video. sponsor drop... FLAMINGOS EVERYWHERE GOD SAVE THE QUEEN

[edwinjarvis]

Who: Jarvis and you
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: SS Tourist
When: Today!


[Jarvis had just been returning to the SS Tourist after a day of working in the water and at the bar on the Iskaulit — it's clearly the Atroma's doing, some sort of surprise for the butler that must've been quite desired... clearly... He stumbles a bit in the dark, confused, because when is the cargo bay ever dark?]

Hello? Captain??

Mr. Schott?

.... Miss Price? 

[He flicks on the main lighting system at last after a mild curse hitting his knee, and he's horrified by what he sees, as Hotel California plays muffled over the speakers. Not played by anyone on board, of course. But that's not the worst of it... No, the worst of it is that he finds himself... surrounded. By plastic...pink... flamingos.]



Oh... dear god.

... 

[He plucks up a note.]

"To Edwin Jarvis, to help with the homesickness, a kind sponsor has decided to offer an army of your favorite Earth creature..."

[He looks to the left. Flamingos. To the right. Flamingos. There's some sitting in the shuttle seats. There's one wearing one of his ties.

Jarvis wipes a hand across his forehead, looking to the floor in his shock.]

... This is the worst day of my life.

[One of the flamingos tips over and clatters.




DISCONNECTED. 


....

no, no, this is not over!!!



RECONNECTED.]



What in the bloody underworld am I supposed to do with dozens upon dozens of these?!

[hands on HIPS!!!! LECTURING THE ATROMA!!!!]

This is a sour waste of resources!! I would like a recall! Nobody wants your army of — of — hellbirds!

[... Outside of the SS Tourist, they've also peppered the ocean floor around the ship with flamingos, too.]

Comments

text

[edwinjarvis]

Something about that statement seems a bit paradoxical.

text

[robitussin]

i see nothing illogical in anything i've said, ever

text

[edwinjarvis]

... Very well.

In that case I will ask your crew if they would like any.

[Because this player has a certain kid captain on your ship who would loooove a few flamingos.]

text

[robitussin]

nope i'm the captain and i'm setting a new ship rule, no flamingos allowed

[gently ignores the other captain to serve her own purposes because she's the worst!!]

text

[edwinjarvis]

Tyrannical! And a terribly absurd rule.

Rebellion is in order.

text

[robitussin]

look do unto others as you would have them do unto you

if you didn't want flamingos shoved into your living space why do you have to shove them into mine

not cool man not cool

text

[edwinjarvis]

Well! Just because I think they're terrible hell-beasts doesn't mean someone else may not like them. It's okay to not like things other people like. My granny taught me that.

text

[robitussin]

that's nice

i'm sure your granny is very proud

text

[edwinjarvis]

I hope so, god rest her soul!

If you see flamingos appear aboard your ship, rest assured it's a horrific coincidence.

[... Or is it.]

text

[robitussin]

do not even

my vengeance will be swift

text

[edwinjarvis]

I will work on my squats so that I may outrun it, then.

text

[robitussin]

i have magic but nice try

text

[edwinjarvis]

Is there anyone who doesn't know magic? Or isn't otherwise super-powered aboard this fleet? I feel rather outgunned.

text

[robitussin]

if it helps it's kind of a new thing for me so i get how you feel

text

[edwinjarvis]

A new thing? Learned here?

text

[robitussin]

no in the place i was between when i was home and when i came here

long story

text

[edwinjarvis]

You could always tell it in bullet points.

text

[robitussin]

let me rephrase

it's not a story you want to hear

text

[edwinjarvis]

We won't know that until I hear it!!

I am a very dull creature; anything with words interests and excites me.

text

[robitussin]

okay i'm rephrasing again

it's not a story i want to tell, either

text

[edwinjarvis]

OH! You should have simply said so, miss.

I don't aim to pry, even if I am practically bursting with curiosity now.

Shall I instead tell you the story of when I was almost crushed by a hovercar?





It was very harrowing.

text

[robitussin]

you know what

normally i would say no but i'm curious as to why that immediately jumped to mind so go for it

text

[edwinjarvis]

Because it was a recent ordeal, of course!!

Well, a few months ago, but it was one of the recent nightmares from home. My employer is an inventor, you see. So I'm often tasked with helping with those inventions, or happen to be nearby when things go awry.

Imagine my horror when I tend to watering the petunias and a flying car comes shooting over the hedges!!

text

[robitussin]

lol

so how did you deal with that

text 1/2

[edwinjarvis]

Well after all was said and done, I was mostly frustrated that I would have to have the petunias re-planted all over again. But my thought at the time was to shriek and rolling across the lawn. I must say, it would be a strange death certificate...