Video. the ramblings of a drunk british man.

[edwinjarvis]

Who: Jarvis and you, valentine. ;)
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Tourist/Iskaulit, wherever you catch him
When: Valentine's Day of course!!!

[Jarvis here, ready to be — drunk? Perhaps just a little. He is actually doing a PSA whether he realizes it or not, looking disapprovingly at his wine glass. He's rosy-cheeked and his tie is the slightest bit crooked. Just the slightest. And he is currently abandoning his coat because it is clearly getting hot in the Tourist kitchen.]

Oh, myyyyy goodnessgracious, I think — I... Yes, the wrong bottle, this is... the wrong bottle. It's just a little purple...er than the other I was supposed to take from the shelf. I should have known better; I can't read —

[He looks intently at the liquor bottle, marked in alien writing that their augments certainly can't translate.]

I can't read this, period. I think I accidentally drank one of the more potent... bottles...

[... hiccup]

... Not the whole bottle, mind you, I'm not a barbarian.

Clearly two glasses is downright diabolical. I apologize, Miss Nami, I believe this is one of the newer imports. I will have to credit it out in take — ...take it out in credits. Goodness, it's warm in here. I'm going to go to the Iskaulit, since I fancy it cooler there... Cookies!! [Yes, that's as sudden as it seems, and he claps his hands together.] I'll make some cookies, because it is Valentine's Day, and cookies have to be made, and I haven't the supplies nor the mind-power for chocolate... anything, really. And I certainly have nothing to do on Valentine's Day, no sir — or ma'am. I am quite freed up by... by the light-years-away... -ness, of my predicament. Very much free to bake indeed. I don't mind at all. I — it's very... un-routine of me, to have no one to bake for on this particular date.

[He huffs.]

If you don't have a valentine, please stop by the Space Bar kitchen, I will have cookies so you can at least eat cookies. It's completely unnecessary to have a single valentine — it doesn't need to be a... lady or fellow you fancy, either. I'll have you know I made my classmates biscuits every year, save for — goodness, that time in... 1925...? When I came down with the flu. What a terrible February that was. I thought I'd gone — bubonic.

..... I'm talking quite a lot.

If you'll excuse me, I need my apron. Where did I put my...

[...... He's wandered off.]

Comments

Tourist

[helladoomed]

[Chloe was one her way off the ship, bag over her shoulder, when she found Jarvis...well. She stopped to watch, clearly amused, and waited until he looked her way before grinning.]

You alright there man?

[edwinjarvis]

[He gives her the most pleasant dopey smile.]

Absolutely extraordinary today, Miss Price!

Are you going out to the, the — [He makes loopy loops with his finger.] — the odd ring planet? It sounds lovely.

[helladoomed]

Extraordinarily wasted, maybe. [Chloe sounded like she approved, though.]

Yeah, going down to the ringworld thing. I have a date...I think.

1/2

[edwinjarvis]

I'm not sure what 'wasted' means, but I will pray it's something nice.

[NOT EVEN GONNA FRET. He looks very interested in her business.]

A date! How wonderful! A bit informal, this date?

[:|a You're wearing very casual clothing, Miss Price.]

[edwinjarvis]

[suddenly butlermode]

.... Oh, you have some holes in your pantlegs.

If you would like, I can sew those for you.

[helladoomed]

Extra drunk. [Chloe explained, smiling. It was hard not to like Jarvis, wasn't it.]

No I'm good man, I got another pair of jeans if I feel like changing and uh...these are supposed to have holes anyway.

[She shrugged.]

Plus she didn't strike me as all that formal. [Wouldn't that be awkward.]

[edwinjarvis]

[... Oh! 'She'! How progressive! Just like your blue hair and your ripped jeans.

He claps his hands together. Extra drunk indeed.]

A very casual date, then! Are you taking her something for Valentine's Day?

[helladoomed]

I rented a cabin. Figured I'd cook. [Chloe shifted a bit. She hadn't really ever bothered with valentines.]

I don't know her that well but like...dinner, drinks, swimming, seems...pretty good?

[Also no, she doesn't look old enough to be drinking. Whoops.]

