video. sponsor drop... FLAMINGOS EVERYWHERE GOD SAVE THE QUEEN

[edwinjarvis]

Who: Jarvis and you
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: SS Tourist
When: Today!


[Jarvis had just been returning to the SS Tourist after a day of working in the water and at the bar on the Iskaulit — it's clearly the Atroma's doing, some sort of surprise for the butler that must've been quite desired... clearly... He stumbles a bit in the dark, confused, because when is the cargo bay ever dark?]

Hello? Captain??

Mr. Schott?

.... Miss Price? 

[He flicks on the main lighting system at last after a mild curse hitting his knee, and he's horrified by what he sees, as Hotel California plays muffled over the speakers. Not played by anyone on board, of course. But that's not the worst of it... No, the worst of it is that he finds himself... surrounded. By plastic...pink... flamingos.]



Oh... dear god.

... 

[He plucks up a note.]

"To Edwin Jarvis, to help with the homesickness, a kind sponsor has decided to offer an army of your favorite Earth creature..."

[He looks to the left. Flamingos. To the right. Flamingos. There's some sitting in the shuttle seats. There's one wearing one of his ties.

Jarvis wipes a hand across his forehead, looking to the floor in his shock.]

... This is the worst day of my life.

[One of the flamingos tips over and clatters.




DISCONNECTED. 


....

no, no, this is not over!!!



RECONNECTED.]



What in the bloody underworld am I supposed to do with dozens upon dozens of these?!

[hands on HIPS!!!! LECTURING THE ATROMA!!!!]

This is a sour waste of resources!! I would like a recall! Nobody wants your army of — of — hellbirds!

[... Outside of the SS Tourist, they've also peppered the ocean floor around the ship with flamingos, too.]

Comments

text

[robitussin]

oh my god

best thing i've seen all week

text

[edwinjarvis]

Absolutely not!!

It's a terror in pink. Beady eyes watching your every move!

video »

[mucked]

Be strong, Mister Jarvis. [ peggy smiles. it can't be helped. ] Stiff upper lip and all that.

video »

[edwinjarvis]

[He looks so uninspired by your words, Peggy.]

I don't know if a stiff upper lip can compete with the multitude of long-necked plastic beasts I'm currently facing. This is a true nightmare. The audacity of them! They're true villains, just as everyone thought!

video

[scanninggaydis]

...Alright, no, this is the most useless sponsor drop.

[wtf, Atroma. He's staring skeptically at the screen, expression warring between surprise and resignation.]

video

[edwinjarvis]

Useless unless their motivation is to rile me.

What sort of use could plastic birds possibly be!

[namisan]

The Atroma sure are having a lot of fun this week.

[Though okay, she does find this kind of hilarious. Snrk.]

[edwinjarvis]

Are they now? You've been struck by their terrible deliveries as well?

[hollystrike]

...do you think there's ninety nine of them?

[edwinjarvis]

... I fail to see the importance of their being 99, Miss McCoy.

video;

[noprophecies]

Goodness, what are those?

[she has never seen anything like these in her whole life]

video;

[edwinjarvis]

They're replicas of devilish little creatures that do nothing but torment their keepers.

I would run if you ever come into contact with the beast.

voice;

[ahappylie]

[This is not helping his assumption that every sponsor drop is pink, regardless of what Nami said.]

Those are called hellbirds? What a terrible name for such a... [He pauses. Are those things cute? He has no idea.] long bird.

voice;

[edwinjarvis]

They're usually called... flamingos.

And its long neck is perfectly tuned for allowing it to peck you from unfairly long distances.

It hurts terribly and leaves you wondering where you went wrong in life.

video

[outstandingbalance]

Hellbirds? That seems very dramatic.

[Natasha can't hide her amusement at his outrage.]

There has to be a story behind this.

video

[edwinjarvis]

There is a story, and that story is of course Stark-related.

I don't suppose you know that Howard Stark owned a private zoo at one point of his life?

text »

[benames]

I mean, catch a few hedgehogs and we can play a mean round of croquet.

[ because of alice in wonderland, get it? ]

text » 1/3

[edwinjarvis]

Now is not the time for-

text »

[edwinjarvis]

text »

[edwinjarvis]

Actually, that's quite brilliant.

Very good.

Action

[wolfuncaged]

[He only came in for some training, that's literally all he wanted. Now his training area is all flamingos. He didn't want this, he didn't ask for this. ]

...Why?

[That's the real question here. Why. He reaches over to kick one lightly with his foot. Hrrrrm.]

Perhaps you can sell them to the planet residents.

Action

[edwinjarvis]

Why indeed.

[He considers the collect, rubbing his chin.]

... I could offer them for the inhabitants, free of charge, really.

Colorful little birds where there aren't any.

video

[passingthrough]

Winn's still in a coma. [Which is probably too sobering a way to start this message, but there was a flicker of home when she heard his name.]

Why hellbirds?

video

[edwinjarvis]

[Drat. He'd been hopeful, but — well! Kara woke up, so he has utter faith Mr. Schott will be wandering about, looking alarmed at plastic birds. In no time. But at least Cisco is thinking ahead and planning on mortifying him anyway.]

... Well, they peck. And run. And squawk. Mostly the pecking.

And the running.

... The squawking is really just salt in the wound.

Video

[notmutantbutmiracle]

[Lots of giggling and a few snorts can be heard coming from Mr. Jarvis' communicator. If he decides to investigate their source, he'll see Wanda's face on his screen. She's attempting to mask her giggles behind a hand, but they're being poorly disguised.]

I- I would very much like to hear the story behind this one.

Video

[edwinjarvis]

[He looks entirely straight-faced, surrounded by these hideous birds of prey (Jarvis they're not really-)]

My employer thought it would be novel to have his own zoo.

He doesn't think much further than purchasing a flock of exotic animals, of course.

[THEREFORE, I AM CURSED TO CARE FOR EVIL BIRDS.]

action

[takingkarabusiness]

[ coming onto the ship from elsewhere, she stops in her tracks ]

What in the universe...?

action

[edwinjarvis]

What in the universe is right! This is truly nightmare fuel.

[He stands in the middle of AN ARMY, looking quite unhappy.]

The Atroma are testing my limits, obviously.

video;;

[silvercast]

[ Oh, how could he pass up this little endeavor? ]

I will take as many as I can carry.

[ Jarvis, be very wary of the smirk on his face. There are plans. ]

video;;

[edwinjarvis]

.... There is something undoubtedly conniving and concerning about the delivery behind that request.