video. sponsor drop... FLAMINGOS EVERYWHERE GOD SAVE THE QUEEN

[edwinjarvis]

Who: Jarvis and you
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: SS Tourist
When: Today!


[Jarvis had just been returning to the SS Tourist after a day of working in the water and at the bar on the Iskaulit — it's clearly the Atroma's doing, some sort of surprise for the butler that must've been quite desired... clearly... He stumbles a bit in the dark, confused, because when is the cargo bay ever dark?]

Hello? Captain??

Mr. Schott?

.... Miss Price? 

[He flicks on the main lighting system at last after a mild curse hitting his knee, and he's horrified by what he sees, as Hotel California plays muffled over the speakers. Not played by anyone on board, of course. But that's not the worst of it... No, the worst of it is that he finds himself... surrounded. By plastic...pink... flamingos.]



Oh... dear god.

... 

[He plucks up a note.]

"To Edwin Jarvis, to help with the homesickness, a kind sponsor has decided to offer an army of your favorite Earth creature..."

[He looks to the left. Flamingos. To the right. Flamingos. There's some sitting in the shuttle seats. There's one wearing one of his ties.

Jarvis wipes a hand across his forehead, looking to the floor in his shock.]

... This is the worst day of my life.

[One of the flamingos tips over and clatters.




DISCONNECTED. 


....

no, no, this is not over!!!



RECONNECTED.]



What in the bloody underworld am I supposed to do with dozens upon dozens of these?!

[hands on HIPS!!!! LECTURING THE ATROMA!!!!]

This is a sour waste of resources!! I would like a recall! Nobody wants your army of — of — hellbirds!

[... Outside of the SS Tourist, they've also peppered the ocean floor around the ship with flamingos, too.]

Comments

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[robitussin]

let me rephrase

it's not a story you want to hear

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[edwinjarvis]

We won't know that until I hear it!!

I am a very dull creature; anything with words interests and excites me.

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[robitussin]

okay i'm rephrasing again

it's not a story i want to tell, either

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[edwinjarvis]

OH! You should have simply said so, miss.

I don't aim to pry, even if I am practically bursting with curiosity now.

Shall I instead tell you the story of when I was almost crushed by a hovercar?





It was very harrowing.

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[robitussin]

you know what

normally i would say no but i'm curious as to why that immediately jumped to mind so go for it

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[edwinjarvis]

Because it was a recent ordeal, of course!!

Well, a few months ago, but it was one of the recent nightmares from home. My employer is an inventor, you see. So I'm often tasked with helping with those inventions, or happen to be nearby when things go awry.

Imagine my horror when I tend to watering the petunias and a flying car comes shooting over the hedges!!

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[robitussin]

lol

so how did you deal with that

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[edwinjarvis]

Well after all was said and done, I was mostly frustrated that I would have to have the petunias re-planted all over again. But my thought at the time was to shriek and rolling across the lawn. I must say, it would be a strange death certificate...

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[edwinjarvis]

What is a "lol"?

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[robitussin]

it means laugh out loud you use it whenever something funny happened

anyways congrats on not dying

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[edwinjarvis]

Thank you! I like to occasionally give myself a small pat on the back in such events.

Is this all young folk talk?

Is it like Emoty-cons?

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[robitussin]

do such events happen to you often

emoticons, and no

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[edwinjarvis]

I work for a playboy billionaire inventor with terrible ideas when I'm not helping a friend of his who is shall we say a secret agent of sorts.

Every week is a journey.



Emoticons are rather cute though, aren't they. So varied!!!

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[robitussin]

see you say that and all i get out of it is that i need another story

also: no

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[edwinjarvis]

I'm afraid some of it is very top secret.


Secret agent business, you know.


Very complicated work.


Particularly sneaky.



:)

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[robitussin]

right very convincing

come onnnnnn

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[edwinjarvis]

No amount of 'n's will convince me to be unsneaky, Miss...










Have I ever gotten your name? I apologize I think my age may already be getting to me. :(

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[robitussin]

opal

also i hope you know you just gave me permission to make 1 million old jokes

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[edwinjarvis]

MISS OPAL. Yes!

How rude, though. I am certainly nowhere near a million years old.

My hair hasn't grayed yet.

[He adjusts his reading spectacles brb.]

Have you something terrible against emoticons?

[I NOTICED YOU'RE A PARTY POOPER.]

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[robitussin]

no just opal, please don't call me miss

you just called yourself old now i get to do it too

also yeah they're dumb

Re: text

[edwinjarvis]

Dumb! How so? They're expressive!

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[robitussin]

they can be expressive and dumb at the same time you know

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[edwinjarvis]

Who on earth traumatized you so with emoticons?

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[robitussin]

wow that sure is a wild conclusion you just jumped to

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[edwinjarvis]

Surely there's a reason you have such ire for what amount to small technological hieroglyphs.