driftfleet | 06

Entry tags:

06 - video

Who: Winn Schott and you
Broadcast: Video
Action: Tourist
When: Friday

[ there's something off about winn when the feed turns on. something different from all his other broadcasts. it may take a second to spot it but once you realize what it is it becomes glaringly obvious: there's not a hint of happiness anywhere on his face. his eyes, his lips, his nose, it looks like every last bit of joy has been drained from his features, so even when his lips do stretch lightly upwards, despite his dry eyes it feels more like watching him sob than seeing him smile. ]

Margaery's gone home. [ he has no way of knowing that. she could have been kidnapped to another world, one where she would have no protective big brother to introduce her to superheroes and feminism, to embroider with her and teach her science. but he chooses to hang onto that thought, to believe that she's gone back to the family he knows she so desperately missed despite never letting her pain show. he clears his throat. ] If any of her friends wanna come by for a toast and some stories, I'll be on the Tourist all day.

[ he has been on the tourist since he realized she disappeared, curled up in his bed, shut down. this is the most he's said since, and it feels almost like an outer body experience. he clears his throat again, and nods at the camera before killing the feed. ]

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Sascha's gone, now Margaery too. [ one by one, his family is leaving him, again. ] So, you and Hermione get all the concern, sorry. [ the only two little sisters he has left. ]

I get that, but I haven't had anyone I was close to vanish lately.

[So if there's anything she can do to support him, she wants to.]

Good.

[ he would hate to think he missed that.

honestly though, just seeing her is a big help. and that hug, he really appreciates that hug. ]

We can go...sit somewhere? [ it's like he's forgotten how to host. he's uncomfortable in his own skin and there's really nothing he wants to do beyond crawl back into bed with a bottle, so he's not really sure what to do right now. he asked her to come. he should offer something more engaging than watching him fall apart. but what? ]

Yeah, of course. Whatever you want to do.

[She glances around for a moment before looking back towards him.]

You got a place in mind?

I'm open to suggestions.

[ about this - and pretty much everything else. it's hard to care about little choices when it feels like all the big ones aren't his to make. ]

Okay. How about the kitchen? Have you eaten anything lately?

[She tries to make it sound casual; she gets the feeling that he doesn't know how to handle concern too well. Still, there's a bit of worry in her tone and expression as she asks that question.]

[ she is not wrong. he's too used to taking care of himself, being alone with his misery. almost a year in the fleet just isn't enough to combat a lifetime of learning.

that makes him laugh - it's not a happy laugh, and it doesn't last very long - it's more of an awkward bark, really. ]

Yeah, everyone's very into feeding me today. I got all the good stuff. Kitty even got me a spread that kinda tastes like peanut butter, with you, I'll share.

Peanut butter? Nice. Can't say I've had any in... recent memory, honestly.

[She takes a step, heading towards the kitchen and trusting that he'll follow.]

...Do you want to talk about it?

[ right now, he'd follow her anywhere. ]

Everyone keeps asking that...I dunno what to say.

[She keeps walking, then, but she looks over her shoulder as she goes so she can make eye contact while they talk.]

How you're feeling, I guess. If you want to.

[ helpless, useless, like a waste of space. all things he can't really say, so he remains quiet until they reach the kitchen. he grabs a jar and a couple spoons, handing her one. ]

[She definitely notices the lack of response, but she doesn't comment on it. If it were her, she wouldn't want anyone to force her to talk about it, but once they get to the kitchen... She wants him to know that he can tell her anything. Beyond that, she won't push.

First, she takes the spoon with a small smile.]

You're the best.

[Then she pauses.]

...You know if you did want to talk about it, I wouldn't think you're a mess, like you said earlier.

[The offer's open, though she won't force it.]

[ he returns that small smile. ]

I know.

[ he doesn't. his smile drops, and he shrugs a little as he settles into a chair. ]

I just hate not knowing, you know? If she's home, if she's safe. I just wanna know she's okay.

[She takes a seat near him, putting the spoon down on the table for now as she glances at him.]

Yeah. It's pretty bullshit.

[But—]

It's okay to want more than that, you know?

[If he wants her back, if he wants to see her again... She wants him to know there's nothing wrong with that.]

[ but it is wrong, because she's always wanted to go home. it's selfish. ]

She has a real family. [ he called her sister, but she never called him brother, not really. he knows that as attached as he is to people here, besides kitty who has nowhere and nothing to get back to, none of them would choose him in the end. they all have people they love and miss and depend on them back home, and he gets that. he knows it. he's been living it his whole life, he should be used to it by now. ]

She belongs with them.

[She pauses for a moment, but it's followed by a nod. It might be different for her, but she can at least understand the longing to see family again.

Even so, she shakes her head lightly.]

I won't argue with that. [Especially since she didn't know Margaery.] But there's still nothing wrong with wanting her back.

[It's not as though it can really influence anything, after all.]

[ he shoves his spoon into the jar and pops it into his mouth, licking the seed butter off it. it tastes almost right, close enough to be comforting, far enough to remind him of how wrong everything is. ]

Guess not. [ it doesn't do him any good, though. no matter how much he wanted his family back, that never happened. ]

[She picks her spoon up to mimic his motion, making a 'mmm' sound as she does.]

I know it probably doesn't help. But - if you have something you think could help...

[This is going to be hard for him no matter what, she knows, but she wants to help in any way she can regardless.]

[ he looks at her, and this time she gets a real smile - it's not happy, but it's grateful. ]

This is pretty great. [ just having her there, having her care. everything feels really fragile right now, but the one thing he is sure of is how much he loves the family he's made for himself here. ]

...Okay.

[Despite the circumstances, she can't deny that there's a certain warmth that comes with hearing that.

After a moment, she reaches out to give his hand a quick squeeze, withdrawing it just as quickly as the contact began.]

[ her hand is gone too fast for him to do anything but look down at his own. the memory of her hand is there, though, and maybe the memories are what matter when you live in a space reality show. he thinks of all the times he's hugged margaery, or reached for her hand. she feels safe in his memories, at least. he may not be able to do anything for her now, but he was there for her here, and that has to count for something, right? ]

Talk to me, tell me something. [ misery is exhausting. he sees an out here, a cracked window, and he wants to reach for it. ]

[She nods.]

Something happy, right? Or just - whatever comes to mind?

Whatever you got.

[ he takes another spoonful of peanut butter-adjacent. ]

[Another nod, dipping her spoon in the jar again as well.]

You remember how my ship fused with the Golden a few days ago, right? It's still pretty weird to get used to. I haven't lived in the same area with this many people since the dormitory in the place I was in last. I don't hate it, though.

I don't think I'll ever forget it.

[ it nearly gave him a heart attack. he nods. ]

Just getting used to one ship was hard enough, I haven't lived with people since college. [ but while he could do with a touch more privacy - maybe thicker walls - he loves living on the tourist. ]

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