desire to hug. It's palpable enough that it makes her involuntarily take a half-step back. That level of affection -- considering the small span of time she's come to know Steve Rogers for, or at least currently believes she's only known him for -- just felt too out of place all of a sudden. Immediately though, she regrets the reaction. How it likely comes across to Captain Rogers. She stands silent for a moment outside his door, looking sidelong back down the ship's hall at nothing. The moment lasts just long enough to be awkward before she does enter his room. This time, she's willing to take a seat at the edge of his cot. She gives him a small, apologetic smile, trying in some way to make up for that half-step backwards.]

I could ask you the same.

[uprightness]

[ at once, he feels terrible. he forgets, sometimes, how clearly she can sense other people's thoughts. he worries, terribly, of putting more distance between them, scaring her away. it was all that much easier before these new memories rolled in. ]

Seems like the Atroma are playing with all our memories lately.

[notmutantbutmiracle]

[Steve's choice of wording naturally catches her ear.]

"Our" memories?

[That's what he had said. Not her memories -- they're already been over that -- but our memories.]

[uprightness]

You remembered more, once. Things that happened at home.

[ he's tired, terribly tired, of keeping things from her. He's not even sure what it all means, really. The Atroma have taken her memories and maybe Steve is tired of playing along. ]

They changed it. I don't know why.

[notmutantbutmiracle]

[She watches his face, reading each and every emotion big and small that crosses it. Suddenly, she feels very empty. Like she just now noticed that something important to her is missing. It causes her breath to catch for a moment, and she struggles to respond right away. She shakes her head, clears her throat, and tries to keep the conversation going.]

Events a year into our future, right? When I woke up here, Agent Romanoff told me... she, Vision, a "Winter Soldier," all were from that time. She'd said you were not. That we both remember more or less up to the same point. You're saying, I've lost the memories. That the "Atroma" took them.

[She'd already been told by multiple people here that she had apparently been in this fleet before as well for a fairly long time. She'd thought that perhaps her loss of memories were confined to just those of this place. It seemed, however, there was in fact far more missing. Yet, she could not say that some small part of her didn't suspect as much.]

[uprightness]

Yeah, they did.

[ he nods, catches her gaze and holds it. ]

I wasn't from the time. Natasha and Vision and Bucky, they all remembers things I didn't; tony, too - but he's gone home now.

[ and there's a surge of sadness, he almost wants to apologize to her for how keenly she must be feeling these turmoils. ]

They gave me all those memories two days ago, maybe it means yours will come back, too.

[notmutantbutmiracle]

[The name Bucky sounds familiar in an almost eery way that Wanda has started to become accustomed to. And when she hears Stark's her brow narrows a little bit, but she doesn't press on either.]

So, that's it then. Your memories... you remember now everything about a year into the future. I'm the only one who still doesn't.

[This feeling of loss -- right now, it's more prominent than it ever was before. Having her brother around again was more important to her than anything. Perhaps losing her memories of the future had been the price she paid to be able to spend time with him again? If that was the case, then Wanda had resolved herself that it was a trade she'd gladly make. But now, for the first time since she's woken up, she seemed to be missing something she doesn't even remember losing.]

[uprightness]

You will.

[ he can't know for sure but what drives him is his knowledge of the Atroma's nature and also his infamous conviction that this will turn out alright. he sighs and adds, after a moment: ]

and if not, I'll tell you everything, everything that happened. We'll make new memories. The Atroma can't beat that.

[notmutantbutmiracle]

[The sincerity of Steve's words and gesture catch Wanda slightly off guard. Again, it seemed he was willing to show a kind of kindness towards her that, from her current perspective, Wanda's not sure she fully deserves. It makes it hard for her to meet his eyes. She smiles thinly in response. Her thoughts then drift back to her interaction with Agent Romanoff soon after Wanda awoke three weeks ago. About what the events a year in her future may be -- if they were something worth remembering.]

Everything... you think it's best I know everything?

[uprightness]

I think you deserve to.

[ know. keeping secrets is what landed her where she was when he broke her out. it was his own fault that this happened, that they were played as much as they had been. had he told tony to begin with, none of this would have happened.

he's not about to make the same mistake twice. ]

I will tell you as much as you'd like to hear.