Iskaulit mingle

[lord_wizard]

Who: Anyone!
Broadcast: No
Action: Iskaulit
When: Feb. Drift Week (and beyond?)

[The fleet, more or less patched up after their battle, has once again left civilization behind for empty space. Maybe it's a good time to distract yourself and get away from the endless repairs and nothingness, though there might still be cleaning up that needs to be done here too.

Whether you're grabbing a broom or grabbing a drink, this is a fleetwide mingle for the Iskaulit.]

Comments

[winn]

Unusual's where I shine.

[ he's just determined to stay positive this time, one way or another he's going to have a conversation with charles that doesn't turn to crap. ]

[axiomed]

No doubts there. But it wouldn't be the word I'd use.

[ He smiles though. ]

They have earned it there. I'm not much of an X-Men anymore. Just a professor.

[winn]

You know, I've had it up to whatever constitutes as high in a directionless environment with people doing amazing things and belitteling them with a just. "I'm not useful here, I just saved your life" [ kara ] "I'm not a hero, I just save the world" [ pretty much half his friends ] "I'm not an X-Men I'm just a professor who put together a safe space for people who really need it and inspired them to become superheros." Well I'm just going to team up with a communications officer and find a way to auto correct that stupid word on everyone's comms to OMG I'M AWESEOME. All caps.

[ he's just an IT guy. if you people are justs, what does it make him? a waste of space? ]

[axiomed]

[ Charles blinks, taken aback. ]

I don't think it's about . . . belittling. Or at least talking down on ourselves. Though I can't deny I do that.

[ He presses his palms against his legs. ]

I think there's a certain, justifiable fear when it comes with titles. Good. Evil. Heroes and villains. They become traps. We think because we are right or we do good things that we're above it. Which is why it might be a common trend to stay humble. It's not as noble as a fight most people do to, especially those without powers.

Wrath had no powers. There was nothing just about her. Or you. None of the people I meet are just . . . reaffirmations of the path I've taken.

They're strong people.

[ His smile is rueful. ] And they inspire me. More than any of the heroes here do.

[winn]

You know there's a lot of shades of grey between giving yourself no credit and narcissism. Believing in yourself doesn't mean you can't second guess or admit when you're wrong. But if you don't believe in yourself, in your path, in your vision of goodness, then what makes it worth fighting for?

Always doing the right thing isn't what makes a hero, if that were true there would be none. It's always caring about doing the right thing, trying their hardest, believing that there's a way to set things right and giving it their all even when it seems hopeless - that makes a hero. To paraphrase - heroism isn't the absence of flaws, it's persevering despite them, rising above them, to make the world a better place. And maybe my definition of better is someone else's definition of worse, maybe to them my heroes are their villains. Does that mean I should doubt my convictions, my perceptions of right and wrong? There are some things you have to be sure of in order to make any sort of difference in the world. You have to believe that what you're doing is good, or else why do it?

Of course Wrath isn't just. Neither is Kate, or Jim, or I could be here all day listing names. It's the heart that makes a hero, not the powers.

[axiomed]

Of course. And it's not my convictions that have faltered or the path that I've taken.

[ He had stumbled, of course. The loss of his legs, the loss of his family was a blow. But Charles didn't regret any of it. He shakes his head. Belief was a complicated topic for him right now, but in his school, none of that has changed. Save that now there are X-Men.

Instead he raises an eyebrow in bemusement, since Winn is clearly passionate about the subject. ]

I noticed you left yourself out. Comm officers who auto correct messages to reflect a person?

[winn]

And that's exactly why you're not just a professor.

[ the smugness lasts maybe half a second because guess it's his turn to be called out. ]

I'm not a hero, if raiders bust in here right now I'm diving under the table. [ he shrugs, always ready to crack a joke at his own expense. kara, kitty, wrath, they've all called him brave on separate occasions. but none of them involved physical risk. he doesn't feel brave. and when shit hits the fan, he still feels like nobody but jim sees him as legitimately helpful. it's hard to believe in himself when at the end of the day it feels like his heroes don't really believe in him. ]

[axiomed]

[ He chuckles softly. ]

I don't know. That's certainly a superpower I miss having.

[ Being attacked on the Fleet a few times now does make Charles miss the ability to run away. His otter form is a godsend, but Charles can only use that at the right moment. And he would be equally defenseless. ]

But didn't you say bravery was more than the physical anyway?

[winn]

[ sorry charles, you get an apologetic look there. see, he's so heroic that he would talk about running away to leave the handicapped guy to fend for himself. (he wouldn't abandon him, not if it came down to it, but since he's never had to exercise that sort of bravery before, he's having trouble believing he has it). ]

Sure, yeah, dig into my words to use them against me, okay, yeah I'm a repairs superhero.

[ actually, he kind of is, having lead or heavily assisted in the repairing of four ships, and offering some level of assistance to many others. ]

[axiomed]

Which is certainly something. Hank won't let me touch the VCR anymore.

