Iskaulit mingle

[lord_wizard]

Who: Anyone!
Broadcast: No
Action: Iskaulit
When: Feb. Drift Week (and beyond?)

[The fleet, more or less patched up after their battle, has once again left civilization behind for empty space. Maybe it's a good time to distract yourself and get away from the endless repairs and nothingness, though there might still be cleaning up that needs to be done here too.

Whether you're grabbing a broom or grabbing a drink, this is a fleetwide mingle for the Iskaulit.]

Comments

[reconstitution]

[ What do you think we should be doing? Finding Wrath. Bringing her back.

It doesn't work like that, though, and they both know it. There's nothing they can do about it, and it's not often that Winter feels completely helpless in a situation. There's always something he can do. The last time he'd felt this out of sorts about someone leaving, it had been Jim. Just as dear to him and just as suddenly.

He shakes his head. He doesn't know. Doesn't have answers for this. Can't fill the void she's left behind. ]

I don't know, Charles..

[axiomed]

[ Reaching out, he cups Winter's face tenderly. ]

I'm sorry. She loved you so much. I know you can't find the words. The heart is there, but it's not easy to speak. To give it a voice.

I'm sorry.

[reconstitution]

[ He allows himself the affection briefly, trying for some semblance of a smile, though the only thing that happens is a twitch at the corner of his mouth.

He knows how Wrath felt, he does. Winter feels the same, but god, it hurts. It hurts and the only one who understands how badly is Charles. ]

She loved you, too.. [ He manages to get the words out, though it's quiet. Wrath loved them both so goddamn much and if he'd known she was going to leave, he wouldn't have--

Winter held her at arm's length far more often than she deserved. ]

[axiomed]

[ She did. Wrath's affection for Charles could never be doubted, never be questioned. It was a bedrock, even after Apocalypse, when Charles was nothing but doubts and fears, with people hovering around him. He trusted, he believed but he had no answers.

Even now, he feels like he doesn't have any. And what good is Charles Xavier, Professor X, without them? Thumbs brushing against Winter's face, Charles carefully pulls his hands away. ]

She did. She was good at that. And she brought us this far.

[ He smiles faintly. ]

So we owe it to her to keep going.

[reconstitution]

[ It's not fair that they get to keep going here and she's gone home. Back to the shit place she came from that he never wanted her to go back to. They'll mistreat her and she'll lose sight of herself again.. She doesn't deserve that.

He loved Wrath more than he could possibly love himself, and deep down, Winter doesn't know if he's capable of feeling that way about another person again. The number of people occupying that space is getting smaller. Wants to keep the few remaining close and not let anyone else in. He's not sure what else to do.

They need to keep going, but it will get harder before it gets better. His quarters will seem empty without her. He's going to miss the quiet afternoons sitting with her. Teaching her to knit, reading to her. Her voice filling the empty spaces he still has trouble with. ]

How do we even start?

[axiomed]

We'll find a way.

[ Wrath laid the groundwork, after all. And it's not as though Charles and Winter have nothing in common. He reaches out to squeeze his hand. ]

Promise me you'll come to me when you need it.

[reconstitution]

[ He nods in agreement of that fact, at least. They'll get through it, even if it takes some time and effort.

Winter looks up briefly, brow furrowed. ]

I did.

[axiomed]

I know. I just — [ He stops, pursing his lips. It feels stupid right now, when they're both reeling from loss. But Erik is asleep and Charles is scared. Change happens, people change. He's seen years of it happen, both slowly and fast, like a kaleidoscope of memories. ] — Remember that?

I don't want to lose this.

[reconstitution]

[ It would be hard for him to forget that he's got Charles. Unless something makes him forget.. He doesn't want to think about that very likely possibility- especially with the frequency of glitches in the fleet lately.. ]

You're one of the only ones left.

[ The ones that he keeps closest to his heart, who he allows to see him in moments like this where his expressions aren't controlled. Winter can count on one hand how many of those he's got left. Charles is probably the one he trusts the most right now with his head and the fraying pieces of his heart. ]

[axiomed]

I'm not going anywhere.

[ Though he knows that's not much of a helpful (or hopeful) statement, Charles does believe voicing thoughts give them power. Strength. They're both stumbling right now, trying to bridge the yawning gap between them. ]

[reconstitution]

Not sure what I would do if you did.

[ Fuck, he wouldn't know what he'd do if Erik left, either. His constants are slowly blinking out of the fleet and it leaves Winter with the distinct feeling of being on a ledge. Any breeze might knock him over.

Pieces of this person he's been cultivating for nearly two years are being chipped away, left festering by the absences. ]

[axiomed]

[ He can hear it ticking away and he reaches out to squeeze Winter's shoulder. ]

You really don't, do you?

[ Softly, like his heart is breaking. ]

Oh, Winter.

[reconstitution]

[ People that are on his side back home don't know the person he's become here. Not the way Charles does- or how Wrath did. They try, but they don't get it. ]

Pathetic, I know. [ He knows it is. He should just shoulder it and carry on like a goddamn person. ]

[axiomed]

[ He shakes his head. Pathetic isn't the word he'd ever use and even then, he doesn't believe it. Recovering a person-hood isn't that simple. All Charles did was release the bonds of a program. He couldn't fix Winter, piece him together fully. And they both knew that. ]

No. Never.

[reconstitution]

[ Part of his problem is that he knows that he makes these connections and latches too tightly onto them. It's times like this that he's reminded why this is a bad idea. He can't regret it, but the burn stings. ]

..I hope she's okay.

[axiomed]

[ He brushes Winter's hair back lightly. ]

I told her to go to my world. If she found a way, she'll be fine.

[reconstitution]

Then I hope she's terrorizing your students and not in her world.

[ That's all they can really do since they don't know for sure what happens. Winter would like to think that she made it there. It beats the harsh realities, at least. ]

[axiomed]

[ Charles musters up a smile. ]

I'm sure that the students can equal terrors back.

[reconstitution]

..She'd like that a lot.

[axiomed]

She would.

[ He breathes out quietly. ]

Do you need anything?

[reconstitution]

[ He shakes his head automatically. ]

I don't know what it would be.

[axiomed]

If anything comes to mind, let me know?

[reconstitution]

I'll try.

[ Which is Winter for I will shove everything deep in my chest and not let it out once this moment is done. Easier said than done, of course. It will weigh on him for a while and then he'll cave and seek Charles out. ]

[axiomed]

[ Charles huffs. ]

I suppose I can't talk. I'm not much better.

[ Nothing like a trip to the future to be told how afraid he is of his own pain, that it drowned out his ability to fully express it at times. ]

[reconstitution]

I will if you will.

[ If anything, keeping each other accountable for it might be the only way it will work. ]