ᴛʜᴇʏ'ʟʟ ɴᴀᴍᴇ ᴀ ᴄɪᴛʏ ᴀғᴛᴇʀ ᴜs ( ᴏᴘᴇɴ )

[uprightness]

Who: steve rogers circa civil war + you, yes you
Broadcast: nope
Action: various;
When: throughout january



[ new year, new memories and what begins as one monstrous headache.

it takes a couple of hours to sort through everything that's new, to make sense of a kaleidoscope of memories, images and sounds. at first, he starts writing it all down, lagos, the sokovia accords, the UN, black panther.

Only the dry details and nothing of what starts to weight down on his shoulders, faces and names that inspire a heavy, intimate, terrible sort of pain.

And so an avoidance of a sort begins that lasts through the two days the new year. Hours upon hours spend on the library aboard the Iskaulit, reading books and making nothing of them. It's an odd sight, Steve Rogers in one of the corners of the room, staring at a book and randomly picking up a notepad and writing something down ( another detail that comes up, scott lang or spiderman ) and then staring at the notepad only to go back and stare at the book.

He might also be found at odd hours at the gym; evidently, taking out his burdens on a punching bag, seemingly lost in thought even as takes out what seems to be a world of trouble on the thing.

It will take these two days of isolation before those of the fleet start seeing steve rogers off the Iskaulit. He'll make a return to the Starkstruck, though this return, too, will be a reclusive matter one will have to actively seek him to find him in the weaponry or otherwise, in his room. ]

Comments

[uprightness]

You know my memory from that night isn't all there.

[ there was definitely dancing, he did indeed kiss her at midnight but some parts are blurred. Mostly because, well -

Hold on. ]

How drunk were you?

[ his tone is brighter, one would dare say amused. ]

[mucked]

Drunk enough. [ she exhales. pulls him closer, once again, so she could feel his warmth against her body.

(and so that he couldn't see the flush of shame creeping up her neck and spilling onto her cheeks.) ]

I hugged him when I saw him. I think.

[uprightness]

A whole hug?

[ he's so terribly amused. The heavier, sadder air of the day is kept firmly at bay. It's really problematic, that he finds all of this adorable. ]

Just one?

[mucked]

I am not a hugger -- [ she announces. emphatically. indeed, mister jarvis had said as much when he'd introduced her to his darling ana.

of course, considering the current situation, this all sounds very suspect. peggy clears her throat. ] Present circumstances excluded.

[ it's a terribly unromantic way to suggest she rather likes hugging him. ]

[uprightness]

I doubt one hug to a friend who found himself on a spaceship would make you a hugger.

[ ALL OF THIS OVER ONE HUG. ]

I bet it made him pretty happy.

[ God knows it's doing exactly that to him at the moment. ]

[mucked]

I don't imagine I'll be asking. [ a stiff breath. she clears her throat. it's difficult, really, to adequately articulate her feelings for the good man. he's more than a colleague. better than a friend, really, in many ways. and yet she doesn't dare call him anything but jarvis. they respect each others' boundaries to an almost ludicrous degree. and she knows the extent to which the fleet has changed her is a jarring revelation him.

with relief: ] He'll know better than to bring it up.

[ unless he's feeling trollish. in which case, all bets are off. ]

[uprightness]

Your secret's safe with us.

[ Jarvis and well, steve - who is far too happy and comfortable in her embrace to risk it by telling anyone. ]

If anyone asks, I know nothing about it.

[mucked]

My hero -- [ she drawls, and once again kisses the crown of his head. as secrets go, it's slim. but important. peggy has a reputation to maintain. even here. ] That said, I suspect he'll show up more often than not. Indulge him, but not too far -- or one morning you'll find him ironing your shirts in the cargo bay.

[uprightness]

Yes ma'am. Not too far.

[ as obedient as that. He would argue her very little when they're like this and besides, he found that he rather likes her friend, odd and talkative as he may be. ]

[mucked]

[ you know, as facetious as it might occasionally be intended, she certainly doesn't mind a good ma'aming when it comes from him. which is perhaps impetus enough for her to shuffle the subject to something brand new and a little bit daunting. ]

You know, I was thinking...

