driftfleet | Network Post

Who: Jack Sparrow and ANYONE
Broadcast: Fleetwide - Unfiltered
Action: Cargo Bay of the Bishop
When: Soon after appearing on the ship in a shower of brilliant confetti and chocolate

[The pirate's got the general idea of things after the rather sterile initiation aboard the Marsiva with all of the Metal Men serving him plates of mushy foodstuffs. All told, it hadn't been unlike the time he'd disguised himself as a eunuch to infiltrate the Moroccan sultan's choicest harem, but ended up assigned to polish the sultan's prized marble gazing ball collection instead. You were low eunuch on the totem, you didn't guard virgins; you rubbed balls day and night until they gleamed like a thousand dying suns.

But you can't let that get you down. You find a way to profit.

Which brings us back to the Metal Men aboard the Marsiva. Jack's first taste of futuristic robotics, they were rather like eunuchs, but were hard and shiny, like marble gazing balls. There were no virgins anywhere to behold. That was where all the similarities between the Marsiva and the sultan's palace stopped.]

Just like rubbing the sultan's damnable balls again. [Alert listeners will hear him mutter that whilst musing over his adventures and trying to figure out use of the coms.

[The Bishop, though, had possibilities. Its cargo hold was empty save for a bicycle that didn't move and moving pathway to nowhere, but it had plenty of smuggling potential. Maybe, too, a place to hide the rum.

Later, louder, with video:] Captain Jack Sparrow, here, aboard the bloody metal box, Bishop.

[He doesn't care that Cersei is the "official" captain.]

I've got a keg of ale and a lovely bottle of rum [no he doesn't] to give to the gentleman -- or lady -- [no, he won't] what knows the prime trade routes in this quadrant of the universe. Savvy?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

But I like the ladies!

I'm sorry, buddy. It probably can't be helped. 'Balls' has just been perverted beyond all reason and good judgement. You're stuck with it.

"Spheres of gleaming stony light.

For gardens."

And I guarded them. Fearlessly.

Guarded them from what, though?

Ballnappers. And that one monkey.

Awh, he had a monkey?

[ cute! ]

[What wait NO KATE NO.]

A BAD monkey! Aye!

-- That sounds even cuter.

[ yes, kate, yes! ]

There is nothing cute about poo-smearing, woman!

Eh. Monkeys are monkeys. You have to expect a little poo-smearing right out the gate. Anything else would be like -- like expecting a gentleman of fortune not to steal your wallet right out of your back pocket. Am I right?

[ wink wink. ]

Or sometimes even the front pocket!

[It's MUCH harder, because people tend to get sensitive when a pirate gets handsy with their crotchal money-storage areas.]

Now that's a boast. [ but then again! ] But I believe it. I've watched pickpockets on the subway make it look easy.

[ and she's pretty sure she only managed to observe them in the first place because she's got a good eye for detail. ]

What, if I may be so bold, is a "subway"?

[A gate to the netherworld? Jack is interested. A gate to the netherworld means there might be a way out of the netherworld, which means that if Davy Jones DOES end him somehow, he could still make an exit.]

Underground trains. [ wait, that might not be helpful. ] Do you know what a train is?

...What do You think a train is?

I asked first, buddy.

A long line of things strung together?

Probably?

Not too far off the bullseye, actually. [ hah. ] It's a vehicle made up of -- carts, let's say. And it travels on rails between places, cities, countries even. A subway is the same thing, only underground.

Sounds...tunnelly.

[Also rather unpleasant, but Jack has been underground a few times. He even recently escaped a prison worse than death in a coffin. He'd cope.]

So you were riding this subway?

Right. And you gotta be careful -- especially during rush hour -- because passengers get crammed in like sardines and you're right up against a bunch of strangers. You never know when someone's gonna try and sneak something out of your purse or your pocket.

Did it ever happen to you, this picky pocking?

[He's starting to wonder if she IS a pickpocket!]

Once or twice.

[ -- clint, ugh. freaking ex-carnival criminal. ]

Excellent!

[Meanwhile, Jack is pleased that he's met someone with similar moral standards.]

Great fun, is it not?

Uhm. [ well? ] I'd say the fun is context-dependent.

[ it's all kind of fun to pickpocket a baddie to get his id badge and sneak into the big evil lair. less fun to lose your credit card on the subway. ]

Give me a context, then, and I'll be the judge of it! Even though I'm not wearing the fusty wig.

video »

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