Video. the ramblings of a drunk british man.

[edwinjarvis]

Who: Jarvis and you, valentine. ;)
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Tourist/Iskaulit, wherever you catch him
When: Valentine's Day of course!!!

[Jarvis here, ready to be — drunk? Perhaps just a little. He is actually doing a PSA whether he realizes it or not, looking disapprovingly at his wine glass. He's rosy-cheeked and his tie is the slightest bit crooked. Just the slightest. And he is currently abandoning his coat because it is clearly getting hot in the Tourist kitchen.]

Oh, myyyyy goodnessgracious, I think — I... Yes, the wrong bottle, this is... the wrong bottle. It's just a little purple...er than the other I was supposed to take from the shelf. I should have known better; I can't read —

[He looks intently at the liquor bottle, marked in alien writing that their augments certainly can't translate.]

I can't read this, period. I think I accidentally drank one of the more potent... bottles...

[... hiccup]

... Not the whole bottle, mind you, I'm not a barbarian.

Clearly two glasses is downright diabolical. I apologize, Miss Nami, I believe this is one of the newer imports. I will have to credit it out in take — ...take it out in credits. Goodness, it's warm in here. I'm going to go to the Iskaulit, since I fancy it cooler there... Cookies!! [Yes, that's as sudden as it seems, and he claps his hands together.] I'll make some cookies, because it is Valentine's Day, and cookies have to be made, and I haven't the supplies nor the mind-power for chocolate... anything, really. And I certainly have nothing to do on Valentine's Day, no sir — or ma'am. I am quite freed up by... by the light-years-away... -ness, of my predicament. Very much free to bake indeed. I don't mind at all. I — it's very... un-routine of me, to have no one to bake for on this particular date.

[He huffs.]

If you don't have a valentine, please stop by the Space Bar kitchen, I will have cookies so you can at least eat cookies. It's completely unnecessary to have a single valentine — it doesn't need to be a... lady or fellow you fancy, either. I'll have you know I made my classmates biscuits every year, save for — goodness, that time in... 1925...? When I came down with the flu. What a terrible February that was. I thought I'd gone — bubonic.

..... I'm talking quite a lot.

If you'll excuse me, I need my apron. Where did I put my...

[...... He's wandered off.]

Comments

Video

[bryces_pup]

[Riona's reminding herself that this man is... quite drunk, so she has to take this all with a grain of salt. That said, she thinks she gets the gist of what he's saying.]

So it's a holiday dedicated to those you're romantically involved with?

[...

Oh.

As if she didn't miss her husband enough. Her face falls a little. She can't help but wish even more that he was here.]

I... yes, little heart cookies does seem rather apt.

Video

[edwinjarvis]

[He offers a frown.]

Not just romantically, miss. Friends and family are more than welcome to exchange gifts and express their admiration for each other. I would not despair, if your most... particular valentine isn't among us at the moment.

[Psht, I can read you like a book.

Because samesies.]

[bryces_pup]

That obvious, hm? It seems we're both missing someone.

[Sorry Jarvis, but it was a dead give away.]

Luckily, I do have a lot of friends here. But my baking might leave something to be desired. It's on record that I nearly set fire to a tray of cookies I tried to make once.

[edwinjarvis]

Mm, that is correct.

[He waggles his fingers at the camera, a wedding ring visible.

His smile is wistful.]

And that is troubling, nearly burning the cookies. If you would like to come over, I can help you make some that are far less scorched.

[bryces_pup]

[So he's married, too. Riona lifts up her hand and shows him her own wedding ring. She understands that smile all too well.]

Oh, really? You'd be willing to do that?

[edwinjarvis]

Of course I am! I would never want someone to miss out on baking.

It's quite cathartic, when you get the hang of it. And it always smells so heavenly.

[bryces_pup]

Thank you very much, sir. And the Space Bar kitchen, you said? Nami won't mind a non-employee being back there?

[edwinjarvis]

Certainly not! Especially if she gets cookies out of the deal.

It's very easy to sway people with treats, I have it on good authority.

[He's had to lure Howard out of late-night binges.]

[bryces_pup]

Quite a deal for her then. And who am I to argue with such authority?

[She can't help but smile.]

I shall be there shortly.