[ she trails off. evidently reconsidering her exact wording. ]

[uprightness]

Mm?

[ he shuffles, lifts his head so he can look at her properly, fingers moving from her palm to the inside of her wrist. ]

What is it?

[mucked]

[ he's looking at her; it makes it only marginally more difficult. ]

The Captain's quarters come with a large bed. Larger than this one. [ and heaven help her, it sounds like a line. peggy grumbles and frowns and fidgets.

what she means to say is that he's isolated himself for long enough and maybe -- just maybe -- he shouldn't be alone at night, either. at least for a little while. ]

[uprightness]

They do.

[ it's said very carefully. He connects the dots in seconds, for a change. If he's careful in his reaction, it's so he could ask, ]

You like that space, Peggy, are you sure?

[mucked]

Mmhm -- [ she hums. ] For a little while, at least. It's worth the experiment.

[ just now, wrapping him up right and holding him close? it proves to her how necessary such nearness can be. the mere change in his composure and his voice is proof enough that wants a better chance at being present for him. ]

[uprightness]

Right, then.

[ his smile is brighter though he makes an effort to keep it in check. Best not to be entirely giddy about it or else, in a week, she might change her mind.

Only very giddy rather than entirely so, then. The truth is he had missed her since their days at the hotel. Falling asleep and waking up with her there were things he got used to very easily. ]

Tonight?

[mucked]

Tonight.

[ she solemnly swears. and peggy decides she's willing to free up a portion of her above-bed shelf just for him. a little like allowing a lover a drawer. it is (of course) on a probationary basis. as he said, she likes her space. and she's not yet convinced their routines will harmonize well. but it's worth a try. ]

No more crashing at the gym. Promise me?

[ -- how did she know? how does she ever know? ]

[uprightness]

Not sure if you can call it crashing.

[ he barely slept. Those two days were spent avoiding sleep altogether as it brought more images and more confusion. Still, He relents, presses a kiss to her cheek and sighs: ]

I promise.

[mucked]

[ she doesn't often ask for promises. doesn't trust that there won't come a day when they won't be broken -- by necessity, or otherwise. ]

And if there's anything else about back home you care to talk about -- [ she hums a moment, considering her words. ] I'll be here.

[ but she'll always take his promises. always. ]

[uprightness]

It'll keep coming back. Some of it is still not really clear. [ it's foggy, like a memory from a dream that can only be accessed the very second one wakes up but is later forgotten. ] I'm still working it all out. [ Events, people, timings. ]

[mucked]

[ -- still shuffling the cards together. ]

Why don't you tell me about your first fresh memory? The earliest you think you can recall of all the new things you're recalling.

[uprightness]

Lagos. Only a part of the team was there - Sam, Nat, Wanda and me. We were tracking Rumlow for a while. He and his team got their hands on - I think it was a biological weapon.

[ there's a frown, pieces putting themselves together. ]

It went well at first, but I froze.

[mucked]

[ she doesn't know who rumlow is -- but that's perfectly alright. the context of the tale doesn't require that she does. a named someone, she gathers, who was working antithetically to steve and his team. by all accounts, it probably should have been a routine op. ]

What froze you? [ he leaves her an opening. she takes it. ]

[uprightness]

He talked about Bucky. I was never really aware who in HYDRA knew. Nat said the Winter Soldier was a ghost story but Rumlow talked about him, he said his name and that's all it took.

[ and now when he says it, it becomes clear that, ]

He was buying time and I should have realized that.

[mucked]

He went for the belly. So to speak.

[ peggy's fingers slide from his crown to the back of his neck -- she explores, carefully, for any knots in the muscle. heaven knows if he even gets knots, she realizes, with the serum keeping him in such peak human condition. ] He gambled on your emotions.

[ and she knows that were she toe-to-toe with steve, and inclined to hurt him, she would have done the same. he's a brick wall of a man; one would need to find a different weakness to stymie him. ]

[uprightness]

Well, he was right.

[ which is the infuriating part, really. one might think that at some point, there will be a learning process, that he and Bucky could simply be without becoming each others' weakness. ]

It worked. Wanda had to step in and people got hurt. Many of them.