(no subject)

[bluediligence]

Who: Aoko, anyone
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Not really applicable, but the Iskaulit if anybody does feel like it!
When: January 1

[ The video opens up to Aoko, perched on the edge of the Iskaulit's boxing ring. She's wearing both her exercise gear (which seems to include a scarf, do not question her questionable life choices) and a bright, beaming smile — the kind that may or may not preclude mischief. Her poker face could really use some work. ]

Hey! I need help. It's really important.

[ There's a beat. ]

… What's the best way to turn the word 'agent' into a cat pun?

[ She's asking for a friend, really. (If by that we mean, "she's asking so she can embarrass a friend, should he ever turn up amongst the fleet.") ]

Oh! And one more thing. If anybody here likes simple number games, check out the file attached to this video. Each box is filled with a number between one and eight, and a number can only appear once in each row and column. The inequalities are there to make things more interesting – and to act as clues! [ Her grin softens into something lighter, more cheerful than outright devious. ] I'll give cookies to everyone who finds the solution.

Comments

[nowyouseeit]

[rests his chin in his palm and rolls his eyes]

'Cause I know for a fact this isn't the first time you've used cat puns.

Wouldn't a robot puma be more appropriate, by the way?

[not even gonna ask what the robot is for tbh]

[bluediligence]

To tell you the truth, they're mostly just, um … cat shaped? [ Lions sound cool, ok, don't judge her. (It's too late for that. Far, far too late.) ]

… and cat … sized. [ Cat sized. Capsized. She's going to have to remember that one. ] Anyway, that doesn't matter, the important thing is that they're gonna be super cute when they're done.

[nowyouseeit]

Uh huh.

[his mouth quirks into an amused half-grin]

You're still a weirdo.

[says the pot to the kettle. for the second time this conversation]

[bluediligence]

You're a weirdo.

[ The world's wittiest comeback, ladies and gents. ]

By the way, what do you think of "Leonyaad Purrch"?

[ She can't resist asking, mostly just to see the look on his face. ]

[nowyouseeit]

[. . . GROANS. and rolls his eyes for emphasis]

Awful. Even worse'n "Washingpaws," if ya ask me.

[why does he love her again. . .]

[bluediligence]

Then it's a good thing Aoko didn't ask you, huh.

[ … Her lips tug into a smirk. ]

Kuropurr Katto.

1/2

[nowyouseeit]

. . .

[nowyouseeit]

[immediately hangs up on her]

[bluediligence]

[ #NAILEDIT ]

[ It's a good thing the gym's empty right now, because Aoko is cracking up ]

[nowyouseeit]

[THE QUESTION IS: will she call him back???]

[bluediligence]

[ No, she's waiting for him to come crawling back to her. ]

[nowyouseeit]

[WELL WHAT IF HE DOESN'T]

[though ten minutes later or so she gets a text]

i'm sorry aoko we have to break up now

its been nice dating you

[bluediligence]

[ Wow. Wow. Aoko taps out a quick response: ]

so long and thanks for all the fish ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶

[nowyouseeit]

[WOW]

oi! you know the one thing i DIDN'T bring to this relationship was fish!

[bluediligence]

Before I met you fish was just a delicious meal

Now it provides hours of entertainment!!

[nowyouseeit]

why don't you go date a fish then if you love them so much

[WHAT A JUVENILE RESPONSE]

[bluediligence]

ok ʅฺ(・ω・。)ʃฺ

[ he was asking for that one ]

[nowyouseeit]

[oh my god]

you're the one who's gonna smell like fish all day now

anyway i've decided to take you back under one condition

[well that was a short lived "break up"]

[bluediligence]

mermaids are cute tho so it's worth it

[ That makes sense, right? Yeah. And it's true, some mermaids are super duper cute! ... or is the technical term mermen? That's something to think about ... ]

make up your mind already!!

[nowyouseeit]

nothing is ever worth it. and they aren't as good looking as i am so there

[THERE]

the condition is this

[. . . and that's where the text ends. there is no follow up. no explanation. no anything]

[bluediligence]

????
kaito?

[ ... ]

[ She quickly fires off another text: ]

the condition is what???

[nowyouseeit]

[mysteriously, there is ~no reply~]








[but a few minutes later she'll feel the cold spray of water as a water balloon suddenly bursts over her head]

[bluediligence]

[ what ]

[ YELLS??? as she leaps up and spins around, looking distinctly—and appropriately!—like a cat that just got shoved into a bathtub full of cold water ]

What the hell?!

[nowyouseeit]

[and there stands Kaito, with a water gun in each hand, giving her an absolute shit eating grin]

Ha ha! I'm almost surprised you didn't see that coming!

[and he tosses her one of the water guns, his intentions clear]

[bluediligence]

[ okay, but ]

[ what if, instead, she catches and pitches it straight back at his stupid grinning face, with a (comedically!!) violent amount of force ]

We're living on a fleet of space ships, Kaito! How was I supposed to know you'd sneak up on me from wherever you were?!