[edwinjarvis]

[And he will be waiting, Miss Riona! Feel free to stop in any time; he'll have all the ingredients ready to be mixed and prepared! Never a bad time to show someone the joys of baking. Without burning the food.]

[bryces_pup]

[Some time later, Riona pokes her head into the kitchen. She smiles and approaches when she sees Jarvis, feeling out of place here for more than one reason.]

Smells lovely in here.

[edwinjarvis]

Then I might be doing something right! Please, do come in.

[Don't mind me, being such a busy bee.]

I've just finished a batch, but I have more so that we can walk through it.

[bryces_pup]

Indeed. I can only hope mine smell even a fraction that delicious.

[She stands next to him, hands clasped and at the ready.]

I am ready whenever you are.

[edwinjarvis]

Excellent! Please be sure not to burn down the kitchen.

[He grins, reaching for the supplies.]

Firstly, here are all the proper ingredients you need. If you feel overwhelmed, it's best to have it all written down — it'll go to memory quickly enough if you practice and memorize it.

[There's flour, baking soda, margarine, egg substitutes, sugar, vanilla extract, and of course some sprinkles. Muchly needed, for the aesthetic!!]

[bryces_pup]

Ah! [She feigns dramatic insult.] I'll have you know I've never caught fire to a kitchen! Just... some cookies and pastries.

[She nods, definitely recognizing some of the ingredients. Her head tilts at the sprinkles, though.]

What are - oh, are those the colorful little specks I've seen on sweets?

[edwinjarvis]

Ah, yes, my mistake. You're quite right.

[He'll play along, Miss Riona. Just for you.]

Correct, though! They're sprinkles. Mostly for decoration, really. A cookie without them is much easier to resist.

[bryces_pup]

[Wow gosh thanks Jarvis.]

Ahhh, so to induce more temptation. How evil.

[She laughs a little.]

So, from my paltry experience, we need to measure out how much we need of everything, no?

[edwinjarvis]

Evil, but delicious.

[He claps his hands together with a nod to the recipe list.]

But yes! Precisely. Go ahead and measure everything out accordingly; if the ingredients aren't carefully added, you may find your treats to be... not quite what you envision. With time you'll be able to eyeball them without measuring equipment, though.

[bryces_pup]

[She bends down, eyeballing the ingredients a moment before picking up one and pouring it out into a measuring cup.]

These are much more detailed than the ones back home. Though most cooks I knew just eyeballed them, as you said.

[Once it's poured out somewhat, she glances at him.]

That about right? Is there a bowl to put this in?

[edwinjarvis]

Yes, just over here — all the tools you'll need. [They've got whisks, large spoons, bowls, measuring cups — anything and everything necessary for proper cookie making. He'll be quite patient during all this; learning from a kind teacher is imperative.] I am a bit detailed with my baking, but I can't help but love a well-decorated treat.

[bryces_pup]

[Ah, now she sees them. She grabs what she hopes is a suitably large bowl and dumps it in. She repeats the pattern for the next string of ingredients, doing her best to carefully measure them out. Having these detailed measuring tools helps considerably. Once that's all sorted, she picks up the bowl and reaches for a spoon.]

So just mix 'em all up next, right?

[edwinjarvis]

That's correct. Though be careful not to leave any lumps; lumps are usually flour clumps that don't want to mix proper. It takes a little patience to make sure it's all very smooth.

[bryces_pup]

[But Jaaaaaaarrrviiisssss, she'll be stirring this thing forever! Which is how long it feels like as she keeps stirring the damned bowl, trying to get all of those lumps out.

Okay it's not really all THAT long, but she wants cookies, damn it.]

Ergh. There. I think that's all of them. [Now her arm's sore from stirring. When did baking get so tough??]

[edwinjarvis]

[starting 2 see why u bad @ bakin]

Very good! Now, we roll them into balls. We sprinkle flour on our hands, to keep it from sticking — like so. And then you start rolling it in your hands. The size depends entirely how big you want your cookies to be, but it also means their cooking time my vary. About this size is good —

[See here.]

Not too big, not too small. You won't have to worry about the middle being raw, or the edges burning.

[bryces_pup]

[wow thanks]

Oh, I didn't know about that flour trick.

[Huh! She does as instructed, rolling them up and putting them on the tray.]

I've always been terrible about how far to spread them out, too. Are they too bunched up now, do you think?