video. sponsor drop... FLAMINGOS EVERYWHERE GOD SAVE THE QUEEN

[edwinjarvis]

Who: Jarvis and you
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: SS Tourist
When: Today!


[Jarvis had just been returning to the SS Tourist after a day of working in the water and at the bar on the Iskaulit — it's clearly the Atroma's doing, some sort of surprise for the butler that must've been quite desired... clearly... He stumbles a bit in the dark, confused, because when is the cargo bay ever dark?]

Hello? Captain??

Mr. Schott?

.... Miss Price? 

[He flicks on the main lighting system at last after a mild curse hitting his knee, and he's horrified by what he sees, as Hotel California plays muffled over the speakers. Not played by anyone on board, of course. But that's not the worst of it... No, the worst of it is that he finds himself... surrounded. By plastic...pink... flamingos.]



Oh... dear god.

... 

[He plucks up a note.]

"To Edwin Jarvis, to help with the homesickness, a kind sponsor has decided to offer an army of your favorite Earth creature..."

[He looks to the left. Flamingos. To the right. Flamingos. There's some sitting in the shuttle seats. There's one wearing one of his ties.

Jarvis wipes a hand across his forehead, looking to the floor in his shock.]

... This is the worst day of my life.

[One of the flamingos tips over and clatters.




DISCONNECTED. 


....

no, no, this is not over!!!



RECONNECTED.]



What in the bloody underworld am I supposed to do with dozens upon dozens of these?!

[hands on HIPS!!!! LECTURING THE ATROMA!!!!]

This is a sour waste of resources!! I would like a recall! Nobody wants your army of — of — hellbirds!

[... Outside of the SS Tourist, they've also peppered the ocean floor around the ship with flamingos, too.]

Comments

[hollystrike]

You could make a matched set with the bottle rockets, that's all. [Of which she has many. She holds one up.]

I can think of many uses for a flamingo army, can't you?

[edwinjarvis]

The only use I can picture at the moment is assisting in my demise.

Which is horrible and I will have none of it, especially with bottle rockets.

[hollystrike]

You're no fun, Mr Jarvis. [She is so amused.]

Do you have some kind of history with flamingos that I ought be aware of?

[edwinjarvis]

How cruel! I can be fun!

[:T]

...



And of course I do. His name is Bernard, and he is a nightmare bird.

[hollystrike]

Have a lot of experience with birds, do you? To be able to resolutely call such a one a nightmare.

[edwinjarvis]

... Mostly just Bernard.

He escapes his enclosure on a near nightly basis, I've noticed.

I have yet to discover his methods of fleeing.

[hollystrike]

It sounds more like Bernard is a free spirit. Perhaps you should let him wander.

[edwinjarvis]

..............

As much as I detest that bird, I would be one of the very fewest to mourn him if he were hit by a car.

[hollystrike]

Or eaten by a large cat. Birds are wont to find themselves meals more often than not. But that's hardly your problem, is it?

[edwinjarvis]

... If you are trying to guilt me for my dislike of Bernard, it will not work.

I would not be surprised if I walked outside and found he has committed feline murder.

[hollystrike]

Good heavens, no. You may feel free to dislike the flamingo all you like. I'm just trying to see this case from every angle, should it end up in court.

[edwinjarvis]

In court!! I'd rather avoid the courts, if it's all the same to you.

[I'VE ALREADY DEALT WITH THAT SHIT ENOUGH THANKS.]

Bad enough I end up in interrogation rooms far too frequently.

[hollystrike]

Do you, now? Are you some sort of dangerous felon then, Mr Jarvis? Or just supremely unlucky?

[She sounds far too amused to mean that seriously.]

[edwinjarvis]

Never, I'm an upstanding citizen.

[.... Ssssort ooooof. His treason is utterly acceptable, in his opinion.]

They simply went after the entirely wrong people.

Luckily, it was sorted out; my record remains clean.

[hollystrike]

I see. Were you persecuted or was it a simple case of mistaken identity? Perhaps they mistook you for the butler of a superhero.

[edwinjarvis]

A simple case of assuming the worst of my employer and I.

He's not quite a superhero; more of an inventor, of course. I could never imagine him donning a cape, anyway, if that's what you mean. I think he would find them extremely hazardous to that sort of occupation.

[hollystrike]

[...this is not helping her secret curiosity over whether you are, in fact, Tony Stark's butler.]

What does he invent?

[edwinjarvis]

Oh, all manner of things. Mr. Stark hates to limit himself.

Lately, he's been trying to perfect a hovercar. Much to the displeasure of the hedges he's crushed.

[hollystrike]

[WELL FINE THEN. Good grief. After a brief pause, her response sounds very amused.]

A hover car in the 40s, was it? That would make a man rather richer. How successful has he been?

[edwinjarvis]

Stiiiill... a work in progress, I hate to say.

He's nothing if not utterly prideful, resilient, and stubborn, though.

Equally divided categories, I believe.

[hollystrike]

Those qualities will certainly get you far, if you're not arrested on the way. Perhaps he should try to make something a little smaller hover first.

[edwinjarvis]

I will have to keep that in mind and let him know.

[and then he did and katie ruined the ending of the season because there was no hover car to blow up and they all were sucked into a voidless hole of death the end]

[hollystrike]

[lol WHOOPS well while we're ruining things]

Tell him not to drink so much while you're at it. It's bad for him.