April System Mingle

[thespaceopera]

Who: Everyone!
Broadcast: Possibly!
Action: April System
When: Month of April!


[Welcome to the Belt, a huge asteroid belt that's been terraformed for life. Here you can explore the different asteroids, become a rock star, race on some ATVs, enjoy not being underwater.

In other words, it's a mingle! Get in everyone!

> System Info ]

Comments

[directed]

[As pleasant as the fragrance is, for Rip it merely cements the notion that they should go any way but. The coincidence of them turning away from that opening only to be tempted back in is too much for Rip to accept at face value.

Although it would seem the opposite stands true for Jack.]

I've fought through worse. [Although water-bogged clothing would make it that much harder. Still, Rip's got a fair bit of quickness on his side--like when he reaches out to take Jack's upper arm after that first step.]

I really think we'd be better off against the guards, Mr. Sparrow.

[all7seas]

[From the direction of the guards, then, comes a blood-curdling shrieking roar of something big and hungry. Maybe hungry for pie. Jack doesn't know. He doesn't care.

There's a swift and purposeful clicking, as of many insectoid legs striking the stone floor, carrying some giant multi-segmented centipedal monstrosity right toward them.]

Bugger. That's no bee, mate. Not guards, either. And unless it's terrified of soaked Rip -- unlikely -- it shall gobble us into its mandibles.

[Jack makes another step toward the Door. He'd so much rather face the Pie.]

[directed]

--What in the bloody hell is this place?

[Really, between ominous doorways and bakery scents, and now overgrown insectoids that have apparently been unleashed all in the name of defending the queue, Rip is more than ready to be outside once more.

And as Jack surmises? Better to face the pie than that.

He releases his grip; at this point, there's no further hesitation.]

Right. Let's not stick around to find out, shall we?

[Running now. Towards pie and murder.]

[all7seas]

[This prison is curiously guarded, it would seem. Escapees end up with the inevitable choice of facing the rampaging giant house centipede or whatever is beyond the darkness of the Door.

Jack runs beside Rip in his own flourish-filled sashaying way. Runs, that is, until the Elderly Woman blocks their way. She is orange, like everyone else on the asteroids, and she is holding a pie in each hand.]

Erm......hallo, madame. We're just...tryin'....there's a giant bug, you see.

[The old lady doesn't speak. She just looks at them both, then points at Rip. When she speaks, it is in a querulous old-lady voice.] I choose you.

[directed]

[At this point, Rip isn't at all convinced that they aren't still back in their cell, now both twitching helplessly due to being tazed, and all this mess is some sort of ridiculous nightmare concocted by his electricity-addled brain.

But of course there's an old woman now blocking their path; of course. Why wouldn't there be, at this point?

Speaking of points. She points. At Rip.]

--Right. [He turns towards Jack, and even goes so far as to rest his hands on his hips, handcuff still dangling down.] There's pretty much no chance that this just means I get to take a piece of pie back with me, is there?

Because it does smell delicious. [Spoken to the old lady now. He expects she'll be trying to kill him at any moment.]

[all7seas]

Now you shall marry my daughter. [The old woman croaks this command.]

Erm...look, missus. We're not the marryin' kind, us two. Mostly we're trying to break out of prison and potentially eat some of that pie. Not marry!

[directed]

[...And with those few words, Rip suddenly wishes she were attempting to murder them.

He very wisely doesn't point out that Jack actually isn't entirely right. Rip has in fact been married once, happily so, for just over ten years. However, he's not looking to change his status from widower to anything else at the moment, so.]

Indeed, as, ah, kind as your offer is, I'm afraid my friend and I will have to politely decline. Now if you'll excuse us, we are in something of a hurry--

[Especially since Rip suspects there will be a massive bug-thing on their heels at any moment.]

[all7seas]

My daughter will mate with you. Then, she will devour you, and her offspring will crawl the length and breadth of this asteroid belt!

[The old woman begins to laugh, so hard in fact that Jack has to rescue one of the pies so it doesn't smash on the floor. He helps himself to a slice. Behind him, there is bug-leg-clicking.]

[In between mouthfuls of pie:] You know, lad, you COULD do worse around here...

[directed]

[Mate, devour--oh bollocks.]

Actually, I rather don't think I could.

[He looks back towards the way they came--towards the way of clicking legs and powerful mandibles, and--

Yeah. It's absolutely ridiculous, but at this point?

Rip is fully convinced.]

Especially since I'd hardly be surprised to learn our gigantic friend from earlier is going to turn out to be the daughter in question.

[Because why wouldn't she be at this point?

By the way, Jack's free to enjoy his pie. Rip's just going to make his way around the cackling crone and start running again.]

[all7seas]

[Jack grabs the OTHER pie and starts running after him with two pies.] You wouldn't have had to go through with it, you know! Could've gotten to the "you may kiss the bride" bit and then yelled out "HAD MY FINGERS CROSSED, BLIGHTERS!"

Then jumped from a window.

[Wow Jack sounds like he's done this before. Also, there is the sound of a large, angry, pursuing bride. Uh oh.]

[directed]

That is entirely too thorough of a scenario for even someone who possesses such an active imagination as yours, Mr. Sparrow!

[Someone whose first thought on orchestrating a prison break is apparently to yelp about bees.

Unfortunately, running through the darkness is no sure thing. Although by this time Rip's eyes have started to better adjust, there's still just no way to see everything.

For example? The rather large and protruding rock that Rip catches at just the right angle to send himself sprawling forward with a shout.]

[all7seas]

Rip! [Jack skids to a halt and bounces one of the pies onto his head, balancing it there perfectly. That leaves him a hand free to help his co-escapee...except

the bride

is upon them.

Her mandibles clack together. Eyes stud the rounded bulbous head -- pupil-less and black, but with a red gleam that speaks of betrayal and bloodlust. Antennae flicker on her forehead. Armored segments stretch behind into the gloom, each attached to a pair of clicking legs.

Jack desperately throws a stone at her. It bounces off her face, and she growls. He realizes he is not even armed, except for the pies.]

Get up, man!

[directed]

[There's little time to think, less time to act—and it would indeed seem Jack's forgotten that he is in fact armed thanks to a sword stolen from a guard when their little misadventure began. Rip, however, has an excellent reminder of his presence as he struggles to get up—and equally so, opportunity to grab hold of the hilt, drawing it from where Jack's stashed it and twisting where he's half-up on his knees to face

the bride.

Bloody hell.]

Back! Back or I swear to God, I'll find a way to—stab your bloody eye out! [It's perhaps the worst threat he's ever uttered, but what the hell else is he supposed to say when face with a massive man eating bug thing that's apparently looking for a skinny little English mate-and-or-snack?

And he means it. So much so, that Rip lashes out at the first mandible that comes within reach, just to prove his point.]

[all7seas]

[And Jack starts throwing pies. It's over quickly. He only has the two of them, after all.]

P'raps if you just tell her she's not your type, mate? Because she's clearly got to hear it from your own mouth. How you're not serious. How you never loved her.




[[OOC: I AM SO SORRY THIS IS SO LATE. Feel free to ignore/drop the thread if you want to move on from here.]]