Mingle Post for Solace

[reflectedblight]

Who: EVERYONE
Broadcast: N/A
Action: On Solace
When: Second half of January

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Comments

[exothermia]

[Erik's on the verge of snapping an answer, before he catches himself and takes his time with it.]

No. It wasn't an argument.

[Not exactly. There was tension without any outright disagreement.]

[beathach]

[these conversations always tend to be a bit difficult, because while at times he's willing to pry at Charles, he doesn't know how to do that with Erik in a way that won't shut it all down because he misstepped.

He taps a nail against the side of his mug a couple of times in thought]

But it was something enough that you're still - mm, stressed about it now.

[exothermia]

Because he kept trying to get me to explain how I felt about the whole thing.

[It goes deeper than that, of course, but that was the point when he'd snapped at Charles.]

[beathach]

And you didn't want to? Did you tell him that much?

[exothermia]

[Don't be ridiculous, that would be sensible.]

No.

[beathach]

. . . you two are unbelievable sometimes.

[he is not surprised in the least]

[exothermia]

[Erik gives Hank a scorching glare in lieu of a reply.]

[beathach]

[if he didn't know he was right, the glare would have more effect. As it is, Hank just gives him a look over his glasses]

Unless you tell him no, or tell him to stop, he isn't going to, Erik. You know that.

[exothermia]

He ought to know better.

[beathach]

He should, but. [a shrug] He cares about you.

[exothermia]

[Erik has to set his jaw to stop from immediately saying what comes to mind - that he has a strange way of showing it sometimes. Tapping his spoon again, he grits out.]

He'll only resent me for it.

[beathach]

[he almost wants to laugh at how ridiculous that sounds. Twenty years of history and if there was any resentment, it had been worked out long ago. Even with recent events - it was complicated, but]

Why do you say that?

[exothermia]

Because he told me he did.

[It's... half a truth. What Charles did was show Erik how he felt, and all the worst of it at that. It's the one thing Erik can't let go of.]

[beathach]

. . .

[there's something incredibly wrong here. He stares at Erik for a moment like he doesn't quite believe it]

I see. [...] Can I be blunt with you?

[exothermia]

Yes.

[It's a strange question for Hank to ask.]

[beathach]

[it isn't all that strange. He's pretty reserved about what he says to and around Erik, if only because he knows some topics are sensitive or just plain off limits.

He takes off his glasses and rubs at his temple]

I'm pretty sure everything else he feels outweighs that.

[exothermia]

That doesn't excuse him.

[beathach]

No, it doesn't.

But that's the thing - he cares too much, and I think you know that better than any of us. But he's a damn hypocrite at the same time, because getting him to talk about how he feels is almost impossible.

Maybe I'm missing something, or maybe there's more to this that you aren't saying, but - the way I see it is, if he oversteps, tell him before it ends up like this again. Surely he's done the same to you.

[exothermia]

[If Erik glowers, it's only half at Hank's words. He hasn't explained the real root of his frustration, instead talking around it until it seemed to refer to something else. What counts now is whether he wants to explain it any further. It makes his stomach twist because it's not something that comes easily to him... and Charles's actions had reinforced his belief that it's a bad idea to do so.]

It's not about him asking. It's about how he reacted last time I did tell him about how I felt.

[beathach]

[well . . . he was right about there being more to it. He frowns, head tilting a bit]

How did he react the last time?

[exothermia]

[He taps his spoon... then bends it solidly in half.]

When he heard what I had to say he assumed things that he shouldn't have. He resented what I felt. And I know this because he showed me later.

[Charles had also apologised. It didn't relieve the burn of experiencing the memory, feeling all of Charles's pain and self-doubt that he had twisted Erik's words to fit.]

[beathach]

[that makes more sense, and understanding crosses his features for a moment before he sighs, reaching up to rub at the bridge of his nose]

And you were afraid it would happen again.

["afraid" may not be the right word, but as far as the saying goes and so forth]

I'm sorry.

[exothermia]

[Afraid, yes. It all comes back to fear, and that's what Charles had belittled.]

How am I meant to believe it won't happen again? He kept it to himself until he felt bad enough that he had to admit it.

[beathach]

[Charles keeping things to himself? That isn't a surprise. He rubs the back of his neck as he searches for the right way to say what he wants to]

Of course he did, he keeps everything to himself until he can't anymore. [he looks sympathetic for a moment, before he huffs quietly]

I can't say it will or it won't, Erik, I wish I could. But I think . . . [and this is getting in dangerous territory, he knows, but he pushes on] You shouldn't let that keep you from talking about how you feel with him. For your sake, not his.

If it happens again . . . did you two talk it out at all? Or - at least try to?

[exothermia]

[He presses his lips together, though it's somewhat relieving to know he's not being unreasonable about this. Even if he hates the way it makes him feel.]

It was discussed at the time.

[Which is not the best time to talk it out, when emotions are high and trust fractured.]

I haven't mentioned it since.