[ It's not a joke he usually makes (since everyone makes fun of him for that) but Charles is willing to share it this time. ]

Honestly, it's the conviction to act that's heroic, as you said. To believe and uphold those principles. But I know it's easy to say those things to others than to look at yourself and believe the same.

[winn]

[ that joke earns him a smile. oh god, a vcr, that's hilarious.

it's more than that for winn, though. he remembers too well times he had to be strong armed into those actions - like when kara and alex wanted him to kinda sorta commit treason by hacking the deo, yeah they had to guilt him into that one. he's surrounded by people who seem never to waver when something happens, and he feels like he's always wavering, always afraid. and maybe that's part of why he's so eager to help in the aftermath, or the tranquil times in between - to prove there is some worth to him.

it's a sad memory, now that she's gone, but his talk with wrath after winter's glitch comes to mind. she told him she had the easy job, and it was his that was hard. that he's tough as hell for still going after it all. it had meant so much to him coming from wrath, because she's always so blunt, he trusted her not to bullshit him just to make him feel better, but he never really agreed. her job...he doesn't think he could ever do that.

he's quiet for a long moment, before he realizes he should probably speak. but he has nothing to say, nothing that won't damage the point he was making to charles. so he decides to just accept it, or appear to, if nothing else. he nods. ]

How goes that quote, I give very good advice and very seldom follow it?

[axiomed]

"Do as I say, not as I do". Or something along those lines, I believe. There have been many variations.

[ Charles' discussion with Wrath was never finished. He still doesn't know what to think of her assessment of his situation. It's lonely at the top. And it has been, for a long time. He's lonely without his students because they gave him purpose and yet, Charles feels like he's still playing house, hoping that this time, this time maybe they'll want to stay. ]

[winn]

So time for something new - my place, chess and cards?

[ he does feel like he should get the ex-alcoholic out of the bar. part of that conviction of his. ]

[axiomed]

Cards.

[ Charles doesn't think he can stomach the sight of a chess board right now. ]

[winn]

You got it.

[ he stands up ]

[axiomed]

[ Charles waits before he uses his controller to move the chair forward. He deliberately keeps his gaze forward. The cravings had come up worse than lately due to his own personal issues and not having the school to distract him.

( it's an excuse. he knows that ) ]

[winn]

[ he walks quietly by his side, mind browsing through topics like it's trying to pick out a book. ]

Ever played a game from another world?

[axiomed]

I'm not sure. I might have, but it was a long time ago.

[winn]

Westeros is a pretty screwed up place, but their games are fun. Cards are really pretty too, but that might just be cuz Margaery made them, she's seriously talented.

[ when in doubt: babble! you don't need to be psychic to tell that margaery is pretty important to him. she's the first person on the fleet he adopted as family, his little sister. ]

[axiomed]

Ah . . . Yes. I have heard of Westeros in great detail.

[ Mostly from Tyrion. Though it was mostly politics. ]

[winn]

Yeah, Tyrion did a couple lectures on it.

[ he nods, in fact - tyrion kicked off his lecture series. ]

They don't even scratch the surface. [ the stories he's heard from margaery make him want to scream. ]

[axiomed]

No. And I doubt the inhabitants from that place will ever share those full stories.

[ Or bridge those gaps. He's sure some of it has happened already. It's impossible to live on the Fleet and not try. But whether it makes a difference in Westeros or not is the real question. ]

[winn]

[ it's a question that's constantly on his mind, especially since margaery is determined to go back home and try to make life better for her people. now there's a real hero if he ever met one - sixteen years old and she's not thinking about making a better life for herself - she's thinking about feeding the poor, taking care of people whose homes have been ravaged by war, and protecting her family. ]

Probably not all bad, I don't think most of us are qualified to deal with that. [ he's terrified of making things worse for the people he listens to. you'd think he'd gain some confidence, after listening to so many horror stories and apparently responding well enough that the people he's listened to do seem to feel better and to come to him again when they need to talk.

he hasn't. he's still terrified of screwing up. ]

[axiomed]

Is anyone? Nobody ever feels qualified. Where we come from is always a strangely personal bubble. I don't think it hurts to get opinions from different places.

[ Charles remembers the ones he had with Tony. Now those had been interesting, though Charles' opinion of them were neutral. Tony had a fear of powers - he didn't trust them. Trying to explain what mutants were had been a strange space to navigate. ]

It's hard, but conflating advice with action isn't quite the same. Whatever we do, our actions, they're ours. I can listen to all the advice there is, but it will still boil down to the choices I make.

[winn]

It's not so much about advise as it is about not making things worse. [ he shakes his head. ] The wrong words at the wrong time can hurt for a long time.

[ it happens to him with kitty a lot, they both hang onto each other's specific words a little too much. ]