[edwinjarvis]

[Chloe is lucky! She looks legal enough from Britain's standpoint, anyway.

And even then, he won't bat an eye. His father let him have his first drink when he was twelve, if only because he complained about being more adult. A terrible choice, it was disgusting liquor.]

That is a lovely plan.

However! I still insist you take a small bag of cookies to woo her.

Everyone loves cookies.

[helladoomed]

Hopefully. First time really trying this whole valentine thing.

[She grins at that.]

I'll never say no to cookies man. Shame you didn't tell me you were making them, I could've brought you a little something extra for 'em.

[Pot cookies. She's suggesting pot cookies.]

[edwinjarvis]

[And yet here he is, imagining you mean sprinkles or something.]

Oh, no worries, Miss Price. I've got everything set up well and good -- heart-shaped seems most fitting, right? Or did you have something else in mind?

[Dude is already rolling up his sleeves and moving for the Tourist fridge.

Because obviously he's prepared at all locations.]

[helladoomed]

[Oh yeah, totally sprinkles.]

Heart-shaped is perfect, man. Uh...don't worry about the rest.

[Pot cookies will just have to wait for another day.]

[edwinjarvis]

Right, right, heart-shaped!

... With jam in the middle? Or perhaps icing?

[These are very serious questions, Chloe. Very important.]

[helladoomed]

I'm not picky. [A beat.] I never say no to icing though. As long as they're already done.

I probably don't wanna keep a pretty girl waiting, right?

[edwinjarvis]

I have some left from quite recently, yes.

Though they're not warm and fresh, and as long as that's alright, you're free to have them.

[Besides, he's about to go on a cookie-making rampage.

Excuse him as he retrieves a dish that's been properly covered by a glass top.]

[helladoomed]

I think, somehow, we'll manage. I mean, by the time I get down there they'll be cold either way, right?

[She is a bit curious though...]

So do you always bake while you're drinking?

[edwinjarvis]

Usually, no, though I proficient either way.

[He gives a sort of crooked smirk, before leaving the dish of cookies on the counter. He retrieves a plastic bag and tears the top off it; method to the madness.]

We'll need some sort of colorful ribbon or tie, Miss Pryce. Oh! Perhaps some cloth. I'm sure I can hunt down some cloth around here. Do you mind putting the cookies into the bag for me?

[He's already thinking about his current stock of items.]

[helladoomed]

Sometimes I bake when I'm high but everything always ends up coming out weird.

[It wasn't the best idea to measure when everything sort of...glowed...]

Sure, bag.

[She swung what she was carrying over her shoulder, then went through the cabinets until she found a little bag, and started putting the cookies in it.]

[edwinjarvis]

[HE LOOKS AGHAST AT HER AS HE RETURNS WITH HIS RIBBON.

But mostly also concerned for her well-being. SCANDALOUS.]

Oh, my word. Have you never seen Reefer Madness?

Do be careful, I wouldn't want you getting into trouble.

[WHAT IF YOU END UP LIKE IDK SHOT OR PASSED OUT IN A POOL OR SOMETHING.

.......

It's 1947, marijuana was a different world to me.]

[helladoomed]

Uh. [Reefer Madness. Was that actually a serious thing at some point?] I think I've made jokes about it...

[It was hard to be shitty to Jarvis he was just so nice.]

Dude it's cool though. I make my own supply, know my limits. No after school special shit for me, alright?

[She took the ribbon to tie the little bag closed.]

[edwinjarvis]

... I will... probably still fret regardless.

But I am not your guardian here; you're free to do as you'd like.

[He holds out the small bag of cookies.]

All I ask is you take care while you're out — and to let me know if there's anything else you need.

[helladoomed]

Your call. [She grinned and shrugged.] You should try it sometime, though. Best way to relax.

[Also wake up. Or go to sleep. Chloe might have a small problem okay?]

I'll be careful. It's a date with a pretty how dangerous can it be? [She took the bag.]

Thanks man. Good luck with your uh...drunk baking.

[edwinjarvis]

And good luck to you, too, Miss Price!

And practice safe swimming! There aren't any life guards, I imagine.