Edwin Jarvis (
edwinjarvis) wrote in
driftfleet2017-03-12 08:30 pm
video. sponsor drop... FLAMINGOS EVERYWHERE GOD SAVE THE QUEEN
Who: Jarvis and you
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: SS Tourist
When: Today!
[Jarvis had just been returning to the SS Tourist after a day of working in the water and at the bar on the Iskaulit — it's clearly the Atroma's doing, some sort of surprise for the butler that must've been quite desired... clearly... He stumbles a bit in the dark, confused, because when is the cargo bay ever dark?]
.... Miss Price?
[He flicks on the main lighting system at last after a mild curse hitting his knee, and he's horrified by what he sees, as Hotel California plays muffled over the speakers. Not played by anyone on board, of course. But that's not the worst of it... No, the worst of it is that he finds himself... surrounded. By plastic...pink... flamingos.]

Oh... dear god.
...
[He plucks up a note.]
"To Edwin Jarvis, to help with the homesickness, a kind sponsor has decided to offer an army of your favorite Earth creature..."
[He looks to the left. Flamingos. To the right. Flamingos. There's some sitting in the shuttle seats. There's one wearing one of his ties.
Jarvis wipes a hand across his forehead, looking to the floor in his shock.]
... This is the worst day of my life.
[One of the flamingos tips over and clatters.
DISCONNECTED.
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no, no, this is not over!!!
RECONNECTED.]

What in the bloody underworld am I supposed to do with dozens upon dozens of these?!
[hands on HIPS!!!! LECTURING THE ATROMA!!!!]
This is a sour waste of resources!! I would like a recall! Nobody wants your army of — of — hellbirds!
[... Outside of the SS Tourist, they've also peppered the ocean floor around the ship with flamingos, too.]
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: SS Tourist
When: Today!
[Jarvis had just been returning to the SS Tourist after a day of working in the water and at the bar on the Iskaulit — it's clearly the Atroma's doing, some sort of surprise for the butler that must've been quite desired... clearly... He stumbles a bit in the dark, confused, because when is the cargo bay ever dark?]
Hello? Captain??
.... Miss Price?
[He flicks on the main lighting system at last after a mild curse hitting his knee, and he's horrified by what he sees, as Hotel California plays muffled over the speakers. Not played by anyone on board, of course. But that's not the worst of it... No, the worst of it is that he finds himself... surrounded. By plastic...pink... flamingos.]

Oh... dear god.
...
[He plucks up a note.]
"To Edwin Jarvis, to help with the homesickness, a kind sponsor has decided to offer an army of your favorite Earth creature..."
[He looks to the left. Flamingos. To the right. Flamingos. There's some sitting in the shuttle seats. There's one wearing one of his ties.
Jarvis wipes a hand across his forehead, looking to the floor in his shock.]
... This is the worst day of my life.
[One of the flamingos tips over and clatters.
DISCONNECTED.
....
no, no, this is not over!!!
RECONNECTED.]
What in the bloody underworld am I supposed to do with dozens upon dozens of these?!
[hands on HIPS!!!! LECTURING THE ATROMA!!!!]
This is a sour waste of resources!! I would like a recall! Nobody wants your army of — of — hellbirds!
[... Outside of the SS Tourist, they've also peppered the ocean floor around the ship with flamingos, too.]

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best thing i've seen all week
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It's a terror in pink. Beady eyes watching your every move!
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I don't know if a stiff upper lip can compete with the multitude of long-necked plastic beasts I'm currently facing. This is a true nightmare. The audacity of them! They're true villains, just as everyone thought!
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[wtf, Atroma. He's staring skeptically at the screen, expression warring between surprise and resignation.]
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What sort of use could plastic birds possibly be!
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[Though okay, she does find this kind of hilarious. Snrk.]
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[she has never seen anything like these in her whole life]
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I would run if you ever come into contact with the beast.
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Those are called hellbirds? What a terrible name for such a... [He pauses. Are those things cute? He has no idea.] long bird.
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And its long neck is perfectly tuned for allowing it to peck you from unfairly long distances.
It hurts terribly and leaves you wondering where you went wrong in life.
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[Natasha can't hide her amusement at his outrage.]
There has to be a story behind this.
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I don't suppose you know that Howard Stark owned a private zoo at one point of his life?
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[ because of alice in wonderland, get it? ]
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Very good.
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...Why?
[That's the real question here. Why. He reaches over to kick one lightly with his foot. Hrrrrm.]
Perhaps you can sell them to the planet residents.
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[He considers the collect, rubbing his chin.]
... I could offer them for the inhabitants, free of charge, really.
Colorful little birds where there aren't any.
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Why hellbirds?
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... Well, they peck. And run. And squawk. Mostly the pecking.
And the running.
... The squawking is really just salt in the wound.
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I- I would very much like to hear the story behind this one.
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My employer thought it would be novel to have his own zoo.
He doesn't think much further than purchasing a flock of exotic animals, of course.
[THEREFORE, I AM CURSED TO CARE FOR EVIL BIRDS.]
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What in the universe...?
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[He stands in the middle of AN ARMY, looking quite unhappy.]
The Atroma are testing my limits, obviously.
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I will take as many as I can carry.
[ Jarvis, be very wary of the smirk on his face. There are plans. ]
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